I thought I’d take a moment to talk about some popular Shy Bladder Myths!
A lot of what people think about when it comes to Paruresis is just not true!
Even people WITH Paruresis can believe things that hold no water as well.
Like this one for example:
I’m Scared of Bathrooms
Untrue! It’s not the bathroom that scares you. You have no problems peeing in a bathroom at home, in a safe environment.
In public it may be different, but you’re not scared of the physical Urinals or Toilets themselves. Nothing about them is scary.
What causes your fear is your Feelings, Emotion and Shame. That’s what keeps you from urinating. Not the bathrooms.
Which brings up #2…
I’m Scared of Peeing in a Public Bathroom
False! If the circumstances were different, you WOULD be able to pee in a public bathroom. Like for instance, if the bathroom was a single user bathroom with a lock on the door. Most Paruretics would be able to go. Likewise if you knew that no one would enter the bathroom, like the building was closed or totally empty, and you were 100% sure that you were alone, you could probably void.
So it’s not that you’re scared of peeing in the public bathroom, it’s the idea of being Seen or Heard by others. Being Noticed, Judged… They know!
But Paruresis takes it one step further, which brings up point #3…
Paruresis is the Fear of Peeing in Public
Nope! This Social Phobia is actually the fear of NOT being able to pee in public.
There’s a difference!
You think that you won’t be able to pee in the bathroom long before you actually attempt it.
You set yourself up for failure.
You think that you’ll choke and 99% of the time you do!
You are what you believe!
This fear is brought on by Intimidation, Humiliation, Violence, Abduction (Aliens did it), Bullying, Taunting… all the Macho Men on the Football team. Something or another (usually when you were younger) caused you to fear this shame and embarrassing act of urinating in front of others.
It causes you to avoid these situations (avoidance is half the battle) and to NOT pee. You end up holding it painfully all day long.
The best way to concur this fear is through desensitization techniques. Forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations. Facing your fears! Making yourself go into the public bathrooms just to get used to them and to relax your screaming anxiety.
Once you calm down and feel safe enough in them, will you get to the point where you will be able to urinate.
This also brings up another Myth about Paruresis…
Only Weak Men are Pee Shy!
Weak, Wimpy, Frail men that are Timid and Scared get Shy Bladder Syndrome…
This thinking is Wrong!
Anybody can get Paruresis. Any Man, Any Women, Any Age, Any Body Type: Athletic, Skinny, Feminine, Jock, Big Boned, Little People…
All walks of life and professions can be affected: Dentists, Actors, Comic Strip Artists, Millionaires, Men and Ladies of all Races and Nations can be Pee Shy.
There is no one defining link that binds them all. It’s brought on by their own Trauma, Shame and Humiliation. “Quit Peeing the Bed!” “Look, Richard can’t Pee!” “Stand there and face your Shame!” “You just went Pee, now you’ll hold it until we stop again!” “No Nerds allowed, you can’t come in here” “Ha Ha Ha Jimmy Peed his Pants!“
Endless Scenarios brought on by different Reasons, Anxieties, and levels of Fear (Occasional Paruresis, Mild, Severe).
The point is, Paruresis Affects Everyone at one point in time. Even regular guys who have no problems peeing lock up every now and then.
And the Myths just keep on coming…
Most Paruretics are Gay!
Not True! While I can understand how not-so-macho men could be affected more because they don’t feel up-to-par with what society calls a man’s man. It simply is not true.
Read the IPA Forums and you’ll see that Paruresis affects guys and girls that are Straight, Gay, Transvestites, Bisexual, Single, Married, Divorced, Separated, Parents with Children, Infants, Grown Kids, Families, Relatives, you name it.
Paruresis doesn’t Discriminate!
And it doesn’t discriminate against this either…
Paruresis is caused by a Small Penis!
LOL NOT SO!
The size of your Johnson has no bearing on the fear you feel trying to urinate in public.
While it’s true that being laughed at by the size of your junk may cause early childhood trauma, there is no connection with the Bladder or the locking up of the External Urethral Sphincter (the ring that cuts off the urine flow). Guys with all different Sizes, Shapes and Widths are affected!
Paruresis is caused by being Un-Cut!
I’ve thought this myself before. But it doesn’t make any difference.
Shy Bladder is not caused by the physical appearance of your member or hood.
Put that out of your mind. People Circumcised or not can all have Paruresis.
If you wanted to, you COULD force yourself to Pee!
Trust me, we try!
It only makes matters worse. It locks you up even more and makes peeing impossible!
You can’t force your body to relax, loosen and pee. It doesn’t work that way.
That External Sphincter of yours holds onto your tube and is controlled by your Paruretic Brain. Anxiety reads your feelings and sends a signal to tighten up and fight!
So until your brain gets new signals that there is no apparent fear will it finally loosen it’s hold and allow the urine to flow.
Drink More Water, You’ll Go!
NOPE! All you’ll do is to make yourself even more uncomfortable. You’ll stretch out your bladder and make peeing difficult.
And, if you drink too much water, you could actually die from Water Intoxication!
If you don’t Pee, your Bladder will BURST!
Not so. The Bladder will keep on expanding and growing as it fills up. It will cause more discomfort and urgent signals to the brain.
But sadly, the Bladder contents could backtrack and re-enter the kidneys and cause damage to them. That could become serious!
But at least it’s good to know that the Bladder won’t burst like a water balloon!
Paruresis is all in your Head
This is actually TRUE!
You can pee. You pee at home. So it’s not some physical defect, it’s mental.
The feelings you feel put you into lock down mode.
If you change your feelings, they will change your behavior!
You can be CURED from Paruresis!
You CAN be recovered!
This means you can get to a point where you will be able to pee in public. With Gradual Exposure Therapy (GET) and a Pee Buddy (Which I’m doing right now), you will pee in bathrooms with other guys under many different circumstances. But you will always have some symptoms or thoughts about Paruresis your entire life.
Especially under extremely difficult situations, like peeing in a trough that’s packed with guys at a ball game.
You may be able to pee everywhere else, but in this instance you may have to use the stall. It’s not fool proof! There may always be some obstacles that may arise that bring slight fear and trepidation back.
Paruretics are never fully cured.
Doubt, Intimidation, and Anxiety creep back in.
So if you’re looking for a total CURE, think again.
I say I’m looking for a CURE, but really, I’m just looking to be able to pee in most public bathrooms! Even if that’s in a stall for the rest of my life, I’ll take it. Granted I would love to be able to pee at a urinal next to other guys, with other guys waiting, but for now, I just want to not be scared of walking into bathrooms and being able to void when I need to.
I’m sure there are plenty more Myths about Shy Bladder that I could talk about, but these are probably the most well known.
Now you know!