Is this a Successful Pee?

I Fluid Load before running to Mendards today.

When I get there, I head into the Men’s Bathroom.

I walk in the open doorway, turn the corner, and see 1 guy at the sinks washing up.

I walk by him and aim towards the urinals on the left.

I take the first one (all 3 are empty) closest to the sinks.

I can see his feet below the partition, and I know he can see mine as well.

I situate myself, pull out my phone, and check my emails…

Is this a Successful Pee?

Within about 20 seconds I begin to Pee!

The guy at the sink has now dried his hands and left.

Another guy walks in and steps up to urinal #3 (closest to the stalls).

I Keep on Peeing!

My stream is not strong, but it’s flowing nicely and I just let it do what ever it wants. It has a mind of its own.

The other guy begins to pee loud and strong.

After about another minute, I finish up and move over to the sinks.

I wash and dry as the other guy does the same.

I exit the bathroom feeling refreshed and happy.

It was a success!

Or was it?

Am I being fully open and honest with myself in thinking that my pee sessions in public are working?

I’m peeing in public alright, at urinals with other guys around…

But…

I’m also distracting myself with my phone!

Is this cheating?

Am I really desensitizing myself when I’m using my phone?

It’s like turning on the water to drown out the sounds, or waiting until the bathroom is empty to pee… Am I doing my Paruresis wrong by masking my condition?

It makes me wonder.

But then, I also think, “Who cares if I am or not?

If it helps ME PEE, who gives a damn?

I’m the one with the problem here. I’m the one who needs help… So if a little minor distraction is all that it takes to make me pee in public, then so be it.

It works!

And it’s not hurting anyone else.

So should I be making a big deal about this?

Should I be worried?

I don’t know.

I’m leaning towards the “who gives a crap” side.

But, I could just be fooling myself.

What’s your take?

Other people solve their pee shy by counting, dipping their hands in warm water, or even holding their breath

So is this really any different?

I’m thinking not…

But as you can see… I am thinking.

Thoughts?

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7 Responses to Is this a Successful Pee?

  1. Annoyed says:

    Richard,

    My thoughts are whatever works…works! I know some don’t believe you should use distractions of any kind if you want to fully recover. Well I say I’ll take a distraction over a catheter any day of the week. I think us recovering paruretics sometimes make it too complicated. The goal is to pee when you need to pee right? Who cares how you accomplish that goal as long as you do.

    By the way, I peed in an occupied men’s room at Meijer today. One guy in the stall, and one guy using the middle urinal had just finished up and was washing his hands. I took the middle one also because #1 was next to the sink where he was and #3 was next to the guy sitting in the stall. Took me about 20 seconds, stream was a little weak but I kept it going until empty. It’s been a long time since I’ve peed at a urinal in an occupied restroom. I attribute most of the success to fluid loading tip you gave me (had to go bad!) and mindset. Before I went in, I told myself I was going to try to stand there as long as it took and that I wouldn’t care what anybody else thought. I have no illusions that this one success means I’m anywhere near cured but it was a success and made me want to keep trying. I’ve got a 4 hr flight out to LA next week. I’m going to give it another shot on the airplane. Normally I would just not drink much and hold it but I’m going to try. I’m not exactly going to fluid load because if I fail I’ll be very uncomfortable and I really don’t need that distraction while piloting an airplane. It’s a 4 hour flight, I’m sure I’ll have at least some urge a couple hours into it…

    I also told my wife about my annoying condition and she was very understanding. She kind of already knew but I told her I was very anxious about getting assigned to the long range airplane because of this condition. She even agreed to be my pee buddy! Haven’t had an opportunity to practice with her yet but hopefully we will soon. Thanks again for writing this blog. It has been more helpful to me than anything so far.

    Thanks for listening.

    Annoyed Airplane Driver :)

    • Richard says:

      Hi Annoyed. That’s exactly how I feel. The goal is to pee, right?

      I am so happy that were able to pee under your conditions. That wouldn’t be easy for any Paruretic, even with a full bladder. It just goes to show you that you CAN do it, and it WILL get easier with time and practice. It will!

      I’m happy that you confronted your wife about it. It will take a lot of pressure off you when you’re out in public and she has to wait for you to pee. You’ll feel relieved that she’s not rushing you and she understands. It’s amazing how much that helps.

      And I am happy to write this blog. It’s been a long journey, and frankly, it probably will never be over. But it’s good to get it off my chest and it’s great to be able to connect with other people like me and to help others. It makes it all worth while.

      Congrats again, I’m really happy for you. You’ve begun the process and it only gets better from here. :)
      -Richard

  2. SlowGoJoe says:

    I’m so glad I found your blog here! I’ve spent the last week reading every single post to get caught up to date. Absolutely fascinating discovering others have been suffering and thinking the same crazy thoughts as me. I’ve tried to ignore and compensate for this problem for years, but lately its gotten seriously bad for me. Like 4 emergency room catheters in the past year bad! The last time was so scary and incredibly painful that I was thinking I might actually die before getting treated. Never ever want to go thru that again! And then the godawful “razorblades” pain peeing the next 2 days after being cathed. So it’s time to change my stubborn and lazy ways. You see, not only am I paruretic, I’m now dealing with an enlarged prostate the past few years, which makes it extremely painful and more difficult to pee the longer I have to wait. At least I usually don’t mind using a stall, which is where I usually go if anyone else is nearby. But now to make things worse, I’m getting very sensitive to excess coffee or alcohol. Been trying to cut back on that, as those were the triggers for the catheter episodes. And the Flomax doesn’t help much with those 2 drinks. Of course, now at least my wife knows. But no one else knows! Been trying the breath hold after reading about it here…I need a lot more practice, but I can see it starting to help already, even though I can only go about 20 seconds max so far. I started some very easy public desensitization sessions this week, but so far usually end up leaving as soon as someone walks in. Will need lots of work on that. Fluid loading sounds scary as hell, because I cant hold it for hours if need be. Also a pee buddy is out of the question at this point! Thanks so much for having the courage to attack this problem and to then write all the gory details. Very inspiring! I know it’s gonna be a long road back for me. Oh yeah…when things get desperate, I’ve sometimes escaped outdoors into the woods or a park. Something about the fresh air, (and no chance of being seen) helps a lot.
    More later about my childhood which you made me think about. I had blocked out some bad experiences with bed wetting. (Wow, cant believe I just wrote about that!)
    I’ll be checking out the IPA forums soon.
    Stay strong!

    • Richard says:

      Hi SlowGoJoe. Welcome! Thanks! I hear ya. But the good thing is, you’ve begun. You’ve taken the first steps to correct your situation… And it WILL get better! I have no doubts there. Fluid Loading sounded scary as hell to me too. I had always thought that it was a waste and that it would never work and who in their right mind would leave the house with a full bladder… BUT DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! You have to try. Because it works better than anything you’ve ever dreamed of. When you Fluid Load at home and leave the house needing to pee, it’s a whole different mind set. You are drinking to pee in public. Not in public dehydrating yourself because you’re too scared to pee. Mentally it’s day and night. I still don’t understand how there’s a difference, but one forces me to pee, the other makes me hold in my urine until my bladder stretches, which then makes it so much harder to pee. It’s crazy, but it does work. It blew me away. It will you too. Fluid Load at home, or Fluid Load in public. Drink a couple of bottles of water and let the magic happen. It will open your eyes and clear some of the muddled Paruresis thinking that you’ve had your whole life. DO IT! Don’t look back. Let me know how it goes. :) -Richard

  3. SlowGoJoe says:

    One last thing. I fucking HATE bathroom attendants. That’s the best job you could get? To stand there watching people pee & crap, and hand out towels for tips? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go with them in the room.

  4. SlowGoJoe says:

    I think I’m gonna need to get more comfortable with others in the room before trying fluid loading. And I’d definitely want a nearby single user bathroom (“SUB”?) as an emergency back up plan the first few times, until I’m confident that it will work.

    Still need to work on holding my breath more than 15 seconds without gasping like a fool. I’m so out of shape!

    I tried the texting distraction today while doing a 3 minute desensitizing session. It worked! I say go for it!

    • Richard says:

      AWESOME! It’ll be slow going at first, but it’ll happen. It took me 2 years to build up the courage to get a Pee Buddy. And then I desensitized for 2 months of going into a bathroom WITHOUT Peeing, just to get used to being around other guys peeing, before I even attempted Fluid Loading and forcing myself. It definitely isn’t easy! In fact, it’s scary as hell. But not any worse than being out in public, having to pee really badly and not being able to. You have to pick your battles and Fluid Loading won. Good luck and Happy Thanksgiving! -Richard

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