I just finished reading the book “Pee Shy to Pee Free” by David Soucy.
One section of the book is almost terrifying to me (being a Paruretic).
Page 56 talks about Pee Buddies and having them witness you peeing. In the book, he has the guy (friend) stand in front of him and watch him pee. Not behind him or besides him, but directly in front of him.
He goes on to say that the guy should look directly at him as he goes, or even stare directly at his penis. The act of looking away is considered shameful and this is a shame based behavior, so it’s the best way to tackle the problem. Head on!
I can’t even imagine asking another man to do this. It’s bad enough asking someone to watch you pee, let alone stare at your penis. “Hey Joe, can you watch me pee? And can you do it directly in front of me, and can you stare at my dick?“
Not to mention the look on their face.
That takes a lot of guts for anyone to ask that, let alone do it. Who wants to be on either side of this situation?
This section of the book has been stuck in my head for a week now. It seems so drastic. Will these circumstances actually attack the root of my fear? The Phobia itself?
I mean, there’s no beating around the bush here. It’s all out in the open.
I have a difficult time peeing if someone is close to me, like in the next stall, let alone watching me and eyeing my junk.
I find that totally uncomfortable.
But yet it’s stuck in my mind. WHY?
Because it’s the ultimate fear that my anxiety feeds off. If I could concur this simple task, it seems like I could concur anything. Maybe someday I’ll work with a pee buddy. I’m still practicing the breath-hold and hoping that will do the trick.
But if all else fails, I could open up to my best friend and lay it all out on the line (if I do I’ll write about it here).
Whether or not he wants to stand there for 1/2 hour and wait for me to pee is another story.
Maybe a stranger would be better?
That way if I embarrass myself, I wouldn’t care. (Just be fucked up for another 20 years)
What happens if my dick shrinks up, or even worse, what if it engorges full of blood? That could happen. If the prostate is stimulated by a strong stream of pee a semi could result. I would die!
I think about all these possibilities and let it fester for now. Sink in. I’m working up my courage. Working on my plan.
Will I need an eye witness (are you looking at me?), or will breath-hold (BH) do the trick?
Only time will tell.
Until then, quit looking at my dick…