It’s 3:30 p.m. I’m Fluid Loading.
I’ve drank over 32 oz. of water and I haven’t peed in an hour. I’m getting ready to leave the house soon with Mike (my Pee Buddy).
We are heading to Costco and I’m a little nervous, but not as much as I would think.
This will be the FIRST time in my life that I have ever left the house without peeing. It’s mind boggling to think about. Normally I would pee 2 or 3 times before I left, but today, I plan on making myself pee in public.
I really will have NO Choice!
When backed into a corner, the only way out is forward.
I SHALL Pee in a Urinal!
It may be more difficult, and it may take me a little bit longer, but I’ll pee one way or the other. I expect it to be harder because I’ll be holding in my urine for so long. That always makes it more difficult to pee.
I’m not too worried because I know that Breath Hold does work and can get me out of a bind. It’s possible to Pee in Public using that technique. I’ve did it before and I know I can do it again.
Let’s Hope for Success!
I believe I WILL be Successful. I have Faith in myself. If not, I may just Piss my Pants. lol
It’s now 4 p.m. I’m leaving the house any minute now (Mike’s on the phone). I really can’t believe that I’m leaving the house with a full bladder (very full). It’s already beginning to get uncomfortable. I need to pee already. Get some of this water out. But I can’t! Not yet!
This is the craziest thing I have ever done. It better work!
I’m even dreading stepping outside. It’s 14° out. That’s cold! It will make me want to pee even more. Great! Away from home (my safety net), and into the cold having to pee. Sigh…
Here’s crossing my fingers for luck!
I’ll pick this up when I return…
It’s NOW 5:45 p.m.
WOW OH WOW OH WOW OH WOW!
That was Agonizing!!!
We don’t get around to leaving until 4:10, and by then, I had to pee big time. My bladder was Talking. Knocking. Trying to get my attention.
I started to get anxious because Mike was on the phone with an order he placed (and messed up) and his tone and tension was making me tense. Not what I need right now!
I motion to him that “I need to pee“. The urge was getting really strong and it was either leave the house NOW, or pee at home!
Mike says he can talk on the road, so we grab our coats and go.
And yep, the cold increased my urge to pee 10x. Not cool.
And by the time we got 1 mile down the road, it started to really get aggravating. I was beginning to wonder if I would be able to hold it until we got to Costco.
Traffic was stop and go because of the roads, they were plowed, but still a little snowy and slick.
So what normally would have been a ten minute drive, turned out to be very l o n g indeed.
Of course, we hit every red light on the way. Cars are bumper to bumper. There’s an accident on the side of the road. Lanes are merging into one.
And all the time my bladder starts Screaming Loudly. “I need to pee RIGHT NOW!“
It was getting to be painful and comical at the same time. I was dancing in my seat. Mike’s laughing at me.
I try not to think about it. I cross my feet. I stare out the window. Nothing’s helping. The urge is too strong.
And as we drive it gets worse and worse and worse.
My foot starts involuntarily shaking (nervous habit). All I could think about was peeing.
Why did I Drink so much?
Another slow mile goes by. Damn, this is getting really tough to endure. The urge to pee is INSANE!
I literally feel like I could pee my pants.
We’re stopped at a light for 2 minutes (it seemed like an eternity). I’m starting to make crazy grunting noises. I’m shifting in my seat. Mike’s laughing. I start bouncing. I can’t hold it any longer…
WTF was I thinking?
Traffic gets slower as we near rush hour and the busiest intersections in the city. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. Seriously! I’m rubbing my forehead. I tell Mike I’m going to break into a sweat. HA!
I really had to go.
I’ve never felt like this before!
Mike is laughing the whole time. I’m looking around. I see a plastic bottle in the back seat, and I think to myself “I could pee in there“. I could. Right here, right now. No lie!
Mike asks me if I want him to stop at McDonalds since it’s right up the street.
“No” I say. I had it in my mind to pee at Costco and I want to stick with that plan (changing things would have made me anxious).
I’m looking out the window at the road. I see the traffic, snow, cars moving ever so slowly… crawling along… It’s like a dream… ARGGGGGG!!!
I tell Mike that I may have to get out and pee in the road.
That’s how bad it was getting. And I could see myself doing it too. At that moment, nothing else mattered but the insane urge to pee. There were cars all around. People in parking lots. Gas Stations… The intersection had one of those red light cameras pointed at us (that would have been fun to watch!)
I really don’t think I’ve ever had such an excruciating urge in my life. Lord have Mercy!
Now we’re 4 lights away…
I’m rocking back and forth. I feel like I’m about to burst open (I picture that scene in Alien).
Fuck Fuck Fuck!
We’re stopped at another light. The light takes forever! All I could think about was peeing. IMMEDIATELY!
Mike says when we get there he’ll drop me off at the door so I can run in…
I tell him “I don’t even know if I can walk” LOL “I may have to run while holding my crotch!“
And I really did feel that way.
Finally he pulls up to the door, I’m out in seconds and heading in. The bathroom, of course, is on the other side of the store, tucked way back in the far front corner… I’m wasting no time in bolting towards it. “OUTTA MY WAY!“
All I could think about was hold on until I get in the bathroom. Please don’t pee yet. Hold on… LMAO!
I FINALLY get to the Men’s Bathroom (after getting stuck behind two slow moving Costco Workers… MOVE MOVE MOVE).
I get to the door, turn the corner, and see 3 empty urinals (some guy was just leaving).
I hustle up to the first urinal, unzip… and pee INSTANTLY!
I peed within seconds of standing there. I had never peed so fast. It just came out!
I peed and peed and peed.
I Couldn’t Stop Peeing!
I didn’t care who was there. Who was Coming. Going. Nothing. All I could think about was peeing.
And what’s so funny about all of this is the fact that I wasn’t anxious in the least. That’s the first time in my entire life that I’ve been in a public bathroom and not felt anxious.
I didn’t care if people were Watching, Pointing, Laughing. I didn’t give a Shit. None of it mattered. It was just me emptying my bladder. And I did it non-stop.
I peed for probably 2 full minutes. It would not end. And boy was it sheer delight. I had never felt anything so grand.
Fucking Fluid Loading My Ass!
I look at the time. It’s 4:31 LMAO. It really did feel like a 45 minute drive. ha ha ha! But then I think, damn, I’ve held my urine for almost 2 hours now! That’s torture!
I told Mike all about it as we shop. He was very happy for me. He said “That’s how it should be“.
And he’s right!
I didn’t care when another guy came in and stepped up to the third urinal. It didn’t phase me in the least. He was peeing. I was peeing. He finished, washed and left, and I was STILL peeing! I peed that long. HA!
So that’s the 5th Successful time I’ve ever peed in a urinal. That’s so cool.
15 minutes later, I felt the urge to pee again (It’s either I have a small bladder, or a double bladder – you decide).
So on the way out, after we check out, I head into the bathroom once more.
I step up to the first urinal (it’s the lucky one). No one else is in there. I peed within seconds again. WOW! (Success #6)
No hesitation in the least.
I’m Peeing in a Urinal!
And what’s even bizarre… I didn’t even have to do Breath Hold. I didn’t think about doing Breath Hold, it didn’t enter my mind. Didn’t need to.
I Peed like a Man without Paruresis!
I peed twice in one afternoon, in Public, at a Urinal, and FAST!
I’m so proud of myself.
It actually blows my mind.
What a great way to start out the New Year!
So this is what it feels like to pee without a care in the world? It felt Relaxing. Soothing. Normal.
I think Fluid Loading did work, and it worked great. But I need to control it better, because that could have ended badly.
All these years I’ve been dehydrating myself and drinking very little when I’m out… I’ve been doing it all wrong! I should drink more!
Next time I do Fluid Loading, I’ll only drink one bottle of water, then maybe more on the way, or at the final destination. That way I can desensitize at a normal urgency, and not an emergency.
Because the last thing I want is an accident to happen. I don’t want to pee my pants in public. That would be very embarrassing… (That’s probably what caused my Bashful Bladder in the first place).
So all in all, Fluid Loading Worked. It’s been a very good week, and a wonderful way to start 2014.
I couldn’t ask for more!