I almost peed at a urinal today.
I was right there… I could feel it. So close. It felt so good…
You see, it’s Movie Day. My friends (one of them being Mike my Pee Buddy) go to see Homefront with Jason Statham and James Franco (Awesome Movie go see it!).
I had already told Mike before we left that I WAS going to go in that bathroom at the Movie Theater (I still need to accomplish my 3 Public Bathroom Desensitizations this week). That bathroom was the bathroom that I failed to enter last week. I wimped out!
Well this week I made up my mind that I wasn’t going to back down. I was going to force myself to go in no matter what!
So Sure Enough…
After the movie ends, we’re walking down the hall and I see the Men’s Room coming up on the right. Mike is actually behind me, and at this point, I don’t care if he goes in or not. I’M GOING IN!
As the entrance approaches, I tell the ladies to “Wait up, I need to use the bathroom!“
As I enter, there’s this really old man in front of me. He’s walking down the center of the hall so I can’t just bolt around him. He’s moving really, really slow, almost down to a crawl, and I’m just kind of patiently shuffling behind him. I glance back and see another guy is behind me, and Mike is behind him. We’re on the slow train!
The old guy finally gets into the bathroom, around the corner, and he zig-zags in the direction towards the urinals and stalls. I don’t know what he’s doing or where he’s going. I’m just waiting for him to make up his mind.
It was almost Comical
Finally he turns towards the second (last) stall in the corner.
All the urinals were empty (there were 5 of them), so I head to the last urinal. The guy behind me takes #3. Mike takes #1 (closest to the sinks).
As I walk up to the urinal and unzip, I hold my breath (just like I have in practice for the past few weeks)…
Now I didn’t really have a strong urge to go. It was one of those I could have or I could wait pees…
I tried anyway.
I held my breath and waited.
And, as I held my breath, I could actually feel the urge begin. I might be able to go. Cool!
Feeling like I could pee made me continue to hold my breath even more. If I feel like I could, I’m really gonna try…
As I’m waiting there trying to pee, I see urinal #3 flush and head to the sinks. Then Mike does the same.
Now it’s just me! GREAT!
The guy behind me in the stall is dropping bombs, and all of a sudden a guy in a wheel chair comes rolling into the john and maneuvers into stall #1 (the handicapped stall)… I think briefly about the fact that there were only 2 stalls and the guy in front of me took the first one. Normally I (as a Paruretic) would have grabbed the only stall left, so that would have sucked to have taken this guys stall. I’m happy I didn’t and went to the urinals instead. :)
Mike and the other guy dry their hands and leave. Now it’s just me and the stall guys. And, the urge to pee is getting stronger and stronger.
It dawns on me that I really am this close to peeing. I’m right there! Right on the edge…
Breath Hold felt like it did in practice. Last year when I tried Breath Hold in a stall, I was too anxious to even hold my breath. But now, after desensitizing so much, I don’t feel as anxious (since I didn’t even have a strong urge to pee) and am able to hold my breath pretty well.
The problem is…
My friends were waiting!
How weird would it look for me to stay in there for another 3 minutes while Mike is already done and gone… (Damn, why’d he bolt so fast?)
I knew I could pee if I had more time. If the clock wasn’t ticking and people weren’t waiting I would have.
But I didn’t!
I flushed, zipped, washed, and left the bathroom.
Because they were waiting and time constraints really do apply too much pressure on me. If it were just Mike and I, I would have stayed in there longer and been able to pee.
I know I could have, and that knowing makes me feel great!
It was just everyone else waiting and looking at their watches and shifting their feet… That’s the reason I bailed. But it’s insane to think I was right there!
I felt it. It could have happened.
And even though I didn’t pee, I still felt great. This is the first time that I’ve attempted Breath Hold in a public bathroom in a very long time. And it’s the first time that I actually felt like it would work!
That’s Mind Blowing!
Mentally it’s saying to myself “THIS WILL WORK!” It will!
You now have proof!
All you need is just a little bit more time. That’s all!
30 Seconds… 1 Minute… And you’ll be peeing!