I really should try to pee as soon as the urge comes to me.
I’d probably be able to go better if it wasn’t for my fear and anxiety of actually walking into a public bathroom.
But instead I sit there. Where ever I am. At a restaurant, a play, a ball game… and I hold in my urine for hours.
How stupid am I?
I have to be doing Internal Damage!
And when I’m finally in a spot where I can pee (at home, or a quiet bathroom, or a locked facility), it seems to take forever to begin the flow.
The longer I hold my pee, the harder it gets to pee.
I can get home after a night out on the town, and I get in the safety of my own private bathroom, and I’ll stand there at the toilet for minutes (sometimes 5 minutes) before I’m finally able to go.
You’d think after holding it in for hours it would just explode out in seconds. No way! Even being safe!
I’ll be standing there saying to myself “Okay, I’m home now. It’s safe to pee…“
It’s like I have up such a mountain block that nothing’s getting through. The dam is closed!
And finally when I do start to pee, it’s just a little pee. A little off the top. I go, and then it stops again for a while (baby footsteps). I stand there saying “Pee Pee Pee“.
I don’t know what my subconscious is doing or why my body does this, but after a couple of more minutes I’ll slowly start to pee again. It starts slow and careful, and gently builds up into a real stream. I’m Peeing for real. This is when I can finally pee and finally empty my bladder.
Relief at last!
If it’s been a long night of holding in my urine, I’ll have to pee, and pee, over and over again for the next hour or so. It’s like my bladder keeps refilling every 15 minutes or so. I’ll be back in the bathroom for quite a while.
It gets very annoying if I’m trying to watch a movie.
Maybe I have a second bladder that empties out into the first? ;)
I don’t know, but I do find it rather odd and disturbing.
I get like that at a restaurant when my bladder is screaming it’s fool head off.
Every once in a while I’ll get to the point where I have no choice but to try to go. I get in to the restroom, get in the stall and stand there waiting for my heart to slow down… my senses are overloaded.
I feel like I’ll piss my pants, but when I stand there trying to pee… I get Nothing!
I’ll finally go a little squirt knowing that’s not the real pee. There’s gallons more… if I could only wait it out.
It’s a real problem, because I’d have to be in there for like 1/2 hour and everyone would come looking for me thinking I died in there (Like Elvis).
It’s a little tinkle, and then I stand there still full and wanting to go. GO GO GO!! I know if I leave the bathroom, I won’t be back. Once is tough enough.
But this initial pee is insane. When’s the second flood coming? How long do I have to stand here?
And what’s funny is I know even if I do finally pee, I’ll have to pee again in 20 minutes. See what I started?
It’s not Worth it to Hold in your Pee!
It makes everything more difficult. It makes my anxiety sky rocket. My Paruresis freeze up. My body shut down.
It leaves me standing there with my dick in my hand saying “Just GO!” “Please GO!” I’m begging myself to go.
It’s like I mentally tell my body to cease operation and to hold it in and never let it go.
And of course it obeys!
No coaxing is going to override my system. Nothing is going to hit that flow button.
Maybe the trick is to just try to go upon the first slightest urge to pee?
Pee before it builds up.
Would I be able to go then?
Would it make matters worse?
I think I may have to test this theory out…
As soon as I can find the courage to muster up the words to say “Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom!“
It wouldn’t hurt to try.
Try to pee.
It could work?