I find my Paruresis is hit or miss.
Sometimes I can pee in a public bathroom, other times no.
I can’t really explain it either.
Like earlier today… We stop off at an ABC store to get coffee in the morning. It’s 8am and we’ve just witnessed a spectacular sunrise on the beach, and found some very cool sea glass (we’re in Hawaii, the island of Kauai).
The ABC store has a single user bathroom with a lock on the door (my favorite type). I know this because just yesterday I used it with no problems.
After shopping and snapping photos all morning, we are driving back and I stop to use this bathroom again. I pee with no anxiety and I feel good.
Later we eat at Bubba Burger’s for lunch… Awesome greasy burgers with cheese and onions! YUM! Plus, Onion Rings and Fries! Good stuff, a must eat!
Bubba Burger’s also has a single user bathroom with a lock on the door. You’d think that I’d be able to go…
There are 3 reasons why I can’t go (that I can tell):
- The bathroom is 2 feet away from the line people stand in to order food (and there was 6 or 7 people in line)
- The bathroom smelled strongly of urine
- Right as I was shutting the door to pee, someone came walking up to the door and is now waiting directly outside for me to finish
My Paruresis kicks in and I lock up!
If I wouldn’t have known someone was right outside the door waiting, I probably could have gone. But that one glance as I shut the door did it. I now have to hold it for another 7 hours until I get back to the condo.
I hate that feeling!
It really is all over the board whether I’ll pee or not. A single user bathroom is NOT fail proof! It depends on so much more: The sights, the sounds, the smells…
Plus whatever I’m feeling, nervous, anxious, upset… They all dictate my behaviors.
What will trigger it?
I really don’t know what triggers it until it happens.
The other day I peed at a urinal for the first time in my life, and today, I can’t pee in a locked bathroom by myself.
Like I said, if I could explain it, I would.