I’ve really been doing a lot of reading, writing and thinking about Paruresis lately (I’ve picked up 4 more books, but this time on Social Phobias, Social Anxiety, Shyness and Nervousness).
I’m trying to dissect it and see where it all began and why. My attempts have failed. There are way too many starting points, and any one of them could have lit the fuse.
But one thing about the entire situation bugs me. They say Paruresis is a Social Phobia. I can understand that. I’m scared of peeing in public…
But even though these are the facts, it still doesn’t make much sense to me.
I don’t feel like I have a problem being Social.
How can I fear people and what people think, and still have no problems getting up in front of them, speaking, acting, or even singing?
I had to hold meetings and instruct and teach people how to sell before…
I even at one time in my life went door to door and sold water purifiers. Cold Calling isn’t the easiest thing to accomplish.
Going back, I had great desires as a kid to be a Magician. I would regularly put on Magic Shows for parties. That turned into paying jobs for Businesses and even my School. I would do Magic, Juggle Fire and even do Escape Tricks (Where’s the Straight Jacket now?).
I was in all the class plays and had the lead in several High School performances.
I even had a semester of Choir and sang in front of 300 people before…
What I’m trying to say is, how can I do all of this, but yet shy away when it comes to the bathroom and urinating?
If Paruresis is so Social, why aren’t other areas of my life affected?
Why limit my Shyness to only Peeing?
It just goes to show me that my Phobia, my fear, really is all about the bathroom and the act of going to the bathroom. This is the root of my problem. What happened to me???
It really must be the humiliation of standing in a corner as a kid with my pants down and a room full of girls laughing at my bare naked behind.
I’ll never forget that. I wish I could!
It’s either that, or possibly the Swirley I got in the 7th Grade… Who knows?
What’s funnier is the fact that I don’t remember ever peeing in High School. Not once… Ever!
I don’t even remember going into the bathrooms.
Is that even possible?
How could I not remember?
Did I not go?
Have I really been avoiding them since I was a small boy?
Granted I don’t remember much from when I was a kid… I have blocked it all away!
Maybe I need a shrink to open up my past and let it all come tumbling out?
I’m almost scared of what I’d find.
You block things out for a reason!
How could I not remember peeing in High School? Doesn’t make much sense. Did I hold it all day?
Have I really been a Paruretic all of my life? Ever since I can recall?
Maybe I should just start singing on the way to the bathroom? Or juggling?
I could juggle my balls… lol Would that help matters?
Peeing really does put me in a corner, doesn’t it?
So, how do I get out?
Is there a way out?
How do you overcome your Pee Shyness when you don’t even know why you’re shy to begin with?
This condition is a Social Phobia that makes me feel Anti-Social.
It’s a curtain call I wish I’d never taken. An act called Stage Fright.
Where’s my cue?