What scares a Paruretic? Many things!
People that are scared of peeing in public are haunted by many fears. Things that the normal person wouldn’t even dream of.
And when I’m talking about “scare“, I don’t actually mean “jump” as in a Horror Movie. I mean Up the Anxiety, Up the Barricade Wall, Up the Level of Difficulty of Peeing in a Public Bathroom.
Some people have extreme cases of Paruresis (The medical terminology for Shy Bladder), while others it barely affects.
Me, I find myself somewhere in the middle. I can use the public bathrooms, but it can take a while, it can be difficult, and often, I give up, fail, and can’t go at all.
It all depends on the conditions of the bathroom, and of course how badly I have to go.
It seems the more urgent the calling, the harder it is to get a stream started.
A lot of things regarding bathrooms and my fear of peeing play tricks on me.
I thought I’d share them with you!
Granted, I believe I have a mild case of Paruresis, even though at times it does cripple me. But it’s a funny thing. Because every time and every day is different. And Paruresis also varies from person to person.
So while I can’t speak for everyone, I can speak for myself.
These are MY Fears!
These are the things that I find most difficult about peeing in men’s bathrooms. I put them in no real order, they are what they are.
See if you can relate…
I hate a quiet bathroom. It sends chills down my spine. When every noise is accentuated: the shuffle of feet, the grunt of a throat, the jingle of a belt, you can hear it all. It becomes magnified.
Plus I know that they can hear me as well. They know I’m trying to pee. They’re listening and hearing that I can’t pee. I’m just standing there doing nothing! I’m being as silent as the surroundings. Frozen in fear!
I hate quiet bathrooms. Play loud music or something. If there are a lot of toilets flushing, sinks running, dryers drying, it helps. All that sound can muffle anything I’m trying to do.
Because in the long run, no one wants to hear that!
Walking in with Others
I generally wait until I see that no one is heading for the bathrooms. That’s when I make my move. But, as luck would have it, that’s NOT how life is. Often someone will walk in with me, or directly behind me as I enter the restroom.
This really makes me nervous because I’m on display. They’re watching to see what I do, so they know what they can do. And, of course, they see me hesitate. I can feel their eyes on the back of my head. I’m looking for the stalls, I’m like a deer in headlights…
It’s a heightened moment of fear that makes my head scream and makes me want to turn and run like a banshee…
Smelly, Gross Bathrooms!
If the bathroom is gross and smelly, it can keep me from peeing.
You wouldn’t think that a bathroom that smells like a bathroom should, would keep you from going! ha!
But smells and sights affect your senses and can block you up like a dam.
Especially if the toilet is plugged (Eye-Candy), or if someone is taking a dump in the next stall… and I can hear every awful sound of it.
Let’s face it, there are plenty of nasty, dirty bathrooms across America. I’m not the only one who hates these germ infested places! Don’t touch that door knob!
And to someone scared of bathrooms and peeing as it is, it just adds to the difficulty. It’s not going to happen!
Clean bathrooms are better for Paruretics. They are soothing and have a calming effect.
Gross bathrooms are the opposite. You don’t want to look at anything, touch anything, all you want to do is void, leave, and leave quickly.
Most of the Stalls are Occupied!
I hate this with a passion!
When I have to enter a stall next to someone else that’s already using a stall, it makes me very frightened.
I don’t want to disturb their task. And I know that they hate it as much as I do.
No one wants to be in someone else’s comfort zone!
They can see my feet enter and face the toilet. They know that I’m peeing… Or should I say, trying to pee. They see me quietly standing there and not making any noise.
I don’t even like moving my feet because I don’t want it to draw their eyes.
I wonder what they are thinking?
How long am I going to stand here and not pee? What am I doing?
That’s an awfully long time to stand there and not do anything. He’s silent. I’m silent. He’s thinking I’m a freak or a perv…
GO! JUST GO!
And all the time, he’s waiting and watching my feet. He wants me to finish so he can.
Who is going to make the first move? Will he finally finish and leave? Or will he wait it out?
I generally try to pick a stall with no one next to me, but often, that doesn’t last long. Someone always enters and stops me from peeing.
I don’t want to be that close to people while urinating.
Don’t they know that?
A line out the Door
This makes me tremble just thinking about it.
Having to wait in a long line out the bathroom door is terrifying!
One after another, guys shuffle their way into the cramped bathroom. They stand in line and wait for the next urinal to free up.
Everyone is Watching. Waiting. Judging. They’re all thinking “HURRY UP! Pee Faster!“
And me… I don’t know what to expect. I don’t know if there are any stalls in the bathroom. I don’t know if there are any empty ones. Chances are good: NO! Because this is the time that guys will pee in the stalls if they become free just like they would a urinal. When you gotta go, you go!
I stand and wonder if the stalls are plugged up. I shift my feet. I look around. I play with my hang nail… What am I going to see or do? Will the stalls be out of order? Will they be occupied for another ten minutes… Where will I hide? Will a stall become available the second it’s my turn?
It’s Pure Panic Mode!
I’ll have to frantically find or wait for an empty stall with tons of guys watching me. I’d rather die!
This is about the highest my fear level takes me. You can’t get much worse.
And, the odds are, even if I did find an open stall, after all this anxiety, I’d probably never be able to go anyway. Guys are waiting.
Everyone knows I’m trying to pee. I’m in there too long.
What’s wrong with me? I can’t go!
Peeing in Urinals
If I step foot into a bathroom, and I see it has NO Stalls (or No Vacant Stalls), I turn around and leave.
I don’t care how badly I have to go. I could be on the verge of busting and it wouldn’t matter. I quickly rotate around and I’m back out that door!
Peeing at a urinal is not an option. It would never happen. Never ever!
That is, right now in my current state of Paruresis!
Urinals are something I can’t do. I’ve never been able to use them. I could never even see myself using one.
It’s the ultimate fear for me. I simply can’t imagine it!
So there you go…
These are the things that scare me the most!
But you know what? It’s all a lie isn’t it?
It’s not the bathrooms, toilets, or guys that I’m scared of. It’s the fear of NOT being able to go that does it. Just thinking that I can’t go is my greatest fear.
Thinking I’ll fail, makes me fail. It keeps me from peeing.
Everything else just adds fuel to the fire.
How can one be scared of NOT being able to pee? Doesn’t make much sense.
I wonder how it all began. It’s a mystery to me that I may never fully understand.
I should get hypnotized to find out what caused my condition.
What trauma keeps me from peeing in public?
I don’t know…
And not knowing, scares me as well! :)