Is this a Successful Pee?

I Fluid Load before running to Mendards today.

When I get there, I head into the Men’s Bathroom.

I walk in the open doorway, turn the corner, and see 1 guy at the sinks washing up.

I walk by him and aim towards the urinals on the left.

I take the first one (all 3 are empty) closest to the sinks.

I can see his feet below the partition, and I know he can see mine as well.

I situate myself, pull out my phone, and check my emails…

Is this a Successful Pee?

Within about 20 seconds I begin to Pee!

The guy at the sink has now dried his hands and left.

Another guy walks in and steps up to urinal #3 (closest to the stalls).

I Keep on Peeing!

My stream is not strong, but it’s flowing nicely and I just let it do what ever it wants. It has a mind of its own.

The other guy begins to pee loud and strong.

After about another minute, I finish up and move over to the sinks.

I wash and dry as the other guy does the same.

I exit the bathroom feeling refreshed and happy.

It was a success!

Or was it?

Am I being fully open and honest with myself in thinking that my pee sessions in public are working?

I’m peeing in public alright, at urinals with other guys around…

But…

I’m also distracting myself with my phone!

Is this cheating?

Am I really desensitizing myself when I’m using my phone?

It’s like turning on the water to drown out the sounds, or waiting until the bathroom is empty to pee… Am I doing my Paruresis wrong by masking my condition?

It makes me wonder.

But then, I also think, “Who cares if I am or not?

If it helps ME PEE, who gives a damn?

I’m the one with the problem here. I’m the one who needs help… So if a little minor distraction is all that it takes to make me pee in public, then so be it.

It works!

And it’s not hurting anyone else.

So should I be making a big deal about this?

Should I be worried?

I don’t know.

I’m leaning towards the “who gives a crap” side.

But, I could just be fooling myself.

What’s your take?

Other people solve their pee shy by counting, dipping their hands in warm water, or even holding their breath

So is this really any different?

I’m thinking not…

But as you can see… I am thinking.

Thoughts?

Posted in Paruresis Help | 2 Comments

Rob Lowe’s Gregarious Bladder!

If you haven’t seen the DirecTv Commercial featuring Rob Lowe, you’re lucky! He, and the other “Rob Lowe Loser” make fun of Cable, by referring to them with different situations… including being Pee Shy!

He stands at a urinal and says “I can’t go with other people in the room“…

Where the DirecTv Rob Lowe responds “Don’t be like this me!

WHY? You don’t want to be like us because we’re not as good as you?

rob lowe makes fun of bladdeer shy rob

Steven Soifer (CEO of the International Paruresis Association and Author of Shy Bladder Syndrome) stepped up and quoted:

We don’t mind if people have a little fun with it. It’s a situation that a lot of people don’t understand. In this particular case, the portrayal is making it look ridiculous, that this guy is a loser for having a problem. What if he didn’t have a leg or an arm? Are you going to make fun of them?

Well said! I agree…

And considering that 7% of the population has some sort of Avoidant Paruresis, I’d say that he was spot on!

Watch the full video here…

When I viewed the commercial, I felt slighted and very sad. It does make us seem like losers… more than we already feel!

Rob’s response was “For those wondering, my bladder is gregarious!” (Meaning his Bladder is “Fond of Company”… Warm and Chummy!) He tried to be funny, but it’s a serious topic! Plus, your Bladder can’t be company loving anyway. Maybe your genitals could be… but not your Bladder! Come on!

It’s tough enough having this condition and being secretive about it, but now we’re made fun of and ridiculed just so DirecTv and Rob Lowe could make some money?

Stuff like this is what makes people Pee Shy to begin with!

A little Humiliation. A little Fun. Laughter in the Bathroom… Being Shamed…

Paruresis affects me every single day of my life. I’m always nervous and scared of NOT being able to Pee in Public. Let alone being caught and made fun of… “What a wuss! He can’t even Pee like a Man!”

It’s NO fun at all!

SHAME on you DirecTv!

You’d think you’d be a little more sensitive when it comes to your viewership and audience. You never know who you’ll insult!

We can’t all be perfect and normal like you!

Some of us are trapped in this hellish Social Phobia!

Sheesh!

What do you think?

Posted in Paruresis Help | Leave a comment

Desensitization Not Deception

I was reading in the IPA Forums the other day, and something DaveA said really stood out and caught my attention.

He said “A great desensitization opportunity, is NOT doing any kind of deceptions.

What a great quote!

(Read the entire forum post here!)

And I thought about that and saw how truthful it really was.

Deception is doing things in the bathroom that you would normally do if you were to pee in public like other guys. Things like: Flushing, using Toilet Paper, Making Noise, Washing your Hands, Drying… It’s basically acting as if you are completely normal and didn’t have Shy Bladder Syndrome at all.

In other words: Deceiving Everyone!

I’ve done this plenty of times before, and every now and then, even now, when I have a misfire, I’ll still do things like that.

Acting normal!

I’ll be standing at the urinal unable to pee. And I’ll shake, flush, walk to the sinks (always avoiding eye contact), wash and dry my hands as if I just urinated.

I don’t want to draw attention to the fact that I couldn’t pee. I don’t want anyone to even think for a second that I had Shy Bladder.

I’m just another guy, in the bathroom, relieving himself, and no one is the wiser.

Except me!

Leaving me with a full bladder and a mind that’s beating me up inside.

All because I want my condition to remain a secret. Hidden away from society like a curse upon nature.

I wish I didn’t care!

I wish I had the guts to be so open and honest and treat it like you would a cough or a cold.

But I can’t. Not yet at least.

It’s getting better. I AM able to pee at least 75% of the time in public… under the proper circumstances…

But will it ever be 100%?

Who knows?

I’d love to be like Dave (here’s his website: www.Paruretic.Org)…

He proudly wears bright white and yellow t-shirts when he’s out in public doing desensitization.

The t-shirts read:

Shy Bladder

So What?

Desensitization Not Deception!

That’s Guts and Confidence! (See his YouTube Videos Here)

I admire that!

Maybe one day I’ll be able to fully desensitize (like I am around my Pee Buddy Mike). But until then, if you see me in the men’s room, I’ll probably blend right in. I’ll flush, I’m sure I’ll wash, and I’m pretty sure you’ll have no idea that I peed or not.

Because I’m sneaky, deceptive, and a little ashamed…

I may even smile on the way out.

Nothing wrong here!

This is NOT the Avoidant Paruresis you’re looking for… :)

Posted in Paruresis Help | Leave a comment

More Bathroom Desensitization

We have some errands to run today, so I Fluid Load with water before we go.

The first stop: Menard’s

We walk in, the first thing I do is head for the bathroom.

When I walk in, there’s a guy at the sink washing his hands.

More Bathroom Desensitization

I take the first urinal, which is a kiddy urinal, unzip, and wait.

I haven’t been doing much Breath Holding lately, only when I feel it’s absolutely necessary. So I exhale, relax my entire body, and just wait.

It takes me about 20 seconds but I begin to pee.

Cool!

The guy was fumbling behind me with the dryers and finally got them to work. I paid him no attention.

I peed for about 2 full minutes, and actually got so bored I pulled out my phone and started to check my emails.

That’s about the time that another guy entered and went up to urinal number three.

I kept on peeing, even though it did weaken a tad. No biggie, I just thought, if it takes me longer it takes me longer, who cares?

And so I emptied my bladder, washed, and left a happy camper.

About a half an hour later I could feel the urge to urinate again.

But I didn’t want to pee here, I wanted to wait until the next stop so I could desensitize in a different store and a different bathroom.

And that is precisely what I did!

Shortly later, we went to Home Depot and I made my way straight to the men’s bathroom.

As I’m heading in, so is a Home Depot Employee. He goes in before me and washes his hands at the sink.

Another employee is at the first urinal. There are three urinals in all.

I take the last one!

I unzip, exhale, relax, and ignore everything else in the room.

30 seconds later, I’m peeing!

Yeah!!!!

I kept peeing as the one employee left, and the other one went to the sink to wash up.

It makes me so happy that I can pee under these types of circumstances.

Who would have ever known?

So that’s 2 for 2, I can’t ask for more!

Can I? :)

Posted in Paruresis Help | 2 Comments

I’m Watching You Pee!

Early this morning, I’m standing in the bathroom peeing, and Mike, my Pee Buddy, is standing next to me.

…As always, for my once a day desensitization.

I’m used to him, it doesn’t phase me much anymore.

Like this morning, I’m taking a piss and he’s standing next to me and we’re chatting.

And long about halfway through the chat, he says to me…

“I’m watching you pee!”

I'm Watching You Pee!

And I glance in his direction, and he was absolutely right.

He was facing me and watching me pee. Not something he would generally do, normally he would face towards me but not actually look down. He’s been testing my desensitization lately, like running by the door, jumping and scaring me, and now actually watching me.

And it’s amazing that I never falter!

I don’t break stream, I just keep on peeing.

I’m very happy about that!

How long will it be before that’s the normal everywhere???

Later that afternoon, we’re running some errands, and after being out for about 2-3 hours we end up at Cosco.

I didn’t know how long we would be out, I didn’t know how many errands we had, I didn’t Fluid Load, it was spur of the moment and we just went out the door…

Which is fine with me, but when we get to Cosco and we start walking around I realize “Hey, I could Pee!

So without further ado, I make my way towards the bathrooms.

I walk in, the john is empty, I walk up to the first urinal and I pee within 15 seconds.

It felt wonderful because it was unexpected.

I didn’t plan it!

I didn’t leave the house having to pee. It just happened… naturally!

Like it should!

That’s the way life is supposed to be.

When I’m out, and I have to pee, I pee, easy as that!

It sounds so simple and effortless.

If only it was…

If only it was. :)

Posted in Paruresis Help | 3 Comments

Fluid Loading Piss

We’re running a quick errand today, so I Fluid Load before I go.

I chug a bottle and a half of water, and then 45 minutes later, we’re out the door.

We get to Menard’s and not too long after we get there, I venture into the bathroom.

I walk in and instantly it hits me…

The smell!

Something died in here!

Or, should I say, something’s dying

For as I round the corner I see a guy with yellow workboots sitting in stall number one (closest to the third urinal). His one foot is hiked back at a weird angle and he’s hugging the toilet…

I think he’s having some issues.

Fluid Loading Piss

I always hate pissing around THAT. Most of the time I can’t. I just want to scream and leave

But today…

I hold my breath as I walk up to the first urinal (The short kiddy one) farthest from the smell from hell.

As I stand there, the stall guy is quiet, he’s probably waiting until I leave.

I’m standing there, I’m quiet too!

Crap!

Awkward!

I pull out my phone and check my stats… It seems to help distract me enough to pee.

And it works… I start peeing within 20 seconds… but it’s coming out slow. That’s okay, because I’m not in a race (although I do want to run and run fast). My only goal is to empty my bladder, and nothing else. So I let it do it’s thing as I continue to play online.. and continue to hold my breath, for I feel I MUST FACE THIS!!!

I pee and I pee for a good minute or so. It finally picks up steam, and before I know it, my bladder is finished and I’m moving to the sinks.

Mission accomplished!

Will this ever get any easier? Peeing while people are pooping?

Who knows?

I guess I shouldn’t complain since I CAN still pee in the bathrooms, at a urinal, with other guys in the john. So I can’t really ask for more than that.

Just be happy with the progress you make, right?

Because it only gets better from here.

Ya feel me?

Posted in Paruresis Help | 2 Comments

I Can’t Stop Peeing!

I Fluid Load before we run to Cosco today, and by the time we arrive, I really need to piss.

I head into the men’s bathroom and see one guy at the first urinal (in the corner). The second and third urinal are free.

I take the third urinal which is the closest to the stalls (which I believe are both empty as well).

I unzip, relax and try to concentrate on peeing.

I can hear the guy at the other urinal peeing loudly!

I hold my breath and apply a little pressure down.

And even though I need to pee badly, it’s giving me problems!!!

I pull out my iPhone and play with my text messages, sending stupid Emojis to people, like Connect 4

I Can't Stop Peeing!

As the other guy finishes peeing and starts to head towards the sinks, I finally began to pee myself.

It’s pretty slow to begin, but it’s going, and that’s all that really matters.

I relax some more and just let it happen!

I also keep texting and keep my mind off my surroundings.

Finally my stream picks up and is flowing nicely

Another guy comes in and walks up to urinal number one.

I’m still peeing!

He’s quiet and I can’t hear anything from him. It makes me wonder if he’s locked up and… if he’s a Paruretic?

I’m still peeing!

It feels like it’s been flowing for two full minutes (and I only drank one bottle of water).

Finally the other guy walks away (the urinals auto flush).

He moves over to the sinks. He must have had a really weak (quiet) stream, or he just pretended to pee.

Could be? I should know…

I’ve been there… Done that!

I keep texting… and…

I’M STILL PEEING!

It’s crazy, but it’s now been about three minutes and there is no sign of stopping! Ha!

I feel kind of silly because two guys have peed and gone, and here I am still standing there.

Outside in the hall, I can hear a mother yelling at her little boy. He’s probably around four. He keeps running into the men’s bathroom and she keeps yelling at him to “come back here“.

He comes in, laughs, screams at her, and then runs back out. What a little BRAT! It’s not so distracting as it is annoying.

But no matter, I’m still peeing…

Ain’t no stopping me!

FINALLY around 4 minutes later, my bladder eases up and empties out. Whew!

That was probably the longest pee I’ve ever had. Talk about boring!

But it felt great and it’s another great success story.

So who’s texting in the bathroom?

That would be me! :)

Smiley Face, Sunset, Thumbs Up, Pizza…

Your Move!

Sounds good to me! :)

Posted in Paruresis Help | 4 Comments

The Bruno Mars Concert

Me, and a group of my friends had a busy night a while back…

We were going to a Bruno Mars Concert! :)

It all started with a two hour drive from our home to a hotel near the stadium where the concert was at.

We figured since it was a 2 hour drive, we’d just stay up there for the night and drive back the next day (which worked out perfectly).

So we leave and get to the hotel early!

Then all us leave shortly after for a local pub and a beer (beer for them, root beer for me).

Then 45 minutes later we all go back to the hotel so Kay can change into something more dazzling for the show.

Our plan is to head to a fish-house (forgot the name) 3 miles from the stadium to eat, and then hit the 8 p.m. show afterwards.

So we’re all waiting in the hotel room as she gets ready, and then right before we leave everyone goes in the small john to pee. And I can tell that my pee-shy desensitization is working, because even with a room full of my friends (who don’t know about me, all except for Mike, my Pee Buddy) I had no trouble peeing in that tiny hotel bathroom just a couple feet from them. Which is awesome, because I know they could hear me.

Then, it’s off to eat…

By 5:30 we’re all seated in the fish-house chowing down on some yummy food. I had a glass of Moscato with my salad, and long about 7:00 we’re on our way to the Bruno Mars concert (which was very cool, and very fun).

The Bruno Mars Concert

The arena was packed!

It’s the largest arena I’ve ever been in and the lines to the food, drinks, and bathrooms wrapped around the building (or so it seemed).

I know as soon as I saw them (especially after my opening day fiasco), that peeing there would probably be a impossibility (I had already accepted that fact).

Mike actually stood in line for 20 minutes and told me later that it was crazy because women were even waiting in that same line as well (WTF?). He said that there were only about six urinals all together, and that the line was insanely long directly behind you (why do such a large arenas have so few bathrooms?).

I would have died…

He told me that he even had a hard time going himself. It took him a while to go because of the extreme pressure and cramped conditions. And so, when he finally was able to pee, it took him a couple minutes to even get a stream going… (and remember this is Mr.-I-pee-in-five-seconds-really-fast-and-really-loud).

Needless to say, I didn’t pee at the concert, didn’t try, and thankfully, I didn’t need to.

I had no urge to go whatsoever! :)

The concert ended with two kick ass encore songs (Locked out of Heaven, and Gorilla). And then we left the stadium… We got really lucky because we parked at the far end of the parking lot near the exit. So once the concert was over, it only took 10 minutes to get out of the parking lot versus the normal hour and a half.

Five minutes later we were back at the hotel, where I could pee in peace when needed.

So while I didn’t go to the bathroom at the concert, it didn’t affect the night and I had a wonderful time after all.

If I did need to pee, that would’ve been a whole different story… so I thank my lucky stars that didn’t happen!

The Drive Back Home

And then yesterday on the way back home, we stopped off at an outlet center to get a bite to eat and do a little shopping.

Luckily, I had three successful pee sessions there

The first was at Rain Forest Café. I had been drinking coffee and soda all morning, and by afternoon, I had to piss.

So, as soon as we enter the restaurant, I head towards the bathroom. I walk in… I see one urinal, and three stalls.

That’s an odd setup!

I go to the only urinal and look down… this is not only a kiddy urinal, but it’s so low to the floor that it looked like an ant urinal. It looked like you’d have to aim directly towards your shoes to pee. Weird!

So I hesitated, and then walked past the stalls because it look like the bathroom continued… It didn’t, it was just a little inset. :(

So I faced the stalls and decide to just use one of them instead. I go in the middle stall, unzip, and right before I pee, I hear some shuffling in the third stall.

Someone’s in there!!! Ugh!

And me, I had to take the stall next to him… With my feet pointing towards the toilet! GREAT!!!

I ignore this horrible scenario, and gently apply pressure as I hold my breath a bit.

And lo-and-behold, I start to pee in about 20 seconds.

It was very slow to start, almost stopped, and then kept on going.

I relaxed, and patiently waited until it picked up steam and I was finally able to empty my bladder.

That was tough!

Usually peeing with someone in the next stall is very, very difficult for me. Especially if it’s just him and me in an ultra quiet bathroom.

But, I pulled it off like a PRO!

After we eat, we shop the outlet stores, and about an hour later, I need to piss again. I looked for the next restroom sign, and Mike waits as I walk the long hallway and go into the Men’s Room.

I walk in, there are four urinals, I took the last one closest to the stalls and I pee pretty damn quick.

After that, we shop for another 1/2 hr, and then right before we leave, Mike says he needs to pee. So the next time we see another bathroom sign, he goes in as I contemplate my situation. Do I need to pee again or not? And then I thought of the 2 hour drive home and decide it’s best to pee here and not have to worry about it later. So he comes out, and I go in.

This bathroom is much busier than the previous bathroom. 7 or 8 guys came and went when Mike was in there… Which of course, I noted.

And now, as I head in, I see this restroom has 4 urinals and a couple of stalls.

I instantly see that the first and third urinal are taken… Not a great situation

And, not only are half the urinals full, but the stall closest to the last urinal (#4) was occupied as well. Which sucks, because that’s the urinal that I was heading towards.

Sigh!

As I walk up to it, I can see the feet under the partition shift… I frown, and then I think to myself “Oh well!“, and step up to the plate.

So now I have a guy to my left peeing in a urinal, and a guy directly to my right taking a dump… this ought to be fun!

I pull out my phone and check my emails and try to distract my mind. I can hear toilets flushing, guys are at the sink behind me, footsteps, shuffling, hand driers…

And I’m trying to concentrate and apply steady pressure down

And it worked!

I pee in about 30 seconds, and I pee, and pee, and peed until I finally emptied my bladder…

That’s incredible!

Especially since it was a long drive home, through rush-hour, construction, and delays.

And so, 2 1/2 hours later, we end up back home, and yes, that was my journey to see Bruno Mars.

It was an awesome concert, and overall I had a great time for a Paruretic at the busiest place on earth.

Gotta love concerts!

Whew! :)

Posted in Paruresis Help | Leave a comment

Bathroom Stalls Feel Weird!

So tonight, we’re going out to eat at a steakhouse. We’re meeting some friends there, and before I leave the house I fluid load with one and a half bottles of water.

It’s Friday, there’s a full moon out, and the place is very, very busy.

We sit down, and even though I knew I could already pee, I decide to make the urge stronger, so I start drinking MORE water.

About a half an hour later I decide I’m ready. I walk in the bathroom, there’s one guy at the sink, and another guy at the last of the three urinals. That means I’ll have to grab the first urinal, which is also one of those little kiddy urinals. :(

I unzip, hold my breath, and wait!

A guy comes out of the stall behind me. The guy at urinal number three leaves, another guy takes his spot.

The door keeps opening and closing (leaving all of us highly visible to anybody walking by), someone else goes in one of the 3 stalls.

There are now two guys at the sink. I’m having a hard time, which sucks because I really have to pee.

More commotion behind me!

Another guy goes in the first stall. I was hoping that the place would clear out so I could pee in peace, or even better, move over to the corner urinal (number three)… BUT NOPE!!!

The door opens again. Guys are everywhere.

And as I casually glance over to the sink, who do I see? An acquaintance of mine!

FUCK!!!

I don’t know if he saw me, but I’m hoping he didn’t because I don’t want to have one of those types of conversations in here… Especially while I’m trying to pee. I turn my head so he doesn’t see me… Even though he’s just feet away. He’s fixing his tie in the mirror. Another guy comes over to the dryer just a foot from me and starts drying his hands (which pretty much blocks his view now).

The guy that I know is still there, although he did take a couple of steps back. Now he’s tucking in his shirt. I could see all this in my peripheral vision.

I’m still not peeing. It’s seems so obvious that I’m not. I’m very nervous. I decide to end my session for I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed…

I zip, flush, and turn towards the sink… and the guy that I know is also turning and heading out the door at the same time. SIGH! But, even with him gone, I still feel like all eyes are on me. Like they knew that I failed!

I wash and leave feeling very ashamed and awkward!

I sit back down. We eat salads, and I make sure I drink much more wine and water.

A half an hour later, I try to pee again.

This time, I really need to go bad!

But, as I’m walking towards the bathroom, another guy enters right in front of me. I dislike that. Because the odds are now good that he’ll take the last urinal in the corner, the safe one that I want.

I frown as I head in, because I see he isn’t at urinal number three, surprise surprise, he’s at the second one. WTF???

Seriously dude, you had to be a prick and take the center urinal???

Why would any guy do this?

I have no idea! What a jerk! The other two urinals are empty, there’s no excuse!

So I pause for a second. It would feel really awkward for me to go over and grab a urinal next to him (maybe that’s why he grabbed the center one, he didn’t want to pee next to anyone).

So, I did what most guys would probably do in this situation, I went into the stall.

I go in quietly, I shut the door… but of course the door doesn’t shut or lock properly, so I have to grab the door, tug on it, and try to push the latch down so it fits. Which does nothing but makes tons and tons of horrible loud noise. Ugh!!!

The good thing is, I go up to the toilet and start to pee in 15 seconds flat! Sweet!

Bathroom Stalls Feel Weird!

I will say, it felt very weird peeing in a stall. I very rarely ever go in them any more. I clearly remember not so long ago that I couldn’t even pee using a bathroom stall, even if I was alone in the bathroom. But not tonight, I peed (finally), and peed, and it felt great.

After that, I sat back down and enjoyed dinner!

And then, right before I leave, I head back in the bathroom one last time.

I didn’t have a high urge to pee, but I knew I could, and more importantly, that I should.

I go in. The men’s room was empty!!! I walk up to urinal #3, and in no time, I’m peeing quickly.

That I was very happy with!

So all in all, I had 1 miss-fire, 1 successful stall pee, and 1 urinal pee. Not too bad, not too bad at all.

The bottom line is this: I didn’t give up! I Kept trying no matter what. Because I know eventually I WILL (and so will YOU) succeed!

I peed twice in public, and came home with an empty bladder.

I could have failed miserably, crawled back in my shell, and never made another attempt… But that would be the old me. The new me knows that persistence pays off.

And it did!

And that is a huge success in my book. :)

Posted in Paruresis Help | 4 Comments

Fully Desensitized ???

I’m peeing in the small bathroom next to the kitchen yesterday afternoon.

I’m pissing in the toilet and of course, I have the door wide open.

Why?

Because I’m desensitizing!

…And the fact that it’s just two guys who live in this big ole house…

So I’m peeing and all of a sudden Mike (My Pee Buddy) pops his head in, looks directly at me, and asks me a question.

I look back, answer him, and he continues on his way as I continue to pee.

Today the same thing happened!

I’m taking a piss in the bathroom and Mike comes by, and this time I didn’t even hear him approaching.

And what does he do?

He jumps in the doorway trying to scare me (used to be a huge fear of mine).

Fully Desensitized From Paruresis

The funny thing is, it didn’t work.

I didn’t skip a beat. I kept on peeing like normal.

He laughs, I look at him, smirk, and he keeps on walking.

Later on, after about six cups of coffee…

I’m in the bathroom once more taking a piss!

Mike walked by and actually came in with an hand full of stuff for the cabinet. He goes behind me (which, for a tiny bathroom is just inches away), opens the drawer, puts stuff in and walks back out of the bathroom. The entire time he’s talking to me and asking me questions. I answer him like it’s no big deal.

And I’m very proud of one thing…

I Peed non-stop!

I didn’t slow, I didn’t hesitate, I didn’t stop my stream. I just continued like I didn’t have Paruresis at all.

And I stood there after he left and I thought to myself, I actually feel fully desensitized around him!

I mean, I’m talking to him, and looking at him as he’s coming and going and even trying to scare me… And it didn’t stop me from peeing, or even phase me.

And guess what, I don’t think anything would with him.

It made me realize that this is what desensitization does

It takes away the fear!

I mean, I’ve literally been peeing around Mike now for almost a full year (ever since I began Recovery last October). And so this is what repetition does to you.

Which means, it can happen in the field as well!

If you do it enough, and you do it often, and you keep repeating it, and never stop, you will desensitize yourself!

Eventually it will happen.

It’s bound to!

You will, and you can, desensitize yourself to peeing in a public bathroom just as easy.

It’s just continued practice.

And that’s actually a very cool thing to know.

A year ago I would’ve never dreamed that I would be able to pee anywhere near him, let alone with him walking by the door talking to me, coming in, and even trying to scare me.

But yet a year later, look at me. It’s pretty amazing.

Of course I don’t have this track record out in public yet, but I’m at least 75% of the way there.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get to 100%, but I do feel that as long as I keep trying and I never give up, that one day, someday, I will get there.

Eventually!

Just you wait and see!

Posted in Paruresis Help | Leave a comment