So I thought that I’d take a moment to go over some Pee Buddy, Tips, Tricks, Pointers and Advice that has helped me out along the path to recovery.
Having Paruresis is NOT fun! But keeping your Shy Bladder a secret is even more harmful.
I didn’t start recovering until I finally confronted the fact that I can’t do this alone. I needed help. I needed a Pee Buddy!
And trust me, that took me over 1 1/2 years to admit. Read my post here, dated 01-16-2012: Not Ready for a Pee Buddy!.
I battled with it inside forever until I finally told my Best Friend (Mike), whom I live with, and who doesn’t have Paruresis, that I was ready to begin desensitization.
All of that happened because I had already come clean and opened up to him about my condition. He knew about my Bashful Bladder so it made it easier to approach. And that was insane as it was, because he had known me for over 17 years and had no idea I feared bathrooms and couldn’t pee in public until just 2 years ago (we are such a secretive bunch).
So over the last 2 years, I had slowly and casually kept bringing up the topic of “Pee Buddy“, what a Pee Buddy is, what they do, how it all works… As well as talking more in depth about the entire “Paruresis” thing. I did a lot of talking.
Little by little it made me feel more comfortable about the situation. It was preparing me for the ultimate question:
“Will you be my Pee Buddy?”
I didn’t say it in so many words, but watch the conversation unfold here: It’s All In Your Head. That’s what really got me moving. That did it! Once I finally, mentally, got to that point, I knew there was no turning back. Days later My Pee Buddy Begins.
It will happen and can happen to you, if you find a trusting friend and confide in.
Be selective in who you tell, not everyone can handle being a Pee Buddy!
“You want Me to Watch You Pee?”
Along the way, I found some things worked, and some things didn’t.
So here are my Tips and Tricks on Pee Buddies that I highly Advise:
1) Don’t Rush It
I know you want to recover quickly (Yesterday), but the truth is, you can’t and won’t. You’ve probably had Shy Bladder for YEARS now. In fact, if you’re like me, you may have even had it for 30 Years!
That’s a long time!
So rushing and trying to unravel decades of bad behavior isn’t going to happen in a day. Take your time. It’s a gradual process that will slowly build your confidence and your courage.
2) Make a Plan
Tell your Pee Buddy exactly what to do every step of the way. It’s important that they know where to stand, which way to face, where to look, what to do (read, stand, sit) and even what to listen to (music, chatting, everything but you peeing lol).
3) When to Progress
After you tackle the first set of goals (maybe it’s peeing in a locked bathroom with your Pee Buddy down the hall), then make sure you repeat this procedure a couple of times successfully until you feel confident enough to move forward (making things more difficult for yourself – having them come closer).
Remember, this process is for you and ONLY YOU. You have to decide what’s right for you and when to move on.
4) Make Some Noise
One of the things that I did way before I began peeing with a Pee Buddy that really helped me, was peeing loudly in the toilet.
That is, peeing directly into the water making loud splashing noises so all could hear, versus on the quiet side of the bowl.
Learning to make peeing sounds greatly helped me get used to the fact that everyone pees, everyone makes noises, no one cares, and no one is listening.
So when it came to the point where my Pee Buddy was next to me, standing there as I pee, the sound of my pee wasn’t as alarming as I thought it would be.
5) Challenge Yourself
While you’re moving at a steady pace forward, it’s also wise to challenge yourself, face your fears, and push your limits.
I would challenge myself with my Pee Buddy. Sometimes it worked great, other times it failed miserably. But it helped me see where I still needed practice, and to also see what scares me the most (startling things, like him running by the open bathroom door as I pee, or when his magazine fell into the toilet and threw off my whole concentration).
I found that I was still trying to “avoid” things by turning on the overhead ceiling fan to drown out the sound of my pee, or by making my Pee Buddy look away from his feet (don’t look down) because I thought that he could be looking at my dick. He wasn’t, but it felt like it.
6) Keep Changing Things Up
Don’t get stagnant with your Pee Buddy. Which means, don’t stick to one position or one bathroom for very long. You have to switch things up!
Have them stand behind you as you pee. Face away from you. Face you. Have them stand next to you like you’re at a urinal. Have them lean on the door frame facing you…
The whole goal is to get used to peeing around other people.
Seeing that it’s no big deal to pee. No one is judging you, pointing or laughing. It doesn’t matter if it takes you 5 seconds or 5 minutes to pee. When you pee you pee. It doesn’t matter if you’re a slow pee’r, or a fast pee’r. That’s just the way you pee. So be it!
7) Time Doesn’t Matter
Even though I read it’s good to use a stop watch to time yourself when you pee, I actually found this to be counter productive. It made matters worse for me. As a Paruretic, I find that some of my worst fears when it comes to peeing is “Time Constraints“. And keeping an eye on a ticking clock just made me more nervous and anxious. (Time gets distorted when you pee anyway, Minutes seem like an Eternity!)
Once I stopped caring what time it was, how long I stood there, or how long it took me to pee, I actually peed better and faster.
I didn’t care either way how long, or when, or if. I just let it go at it’s own pace. I got “time” out of my head and relaxed.
It really did help (Because boy did my heart start to race once I saw the 7 Minute mark roll around…)
8) Talk it Out
Talk to your Pee Buddy about your feelings, fears, thoughts and concerns. Don’t keep it bottle in.
After a Pee Session, chat about it. Tell them what you felt and why. It’s always good to hear their point of view as well. This reassures you that they weren’t listening, they weren’t looking, they do have the same problems and issues sometimes too.
It’s true! I was actually amazed and relieved that my Pee Buddy admitted things like: Troughs are tough for him. He also said that sometimes he hesitates when someone stands directly next to him. Or that sometimes he’ll stand there for a minute or two before he can pee (if he’s forcing himself to go because he should go – i.e. road trip, intermission…). He also said that he found it more difficult to pee when there were no urinal dividers. Things like that amazed me! I had no idea that “normal” people felt this way.
It made me feel better to hear it. Everyone at some time or another has problems peeing in public bathrooms!
We’re Not Alone!
Talk it out.
Talk during the session if you want. I found that talking during peeing made it easier to pee because our voices masked the sounds.
I also found that telling my Pee Buddy that “I’m locked up, it’s going to take a while” made things easier to deal with. It’s no longer us standing in complete silence waiting for it to happen. He knew where I stood and what was happening to me. He knew it would take a while… settle in for the long haul. We were on the same page.
9) Keep Track of your Progress
Keep a note book and write about your experiences, what happened, how it happened, how it felt… So you can see how far you’ve come. It will keep you focused and driven.
I’ve found that keeping this website (my own personal journal) was (and is) extremely beneficial and valuable to me and my recovery.
It keeps me clear headed, on track, and it serves as a good reference whenever I want to look back and remind myself of what I used to be.
It’s been an amazing journey.
Like I look at the steps I took at the beginning of my Pee Buddy (read my entire recap here: Shy Bladder Recap – the Summary at the end is also very cool), and I say to myself “I can’t believe that within just 2 days I was able to pee with the door open and my Pee Buddy just feet away” WOW!
That blows my mind. I feared such things all my life and thought they were NEVER possible, and yet, within days I was already on the road to recovery.
I WAS SHOCKED!
So keep yourself a journal. Set some goals. Write from the heart. Open your soul. Hold yourself accountable and stick to it!
With this website, I always state what my future goals are and what I want to accomplish, so I don’t have much of a choice in the matter: I MUST obtain them! I can’t let myself or YOU, the reader, down.
10) Expect Set Backs
You can’t keep a steady uphill pace forever. It’s inevitable that you’ll stumble, have plateaus, or even back tracks. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Don’t let it get you down. Life is a roller coaster ride. Get used to it!
Like I’ve already said, you’ve lived with this Social Phobia for many years now, and you can’t change your deep rooted behaviors overnight.
The good news is, you CAN change them! You DO have the power to heal yourself. You can rid yourself of this crippling fear, if you’re willing to put forth the time and effort.
…And that effort will be tough, emotional, and you’ll want to fight it every step of the way!
It may break you down, but it will also lift you up. You’ll come face to face with your inner demons and see that you can and WILL prevail!
You have to.
Don’t let yourself fail. Dust yourself off, get back up and start moving again.
Set backs will happen. Just let them be the exception versus the rule.
11) Practice Other Methods
Don’t be afraid to try other things. New things.
Like for example, I practice Breath Hold along with peeing with my Pee Buddy. I’ve also worked on Cognitive Therapy and Cognitive Metacoding as well (read more about them here: Cognitive Therapy and Metacoding).
One technique may work better for you than others. Try them all. What have you got to lose? NOTHING!
Techniques like: Counting Backwards, Doing Math Problems, Visualizing Objects, Humming a Certain Song, Listening to Music, Listening to Running Water, Rubbing your Fingers together, Cracking your Knuckles, Closing your Eyes, Standing Tall (Stretching out your Spine), Relaxing, Meditating, Deep Breathing, Rolling a Lucky Coin in your Pocket, or even Snapping a Rubber Band on your Wrist.
The point is, test things. Try them out. You never know if something will “click” with you until you give it a go.
You may be surprised!
12) Reach Out
There is support everywhere!
Just knowing that you are not the only one afflicted with this problem is a huge relief. It’s like the weight of the world is taken off your shoulders.
Read Shy Bladder Books to learn more about Pee Shyness, Pee Buddies, Work Shops and Support Groups!
Reading about others and hearing their stories will touch your heart and open your mind. Who knew there were so many people dealing with these exact same issues?
After all, there are 22 million Americans that have some form of Paruresis (slight, mild, severe). People like you. People like me. Reaching out to them will help.
If anything, it will give you the courage to move ahead. And sometimes, that’s all we need in life: A pat on the back, and encouraging word, an open heart, a helping hand…
You CAN do this!
But you don’t have to do it alone.
If you want to tell your story Do So Here! I’d love to hear from you. Reach out. Say hello. Be heard.
Any kind of feedback, goals, experiences, help or ambitions, I’m here for you.
Me and my Pee Buddy Mike still work daily on my desensitization. I’ve made tremendous progress in the last 2 months and it would have never happened if I didn’t find the courage to speak up.
Once I admitted who I was, what I had, and what I need to do, everything else just fell into place.
And truly, the words that forever changed my life were:
“Will you be my Pee Buddy?”
I was very scared taking that first step. You never know how someone will react.
But you know what?
I’m quite happy that I did.
I wouldn’t change a thing.
Not it’s your turn!
What Pee Buddy tips do you have?
Please share them with me. :)