Half of Paruresis is Avoidance!
Like today for example. I have a Dentist Appointment to get my teeth cleaned.
I make sure I pee a couple of times before I leave the house just so I won’t have to go during the cleaning.
But, the appointment before mine ran 15 minutes late, so I had to sit there and wait until they finished up.
It wasn’t a big deal. The Dental Hygienist was friendly, informative and overly chatty. It took an hour to clean mine. Granted I did have a couple of yearly x-rays taken, but still, it ran longer than normal. Plus, it stated late, so about mid-way through, my morning coffee started talking to me. I felt the urge to pee!
And instead of asking to go to the bathroom, my anxiety quickly took over and brushed the urge off, saying to myself “It can wait!“
It avoided the bathroom visit by telling my bladder
“Hold on! It won’t be that much longer!”
This is what Paruresis does. It avoids the entire situation.
Normal people would just get up and go without batting an eyelash. But Paruretics get glued to the chair, as uncomfortable as it is.
So all the while she’s cleaning and picking off coffee stains, my bladder is knocking wanting to void.
But I wouldn’t listen!
I don’t even know where the Dentist’s Bathroom is!
I’m sure I could ask. But that would draw attention. I’m sure they wouldn’t think anything of it, but she would know I’m peeing, and she would have to wait for me to pee (pee quickly). And chances are, I’d be within earshot of other Patients, Dentists, and Assistants. Everyone would know that Richard is going!
So I avoided that and pushed it into the dark corners of my mind. I don’t need to go!
I do, but I don’t!
I can wait!
And that I did!
As I left the Dentist’s Office and made my way to my car, I noticed that my friend (who works next door to the Dentist) was at work and even parked right next to my vehicle. He knew I was in there!
But instead of going in and saying hi like any friend would, I had to leave. I got in my car and raced right home because I had to urinate.
It wasn’t bad until I was at the counter finishing up the paperwork. That’s when my bladder really started screaming (maybe it was because I was now standing up?).
All I know is that when I went outside and saw his vehicle, I thought to myself ‘What a shame it is that Paruresis affects me so much that I can’t pee here. I can’t use their bathrooms. I can’t say hello to my friend!’
It really is sad!
I wonder what my friend thinks of me?
All I wanted to do is to leave, leave quickly, and pee at home.
Paruresis doesn’t like the Dentist!
Can you blame it?