It’s Day 40 in my Shy Bladder Recovery.
Yesterday I had a perfect opportunity to Desensitize in a public bathroom, sadly, it’s where the bathroom was that’s the problem!
It was in the Theater!
My friends and I were at a Live Performance (which I love, but it fills me with anxiety). The lobby was full of people waiting to get in.
Mike (my Pee Buddy) grabs a drink and says that he needs to use the bathroom before we get seated. Kay holds his drink while he goes in. He comes out a few minutes later and kind of mumbles to me off to the side “You should go, there’s only one person in there“.
I ponder this briefly and almost start to go. After all, this week is half over and I have yet to meet one single goal (3 Bathrooms, 3 Urinals, 3 Full Minutes).
I didn’t plan on going here because Theater Bathrooms are high on my FEAR list!
But Only 1 Other Guy?
I can deal with that. What are the odds?
I almost start walking, but something stops me…
I see two guys, two friends no doubt, chatting together and heading towards the men’s room. They were laughing and had no problems going in together, nor, probably chatting while they peed at the urinals.
It’s a No-Go!
I stand there frozen and don’t even try. Those 2 guys going in at the same time intimidated me and applied too much pressure on me. Surely they would notice that I’m just standing there awkwardly not pissing…
I couldn’t do it!
So that brings us to today…
It’s now Thursday and the weekend is drawing near. I still need to accomplish my goals!
I’m running errands, picking up Toys for the Local Kid’s Charity, Christmas lights (how can every single strand of lights be burnt out?), Gifts, Cards…
So in my quest, I go to Target. And as soon as I head in the door, I turn towards the bathrooms. I open the men’s door and what do I see?
One guy is drying his hands. I hear someone in the last stall, and the two urinals are vacant. Sweet!
I go up to the big boy Urinal (the tall one) and stand there to desensitize.
That’s when the guy in the last stall moans loudly and that is followed by the most disgusting sounds I have ever heard… Like a fire hydrant exploding…
I seriously wanted to run, vomit, and never look back!
2 other guys walk in (welcome). One brave soul heads to the first stall as the other steps up to the urinal beside me. Both guys start peeing almost instantly. The guy in the stall pees really loud and fast (like Mike).
The door opens again, someone else enters. I can actually see his reflection in the pipes on the urinal (the man in blue). He is waiting behind us.
The guy at the urinal finishes and walks away (it’s auto-flush) and the guy waiting fills the spot and pees.
Another guy enters. There’s guys everywhere. It’s a sausage fest!
All the urinals and stalls are full. There’s a guy at the sink, and now a new guys enters… Oh great!
He waits patiently (I tell myself that if he has to wait more than 30 seconds I’ll leave, I don’t want to torture the guy, that’s not cool). But the guy at the urinal is fast and moves away.
The next guy steps up!
The last stall empties out (the guy who died in there), and then the grossest thing happened (and I thought what he did in there was gross), but noooooo…
He walks right out of the bathroom and doesn’t wash his hands. WTF!!!!
I close my eyes and think about touching the bathroom door handle… OH GOD NO!
I feel sick! (Note to self, use a paper towel to open the bathroom doors from now on!)
I look down at my watch and see that it’s been 3 minutes. COOL! Mission accomplished! I’m outta there! I step back, zip, wash and leave. WHEW!
That was scary. What a busy, busy bathroom (and on the last visit it was practically empty!)
On the way home I make one more stop:
So as soon as I walk in, it’s bathroom time. I head straight for the johns. I have to do it and get it over with so I don’t ponder or worry about it too much!
I go in and see one guy is in the furthest stall, another guy is leaving the second stall, someone is at the dryers, someone else is at the sink, and the 3 urinals are empty! COOL BEANS!
I step up to the first one (last time I took the 3rd one). I stand there and take it all in. My heart is racing, I don’t know what to expect…
One guy enters and heads to the empty stall. Someone else leaves. So now it’s just me, stall guys, and a guy drying his hands. I wait for someone to come up to the urinals… It’s bound to happen.
NOPE! It never does!
I even waited there for 4 Full Minutes and not one single guy came in to pee.
It’s crazy how bathrooms are so random. You just never know what the traffic will be like.
I finally decide to zip, wash and leave. Bathroom #2 is accomplished!
Granted I would have loved to at least had one other guy pee at the urinals, but it wasn’t happening today.
What’s so funny about all this desensitization is my thought process… I actually thought to myself while I was standing there, that if I keep this up, sooner or later I WILL PEE!
If I’m just standing there, bored, doing this time and time again, I’m sure at some point I will pee. How could I not? Especially if I’m not thinking about it, nor worried if I pee or not. I actually believe I could! That’s a crazy thing to think!
I only need to do 1 more bathroom this week. That I love!
Until then, I’m still peeing with my Pee Buddy at home. He’s still standing next to me, side by side at the toilet as I urinate.
Every day it gets a little bit easier. Who would have thunk?
Someday I will pee in a urinal (not like my fluke)! And that day, I will be very, very happy!