Exposure Therapy Days 17 and 18

The last 2 days have been busy. I’ve spent very little time at home, which also means, very little time doing practice pee sessions with my Pee Buddy Mike.

I did get together with Mike on 5 occasions though, and they were all a success!

Congrats!

Other times I had to pee by myself. And I will say that that’s not always fast and easy either. Sometimes even by myself, I can stand there for minutes without peeing. I don’t get it.

When this happens I ask myself “Why do you get so frustrated and bent out of shape when this happens around Mike?”

Really!

Think about it. If it happens naturally to me, it’s no doubt going to happen around other people. So I really shouldn’t let it bother me. It’s how I pee!

I don’t know why my body does that. Sometimes I pee in 20 seconds, other times it’s minutes.

Just like when I’m in the bathroom and Mike is standing directly behind me. Who knows how long it will take me.

So I really shouldn’t let it get me down. I shouldn’t worry about the timer ticking away…

In fact, I should never set a timer to begin with. I’ve found that that adds MORE stress and makes my heart beat faster.

So take as long as you need to urinate!

4 Minutes.

5 Minutes…

10…

Who cares?

Eventually you will pee! You know that. The body will get bored, begin to think of other things, and before you know it you’ll be pissing.

I try not to think about it when I’m standing there. I try to empty my mind and relax. Go blank. Chill out and think about my bladder dropping…

So in the last 2 days I ran errands all over town. And you know what?

I probably had 10 opportunities to walk into and use public bathrooms…

Exposure Therapy Days 17 and 18

It would have certainly helped my desensitization. Lord knows I need help standing at the urinal…

But guess what?

I didn’t step into one restroom. Not a one!

So am I really progressing? Or am I just fooling myself?

If I can’t get used to going into public bathrooms, I’ll never get to the point where I can pee in them. Never!

I know I need to do it. But the truth is, I still dread it.

If I don’t have a dying urge to pee, I avoid them (Paruresis get to walking).

I feel if I can wait until I get home to pee, then why bother?

This is horrible thinking I know. It’s not helping me in the least. But that’s what my mind tells me.

How do you overcome your basic instincts and thoughts?

Do you just force yourself to walk in?

How does one force themselves when it’s the very thing they loath?

Is there a trick?

My legs don’t walk that way!

I’m in a constant battle.

Who’s winning?

It seems like my Shy Bladder is!

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