Here’s one thing I’m learning:
I CAN Pee in Public!
The entire day today, I’ve been drinking like a fish. Before we left for the Convention, I drank 3 cups of coffee.
And then 2 hours later, after another walk through and more meet and greets, we swung by and had another cup of coffee (Large), and then I’m ready…
I head into the Casino Bathroom to Pee!
This bathroom is different than the last Casino Bathroom. This one has 3 urinals on one side of the wall partition, and 3 on the other side. I head right and step up to the 3rd urinal. I’m the only one on this side, Mike’s on the other side peeing.
I stand there and wait. My urgency is low. I already know this makes me more anxious, which also makes me lock up and makes it harder to go.
I attempt Breath Hold!
Breath Hold worked pretty much like it did in the last Casino. A little came out and then nothing (maybe I’m not holding my breath long enough?)
So I peed a little and that was that.
We leave the Casino and head out for lunch at a brewery. On the way to the brewery though, I chug a bottle of water. I want to escalate my urgency to pee and force myself to pee in public (so daring).
But I’m not really giving myself an out either…
It’s either Pee or Pee! lol
Inside the brewery we have appetizers and I order an Iced Tea, er… let me correct that: I order an Iced Tea, and then another, and then another!!!
For 1 1/2 hrs that we sat I drank 3 LARGE Iced Teas (I told you it was do or die).
And right before we leave I tell Mike that I’m going to the bathroom. The urge was finally there! :)
So I walk into the men’s room. There are 3 tall urinals with no dividers. The urinals go all the way to the floor. Which is different, because now anyone walking behind me can see if I’m peeing or NOT!
I stand there and relax. The brewery was busy and the bathroom traffic has been steady (of course I know this for I’ve been watching the door).
I stand there for about 20 seconds, and I finally begin to pee.
And I Pee!
And Pee! LOL
I peed for a solid minute before it tapered off, and even then it still ran on for another minute or so. AHH! Relief at last!
And would you believe it, the whole time I was in there, not 1 guy came in (and I was always so scared of that). So you really never know!
After Mike and I leave, I keep drinking MORE water (I bought a case of bottle water just for this purpose).
I can already, within minutes, tell that I’ll need to pee again soon. It’s all catching up to me. Usually when I pee, I keep peeing off and on for hours.
So we drive around a bit as I drink. We’re looking for a Liquor Store.
We finally find one, buy our Beer and Wine, and get back to the car. Mike asks me if I have anything else I want to do while I’m out?
“YES” I say “I want to Pee some more!“
“Where?” He asks
“I don’t know? How about a fast food restaurant like McDonalds, Wendys or Arbys?”
So that was the Plan!
Mike drives a couple of streets and looks as I drink more and more water. I’m nuts!
I’m getting to the point where I need to pee again badly. That’s great! That’s how it should feel! Mike sees a McDonalds up ahead. Perfect!
He pulls in and waits. I go inside and head straight towards the bathroom (passing all the tables watching me).
The men’s door is propped open. There’s a worker outside changing trash bins. I don’t stop. I head right in and here’s what I see…
1 Urinal & 1 Stall
WTF? That’s it? They only have 2 places to Pee? (which are both empty at the moment)
I’ve never seen a McDonalds with so few options. That’s scary (Mike tells me later that a lot of restaurants have only 1 urinal… shows you how much I’ve paid attention to them in the past).
I look at the urinal for a second. It’s a low urinal (kiddy size) and it’s barely around the corner to the open door where you can see people eating (I probably could if I leaned back far enough).
So I step up to the urinal and unzip. I had to go, so oh wellllll….
I can hear people talking. The guy changing trash is making banging noises. I keep waiting for someone else to enter… Because unless they head into the stall, they’ll be standing directly behind me watching. JOY!
But, at that moment, I really didn’t care. I had to pee…
And I did!
I peed for a good minute until my bladder was fully empty (I’ve drank so much fluids today).
That’s the first time I’ve ever peed in a fast food urinal. And right as I was finishing, some guy did walk in, hesitate, and then he went into the stall. No problem. I didn’t even break a stream. I finished, flushed, and felt awesome.
I’m really proving to myself that I can pee in public (for the most part). Sometimes it’s more difficult, but I do eventually pee. I’m seeing that there’s nothing to fear, and there’s no need to ever dehydrate myself again. The only problem with drinking so much is the fact that I have to pee non-stop for the rest of the day. HA! That could get real annoying real soon. If I’m at a concert or sporting event it would be “Excuse Me!” “Excuse Me!” “Excuse Me!“… BAH!
But no matter. It works!
Given enough time and fluids, I’m peeing and I don’t even have to use Breath Hold. Crazy stuff.
Tonight we plan on heading back to the Casino (Gotta Win!) and I do plan on Fluid Loading before I leave the room. I’m determined to pee in that Casino before this vacation is over. No Matter What!
After that, we’re off to a steak house and boy am I looking forward to Filet! :)
I’ll let you know how Fluid Loading goes in the Casino. I’m pretty sure I’ll HIT the Jack Pot! :)
Time will tell.
In about 3 hours or so, I’ll pick this up when I return…
If I return!
Baw ah haha ha ahahahaa ha ah ahah!!!
So now it’s 10 P.M.
I’m back. I lived! :)
By the time we got down to the Casino at 6:30, I already had the urge to pee. But that’s because the last time I peed was at 5:30 in the hotel room.
So already an hour has gone by and I did chug a bottle of water. I could feel it working my bladder big time.
So we wander around, play a couple of slot machines (Lord of the Rings did me WRONG!)
…So did Pink Diamonds that Kay wanted us to play. She lost. Boooo! (She owes me $20)
At 1 P.M. I tell Mike I’m ready for the bathroom. He wanted to go too. In fact, he had to pee as soon as we left the room. He said so in the elevator. I asked him why he didn’t go in the room, and his response is priceless:
“I’m Fluid Loading!”
So we go into the bathroom together. There’s a bathroom attendant in there and it’s a pretty busy place. Mike goes to one urinal in the front. I go all the way down the row to one of the last. I settle up to the plate and wait.
I’m nervous, especially since I’ve tried in Casinos a couple of times and had misfires (just peeing a little). But I’m full of water and I know I could pee. So I relax…
I can hear commotion in the stalls behind me. The attendant is cleaning and picking up paper towels. He’s wishing everyone “Good Luck out there!” (Yeah, you’ll need it!)
I’m having issues. I’m locked up. I want to go sooo bad… It’s right there! But I feel like I’m on display. Everyone is watching.
I Hold my Breath!
All this commotion is distracting and it’s also hot in here.
More guys come in and step up to the urinals. The bathroom attendant is eyeing everyone “Good Luck out there!“
Finally, using Breath Hold, I began to pee. I peed, but not all the way. It was slow and awkward but I did pee.
I wash up and leave… He doesn’t wish me “Good Luck out there!“!!! WRONG! (He did look at me as I walked by though)
So what happened? Did I wait too long to pee? Was it the attendant watching? The commotion behind me? Too busy?
So after another 1/2 hour, I can tell I need to go again.
We head towards a different bathroom!
This one has a shoe shine guy standing in the doorway. He looks at me and then looks at my tennis shoes as I walk around him (no shine here).
I enter. This bathroom is even busier than the last. And as I go in, I see some dude is leaning against the wall by the sinks. He’s facing the urinals. Obviously he’s waiting for someone (I hope), but he’s staring right in the direction that I need to go. Really???
I head down the row and step up to one of the last urinals. I exhale and try to relax (just ignore him). Interesting, I can tell that I’m not as nervous as the last time. I’m beginning to see and feel that it’s no big deal being in bathrooms. No matter who is in there or what’s going on… No one cares!
I stand there for about 30 seconds trying to coax myself to pee.
And then I do…
I pee, and this time I peed more than the last time. It makes me smile as I stand there. Ahhhhh!
I peed and finished and flushed. It felt great.
I told Mike, who was waiting outside, and of course he was very happy for me.
1/2 hour later, I tell Mike that I want to go again. That water was working on me.
So we find an entirely new bathroom in the Casino and I head in. There’s a row of urinals on the right, stalls on the left. I step up to a middle urinal, unzip and wait.
This time I peed within 20 seconds (it’s getting easier). I peed much faster than the last 2 attempts. And I was peeing full stream!
I peed until I emptied my bladder all the way.
3 Times a Charm!
I PEED IN A CASINO!
So a little perseverance does pay off. I could have chickened out and went back to the hotel room, but what fun would that be? We’re in Vegas! Live a little! :)
Try and try until you finally do succeed!
I was not allowing myself to fail!
I made myself face my fears and I came through with shining colors.
Victory at last!
And while I have have lost on the slots, I have WON so much more! Little by little my Paruresis Wall is being chipped away at. Broken down. It can’t contain me anymore.
I will Beat this Bitch!
One day, Shy Bladder will be in my rear view mirror. Where it belongs!
And it will stay there forever!
I know it!