I Peed at a Urinal

Me and Mike head off to the beach today.

It’s day 3 of our vacation and it’s been 83-88 everyday. Sad I know! ;)

I love it here and wouldn’t change a thing, except for the 45 minute drive.

You see, our condo is on one side of the island, and most of the attractions are on the other side (a 45 minute drive away).

This morning, I drink 2 cups of coffee and a Pineapple Juice, and it’s all wonderful. But I wonder why I drank so muchWhat am I thinking?

We head out on the road and of course, 1/2 way through, I have to pee.


We decide to stop at Costco once we get to the other side so he can get gas.

I want an Iced Coffee” Mike says “You want anything?”

I need to use the bathroom!” I say.

He looks at me (he’s my Pee Buddy) and says “So do I“.

So in Costco we go…

Exposure Therapy Day Eleven Costco

Mike follows me into the bathroom. He wasn’t really doing it for my benefit, he had to go as well. He knows and understands my condition and also knows that public bathrooms are the biggest fear of mine.

It’s so rare for me to even step foot in a public restroom. It seems weird and surreal to me.

We enter.

There are 3 urinals, and 3 stalls…

The urinals are empty. He heads off to the first urinal and I hesitate. I want to use a stall but I see that one person is occupying the center stall.

That is horrible!

Either stall I choose is next to him doing what I dislike people doing…

Mike glances at me as I grit my teeth and make a fist.

I really am frozen for a second. I don’t know what to do. I know I have a pretty good chance of failure if I use the stalls. I already know in my head that I wouldn’t be able to go. I’m terrified.

I almost just turn and leave the bathroom. That’s what my normal instincts would do.

But today, I do something totally different

I desensitize…

I step up to the center urinal and unzip!

Mike looks over at me and raises an eyebrow. I shrug and smirk back.

It feels so odd just to be standing there. So foreign. Especially since Mike knows exactly what I’m thinking…

The good thing about this Costco is the placement of the urinals. They are further apart than most and have dividers separating them. You aren’t standing shoulder to shoulder. That’s a plus.

I try to pee.

Nothing’s happening

I was thinking I’d just stand there and act like I was peeing until the guy in the stall left. Then I’d head into the last stall and pee there.

But as I stand and wait, it’s clear that the guy in the stall was not leaving any time soon.

Mike pees, flushes and goes to the sink.

I’m very nervous just standing in the center urinal all by myself. Anyone could walk in and be next to me…

I glance back at Mike who’s now drying his hands. The dryer is loud and noisy and Mike uses it twice. I almost get the feeling that he uses it twice to make noise, since he knows that loud steady noises help me pee (like white noise)…

But I can’t go with him there. Why? I don’t know

Mike finally leaves and it’s just me and the guy in the stall.

I keep waiting for someone else to walk in. It’s bound to happen. If someone were to bolt in, I’d probably just zip and leave.

I debate all this in my head. Is the guy in the stall ever going to leave?

I stand longer. No one comes in yet.

I almost give up and admit defeat, but I hold out and wait a little bit longer. What’s the harm, I think. The guy in the stall makes more noise. Gross noises

I cringe.

And then suddenly, wouldn’t you know it…


It about catches me off guard. I’m PEEING!





I’m speechless and dumbfounded. I’m actually peeing at a urinal. I can’t believe it. I’m peeing full force into a urinal.

The guy in the stall is still being noisy. And then…

Someone else enters the bathroom

I feel my heart beat faster…

But I keep peeing.

He steps up to the 3rd urinal. I’m still peeing! He starts peeing.

I pee and pee and it doesn’t stop until my bladder is empty.

I finish, flush, and head over to the sinks.

I really truly am dumbfounded. I’ve never in my life ever peed at a urinal with someone else in the bathroom (I have in single user bathrooms, but that doesn’t count).



It’s a first for me!

(That I can recall)

And not only did I pee, but I peed with one person in the stall and one person next to me.


I left the bathroom feeling so different. Mike was waiting patiently for me. We walked to the cafe outside and I told him I was able to pee. He couldn’t believe it either. He was very happy for me. I’m still in shock.


I never thought that would ever happen.

I go from one of my worst experiences ever (peeing only once in 17 hours) to peeing at a urinal, next to someone, in a busy wholesale store.

What a surprising world this is.



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