Success at Costco!

We run to Costco today for some supplies.

I Fluid Load with 1 1/2 bottles of water before we go.

I don’t have a higher urgency to pee, but I know I can pee.

And so, as soon as we walk in, I head back towards the bathrooms.

As I’m walking down the hall, I pass this really old man pushing a cart. I know he’s heading to the john as well.

I get to the end, turn the corner, and see a kid probably about 8 over by the sinks and dryer.

Success Peeing at Costco!

He looks at me when I enter, I shift my gaze and look to the urinals, there are three, they are all empty!

I take the first urinal in the corner!

I relax and just stand there quietly. The kid finishes up and leaves.

And so for a couple of seconds, it’s just me. I hold my breath to egg on my urination for I know any minute…

The old man finally ventures in!

He wobbles up to urinal number three and starts to pee immediately.

I begin to pee as well… not full force but it’s flowing. After about 15 seconds it finally picks up stream and starts to go rather strongly.

The old man finishes and goes to the sink. I’m still peeing. He’s drying his hands as another guy enters and goes to urinal #3.

Finally I finish and back away. It auto flushes as I go wash up.

And then, as I leave the bathroom and head down the hall, I pass the old man once again… TURTLE! Ha!

We shop, and right before check out I pee once more.

I walk in, and as I’m coming around the bend I see a guy at the center urinal finish up and leave… great timing for me! Whew!

I go back to number one as that guy leaves (no washing for him).

I start to pee pretty quickly!

I pee and I pee and another guy comes in and goes up to urinal #3.

I keep peeing and finally empty my bladder.

Another successful day of Fluid Loading!

Who can complain?

For the most part, it works like a charm! :)

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Avoidant Paruresis Suicide

The other day, I’m looking at my Google Analytics for my website here Shy Bladder HQ, and I’m checking out all of the search terms and keywords that bring people to my site.

Often it gives me topics to write about, plus I’m always curious to see what I show up for.

Today as I look, I see a phrase that stops me dead in my tracks, and I reread the words. They struck such a deep chord in me that I wanted to share it with you.

It read:

Avoidant Paruresis Suicide

WOW!

Someone is actually searching for that phrase… And more than likely, it’s someone who has such a dire case of Pee Shyness that they’re actually contemplating suicide.

It’s scary to think about!

It touched my heart, it really did. For I know what it feels like, I’ve been there many, many times!

I’ve been to the point where Paruresis has beaten me up and taken me to rock bottom. I’ve been so filled with hate and self-loathing that I just wanted to end it all.

I wanted to be rid of my wicked condition one way or another! Rid of this living hell that it puts me through!

YES, I have thought about Suicide A LOT!

These last few years have been very tough on me, and having a social phobia stacked on top of that is just horrendous! I saw no out!!!

It really is such a crippling condition that you feel like you can’t function or enjoy life in the least. It eats you up and spits you out!

I have gone through tons of self-hate (you’ll see examples of this in my posts). I wondered why me? Why do I have this fucking miserable Bladder Shyness? What did I do to deserve it? It’s not fair!

I’ve been there. I’ve broken down into tears. I’ve pounded the wall. I’ve screamed at myself in the mirror. I just about ripped my hair out… it really did push me to the breaking point. When you’re in public dying to pee, and you try, and you can’t, it’s the worst feeling in the world! You feel like such a loser, and it affects your entire life.

Nothing compares!

The agony! The defeat! The despair! It’s too much to handle. Your body and mind is screaming, but your bladder just won’t listen. It refuses to obey and let go of its hold.

You’d rather throw yourself down a flight of stairs, or off the side of a bridge… I hated it! For a couple of months suicide was all I could think about!

I still think about it now, occasionally (I still feel it’s grip), but not as much as I did before. It lingers in the back of my mind, taunting me, ready to pounce when I’m weak. I often feel like I got the raw end-of-life, like I’m the butt of a joke, the laughing stock!

Only one thing has helped me overcome these dark, dangerous thoughts:

RECOVERY!

With every success that I have, it lifts my spirits higher and brightens my day. It gives me hope to carry on. It makes me focus on my future and not dwell upon my past failures. It has helped me tremendously, AND IT WILL HELP YOU TOO!

Paruresis Recovery

I seriously, in a million years, would have never, EVER thought that I would get to the point where I could pee in public, at a urinal no doubt (not hidden away in a stall like a scaredy-cat). I still can’t believe that I can pee with other guys around me, and even right next to me! It blows my mind!

I would have laughed at you a year ago if you would have ever said such a thing to me. I would have shook my head and said you were crazy!

There is no freaking way… NOPE!

But there was…

And it all began with that very first step!

As scary and as frightening as it is, I just had to start… and so do you!

Just know that there is no perfect time to start. There is never an “ideal” situation which permits it. You just have to start TODAY! Start now, like right now… don’t put it off again!

Because tomorrow never comes. It’s always right here, right now, and for some people, some people with Severe Paruresis that can’t seek help, or don’t sign up with the IPA Forums, or don’t Read Books on Recovery, then tomorrow may never come!

Seriously, they may give into their suicidal ways… as sad as it is, it happens.

But we have to stay strong, we have to keep our heads above water and not panic! We have to keep moving forward and try, and try, and never give up. For you have to believe in yourself. You have to do it! No one else can do it for you!

IT’S YOU, AND ONLY YOU!

You can do it, I know, I’m doing it now! I’m living proof! I’m peeing in public!!!

I don’t have 100% success (and maybe never will, for I have been Pee Shy for over 47 years!) I may never be perfect, but I am at least 75% successful now, and THAT I LOVE! For under most circumstances I can and have peed in public thanks to recovery.

I have been peeing in public now for almost 6 months. I’m very proud of that fact. Six months of peeing in urinals is so cool!

In just six months of desensitization, I’ve only had one scary moment where I was very nervous and almost desperate about having to pee in public (opening day at the ballpark). But other than that I’ve had enormous success. I’ve had such great success peeing on a plane (a constant nightmare of mine) that it’s flooded me with emotion and literally made me cry in my seat!

I couldn’t help myself, it just came out! That’s how happy it made me!

So there really is hope for all of us!

Read how it all began with me and my recovery back in October 2013! I pretty much walk you through my journey step-by-step, day by day… until now, where I still log each and every public bathroom adventure success or not.

Avoidant Paruresis Suicide!

Today, I probably have peed successfully in public about 100 times or more! And trust me, that’s beyond all comprehension to me!

I didn’t know I had it in me. So I’m overjoyed that I stuck through the pain and depression. I’m happy that I kept fighting and struggled through my fears and phobias. I’m happy that I started my recovery with my Pee Buddy Mike, and I’m happy that I learned how to do Breath Hold, for it really does work!

I’m very happy that I forced myself to do Fluid Loading, which I didn’t think would work in the least, but it did!!! I’m very happy that I forced myself to leave the house with a full bladder as well. It works like a charm!!! It worked for me, and it WILL work for you too!

SO DON’T GIVE UP!

Don’t give in to suicide! Don’t, just DON’T!

Never let it win! You need to take control of your thoughts and your behaviors! You have to focus forward and make yourself walk the road to recovery!

It won’t be easy (I put it off for almost 2 years), but the path you’re on is not easy either! One path leads to destruction, the other leads to redemption… so change your route, change your mind, change your negative handcuffs!

Cry out for help if you need to!

Contact Me, I’ll do everything I can to assist and motivate! But above all else, believe in yourself… Believe with all of your heart that it will get better… For it always does!

Take tiny steps to start…

Baby steps… Little by little, inch by inch, and sooner or later you will get there!

For tomorrow is another day, a brighter day, and you will succeed!

I guarantee it!

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More Peeing Success!

We’re heading out to the local bar, and so I Fluid Load before hand.

We get there, and I make my way to the bathroom pronto.

I know I need to pee. I’ve actually had to pee for the last hour or so, so I should have no problems tonight…

I go in. It’s empty!

Now remember, this bathroom is TINY TINY, like the size of a broom closet. It only has 1 urinal and 1 stall. All in all, it’s about a 5 foot radius. Close quarters, no room to breath…

Plus, the urinal faces the wall directly next to the door (just an inch away). So anyone walking in, is practically in your face, looking right at you as they enter. You can’t avoid eye contact even if you tried. It’s all very unnerving!

Thankfully, all the times that I’ve ever gone in there and stood at that urinal, not a single guy has come in… which would scare the crap outta me no doubt!

I go up to the Urinal, Unzip, and Hold my Breath!

In about 20 seconds I begin to pee. I still continue to take in very slow and steady breaths, hold it, and exhale just to keep the flow going… just in case!

But, for the entire 3 minutes that I stood there peeing (like Niagara Falls), no one came in.

I was able to Pee, Wash, and Leave!

Success!

And as I exit the bathroom and start down the narrow hallway, I see at the other end, leaning against the wall, are 2 young guys (19-21?) chatting and waiting to be seated. They both look at me as I stroll by…

They could have easily come into the bathroom to pee. In fact, they could have BOTH come in to wizz at the same time (as many friends do)… And since there are only 2 spots available (unless you use the sink), one of them would have to stand directly behind me, breathing down my neck, waiting for me to finish…

My stomach drops just thinking about this…

But I’m happy that this didn’t happen. Who wants that awkwardness or embarrassment? Right?

Young guys always seem to intimidate me. All that testosterone and masculinity… It makes me wonder what really happened in my childhood to cause my Paruresis??? I don’t really know for sure. I seem to have blocked out a painful incident! It’s just a mystery to me

More Peeing Success!

Intimidating is what it is!

So while tonight was a great success, it’s all in the timing and luck!

Or is it?

I guess you can never live your life on “what ifs“…

I Peed! I Succeeded! End of story!

Right?

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A Weekend of Success!

Yesterday, we go out to eat at my favorite restaurant. Some other friends are joining us.

I guzzled a bottle of water before hand, and drank another bottle on the way.

The bathroom at this restaurant (with the long walk to the back) has always been tough for me. I’ve had some successes (here), and some not so great successes (here).

All in all, I’m determined to keep trying.

Fluid Loading helps!

So we sit down, I order a root beer and a water. I chug those too.

We order appetizers…

A Weekend of Successful Peeing!

But, before they came out, I decided to venture into the bathroom for I had a strong urge to pee.

I walk in as someone else is walking out!

I’m the only one in there (which is odd because it’s Friday night and very busy).

I walk up to the last urinal, hold my breath, and begin to pee after about 20 seconds.

I peed for a really loonnnnnnggggg time. I really thought that someone would walk in on me, but no one did.

I peed, stayed a little bit longer just to make sure I was truly empty, and then I washed and left.

As I was leaving, someone else was going in, talk about timing!

1/2 hour later, before the main course was served, I made one more trip.

Into the bathroom I go…

It was almost a mirror image of the first. I was alone, I peed all the way, I washed and left.

Then right before we left for the night, I made one last visit to the bano.

I walk in, I see one guy is at urinal #3 (in the corner).

RATS!

This meant I had no choice but to grab urinal #1, the short kiddie urinal which I dislike.

But, as I’m walking towards the urinals, I see this guy (who looks drunk and has one hand in front of him hanging onto the wall), and he’s staring at me.

Directly at me!

He had been staring since I came in the door.

He stared at me the entire time I went up to the urinals (boy do I hate that).

And, as I stepped up to the plate, he finally looked ahead again. SHEESH!

So we’re standing there, he’s quiet, I don’t hear him peeing at all. I’m quiet as I stand there hating this situation. He’s weirded me out, and the rest of the bathroom is dead silent.

It makes me even more nervous!

I hold my breath and wait, but the quiet is sinking in…

I wonder why he’s not peeing. Then I start thinking, maybe he’s wondering why I’m not peeing (you know how that goes).

That’s about when I hear him piss a little. I could hear a splash in the urinal

I’m still holding my breath!

I decide to distract myself and I pull out my iPhone as I wait. I pretend to look at my texts (thumbing through and reading them).

Then I can hear some noises coming from the last urinal. I have no idea what it was and I made sure to NOT look! Maybe he was shaking it out, or smacking himself, or something, but it didn’t sound right (or appropriate).

I actually wondered for a brief moment if he was beating off…

This freaked me out and I strived hard to block that image out of my mind.

Finally breath hold began to work and I started to pee!

The guy at the end flushed, staggered behind me and made his way over to the sinks.

I kept looking at my phone the whole time. I also kept on peeing

He washed, dried his hands and left!

WHEW!

I was able to finish peeing in peace and quiet. :)

That was a hair-raising experience.

I’m happy I waited it out and had great success. I’m quite proud of myself.

The Weekend continues…

TODAY… Sunday, we run a quick errand at Costco.

I chug 1 1/2 bottles of water and we’re out the door.

We get there, and since I didn’t have a strong urge yet, I decide to shop first and then pee on the way out.

And that’s exactly what I did!

As I went towards the bathroom, another guy, just feet in front of me, entered as well.

He takes up the #1 urinal (in the corner), and I grab #3 (by the stalls). Some other guy is at the sink.

The guy at the first urinal is quiet. I can’t hear him peeing, but I can clearly hear the guy washing up behind me.

So I do the same thing as I did the previous night. I pull out my iPhone to distract myself (do other guys do this?)

It Worked… Again!

I start to pee in about 30 seconds. It’s slow to start, just half drizzling out, but I ignore everything and just keep checking my emails.

Soon I begin to pee full force!

The guy at urinal 1 (the quiet pee’r, or non pee’r??? – you never know) finishes and goes to the sink.

And as I’m peeing, a Costco worker comes in (with the walkie-talkie blaring), and he goes to urinal #1.

I finish peeing, wash and leave!

Success again!

So I see distraction does work. Either that, or I’m just getting used to tuning everyone out and peeing in public.

I’m sure, as the months and years go by, it’ll just get easier and easier.

Time will tell!

But for now, that’s 4 attempts and 4 big successes!

Gotta love that! :)

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Fish And Chips And Peeing

Me and a bunch of my friends all go out to a pub in the afternoon.

And before I left the house, I drank a bottle of water. Just so it would help me pee at the restaurant.

And after a couple more drinks, appetizers, and the main course (Fish and Chips), I could feel the urge to pee.

Fish And Chips And Peeing!

So I head back to the men’s bathroom!

I go in.

It’s empty!

There are 2 all urinals in there. I take the last one in the corner.

I gently hold my breath, and after about 20 seconds, I begin to pee.

Now the pub was busy, so I fully expected company soon…

And, as I was getting close to finishing…

The door opens…

And, as it opened, I tried to keep myself calm and relaxed, saying to myself “keep peeing, keep peeing, keep peeing…

And as he walked in, I didn’t lose my stream.

I kept it going, even though it did weaken some.

And I kept my flow going all the time he walked to the urinal. And only, as he stepped directly next to me into the only vacant spot left, did my stream cut off.

RATS!

So I got past the startling door opening. I got past the presence of another guy walking towards me…

And only when he was within touching distance (my safety zone) did my body react and clench.

I held my breath as he began to pee, for I wanted to finish.

Shortly after, I was able to pee some more, and finally finish my business.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get over my scared feelings for good. Maybe one day they’ll just dissolve and leave and I’ll never have to worry ever again.

Or maybe, it’ll haunt me until the day I die?

All I know is that I’m trying. I’m peeing in urinals. And I’m peeing around other people.

It’s better than my previous 46 years!

So I guess I shouldn’t complain.

I peed!

‘Nuff said! :)

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C3PO…K!

We have to run some errands today, so before I go, I Fluid Load!

I Fluid Load a LOT!

I drank 2 bottles of water, and another bottle on the way.

We get to Menards 20 minutes later.

I head straight for the bathroom. And as I’m going in, some other guy is coming out. He looks at me, I look away… (I hate it when I do that, it’s such a shameful thing to do).

I go in, the bathroom is now empty.

I go to the first urinal and see that the bottom of the urinal is filled with piss and water. The drain is plugged. Not cool! The urinal cake was floating and it looked like liquid was leaking out over the floor.

Urinal Overflowing

I move over to urinal #3 instead! (next to the stalls)

I hold my breath slightly as I read the latest ads on the wall. HEY, Rootbeer is on sale! :)

Sweet!

I start to pee, and pee, and pee…

And all the while I prepare myself for someone walking in…

I say to myself “Who cares if they come in. I’m peeing! I’m not going to let it bother me. I’m just a man peeing in a urinal like everyone else. No big deal…”

I’m still peeing…

I then hear a shuffle and some guy comes around the corner. He steps up to urinal #1 (good luck with that buddy)!

I keep on peeing!

Some other guy comes in, walks behind me, and goes into the last stall (I think there are 2).

I keep on peeing and finally finish.

That felt great!

I wash and leave.

I know I’ll have to pee again in like 10 minutes or so (I always do), but we’re shopping here and then going to Sam’s Club after, so I’ll hold it until we get there.

And, just like planned, within a half hour we’re at Sams.

I head towards the men’s room!

As I’m walking down the hall leading to the bathroom, I see another guy in front of me, probably about ten feet, going in as well.

I don’t slow, I don’t hesitate, I say to myself “I need to do this, I need the practice, I have to pee with other guys around…”, so I follow him in.

He goes up to urinal 3 (3 of 3), and I went to the first urinal (in the corner). He starts to pee like it was going out of style. He peed loud and fast.

I didn’t!

I had to breath hold for about 30 seconds before it began. He was already at the sink by the time I started.

And this time, my urine was coming out slow…

Someone else, who was in one of the stalls, flushed. I could hear them pulling up their pants.

My stream finally picked up steam and got going at a good pace.

The stall guy came out and washed.

I peed for a good minute until I was finally finished!

Then I washed and left.

2 Big Successes!!!! How cool is that?

We shopped, grabbed some samples (Dino-Nuggets), and during check out, Mike asked me if I needed to use the bathroom again?

I hadn’t planned on it… But I did have a slight urge… Not grand, but I could probably still go…

So I decided to try!

I made my way back to the bathroom once more.

I see all 3 urinals are empty (I have no idea about the stalls).

I do a slight breath hold, and in about 15 seconds, I start to pee.

Awesome!

Some guy comes in and goes to urinal #3. My stream weakened slightly, but didn’t stop. It keep puttering along (to my amazement).

Another guy comes in and goes into the first stall. He peed really loud and really fast (I always find it odd to hear guys peeing in stalls now, but there is a guy code to adhere to… And I used to pee in the stalls for 40 years or so myself…!)

All in all, I peed 3 times today. All 3 a great success!

And I owe it all to my continuing practice of Breath Hold and Fluid Loading!

It works!

See, that’s 3 Pees… Okay?

C3PO…K! :)

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Try With No Luck!

So I go out with a bunch of my friends to a restaurant tonight.

I didn’t Fluid Load because that gets a little hectic peeing and explaining why “I have to pee again…

But I told myself that I would drink through out the night, and if I had an urge to go, I’d go.

Well, I drank as planned. I had a couple of glasses of water and a glass of wine, thinking I’d gain an urge, but I didn’t.

So I figured, before the evening ended, that I would at least TRY to pee (sometimes I surprise myself).

So I excused myself and headed for the loo!

I go in.

It’s empty!

Great!

I pick the last of 3 urinals, unzip and wait.

It surely is more difficult to pee without an urge.

I decided to hold my breath and see if that would work.

As I’m holding in 1/4 of the air in my lungs, the door opens and some guy goes in the first stall and closes the crazy, noisy latch.

Try Peeing With No Luck!

I thought we had a pooper, but he began to pee very fast and very loud.

I think it’s odd that he went into the stall to pee, especially since there were 2 free urinals.

But, then again, that was me for 46 years… (and most of the time I DIDN’T PEE!)

No matter, my breath hold started to work, for I got a little squirt out.

And that was it!

No more was coming!

I tried a little longer.

NOPE!

By the time I got home, I still didn’t have an urge to pee. In fact, I sat at my computer for a good hour before my bladder finally kicked in.

Some days you just don’t know.

Some days I can pee for 4 minutes straight and pee every 10 minutes or so. Other days I could go for hours and hours without a drop…

Odd!

But at least I did try. I got up in a busy restaurant and desensitized in the men’s bathroom.

I’m quite happy about that…

But if I had fluid loaded before hand, I’m sure I would have had more success.

There’s always tomorrow! :)

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Good Call Mike!

I’m at home, working on the computer.

Mike, my Pee Buddy and Roommate asks me if I want to go get a bite to eat.

“Where to?”

How about Bob Evans?“, he says “I want a Salad.”

Sure!

So I get up, grab my jacket and say “give me a sec. I’m gonna pee and then I’ll be ready…” (I did this out of sheer habit)

I turn towards the bathroom and Mike stops me…

“Why don’t you pee there?”

I stop and look at him. It had been such a quick decision to up and leave, that I never thought about holding it and peeing in public. It never even ran through my mind.

But now, I stood there thinking…

How bad do I really need to pee?

Should I Fluid Load before I go?

I ponder this as Mike just stares at me waiting for an answer.

I DID have to pee. In fact, I’ve had to pee for a good 20 minutes, I’ve just been too lazy to get up from the desk…

Which tells me, I would have no problems peeing at home, which is why I should hold it…

Mike WAS right.

Why miss an opportunity?

Good Call” I say to him. “I’ll pee there!

But, as a fail safe, I did grab a bottle of water and guzzled it out the door. :)

Ten minutes later we arrive!

Pee Buddy Makes A Good Call

I waste no time in going to the john.

The crazy thing is, I’ve eaten at that restaurant probably 50 times or so in the past, and never once have I ever set foot in that bathroom…

YOU DON’T SAY?

So in I go…

I see 2 urinals, with a big divider, and 2 stalls.

I’m the only one in there.

I step up to the 2nd urinal, unzip, and wait. I’m really nervous about peeing in a new place…

I decide to breath hold to bring my stream on.

And within 30 seconds, I’m peeing!

It starts rather slow, almost peters off, and then it finally gets going and I get a good strong flow.

I am able to pee all the way, empty my bladder, and not a solitary soul came in.

It still does floor me how often I am totally alone in the bathrooms. I would have never guessed.

I still need work on keeping my flow when someone walks in, but that’s really just going to take time, experience, and desensitization.

It’s only been about 4 months now…

Give me 4 years of practice and I’ll probably never remember what Paruresis ever felt like.

I’m hoping…

So chalk one up for my pee buddy. He keeps me pointed in the right direction…

Recovery! :)

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An Interesting Week

This week has been a weird week indeed.

I don’t really feel good, nor bad about it. It just is!

It started off with me and my pee buddy Mike, going to the local restaurant. I Fluid Load before I go (a bottle of water), and long about an hour into our meal, I venture into the bathroom.

Now I don’t have a gigantic urgency to pee, but I try anyways…

I wander in, it’s empty!

There are 2 urinals and 2 stalls in here.

An Interesting Week in Paruresis Recovery!

I step up to the first urinal, unzip, and wait.

I can tell I’m on high alert!

It’s a very busy restaurant, and I know chances are good that someone will walk in on me…

I decide to hold my breath, for I can tell that I’m having some problems…

I hold my breath about 30 seconds…

Then 40.

And FINALLY I begin to pee!

It’s slow to start, but finally picks up steam.

I was able to pee and fully empty my bladder and not a single soul came in.

SWEET!

That is something I really need to work on… People barging in.

I find I can pee at the urinal when the bathroom is empty, but when guys come and go, it’s more difficult and can often lock me up for a bit.

So that’s high on my priority list of “Must Work-On“!

The rest of the week has been odd!

I’ve had 3 huge opportunities to desensitize in public bathrooms, but I’ve passed on every single one of them.

One was at the movies, once at a local theater, and once at a charity event.

3 chances, and NO bathroom visits!

:(

Granted, I didn’t Fluid Load before these events, and I didn’t leave the house with a full bladder either. But, I could have at least walked into the bathroom to pretend! Right?

I know I should have…

I know I could have…

Except, I will say that the line at the theater intermission was out the door, across the lobby, and even out the next set of doors. It was LONG!

Granted, it moved fast, Mike went through the line in about 8 minutes, but it was a little too much for me to handle. All that pressure just to stand there and practice didn’t seem fitting.

So what does this week mean to me?

Nothing!

I’m no longer trying to focus on the importance of going or forcing myself to go in public. I’m now trying to let it happen more naturally. Not to always Fluid Load. Not to force myself to pee every 20 minutes or so…

In other words, I’m going when I feel like going.

I’m not dwelling on it!

I don’t want it to consume my every waking action anymore…

Sure, I’ll probably still practice Fluid Loading since it seems to work well for me, but not to the point where it kills me.

I’m going to listen to my body… I don’t want to dehydrate myself ever again, so I’ll drink wherever I go. I so feel for the most part, this is working. It feels right.

Now all I need is more time and experience.

And I have an entire future for that! :)

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Peeing in the Urinal

We head out to the bar for a burger. I Fluid Load before we go

The place was hoping. PACKED! There’s a 20 minute wait for a table, so we pull up seats at the bar.

A live band is playing. The atmosphere is very masculine and macho.

Peeing in the Urinal!

I’m feeling on display at the bar. Intimidated to say the least.

I have a slight urge to pee, but decide to drink some more to up the urgency.

After finally getting seated, and eating some Gooey, Chewy Mozzarella Sticks, I finally excuse myself and head back to the bathroom.

I did notice that I waited until some dude had gone and peed before I made my way to the john. :(

I head in the Men’s Room

There are only 2 urinals. I am nervous, but happily, I am the only one in there.
Cool beans!

I stand at the urinal and try to relax.

I can hear voices outside and the thump of the country band. They’re good!

After about 30 seconds, I begin to pee!

And I peed a lot!

I stood there peeing, and peeing, and was very surprised that no one else came in… And, as I was getting to the end of my piss, the door opens and some guy comes in.

My stream froze up as he moved behind me. He went into the one and only stall next to my feet. I could hear him fumbling with his pants as he sat down quick.

I grimaced and resumed peeing!

I peed for another 15 seconds, and then finally emptied my bladder.

I was happy, and very quickly washed up and left for I didn’t want to stick around for the fireworks.

I’m outta there!

So I peed once, we ate and then left. I didn’t have the urge to go again.

Which is no biggie since I practically live across the street.

I’m happy that I’m able to pee in a busy bar like this. And even though I hesitated and broke stream, I was still able to resume and finish the deed.

What more can I expect after 40 years of Paruresis?

Know what I mean?

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