To Pee in Silence

Q: “Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the Bathroom?

A: “Because the P is Silent!

That’s a funny joke that I heard the other day, and it really made me think. It hit home! It holds so much truth for Paruretics

For before I started Recovery, I would Pee in the Public Bathrooms Quietly (or attempt to).

In fact, I would lock myself in a stall and try to become invisible. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was in the Bathroom, trying to Piss.

Usually I would stand there, frozen in terror until the Bathroom was totally empty. And then it would still take me a couple of minutes of standing there, scared and alone, before my anxiety would calm down enough for me to start a weak timid stream.

And at that time, I would also be hyper-sensitive, listening to every single sound, creak, footstep, noise in the hall… Just waiting, knowing that any second the door would bang open, startle me, and lock my bladder up again


And whether there was a guy or two in the bathroom, or even if I was by myself, I always did the same thing…

I Peed on the side of the toilet!

I Peed on the side so it wouldn’t make any noise. My Pee was SILENT! Like it never happened at all.

Anybody in the Bathroom would have no idea I was there (and probably be startled when I flushed), hiding, ashamed, and embarrassed by the sound of my own Urination.

I hated it!

I couldn’t understand how it didn’t bother other guys. They would Piss LOUDLY in the Urinals or toilet. They didn’t care who saw them, or heard them. They would talk, laugh, groan, or even FART

Things that would mortify me.

For I was Chicken, and no one could know that I was trying to Pee.

No one!

Even when I was home, and there were people in the next room or hall way. I would Pee on the side of the toilet so it wouldn’t make a sound.

It frightened me.

For a Paruretic, the P really is silent!


You see, 2 1/2 years ago (way before my REAL Recovery began with a Pee Buddy), I did one thing that started my whole Desensitization

I started to make NOISE!

(Read about that Life-Altering Act Here!)

For I knew that the whole act of Peeing was the PHOBIA. And until I proved to myself that Peeing is Normal and Natural and the Sound of someone Pissing is NOT Embarrassing, THAT is where it all began! THAT is what opened my mind. THAT gave me BACKBONE!

For I started Peeing in the center of the toilet. Splashing LOUDLY in the water for all to hear.

To Pee in Silence

It was difficult at first. I cringed just hearing it. And it even took me quite a while to re-train my Bad Peeing Habits. After all, I had 45 years of Peeing in Silence… So Forcing myself to Pee differently, Loudly, where people KNEW I was Peeing, was NOT an easy task. I had to constantly REDIRECT my stream back into the center!!! Because I would start to Pee quietly like normal, and then catch myself, and AIM into the water instead! (fighting my screaming mind the entire time)

But It worked!

That was my first REAL step towards Recovery (which is still a work in progress).

That was a HUGE undertaking that I still continue to this day (and LOVE it).

No matter where I am. No matter who’s listening, or watching… I MAKE myself Pee Loud and Proud.

I Pee in Urinals so it’s Noisy. I Pee in the toilet at home so all can hear. I even Peed in a busy bathroom stall, with the door wide open, loudly in the center of the bowl…


It really is exhilarating!

Just to hear myself Pee is Awesome. Just to hear the sound echo around the bathroom. To know that everyone else KNOWS that I’m Peeing, just like them, and that THEY DON’T CARE!!!

It’s a huge relief.

To them, I’m normal.

I’m a Man, and I’m just doing what needs to be done.

So DON’T Pee in Silence!

Silence is a KILLER!

For you will NEVER Recover…

Until you are HEARD!

Posted in Paruresis Help | 5 Comments

“Hello Bathroom!”

I go out to eat Friday Night with a bunch of my friends.

I didn’t Fluid Load, and I DID Pee before I left the house!


Because even though that helps me Pee under pressure, I want to try to get over that and just Urinate like a normal man does.

Which means, if I need to Pee, I’ll Pee. If not, I won’t.

Easy as that!

So we eat our meal, and the whole time I’m drinking Root Beer (two bottles) and I’m also drinking Water. I’m not desperate (like I normally am) to Pee, but I decide about halfway through the meal, that I’ll egg it on and attempt to Pee before we leave.

And that I DO!

I excuse myself from the table, and make my way back to the restrooms.

I catch eyes here and there looking at me as I pass. One of the waiters that I know says “HI“. I nod, say “HI” back and keep on course… He’s Busy. I’m pre-occupied… I only have one thing on my mind

10 Seconds later, I’m pushing on the Men’s Door and walking in…


Totally Empty!

I say a silent “HELLO BATHROOM!” as I breath a sigh of relief and enter.

This is a difficult bathroom for me, because it’s usually fairly busy, and sometimes it’s packed.

But not now, I have the whole bathroom to myself.

I step up to the last of 3 Urinals (the one in the corner), unzip and wait.

And while I wait, I pull out my iPhone and play a Word Game (7 Little Words)…

Bathroom Word Game

15 Seconds Later, I’m Peeing!

The Door Opens…

A guy walks in and goes to the first urinal. He starts Peeing pretty quickly. I keep playing my game and Peeing as he finishes, flushes, and moves over to the sink.

I’m still Peeing (I’m a slow Pee’r most of the time anyway, so I try to ignore it).

He starts to dry his hands. I’m still Pissing Root Beer!

Finally he opens the door and leaves…

I empty my Bladder and put my phone away.


So the night was a Success!

I Peed in Public WITHOUT the need to Fluid Load or leave the house with a screaming bladder!

I came home Empty, Relieved, and Happy that my Desensitization is Working!

It can’t get any better than that! :)

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Is this a Successful Pee?

I Fluid Load before running to Mendards today.

When I get there, I head into the Men’s Bathroom.

I walk in the open doorway, turn the corner, and see 1 guy at the sinks washing up.

I walk by him and aim towards the urinals on the left.

I take the first one (all 3 are empty) closest to the sinks.

I can see his feet below the partition, and I know he can see mine as well.

I situate myself, pull out my phone, and check my emails…

Is this a Successful Pee?

Within about 20 seconds I begin to Pee!

The guy at the sink has now dried his hands and left.

Another guy walks in and steps up to urinal #3 (closest to the stalls).

I Keep on Peeing!

My stream is not strong, but it’s flowing nicely and I just let it do what ever it wants. It has a mind of its own.

The other guy begins to pee loud and strong.

After about another minute, I finish up and move over to the sinks.

I wash and dry as the other guy does the same.

I exit the bathroom feeling refreshed and happy.

It was a success!

Or was it?

Am I being fully open and honest with myself in thinking that my pee sessions in public are working?

I’m peeing in public alright, at urinals with other guys around…


I’m also distracting myself with my phone!

Is this cheating?

Am I really desensitizing myself when I’m using my phone?

It’s like turning on the water to drown out the sounds, or waiting until the bathroom is empty to pee… Am I doing my Paruresis wrong by masking my condition?

It makes me wonder.

But then, I also think, “Who cares if I am or not?

If it helps ME PEE, who gives a damn?

I’m the one with the problem here. I’m the one who needs help… So if a little minor distraction is all that it takes to make me pee in public, then so be it.

It works!

And it’s not hurting anyone else.

So should I be making a big deal about this?

Should I be worried?

I don’t know.

I’m leaning towards the “who gives a crap” side.

But, I could just be fooling myself.

What’s your take?

Other people solve their pee shy by counting, dipping their hands in warm water, or even holding their breath

So is this really any different?

I’m thinking not…

But as you can see… I am thinking.


Posted in Paruresis Help | 7 Comments

Rob Lowe’s Gregarious Bladder!

If you haven’t seen the DirecTv Commercial featuring Rob Lowe, you’re lucky! He, and the other “Rob Lowe Loser” make fun of Cable, by referring to them with different situations… including being Pee Shy!

He stands at a urinal and says “I can’t go with other people in the room“…

Where the DirecTv Rob Lowe responds “Don’t be like this me!

WHY? You don’t want to be like us because we’re not as good as you?

rob lowe makes fun of bladdeer shy rob

Steven Soifer (CEO of the International Paruresis Association and Author of Shy Bladder Syndrome) stepped up and quoted:

We don’t mind if people have a little fun with it. It’s a situation that a lot of people don’t understand. In this particular case, the portrayal is making it look ridiculous, that this guy is a loser for having a problem. What if he didn’t have a leg or an arm? Are you going to make fun of them?

Well said! I agree…

And considering that 7% of the population has some sort of Avoidant Paruresis, I’d say that he was spot on!

Watch the full video here…

When I viewed the commercial, I felt slighted and very sad. It does make us seem like losers… more than we already feel!

Rob’s response was “For those wondering, my bladder is gregarious!” (Meaning his Bladder is “Fond of Company”… Warm and Chummy!) He tried to be funny, but it’s a serious topic! Plus, your Bladder can’t be company loving anyway. Maybe your genitals could be… but not your Bladder! Come on!

It’s tough enough having this condition and being secretive about it, but now we’re made fun of and ridiculed just so DirecTv and Rob Lowe could make some money?

Stuff like this is what makes people Pee Shy to begin with!

A little Humiliation. A little Fun. Laughter in the Bathroom… Being Shamed…

Paruresis affects me every single day of my life. I’m always nervous and scared of NOT being able to Pee in Public. Let alone being caught and made fun of… “What a wuss! He can’t even Pee like a Man!”

It’s NO fun at all!

SHAME on you DirecTv!

You’d think you’d be a little more sensitive when it comes to your viewership and audience. You never know who you’ll insult!

We can’t all be perfect and normal like you!

Some of us are trapped in this hellish Social Phobia!


What do you think?

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Desensitization Not Deception

I was reading in the IPA Forums the other day, and something DaveA said really stood out and caught my attention.

He said “A great desensitization opportunity, is NOT doing any kind of deceptions.

What a great quote!

(Read the entire forum post here!)

And I thought about that and saw how truthful it really was.

Deception is doing things in the bathroom that you would normally do if you were to pee in public like other guys. Things like: Flushing, using Toilet Paper, Making Noise, Washing your Hands, Drying… It’s basically acting as if you are completely normal and didn’t have Shy Bladder Syndrome at all.

In other words: Deceiving Everyone!

I’ve done this plenty of times before, and every now and then, even now, when I have a misfire, I’ll still do things like that.

Acting normal!

I’ll be standing at the urinal unable to pee. And I’ll shake, flush, walk to the sinks (always avoiding eye contact), wash and dry my hands as if I just urinated.

I don’t want to draw attention to the fact that I couldn’t pee. I don’t want anyone to even think for a second that I had Shy Bladder.

I’m just another guy, in the bathroom, relieving himself, and no one is the wiser.

Except me!

Leaving me with a full bladder and a mind that’s beating me up inside.

All because I want my condition to remain a secret. Hidden away from society like a curse upon nature.

I wish I didn’t care!

I wish I had the guts to be so open and honest and treat it like you would a cough or a cold.

But I can’t. Not yet at least.

It’s getting better. I AM able to pee at least 75% of the time in public… under the proper circumstances…

But will it ever be 100%?

Who knows?

I’d love to be like Dave (here’s his website: www.Paruretic.Org)…

He proudly wears bright white and yellow t-shirts when he’s out in public doing desensitization.

The t-shirts read:

Shy Bladder

So What?

Desensitization Not Deception!

That’s Guts and Confidence! (See his YouTube Videos Here)

I admire that!

Maybe one day I’ll be able to fully desensitize (like I am around my Pee Buddy Mike). But until then, if you see me in the men’s room, I’ll probably blend right in. I’ll flush, I’m sure I’ll wash, and I’m pretty sure you’ll have no idea that I peed or not.

Because I’m sneaky, deceptive, and a little ashamed…

I may even smile on the way out.

Nothing wrong here!

This is NOT the Avoidant Paruresis you’re looking for… :)

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More Bathroom Desensitization

We have some errands to run today, so I Fluid Load with water before we go.

The first stop: Menard’s

We walk in, the first thing I do is head for the bathroom.

When I walk in, there’s a guy at the sink washing his hands.

More Bathroom Desensitization

I take the first urinal, which is a kiddy urinal, unzip, and wait.

I haven’t been doing much Breath Holding lately, only when I feel it’s absolutely necessary. So I exhale, relax my entire body, and just wait.

It takes me about 20 seconds but I begin to pee.


The guy was fumbling behind me with the dryers and finally got them to work. I paid him no attention.

I peed for about 2 full minutes, and actually got so bored I pulled out my phone and started to check my emails.

That’s about the time that another guy entered and went up to urinal number three.

I kept on peeing, even though it did weaken a tad. No biggie, I just thought, if it takes me longer it takes me longer, who cares?

And so I emptied my bladder, washed, and left a happy camper.

About a half an hour later I could feel the urge to urinate again.

But I didn’t want to pee here, I wanted to wait until the next stop so I could desensitize in a different store and a different bathroom.

And that is precisely what I did!

Shortly later, we went to Home Depot and I made my way straight to the men’s bathroom.

As I’m heading in, so is a Home Depot Employee. He goes in before me and washes his hands at the sink.

Another employee is at the first urinal. There are three urinals in all.

I take the last one!

I unzip, exhale, relax, and ignore everything else in the room.

30 seconds later, I’m peeing!


I kept peeing as the one employee left, and the other one went to the sink to wash up.

It makes me so happy that I can pee under these types of circumstances.

Who would have ever known?

So that’s 2 for 2, I can’t ask for more!

Can I? :)

Posted in Paruresis Help | 2 Comments

I’m Watching You Pee!

Early this morning, I’m standing in the bathroom peeing, and Mike, my Pee Buddy, is standing next to me.

…As always, for my once a day desensitization.

I’m used to him, it doesn’t phase me much anymore.

Like this morning, I’m taking a piss and he’s standing next to me and we’re chatting.

And long about halfway through the chat, he says to me…

“I’m watching you pee!”

I'm Watching You Pee!

And I glance in his direction, and he was absolutely right.

He was facing me and watching me pee. Not something he would generally do, normally he would face towards me but not actually look down. He’s been testing my desensitization lately, like running by the door, jumping and scaring me, and now actually watching me.

And it’s amazing that I never falter!

I don’t break stream, I just keep on peeing.

I’m very happy about that!

How long will it be before that’s the normal everywhere???

Later that afternoon, we’re running some errands, and after being out for about 2-3 hours we end up at Cosco.

I didn’t know how long we would be out, I didn’t know how many errands we had, I didn’t Fluid Load, it was spur of the moment and we just went out the door…

Which is fine with me, but when we get to Cosco and we start walking around I realize “Hey, I could Pee!

So without further ado, I make my way towards the bathrooms.

I walk in, the john is empty, I walk up to the first urinal and I pee within 15 seconds.

It felt wonderful because it was unexpected.

I didn’t plan it!

I didn’t leave the house having to pee. It just happened… naturally!

Like it should!

That’s the way life is supposed to be.

When I’m out, and I have to pee, I pee, easy as that!

It sounds so simple and effortless.

If only it was…

If only it was. :)

Posted in Paruresis Help | 3 Comments

Fluid Loading Piss

We’re running a quick errand today, so I Fluid Load before I go.

I chug a bottle and a half of water, and then 45 minutes later, we’re out the door.

We get to Menard’s and not too long after we get there, I venture into the bathroom.

I walk in and instantly it hits me…

The smell!

Something died in here!

Or, should I say, something’s dying

For as I round the corner I see a guy with yellow workboots sitting in stall number one (closest to the third urinal). His one foot is hiked back at a weird angle and he’s hugging the toilet…

I think he’s having some issues.

Fluid Loading Piss

I always hate pissing around THAT. Most of the time I can’t. I just want to scream and leave

But today…

I hold my breath as I walk up to the first urinal (The short kiddy one) farthest from the smell from hell.

As I stand there, the stall guy is quiet, he’s probably waiting until I leave.

I’m standing there, I’m quiet too!



I pull out my phone and check my stats… It seems to help distract me enough to pee.

And it works… I start peeing within 20 seconds… but it’s coming out slow. That’s okay, because I’m not in a race (although I do want to run and run fast). My only goal is to empty my bladder, and nothing else. So I let it do it’s thing as I continue to play online.. and continue to hold my breath, for I feel I MUST FACE THIS!!!

I pee and I pee for a good minute or so. It finally picks up steam, and before I know it, my bladder is finished and I’m moving to the sinks.

Mission accomplished!

Will this ever get any easier? Peeing while people are pooping?

Who knows?

I guess I shouldn’t complain since I CAN still pee in the bathrooms, at a urinal, with other guys in the john. So I can’t really ask for more than that.

Just be happy with the progress you make, right?

Because it only gets better from here.

Ya feel me?

Posted in Paruresis Help | 2 Comments

I Can’t Stop Peeing!

I Fluid Load before we run to Cosco today, and by the time we arrive, I really need to piss.

I head into the men’s bathroom and see one guy at the first urinal (in the corner). The second and third urinal are free.

I take the third urinal which is the closest to the stalls (which I believe are both empty as well).

I unzip, relax and try to concentrate on peeing.

I can hear the guy at the other urinal peeing loudly!

I hold my breath and apply a little pressure down.

And even though I need to pee badly, it’s giving me problems!!!

I pull out my iPhone and play with my text messages, sending stupid Emojis to people, like Connect 4

I Can't Stop Peeing!

As the other guy finishes peeing and starts to head towards the sinks, I finally began to pee myself.

It’s pretty slow to begin, but it’s going, and that’s all that really matters.

I relax some more and just let it happen!

I also keep texting and keep my mind off my surroundings.

Finally my stream picks up and is flowing nicely

Another guy comes in and walks up to urinal number one.

I’m still peeing!

He’s quiet and I can’t hear anything from him. It makes me wonder if he’s locked up and… if he’s a Paruretic?

I’m still peeing!

It feels like it’s been flowing for two full minutes (and I only drank one bottle of water).

Finally the other guy walks away (the urinals auto flush).

He moves over to the sinks. He must have had a really weak (quiet) stream, or he just pretended to pee.

Could be? I should know…

I’ve been there… Done that!

I keep texting… and…


It’s crazy, but it’s now been about three minutes and there is no sign of stopping! Ha!

I feel kind of silly because two guys have peed and gone, and here I am still standing there.

Outside in the hall, I can hear a mother yelling at her little boy. He’s probably around four. He keeps running into the men’s bathroom and she keeps yelling at him to “come back here“.

He comes in, laughs, screams at her, and then runs back out. What a little BRAT! It’s not so distracting as it is annoying.

But no matter, I’m still peeing…

Ain’t no stopping me!

FINALLY around 4 minutes later, my bladder eases up and empties out. Whew!

That was probably the longest pee I’ve ever had. Talk about boring!

But it felt great and it’s another great success story.

So who’s texting in the bathroom?

That would be me! :)

Smiley Face, Sunset, Thumbs Up, Pizza…

Your Move!

Sounds good to me! :)

Posted in Paruresis Help | 4 Comments

The Bruno Mars Concert

Me, and a group of my friends had a busy night a while back…

We were going to a Bruno Mars Concert! :)

It all started with a two hour drive from our home to a hotel near the stadium where the concert was at.

We figured since it was a 2 hour drive, we’d just stay up there for the night and drive back the next day (which worked out perfectly).

So we leave and get to the hotel early!

Then all us leave shortly after for a local pub and a beer (beer for them, root beer for me).

Then 45 minutes later we all go back to the hotel so Kay can change into something more dazzling for the show.

Our plan is to head to a fish-house (forgot the name) 3 miles from the stadium to eat, and then hit the 8 p.m. show afterwards.

So we’re all waiting in the hotel room as she gets ready, and then right before we leave everyone goes in the small john to pee. And I can tell that my pee-shy desensitization is working, because even with a room full of my friends (who don’t know about me, all except for Mike, my Pee Buddy) I had no trouble peeing in that tiny hotel bathroom just a couple feet from them. Which is awesome, because I know they could hear me.

Then, it’s off to eat…

By 5:30 we’re all seated in the fish-house chowing down on some yummy food. I had a glass of Moscato with my salad, and long about 7:00 we’re on our way to the Bruno Mars concert (which was very cool, and very fun).

The Bruno Mars Concert

The arena was packed!

It’s the largest arena I’ve ever been in and the lines to the food, drinks, and bathrooms wrapped around the building (or so it seemed).

I know as soon as I saw them (especially after my opening day fiasco), that peeing there would probably be a impossibility (I had already accepted that fact).

Mike actually stood in line for 20 minutes and told me later that it was crazy because women were even waiting in that same line as well (WTF?). He said that there were only about six urinals all together, and that the line was insanely long directly behind you (why do such a large arenas have so few bathrooms?).

I would have died…

He told me that he even had a hard time going himself. It took him a while to go because of the extreme pressure and cramped conditions. And so, when he finally was able to pee, it took him a couple minutes to even get a stream going… (and remember this is Mr.-I-pee-in-five-seconds-really-fast-and-really-loud).

Needless to say, I didn’t pee at the concert, didn’t try, and thankfully, I didn’t need to.

I had no urge to go whatsoever! :)

The concert ended with two kick ass encore songs (Locked out of Heaven, and Gorilla). And then we left the stadium… We got really lucky because we parked at the far end of the parking lot near the exit. So once the concert was over, it only took 10 minutes to get out of the parking lot versus the normal hour and a half.

Five minutes later we were back at the hotel, where I could pee in peace when needed.

So while I didn’t go to the bathroom at the concert, it didn’t affect the night and I had a wonderful time after all.

If I did need to pee, that would’ve been a whole different story… so I thank my lucky stars that didn’t happen!

The Drive Back Home

And then yesterday on the way back home, we stopped off at an outlet center to get a bite to eat and do a little shopping.

Luckily, I had three successful pee sessions there

The first was at Rain Forest Café. I had been drinking coffee and soda all morning, and by afternoon, I had to piss.

So, as soon as we enter the restaurant, I head towards the bathroom. I walk in… I see one urinal, and three stalls.

That’s an odd setup!

I go to the only urinal and look down… this is not only a kiddy urinal, but it’s so low to the floor that it looked like an ant urinal. It looked like you’d have to aim directly towards your shoes to pee. Weird!

So I hesitated, and then walked past the stalls because it look like the bathroom continued… It didn’t, it was just a little inset. :(

So I faced the stalls and decide to just use one of them instead. I go in the middle stall, unzip, and right before I pee, I hear some shuffling in the third stall.

Someone’s in there!!! Ugh!

And me, I had to take the stall next to him… With my feet pointing towards the toilet! GREAT!!!

I ignore this horrible scenario, and gently apply pressure as I hold my breath a bit.

And lo-and-behold, I start to pee in about 20 seconds.

It was very slow to start, almost stopped, and then kept on going.

I relaxed, and patiently waited until it picked up steam and I was finally able to empty my bladder.

That was tough!

Usually peeing with someone in the next stall is very, very difficult for me. Especially if it’s just him and me in an ultra quiet bathroom.

But, I pulled it off like a PRO!

After we eat, we shop the outlet stores, and about an hour later, I need to piss again. I looked for the next restroom sign, and Mike waits as I walk the long hallway and go into the Men’s Room.

I walk in, there are four urinals, I took the last one closest to the stalls and I pee pretty damn quick.

After that, we shop for another 1/2 hr, and then right before we leave, Mike says he needs to pee. So the next time we see another bathroom sign, he goes in as I contemplate my situation. Do I need to pee again or not? And then I thought of the 2 hour drive home and decide it’s best to pee here and not have to worry about it later. So he comes out, and I go in.

This bathroom is much busier than the previous bathroom. 7 or 8 guys came and went when Mike was in there… Which of course, I noted.

And now, as I head in, I see this restroom has 4 urinals and a couple of stalls.

I instantly see that the first and third urinal are taken… Not a great situation

And, not only are half the urinals full, but the stall closest to the last urinal (#4) was occupied as well. Which sucks, because that’s the urinal that I was heading towards.


As I walk up to it, I can see the feet under the partition shift… I frown, and then I think to myself “Oh well!“, and step up to the plate.

So now I have a guy to my left peeing in a urinal, and a guy directly to my right taking a dump… this ought to be fun!

I pull out my phone and check my emails and try to distract my mind. I can hear toilets flushing, guys are at the sink behind me, footsteps, shuffling, hand driers…

And I’m trying to concentrate and apply steady pressure down

And it worked!

I pee in about 30 seconds, and I pee, and pee, and peed until I finally emptied my bladder…

That’s incredible!

Especially since it was a long drive home, through rush-hour, construction, and delays.

And so, 2 1/2 hours later, we end up back home, and yes, that was my journey to see Bruno Mars.

It was an awesome concert, and overall I had a great time for a Paruretic at the busiest place on earth.

Gotta love concerts!

Whew! :)

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