It’s 4 p.m. Wednesday. Mike tells me that Kay (a friend of ours) called and wants to meet us at the local pub (which is pretty much directly across the street from where I live).
She’ll be there around 6:30.
So around 5:30, I start to Fluid Load.
I’ve been in that Irish Pub plenty of times, and even though I’ve lived here for 12 years, I have never ever even once stepped foot into that bathroom.
In fact, I’ve been terrified of it. It’s always full of people I know. They’re extremely busy. And the place, being a Bar with Televisions and Live Music, is VERY Masculine!
It’s Young, Loud, and Drunk!
Many times the place is thumping so loud that you have to holler “What’d ya say?“
Yep, like that!
So even though I was highly nervous about what I’d find, I wanted to finally squash my fears and venture into the men’s room once and for all.
By 6:30, I had drank 2 bottles of water and a full can of pop.
I was ready to go!
We get there, get seated (20 minutes later), and right off the bat I start drinking more.
I could have tried going to the bathroom immediately, but my urge was not very high yet. It was there, but it wasn’t screaming “get to the toilet“.
So I keep drinking Root Beer and water. Kay and Jeff show up. We order appetizers. We’re all chatting…
Jeff, if you recall, is a big macho macho man. He’s a sport’s fanatic and he sure does intimidate me. I was hoping he wouldn’t go to the bathroom at the same time as me, that would have been a sure failure.
What’s funny is that when we go there, I made Mike (my Pee Buddy) sit on the inside of the booth.. That way I could just dart to the john and not have to interrupt anyone or draw attention to the fact that I was peeing…
Mike says “What if I need to go?“
I laugh “Then I’ll let you out!”
It’s easier for him to say “I have to pee“, he doesn’t care who knows.
So after about 1/2 hour, I decide it’s time. I had been thinking about peeing and I just had to do it…
Get my ass moving!!!
So I get up and head back to the men’s room and push on the door…
I step in. I’m the only one in there (which doesn’t even seem possible).
I notice that the small bathroom has only 2 urinals and 1 stall.
I step up to the second urinal (the first is right next to the door), and as I’m getting situated, I hold my breath.
I fear that I’ll need all the help I can get.
40 seconds later, I start to pee!
I keep holding my breath and inhaling slowly, holding it, then letting it out just to keep constant pressure on my stream.
I expect the door, just feet away, to open at any second.
I try not to think about it and just do my business.
I can hear people at the service station (right around the corner), and I can hear a lady’s voice and a man is laughing as he goes down the hall…
I really thought he was coming in, but nope, he didn’t! I was able to pee totally. Finish. Empty my bladder and not a single solitary soul came in.
That I did NOT expect!
So I wash and head back to the table. I’m feeling very chipper and happy.
What a relief!
1/2 hour later as we’re finishing up, I decide to pee one last time.
I head back to the bathroom again (also wondering if the table is now talking about me peeing so much).
I enter the john.
It’s empty AGAIN!
What are the odds? Especially since it was standing room only…
Well, I step up to urinal #2 and within 20 seconds I start to pee again. :)
And the entire time I peed, I was alone and felt pretty relaxed. I peed twice at the bar that I have always been scared of.
2 things I’ve really realized is this:
- Most bathrooms only have 1 or 2 urinals
- Most of the time, as long as you’re fast, you can get in and out and be the only person in there!
The big exceptions are of course, Arenas, Stadiums, Theaters and Airports. The nightmares for all Paruretics!
No matter though, I did pee… TWICE!
And I am very happy and ready for that next drink.
Bring it on! :)