Working with my Pee Buddy is interesting. I still find somethings more difficult than others.
Like Today, I have to pee. Mike follows me to the bathroom. I stand at the toilet. He stands next to me and acts like he’s peeing.
Only this time, he’s looking down!
I know he’s looking at his hands, or shoes, or floor, or nothing at all… (and a lot of people DO look down when they pee – you gotta aim), but with him staring downwards like that, it makes me self-conscious. It makes me feel like he could be staring at me…
I know he’s NOT, but it’s in my head that he could.
He was standing like that Yesterday too. I ignored it then. But Today, as I stand there trying to not think about it, it’s actually all I could think about. It kept me from peeing.
Crazy Thoughts! Crazy Things!
Will I ever think normally?
I tell Mike to not look down. He looks directly at me for a second, then turns and looks in front of him.
Why do I let these things bug me?
He looks forward, I finally pee. Easy as that!
I’m insane. I know it!
Tonight I’m going to the Museum and out to eat at a fine restaurant. It shall be a lonnnnng night!
I’ve already stopped drinking liquids hours ago…
And even though I met my goals for the week (3 public bathrooms desensitizations), I actually am going to push myself more and venture into that restaurant bathroom as well.
I go to that fine restaurant a lot. I know the manager and most of the employees there. Knowing people who could use the bathroom always ups the anxiety. But I want to stand at the urinal there for the first time in my life. It’s just something I have to do.
Can I do it?
I’ll let you know in about 5 hours… 5 hours and counting…
I’m home. It’s midnight. And guess what?
I stepped up to that urinal
That’s right. I went into that bathroom tonight and stood at the urinal for 3 full minutes. And as I stood there in the empty bathroom, only one other person came in, washed their hands and left. That’s it! WOW!
And since I was alone in the restroom the whole time, I actually tried to see if I could pee. I tried seeing if I could build an urge to go. But NOPE! I had no desire whatsoever. Darn!
So it was a pretty uneventful bathroom visit. But hey, I went and I stood at the urinal, and that’s a huge task for me.
For the first time in my life, I can actually see this desensitizing thing working. I can actually see how forcing myself into these uncomfortable situations is changing my perspective and it’s becoming more easier for me to deal with.
It could work!
Bathrooms are not so scary as they once were ???
Now all I have to do is pee!
That’s all, right?