My Paruretic Ways

Half of the Day (Day 43) is spent Desensitizing with my Pee Buddy Mike and practicing Breath Hold (BH).

I’ve been holding my breath longer and longer, until I finally pee.

Even when I think I can’t hold it any longer, I keep holding it and pretty much on all practice attempts, I do end up peeing.

I don’t know if I’m peeing because of Breath Hold, or if I just needed to pee. Is there a way to tell the difference?

I’ll keep practicing and peeing and see where it gets me.

Tonight…

Tonight I went out to eat with some friends, then we all headed to the zoo. And the funny thing is, I notice as the night went on, that I’m still doing many Paruretic things.

For Example…

Knowing that I was going out later (for most of the night), I stopped drinking liquids early on so I wouldn’t have to pee later.

I also made 2 or 3 bathroom trips before I left out the door just to empty my bladder as much as possible.

Then at dinner, I only drank a couple of sips of iced tea. Just enough to quench my thirst, but no more.

Everyone else is chugging beers, downing 3 or 4, and I’m still on 1/4 cup…

I definitely don’t want the urge to pee…

Everyone else uses the bathroom at the restaurant before we drive to the zoo.

NOT ME

I patiently wait for them cursing myself the entire time.

We get to the zoo and it’s cold out. 30° (not good if you have to pee – which thankfully I don’t).

Halfway through the zoo, everyone stops for Hot Chocolate. They all order Larges, I order a Small (I don’t want to push my bladder limits).

They all stop later at the restroom. They all pee. I’m the only one who waits outside, in the cold, watching everyone else enter and leave relieved. Sigh!

My Paruretic Ways

Me and my Shy Bladder ways!

Will I always be like this?

Will I ever get to the point where I can drink as much as I want? Not have to worry if I leave the house with a full bladder? Not have to worry where to pee or when to pee???

It’s such a crazy thing to dwell over.

But here I am, carefully sipping my hot chocolate and hoping that my bladder doesn’t start a knocking…

All I want is a normal life

I don’t want to worry about peeing. I want it to be second nature. When you have to go, you just go!

Little by little I’m making progress. But are you ever fully separated from Paruresis?

Or will it haunt me until the day I die?

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