I Fluid Load before running to Mendards today.
When I get there, I head into the Men’s Bathroom.
I walk in the open doorway, turn the corner, and see 1 guy at the sinks washing up.
I walk by him and aim towards the urinals on the left.
I take the first one (all 3 are empty) closest to the sinks.
I can see his feet below the partition, and I know he can see mine as well.
I situate myself, pull out my phone, and check my emails…
Within about 20 seconds I begin to Pee!
The guy at the sink has now dried his hands and left.
Another guy walks in and steps up to urinal #3 (closest to the stalls).
I Keep on Peeing!
My stream is not strong, but it’s flowing nicely and I just let it do what ever it wants. It has a mind of its own.
The other guy begins to pee loud and strong.
After about another minute, I finish up and move over to the sinks.
I wash and dry as the other guy does the same.
I exit the bathroom feeling refreshed and happy.
It was a success!
Or was it?
Am I being fully open and honest with myself in thinking that my pee sessions in public are working?
I’m peeing in public alright, at urinals with other guys around…
I’m also distracting myself with my phone!
Is this cheating?
Am I really desensitizing myself when I’m using my phone?
It’s like turning on the water to drown out the sounds, or waiting until the bathroom is empty to pee… Am I doing my Paruresis wrong by masking my condition?
It makes me wonder.
But then, I also think, “Who cares if I am or not?“
If it helps ME PEE, who gives a damn?
I’m the one with the problem here. I’m the one who needs help… So if a little minor distraction is all that it takes to make me pee in public, then so be it.
And it’s not hurting anyone else.
So should I be making a big deal about this?
Should I be worried?
I don’t know.
I’m leaning towards the “who gives a crap” side.
But, I could just be fooling myself.
What’s your take?
Other people solve their pee shy by counting, dipping their hands in warm water, or even holding their breath…
So is this really any different?
I’m thinking not…
But as you can see… I am thinking.