“Hello Bathroom!”

I go out to eat Friday Night with a bunch of my friends.

I didn’t Fluid Load, and I DID Pee before I left the house!


Because even though that helps me Pee under pressure, I want to try to get over that and just Urinate like a normal man does.

Which means, if I need to Pee, I’ll Pee. If not, I won’t.

Easy as that!

So we eat our meal, and the whole time I’m drinking Root Beer (two bottles) and I’m also drinking Water. I’m not desperate (like I normally am) to Pee, but I decide about halfway through the meal, that I’ll egg it on and attempt to Pee before we leave.

And that I DO!

I excuse myself from the table, and make my way back to the restrooms.

I catch eyes here and there looking at me as I pass. One of the waiters that I know says “HI“. I nod, say “HI” back and keep on course… He’s Busy. I’m pre-occupied… I only have one thing on my mind

10 Seconds later, I’m pushing on the Men’s Door and walking in…


Totally Empty!

I say a silent “HELLO BATHROOM!” as I breath a sigh of relief and enter.

This is a difficult bathroom for me, because it’s usually fairly busy, and sometimes it’s packed.

But not now, I have the whole bathroom to myself.

I step up to the last of 3 Urinals (the one in the corner), unzip and wait.

And while I wait, I pull out my iPhone and play a Word Game (7 Little Words)…

Bathroom Word Game

15 Seconds Later, I’m Peeing!

The Door Opens…

A guy walks in and goes to the first urinal. He starts Peeing pretty quickly. I keep playing my game and Peeing as he finishes, flushes, and moves over to the sink.

I’m still Peeing (I’m a slow Pee’r most of the time anyway, so I try to ignore it).

He starts to dry his hands. I’m still Pissing Root Beer!

Finally he opens the door and leaves…

I empty my Bladder and put my phone away.


So the night was a Success!

I Peed in Public WITHOUT the need to Fluid Load or leave the house with a screaming bladder!

I came home Empty, Relieved, and Happy that my Desensitization is Working!

It can’t get any better than that! :)

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2 Responses to “Hello Bathroom!”

  1. college kid says:

    Man, I was thinking of you Richard. I took a semester off before I go to a commuter school. I start in January, so I guess you know how I feel about that. But I’m kind of happy. I had lifted weights on and off at my old college, but never had the right resources to diet correctly, so I have been lifting weights now that I’m at home and can devote all my time to working out. I have actually gone from 6’2″ 170 pounds to 200 pounds in this time with the same body fat. Not to brag, but I am a young man who has worked very hard with a vision of paruresis for the next couple decades, so bare with me bro :). You know I am kind of a big guy now, and it makes me feel like less of a man when I see guys in the gym walking around so full of themselves because they know they aren’t going to mess up at peeing in front of a lot of people. I ditched the whole drinking strategy because my parents caught me (actually told my dad for the first time why I was drinking and he gave me a few beers). I guess when you’re young you kind of go with your heart, you know? But really, I feel so insecure when all these little guys seem to know all about paruresis. Drake even wrote a song about it. called “305 to my city” which just advertises how glad he is to not be a shy and “sensitive” guy. But some girls like sensitive guys, you know? So whatever…
    And back to feeling like less of a man, I can’t help but feel like I’m the guy who has a can of tuna opened in his pocket wherever he goes, and everyone can smell it on me. It’s like, wherever I go, I’m just swaggering through the crowd as if they were a cold winter front in Chicago in december and through my hustle I know they can tell. It seems like a lot of people are pretty much saying “p*ssy, I can see you’re soft by the way you carry yourself” and I feel self conscious even when I’m at the gas station that these little guys will think that I’m not “smooth” enough and will start laughing at me. It’s happened before, and I’m always on guard. And all these beautiful women around me, just being that, beautiful and complacent, not needing to prove anything, are just waiting for me, but I always approach women like I have bad breath and need to take a mint right quick, in other words use the restroom in private, before I can really seal the deal and get close to this girl.
    And in college, back when I was a skinny 140 pound ex cross country runner, I couldn’t help but feel insecure and like there were bigger and better men all around me. For example, my roommate sophomore year was about 6’1 225 pounds of pure muscle, and he dominated that room and 20+ girls that whole semester. He even found out I was a p*ssy and never let me live it down. He told me he would beat me up if I talked to him, and he stayed up past 5 am every night sleeping with multiple teenage women, all while I was wide awake. I thought about ending it all, even seriously considered taking steroids just to be a bigger man for once and stop feeling like a child who couldn’t find his mommy in the mall.
    Overall, I enjoy the feeling of letting loose whether it’s by myself or where other people can hear/see/know what Im trying to do. It’s especially liberating. It eases my mind if only for a moment that I am still doing my business somehow. Really, it’s hard though because everything might happen for a reason, but my parents set me up. See, my mom had migraines her whole life, and my dad wasn’t around much. My mom had 2 siblings so she knew what was up, but still she made sure I always peed in private, making me go to the girls bathroom until I was 8. Then she decided to homeschool me for 2 years from ages 7-9, a very big coincidence, eh? She set me up, because even when I told her, she just laughed and talked crap behind my back to all my friends, and acted like she forgot every time I brought it up after that. This was 4 years ago, by the way, that I first told her. All in all life is hard and stuff. Sorry for rambling, but thanks for reading, pal.

  2. Richard says:

    Hi College Kid. Thanks for rambling, it does the soul good. As you can see, by this blog, I tend to ramble myself. It’s all therapy and it’s better to get it out in the open. So you can chat all you want to. I understand exactly what you’re talking about. I too feel less of a man when I’m in public, around other women and men. I don’t feel like I compare. I feel like they can tell. Like they can see. I relate, as much as I hate it, I’ve been there my whole life as well. The only difference is the fact that I’m probably double your age and I let it get worse and worse before I decided to finally take a stand and fight back. I’m happy that I did. I can’t believe that I’ve been battling this phobia for over a year now. Recovery is such a long road, but it’s a road I’m glad to be on. All you can do is focus forward and learn from the past. The past can’t hurt you anymore. It’s here and now! That’s the real deal. That’s the goal. Today, Tomorrow, and the next. It’s not easy for any of us. But it can, and it will get better. I guarantee it! One step at a time… We can make this journey. Together! My friend! -Richard

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