The first step into any bathroom is the hardest. Literally, opening the bathroom door to a public restroom and not knowing what you’ll find is quite terrifying.
I hate that moment!
You don’t know if the bathroom is small, whether it’s large, you don’t know the layout of the restroom, where the urinals are at, how many stalls there are… You don’t know whether to turn right, left…
You have to walk in, pause a second to see where everything is.
You never know if the bathroom will be full, guys coming or going (making uncomfortable eye contact). Are the stalls full? Who’s watching you?
It’s impossible not to watch people as they enter, there’s a huge mirror on the wall. Everyone sees everyone else.
Everyone is seeing you as you enter wide-eyed (deer in headlights) and panicking.
They’re watching as you look past the free urinals to the stalls (one of those guys).
I move in cautiously trying to be invisible. Trying to see if the stalls are empty or full without having to bend over and peek at their feet as I walk by (being way too obvious).
I carefully peek through the cracks in the stalls to see if they are empty. Sometimes you just can’t tell.
My Mind is Screaming for Concealment
Get in and HIDE!
I push on the doors slightly to see if they are closed or open. Sometimes guys don’t lock them and the doors push open… NOT COOL! Sorry Dude!!! Even more embarrassing!!!!
I hate having to locate the free stall, if there is one.
Can’t they put signs on the doors that read “Taken“. That way you could tell at a glance if it’s being used or not.
It’s such a simple thing, but to a Paruretic, it adds to the ever rising anxiety.
Even walking up to the bathroom is a huge ordeal. My heart races out of control.
And for me to actually venture to the bathroom, I know I have to pee and pee bad. Dying to pee!
Bathrooms that I’ve already been in aren’t as bad…
I at least know where to go and where the safest stall is at.
There’s nothing worse than heading into a bathroom with most of the stalls filled. When guys are taking a dump on either side of you, it takes every ounce in my soul to even enter the stall between them. I feel like they’re listening to me through the partitions.
They know I can’t pee. They are just inches away hearing my every breath. They can see my feet pointed in the wrong direction. They know I’m just standing there not peeing. What am I doing then? Do they think I’m a perv? It’s so awkward, so embarrassing.
Public bathrooms are such a nightmare to me.
Here’s an example…
This one restaurant I go to (one of my favorite restaurants), has a bathroom in the very back corner. All of a sudden, every person in the entire restaurant knows I’m going to the john…
The bathroom opens up into a very narrow bathroom. A strip large enough for one sink (with a guy washing his hands), and beyond him there were two urinals on the wall (tightly together), and beyond that was one narrow stall. All within ten feet of each other.
And of course, the one time I enter, there’s the one guy washing his hands, and some other guy taking a poo in the stall.
The guy washing his hands looks up in the mirror at me as I pass around him. I’m being scrutinized…
I quickly see my choices are 1) urinal, and 2) urinal.
Either way I’m screwed!
The guy in the stall is too quiet, his feet are within inches of the 2nd urinal. The guy washing his hands is still washing his fucking hands.
I’m frozen in my tracks for a second looking at the horrific urinals knowing I’ll never be able to go…
I go up to the first Urinal and pretend to pee…
The guy washing, finally starts drying his hands. He’s partially hidden by a wall… out of sight!
But, he’s taking forever to leave and it’s driving me crazy. Just leave so I can go…
I step up to the urinal, undo my zipper, and as I do this I hear the bathroom door open…
I almost felt like fainting. The bathroom door opening can only mean 2 things:
1) The guy just left
2) Someone else just came in!
I held my breath for the longest time and waited
The guy in the stall shifted… I could see his foot angle out even more… inching closer…
If it was someone new coming in, he’d be coming up right next to me at the urinal (elbow to elbow)… or he’d be standing directly behind me waiting for me to finish (nice guy).
I’m still screwed!
I almost panic!
I stood still and listened as the dryer finally stopped… I closed my eyes. It was WAYYYY too quiet!
I was wondering if the guy in the stall was eyeing me through the cracks in the stall. Trying to see what was going on. Peering at me. Watching me stand there and not being able to go…
I heard no footsteps. No sound. No sink… Nothing!
The guy washing his hands must have left.
I quickly left too. Washed my hands and left the guy taking a dump behind.
I got lucky!
But I still had to hold in my pee for another hour or so (not so lucky). I had to go back to the table flushed, feeling like everyone knew I couldn’t pee… Was the guy washing his hands watching me still?
I’ve never stepped foot back into that bathroom ever again. You’ll never know what you’ll find once you push that restroom door open…
Some doors for a Paruretic should never be opened…