Pee Buddy and Gradual Exposure Therapy (GET) Day FOUR!
It’s only been 4 days of my Exposure Therapy, but here’s a breakdown of what I’ve accomplished so far:
- I peed with my Pee Buddy directly on the other side of the bathroom door waiting for me
- I peed with my Pee Buddy impatiently waiting for me on the other side of the closed door
- I peed with the door ajar (where it could have been bumped or pushed open) with my Pee Buddy on the other side
- I peed with the bathroom door open a crack and my Pee Buddy waiting (where I could see a sliver of him through the crack)
- I peed with the door open a foot and I could see my Pee Buddy facing away from me
- I peed with the bathroom door wide open and my Pee Buddy leaning on the door frame
- I peed with my Pee Buddy acting impatiently and shuffling his feet as he waited in the open door frame (facing out a foot from me)
- I stood at a urinal for the first time in my life at Target with one guy peeing next to me, one guy in the stall, and one guy waiting behind us (the intent was to just stand there without peeing, since I had no urge to urinate) and experience my feelings and behavior
That was all in 3 Days!
Today, I’ll do more of the same…
I peed in the morning with Mike leaning on the door frame…
This would have been impossible to imagine just a week ago. He stands there, just a foot from me facing out, and he can hear everything I do.
It’s quite exhilarating and refreshing to be so free.
Who would have known?
The trick will be to keep getting more and more used to standing at urinals and to eventually pee in them. Doing so around complete strangers will be the true test.
It’s still hard for me to picture that even in my mind’s eye. But one day, I should feel calm enough to go. As long as I keep practicing. It’s just a matter of time…
It’s funny how sometimes peeing next to Mike is easy, and other times it’s difficult. Like the pee that I just had. It took me a good minute to even begin, and then I peed only a little and it cut off.
Then it took me another minute or so to begin again, and finally I got full stream. It was really odd.
I wonder what causes this? Why are some times harder than others?
Granted Mike was standing there scratching his head and talking to me the whole time, but that’s nothing new (he’s bored).
I don’t feel too anxious around him, I feel pretty confident and comfortable. So what causes urination to be more difficult?
It may be forever a mystery!
I’m peeing in the bathroom with the door open and Mike leaning a foot away from me. He’s standing there with his back to me facing out. That’s when I look over and see something that almost stops my urine flow…
The Door Knob
For 2 Days I’ve been peeing like this, with Mike inches away and the door swung open… And there’s the bathroom door knob… All Shiny, Gold, and Reflective.
And I can clearly see Mike’s reflection and MINE in the surface…
Which also means, Mike can clearly see ME as well!
All he would have to do is to look down and I’d be there!
I keep on Peeing
First of all, my mind ponders, Mike doesn’t want to see me pee. He has no desire to even be there, let alone be a Pee Buddy. He’s only doing this because I’ve asked him to.
So even if he did happen to glance down and notice me, he wouldn’t stare at it or say anything. He doesn’t care in the least…
It’s all in your mind.
Your Phobia looks for things like that…
It’s crazy how the brain works.
It’s only a Door Knob. Nothing else. But yet you’re scared of your own reflection.
I close my eyes and shove it out of my head. Don’t worry about it. It’s no big deal.
I open my eyes and look up…
There’s a spider in the corner of the bathroom watching me… (like the other one here)