The Convention is over. We had a lot of fun and met some cool contacts.
But what’s even cooler?
The fact that I peed in a different Casino today! :)
Granted, I did help it by downing a bottle of water before I left the hotel room. But if that’s what it takes to desensitize enough until I can do it normally, then so be it!
I stepped right up to that urinal like any other normal man and peed with no problems.
Then after that me and my Pee Buddy Mike went to the mall. (After Christmas Sales are NOT discounted enough!)
I Pee again when we got there!
And that one was different because there was a long line of people outside the bathroom waiting for a show or something (not waiting for the bathroom). But, they all did watch you as you entered the bathroom “HI“. The hallway you go into was like a maze of corridors. It was crazy.
I go into the bathroom, step up to a urinal, and I see that there’s a Bathroom Attendant cleaning all the stalls and toilets.
I glance at him briefly as he heads into a stall. He glances back. He goes in, does his little cleaning and then slams the lid down on the toilet. It startled me and I jumped a little. It was so loud!
Then he goes into the next stall and does the same. “SLAM” “BANG” (Come On!)
But even with him going in the stalls behind me…
I Still Peed!
I’m getting better at tuning out what’s going on around me. Not worrying so much about what they think. It is what it is. No one cares!
I try to focus on peeing and nothing else.
After another hour in the mall, I tell Mike I want to pee again. We head into another john (I always like to pee in different places – marking my territory). Mike goes to the first urinal. I go to one of the last. He pees faster than me and waits outside.
I pee slower, but with no issues, then I met him out front.
So that’s 3 more Bathrooms, 3 more Successes!
It is getting easier and easier each time I do it.
I don’t think to myself “I CAN’T Pee in there!” anymore, I’m thinking “I CAN Pee in there!” Big difference! And I do!
And even those times when it takes me a good minute to go, or I go just a little, and then have to try again later, it’s still no big deal!
No one is paying attention to me. All they want to do is to pee. I’m just another fly on the wall.
I’ve been making myself pee in Vegas for 3 full days now, and I LOVE IT!
It’s the best place to desensitize since their are plenty of bathrooms, and they are plenty BUSY! (lots of people, lots of drinking)
We have one more day left here, and we have nothing really major planned. Maybe a Show, maybe the Shark Reef, maybe a Movie, maybe Gambling… Maybe all of them! :)
But I will assure you this; there will be MORE bathroom trips, more urinals, and many more stories to tell.
And I can’t wait!
Because this has been a great vacation and I’ve surpassed all my wildest dreams. I’m living proof that you can beat Paruresis! You CAN pee in public! (And you don’t need to spend $695 on a Shy Bladder WorkShop… although results would probably be WAY faster! :)
All you need is determination and GUTS! I have those.
This vacation (and I’ve been on a lot all over the world) is the very first time in my life that I’ve actually felt truly alive. I’m not hiding in my hotel room. I’m not allowing my bladder to control my thoughts, actions and behaviors. I’m changing my life and living for the first time ever. It feels wonderful!
Right now, today, I am a new man!
And I’m not saying that I’m cured. Far from it!
For I know I’ll have days when I can’t go in public. I know I’ll still naturally want to hold my urine. And I know these results are mostly due to Breath Hold and Fluid Loading. But it doesn’t matter! Because it’s opened my eyes to a whole new possibility. A whole new world of being free.
A life of Peeing in Public!
I’m ready for it. I’m also ready for the failures, because I’d be an idiot not to see those coming. You can’t have this condition forever without feeling it’s grip on everything you do. But I’ll take it.
If it allows me even a 50% Success Rate, then that’s way better than what it ever used to be.
If I look back to when I started this blog, it’s crazy to read where I was…
December 20th 2011
I’m Richard. I have a huge secret to admit. I’m Pee Shy!
Being Pee Shy can be very terrifying at times.
Terrifying as in I get frozen up and can’t pee like a normal guy.
I stand there at the toilet for minutes on end and nothing comes out. I can be so full of liquids and dying to go, but I can’t.
I just stand there frozen as other guys come and go in the john while I’m locked in place, unable to relax enough to let the stream flow.
I stand quiet, trying to be invisible, hoping they won’t see my feet under the stall (always the stall), or see me through the crack in the door…
Standing there for what seems like hours thinking I’m a freak and can’t urinate. (Read the full post here!)
In fact, just 3 months ago, back before I began working with my Pee Buddy, I wrote this:
October 6th 2013
Do I really think that my Paruresis can be cured?
I don’t know!
I’d like to think so. But the fact is, I’ve been so scared my whole life of walking up to and using a public urinal that I don’t know any different.
How can I picture myself doing that if I’ve fought against it for as long as I can remember?
Do I think that I can suddenly turn off my thinking and pee in the open with no fear, no reservations, in front of other guys, and even with guys waiting (not so patiently) behind me?
Quite frankly, I don’t see that happening. (Read the full post here!)
And then even after I started desensitization I still battled it in my brain. This is a quote just 3 weeks ago…
December 6th 2013
I am fully aware of the fact that to overcome your fears, you need to face them.
One of my biggest fears is stepping foot in any public bathroom (even if I know they have a single user bathroom).
I loathe them!
I do everything I can to avoid them. I tell myself that I don’t need to go that badly. I say I can hold it no problem. It’s just a little uncomfortable, right? I can deal with it!
I know that this is my Paruresis talking. (Read the full post here!)
So you see, I am changing my life. I am taking action. Where I am today is AMAZING! It’s crazy to even think about.
I’m not asking for much, just some relief to this crippling disorder. All things do seem possible now. And that’s something that you can’t take away from me.
From here to my grave I’ll know that Peeing in Urinals is feasible. I can do it!
I AM DOING IT!
I am looking at things through different eyes now. I’m thinking differently.
When I’m going out to Eat, or to a Movie, or Whatever, I’m not thinking “This will be a long night of NOT Peeing!” I’m actually thinking “I’ll just Pee when I’m out!“
Seriously! It’s totally Bizarre!
Being away from a safe place to pee is not as terrifying as it once was. There is a way out!
And that way out is to Pee in the Urinals!
Who would have ever thought that was possible?
Certainly not me!