Okay, now that my Vacation to Kauai is officially over, it’s time to continue my Gradual Exposure Therapy (GET).
It was not really possible to practice in Hawaii, with all my other friends around (who did not know about my Shy Bladder), but now that I’m back in the comfort and safety of my home, I’m continuing where I left off.
I will have to say that I was worried about losing progress, after all, ten days off is a lot of time to let slip by.
So first thing in the morning, I grab my coffee and walk into the office (at home) and tell Mike (my Pee Buddy) that I need to pee.
Mike looks at me and groans a little. I think he forgot or was wishing that I wasn’t going to continue that again… ha!
No such luck!
He follows me into the small bathroom by the kitchen and sits on the sink directly behind me (literally like a foot away).
Will I be able to pee or will I have to retrace my steps and have Mike wait outside the door?
After about 1 1/2 minutes I get my answer:
Yahooo! I’m a little surprised at this. I really did think that I’d backtrack a little. It just seems logical. I figured it would take a couple of days to get back to where I was. NOPE!
I succeed right out the gate and lost no ground what-so-ever.
I’m a Happy Man!
Granted, I would have been happier to have peed on the plane, the airport, or in some of the locked bathrooms on the island, but you’ve got to take these recovery steps slowly. You can’t rush it!
2 Hours later, I need to pee again.
Mike resumes his squat on the sink and stares at my back. It took about a minute to begin, and then another minute to finish.
So far so good!
Lunch time rolls around. I pee again with no problems. In fact, throughout the rest of the day I pee about 9 more times (I drink lots of water), and I pee every single time.
Sometimes I pee quickly, other times it takes a minute or two to begin, but I do pee and I do finish!
What more can I ask for?
Every pee today was a success!
I still feel apprehensive at peeing in front of Mike. I’d rather not do it. It makes it harder to pee. I’d rather yank my teeth out… But that’s the goal right?
If it’s not difficult I won’t progress!
I really would love to just close the door and pee by myself. But then, that would just lock me back into my Paruresis handcuffs.
I have to keep doing this, like it or not, until it becomes second nature to me. I need to learn how to pee without thinking about it.
They say it takes 3-4 weeks to form a new habit…
Will this be the same?
Let’s hope so!
I believe I’m on the right path!