About Me

I’m Richard.

I’m Pee Shy (which is actually called “Paruresis“).

This is my website and my goal is to overcome my bladder shyness.

I don’t know one other person who has this problem. Hopefully, because of this blog, that will change.

I’d like to open up to you guys and concur this stupid fear of mine. I hate peeing in public bathrooms. I hate myself because I can’t pee. I’m so over feeling this way. I really want to find a cure and a solution to this phobia.

I’ve had this fear for as long as I can remember. It’s been one long humiliating experience that makes me feel less of a man.

I’m not normal. I feel like a freak. I’m 45 and I can’t do the simplest task of peeing in a public bathroom. How crazy is that?

Shy Richard

Anyone without this condition will never understand. You can’t just FORCE yourself to pee. It doesn’t work like that. It’s mental!

I blame my parents for this shyness. They were hostile towards me and I hated my Father with a passion. All of this will come out in my posts. I have a lot to talk about. I intend to open up and spill the beans. I have to. It’s the only way I’ll get this beast out of me and the only way I’ll find a cure. That’s my ultimate goal. Success!

I’m not going another 45 years with this ailment.

I’d rather die!

If you have the same fears as me, whether it’s more or less, let me know. I’d love to hear from you. I’d love to share your stories in my posts so others can read them, learn that we’re not alone and help each other to a life without fear.

One day at a time.

One bathroom at a time!

I’m Richard, and I will win this battle!

P.S. If anyone notices that the original comments on this blog are all dated Aug. 25th, that’s because I moved servers and had to copy the comments and the posts (Of course, it’s also the date I started writing again after my long hiatus, and it’s also the beginning of my true recovery). The post dates are all correct, but not the comments. They all show August! LOL Oh well, at least I tried. HA! :)

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8 Responses to About Me

  1. Mark says:

    I just discovered your blog, via the IPA. Looks like I’ve missed quite a bit.. I’ll try to catch up as the days go by. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Richard says:

    Welcome to my Blog Mark. I appreciate it. It’s a very interesting journey to blog about my issue and talk about things that most people don’t. It’s enlightening and has helped me plenty. Especially when it comes to goals. Hope it helps others as well. :) -Richard

  3. Doug says:

    When I was just a kid I was sent to a drug treatment program and had to pee in a cup for drug testing, accompanied by a supervisor. Ever since, I have had a ton of trouble peeing in public restrooms, although, ironically, I was usually able to go on a plane if there wasn’t a line. Many places I I was invited to go, but declined because of this problem. Finally one day in 2006, I conquered my issues when I went to Catalina with a girlfriend and was able to go (as long as I was in a stall with the door closed). But the problem does come back from time to time, especially on planes.

    For me, over the past 10 years or so, I can go in a urinal no problem if nobody else is in the bathroom. So at work, if somebody else is in the bathroom, I usually just wash my hands and leave and wait for it to be empty. At supermarkets and retail outlets, if the urge strikes, I usually can go in a public restroom even with people in there 75% of the time. Of course for no rhyme or reason 25% of the time I can’t. Sometimes a urinal is easier because if a stall has someone next to me, I sometimes do clamp up.

    At baseball and football games, I have trouble going in a stall about half the time, and the other half I go no problem. In an airport, with it crowded, I can go in a stall or in a urinal (even with people around). As long as I don’t know the people around me in the restroom, I usually can go without much problem. But at work, when I know the people, the restroom has to be empty.

    But these long flights are taking its toll on me. I drink beer at the airport, and make sure I always pee just prior to boarding the flight (again no problem in an airport bathroom). But I get on a plane, and for the past five years, I simply cannot pee. Doesn’t matter if I sit or stand. Even if nobody else is up or in line. It might be the vibration, or the turbulence, but I still think it’s ALL in my head.

    By the time I get off each flight my bladder is so full I have to run to a restroom and relieve myself.

    Hearing these stories do make me feel better, but I think it’s ALL in our heads. If we are confident we are going to pee, then we usually will. But if we think about it, it gets in our heads and by the time we get to the restroom, we are so nervous it’s next to impossible to go. But if we go to the restroom with the mindset that you are going to go no matter what the circumstance, it’s usually easy.

    I almost think hypnosis can help – just to get over these fears. Like I mentioned, prior to 2006, I wasn’t able to go at all unless I was in my own house – even in a public restroom with nobody in it, I still couldn’t go. I’d go 10 hours at a time without going. But once you enter your thirties your bladder gets weaker and weaker, and holding it becomes much harder.

    For those with this problem, just know that in 2006, while not completely getting over this paruesis I’ve had since I was a teenager, I was able to conquer most of the issues I used to have and can usually go in public restrooms. Now I have to conquer this plane thing, in which you have nobody else in the restroom with you and all you can hear is the plane drone. It makes no sense why I am still getting clamped up on the plane. My next flight isn’t for a couple of months, and I will do everything I can to conquer this by the time I fly again.

  4. Richard says:

    Maybe we need to listen to Plane Drone White-Noise to get used to the Sound when we Pee. :)
    Thanks for Sharing your Experiences, when you get the Plane Mastered, let me know.

  5. John says:

    Just found the blog. I will be browsing through over the coming days. I’m 30 and I have had paruesis since I was 18. I had it _real_ bad in college. I’ve been working on it over the years, and even came out of the “water closet” to my friends who were supportive and sometimes would let me practice peeing with them nearby.

    I still have it. It is still a thorn in my bladder, but it does not control my life, and I will never let it dictate my choices. Nowadays, I’m usually good to go in a public bathroom if there is a stall (something that was impossible for me when I was in college), and maybe one day I will be able to use the urinal.

    It’s a rough phobia to have. I’d rather be afraid of clowns or spiders than have this.

  6. Wyatt says:

    I have enjoyed reading posts on your blog here. I still suffer to a degree from this condition, though it was considerably worse in the past—it started suddenly around age 14 and from around age 18 onward it has gradually improved (I am 34 now). Once I went out to college and into the world, I had to adapt. I do not recall there being much trouble with this, but I attribute that to my young age and not thinking of it too much. I had to share a bathroom with three other guys my first semester and the after that, for another year, a communal bathroom for the entire floor. So, obviously I had to make do and adapt. I also think I gained more and more confidence and assertiveness as I got into my 20s, which also coincided with considerable improvements in symptoms. I do believe much of this is related to our own self-esteem, confidence and how comfortable we are around others.

    Only in the last few years (from like 2013 on) have I made any conscious, planned effort to improve further and hopefully eliminate the problem once and for all. I am confident I can achieve that, though it IS hard work that requires much commitment and planning—and support. I totally agree with your methods and theories on how to overcome this.

    I would say I am about half-way there from when I was say 18 or 19, with notable improvements being first realized when I was around 25, though I still have trouble when guys are in close proximity and busy restrooms still also cause anxiety to various degrees. I like background noise and I hear said often by other guys.

    I know quite a few guys who have this issue, some worse than me, some less so. But many seem to describe similar circumstances and solutions–started in their teens/early adulthood, past trauma of a sexual or ‘restroom nature’, non-supportive parents or strained relationship with parent/parents, bullying, etc.
    What caused it for me I can not be certain of but I can identify a number of likely causal factors: I was an only child with mostly female family members–my dad wasn’t around much before age 12, so I had no real male role model to teach or guide with things until later on. Growing up I felt like the odd-guy out as living in an environment where virtually all of the boys were circumcised, and I was not and I sometimes was teased/ridiculed for that–even by my own father on a few occasions. I was molested repeatedly around age 8-9 and nothing was done about it.
    At 14, when the problem with urination began, my dad figured–as I did then–that it was strictly a physical cause and thus I was taken to urologist, finally underwent circumcision and to my surprise, the worst symptoms disappeared immediately (very tight skin was constricting the urethra, so yes there was indeed a physical component), however, public restrooms still remained an issue thru my teens. I do think feeling like “the odd guy out” growing up, disapproval from my father were major factors. I didn’t feel good, nor confident about myself. Add to that of course the other things I mentioned, and yes, I felt inadaquate, ashamed and unable to defend myself as well as I should had (its a guy thing–we are raised to believe we are strong, capable of defending ourselves and handling whatever threat comes our way–even as children we are taught this).
    I do think Gradual exposure therapy is certainly key, but I feel if the underlying problems of confidence, self-esteem, assertiveness, etc. are not dealt with, results from treatment might not be as good or take longer to achieve.

  7. Jim says:

    Hi Richard – Too tired to get into detail at the moment but I just wanted to say that you’re a great guy for hosting this site and helping others. This has been an anchor for me for decades. I always seem to find a way to go but man, I carry the fear and shame about this around and it sure doesn’t help. And I selectively avoid situations, pro sports stadiums, for example. For some darn reason though, at 62 (started at 17) I still have a kernel of hope that there is a way through. But airplanes…a bitch for me. I’m 6’3″ so those bathrooms feel tiny to begin with. Anyway, thanks again. – Jim

  8. Tom says:

    Richard, you beautiful human.
    You have had an astounding effect on my mindset with your website.

    I could never express my gratitude through text alone.
    But you might understand considering you have felt the pain of a paruretic.

    I will get better.

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