Peeing at the Top of the CN Tower

Tonight we eat an Awesome Steak Dinner in the 360 Restaurant at the Top of the CN Tower in Toronto (1.151 Feet Up).

We’re there for a Couple of Hours overlooking the City Lights at Night.

Walking on the Glass Floors was a Scary Fun Experience…

Glass Floor CN Tower Toronto

But the Wind was Cold and Blowing at that Height and you didn’t want to Stay outside long. BRRRR!

After the Meal in the 360 Spinning Restaurant, we get up to leave, and Mike heads into the Bathroom.

I stand outside and wait!

I didn’t have a High Urgency, but after a Couple of Glasses of Wine, I knew that I could probably go.

So he comes out. I ask him it’s it’s Busy in there…

He says “NO”, and so I go in!

The Bathroom was Posh, Elegant, and almost Empty.

One guy was heading into a Stall, and another guy was at the sinks.

I see 3 Urinals with Pretty Big Dividers.

I go to the one at the end and get myself situated.

I also pull out my Phone and check my Messages.

And wouldn’t you know it, I begin to PEE in 20 Seconds!

The door opens…

A guy comes in and walks up to Urinal #1. I’m still Peeing, but thinking to myself “If someone else comes in, they’ll HAVE to go to the Center Urinal…”

And of course, the door opens, and a guy comes in and heads towards us, but then goes into one of the Stalls…

COOL!

So I keep Peeing, and finally Finish and Flush.

I put my Phone away, zip up, and head over to the sinks.

And as I do, one of the Stall Doors opens up, and some guy comes walking out…

He comes walking out with Toilet Paper stuck to his shoe… Poor Guy!

I was going to say something to him, but it fell off as he got to the sink.

I wash and leave. And that was me Peeing at the Top of Toronto!

It’s a Cool City, I’ve been here Plenty of Times in the Past, but Tomorrow, we’re Checking out and taking a Road Trip to Niagara Falls.

What Bathrooms will I encounter there?

Well, you’ll just have to wait and see…

CHEERS! :)

Posted in Paruresis Help | Leave a comment

The Boston Pizza Bathroom

It’s always interesting Peeing in a Different Country.

You NEVER know what to expect.

For Example…

We see a Cirque du Soleil Show Yesterday (Kurios Cabinet of Curiosities), that was set up in an outside tent…

Kurios Cabinet of Curiosities

The Show had a LOT of Laughter and was simply Amazing. They had an extremely talented Cast of Acrobats.

But here’s diving into the mind of a Paruretic…

As the show progresses, out comes a two-headed man (Siamese Twins)…

Here’s a photo of them so you can see what I mean…

Kurios Cabinet of Curiosities Siamese Twins

It was supposed to look like One Man with Two Heads. And from a Distance, with the Lights and Dark Background, the Effect worked Great! But of course, as he comes closer you can see that it’s Two Guys side by side in the same Outfit. Two Arms and Two Legs were showing, and their other Legs were covered in Black, so you couldn’t see them. They were Wrapped around each other and Hanging on to keep Balance and Appearance… And they were like this for most of the Show…

Hooked Together For HOURS!

And so, I see this, and the first thing I think is “How do they Pee?

Not, “That Looks Cool”, or “Neat Effect!”, it’s “How do they Pee?

Crazy thinking, but for a person with Shy Bladder Syndrome, it’s easy to think. “I could NEVER Pee like that. With someone Attached to me… right there… Touching, Holding…!!!”

I say that to Mike later on and he says “They probably just Peed before they got into Costume!

Sigh!

See how my mind works. I worry about how THEY could Pee! HA!

While at the show, Mike drinks beer. I drink nothing. He had to go to the Bathroom during Intermission. He comes back after 15 minutes and says “That was CRAZY!

He says the make-shift Bathroom was outside the Tent, in trailers, and he says that they were co-ed, and the lines were insane and unorganized.

He says you had to go up the stairs to Pee, then down stairs to the Sink. He says that as you stood there in line waiting, you could see the People’s Feet in the Bathroom. He said there was a 3-4″ gap underneath the Front Door and Back, so you could see right through the entire Bathroom!

WHAT?

Everyone could see you in there, what you were doing, which way you were facing, how long you were taking, and they could probably even HEAR you.

GASP!

“Come on! Hurry up inside!!!!”

I probably wouldn’t be able to go. So I’m happy I didn’t have to.

Anyway…

After the show, we go to get Pizza!

We end up at Boston Pizza not far from the Royal York Hotel.

The place was Busy. The Pizza was Great! The Dessert was AWESOME…

Boston Pizza Chocolate Dessert

Some sort of Chocolate Brownie, Cake… (I think it’s called the Chocolate Doughcano?) INSANE! Epic Proportions of Yummy Madness!

So, all the while I’m drinking Root Beer. Mike’s having more Beers.

Before we go, he heads to the Bathroom!

I ponder going or not. My Anxiety is up since it’s a Sports Place with TV monitors everywhere, the Hockey Game was on (and when the Team Scored, they’d Flash the Lights in the whole Restaurant ON and OFF).

I decide I should make an attempt, since I didn’t have the balls at the Show!

Mike comes back, and I know he’s gonna have a Comment about the Bathroom…

And he does!

His eyes get huge and he says to me “The bathroom is Small, like a Closet!

I Smirk!

But I’m already up and outta my Seat, NO stopping me now…

I walk down the long hall and find the Men’s Room.

I push the door open… and boy was Mike right.

It was SMALL!

Probably one of the Smallest Bathrooms I’ve seen in Public (that’s not a single user).

Thankfully it was empty!

It had a Sink, 2 Urinals, and one Stall. The layout seemed about 6 feet in all… Claustrophobic… Dark… Quiet!!!

Take a peek…

The Boston Pizza Bathroom

See! Told ya!

The two Urinals were close with NO Dividers… and it was Ultra Quiet in there. It would be very awkward for two people to stand there at the Urinals, huddled together to Pee. WOW!

I step up to the Corner Urinal…

I did that after a bit of hesitation… I mean, if I were to take the 1st Urinal (right next to the Stall), and someone were to walk in on me, then they’d have to Squish past me, around the Sink and into the Corner… Not Cool! Too Tight of Space for all that Maneuvering… So into the Corner I go.

I Unzip. Hold my breath, and apply some gently pressure down.

I also pull out my phone to distract me… (Hey, these would be the Perfect Urinals for the Guy with Two Heads)… :)

After about 20 seconds, I begin to Pee.

And the whole time I was alone.

WHEW!

I Emptied my Bladder, washed up and left.

I got lucky that time!

That was certainly the Bathroom from Hell. It could have given me Huge Problems… But, I was the only one…

Tonight, was a Good Night!

Because we still had a couple of blocks to walk, and the Weather was around 45 degreesA little Chilly to have a Full Bladder!

So that was the Boston Pizza, and their Tiny, Tiny Bathroom.

Wonderful Pizza, Cute Waitresses (in tiny tight Outfits – I think her name was BOOBS), Incredible Deserts…

But the Bathroom seemed like an afterthought.

You just never know! :)

Posted in Paruresis Help | 2 Comments

Toronto Here I Come

P.S. I’m about 6 months behind in my Posts here, so bear with me. I’m going to try to get caught up… I have a LOT to type (like 20 Posts or more). :)

Noon. Me and my Business Partner/Roommate/Pee Buddy/Mike set out on a Road Trip to Lovely Toronto Canada.

It’s a 4 Day Vacation, with some Sight Seeing and Relaxation… A much needed get-a-way.

It’s also a 6 hour drive.

So at Noon, we hit the road!

I make sure to bring a CASE of Water with me, since I plan to drink and Pee along the way.

We stop at the corner to fill up on Gas, and I also grab myself an Extra Large 24oz cup of French Vanilla Cappuccino. :)

And by the time we get over the border (an hour later), Mike pulls into a McDonalds and says he needs to Pee.

I follow him into the Restaurant, all the while thinking “Do I need to Pee or not?

You see, I didn’t have a strong urge yet, but I knew, that if I was back home, YES, I probably could have Peed.

So, after he heads into the John, I stood there for a minute contemplating the situation, and then said “Fuck it! I’m gonna try anyway!

So I head into the Bathroom!

There are 3 Urinals. Mike is at the center Urinal and another guy is to his left. The only Urinal open is the Short Kiddie Urinal.

I walk up to it and I see Mike glance over at me. I think he’s as surprised as I am.

The Urinals have a large divider between them, which is good. I stood there for a minute, and finally Hold my Breath slightly to egg myself on.

Mike finishes and goes over to the sink behind me. I get a little pee out… it’s NOT being nice!

I pull out my phone and start to fuck with it to distract my brain.

I also Hold my Breath some more!

Mike leaves. The other guy leaves. And that’s about when I start to Pee. HA!

I peed all the way, and as I was finishing up, a worker comes in to clean the Bathroom. I finish, and move over to the sink. I can hear him flush the Stall Toilet… I don’t even want to know what’s going on there. :)

A couple of minutes later (after some Chicken Nuggets), we’re on the road taking 401 to Toronto.

Long about 2 hours later, there’s an “On Route” Service Center. We pull in. They were extremely busy!

We both need to Piss again, so we head back to the Men’s Room.

I walk in first!

It’s a HUGE bathroom. It’s split in two sections like an Airport Bathroom.

The first section has Stalls (I think 8ish?) and Sinks, and as you walk around the center, there’s a whole line of Urinals (9ish of them?) and more Sinks.

A couple of the end Urinals were full, 2 guys were at the sinks, and so I pick a center Urinal. Unzip. And wait.

The Urinals were small little Bowls, shown here…

(And yes, I did take out my phone and snap a shot of them. HA!)

Toronto Urinals

I might as well photo them… I mean, I already had my phone out and was playing with it…

(I did make sure my VOLUME was off! LMAO That would have been Embarrassing!)

The Bathroom was hoping!

Mike took a Urinal 2 to my right. He Peed quickly and was out. I was taking longer, there’s a lot of commotion going on, but I didn’t care. As long as it takes!

Who cares how many guys come and go while I’m trying… The place was so busy no one would notice.

The sinks behind me are bustling. I could hear Footsteps, Talking, Peeing, Flushing…

All the while I’m checking my emails and messages…

DISTRACTION!

And it works!

I Pee and Pee and Pee… and finally Finish!

I didn’t care who saw me, how long I stood there, how long Mike had to wait… All in all, I’m sure it was probably only a few minutes, but boy does it sure seem like a lifetime. :)

On the way out of the Plaza, we stopped by Tim Hortons and grabbed another Large Coffee. This is FUN!

2 Hours later, about 3/4 of the way there, we stopped again at another “ON Route” Service Station.

PIT STOP!

Mike doesn’t have to go, but I do. I’ve been drinking Coffee and Water all day, and I wanted to Pee before we got to the Hotel.

So once again, I head into the Men’s Room. They are just as busy as the first one. I again take a center Urinal. A guy follows me in and takes a Urinal 2 to my right. Then another guy walks by me and takes the one directly to my left.

It doesn’t matter, because my phone is out and I’M PEEING!

I Peed much faster this time. Getting used to it. although it started out Slow, it eventually picked up steam and went full force.

The guy to my left leaves. Another guy takes the Urinal directly to my right.

I’M STILL PEEING!

And this time, as I’m Peeing, I’m making notes in my iPhone about what’s going on around me, so I can remember it later (and write it down for this post).

See this screenshot…

Keeping Track of my Pee Desensitization

It’s actually pretty Funny, and a Great way to Remember every little detail.

The guy to my right Peed really fast and really LOUD. HE HAD TO GOOOO!

I wasn’t so Speedy. But I really had an Ideal Frame of mind that said “I don’t care how long I take. I don’t care how many guys come and go. I don’t care about ANYTHING but PEEING! And Peeing until I’m finally Finished!”

And that my friends, is precisely what I did.

A minute later, I emptied my bladder, put my phone away, and washed up.

All done.

All Happy.

I LOVED IT!

An hour later, we’re pulling into the Royal York Hotel (roads were all under heavy construction… what a Disaster!), but we’re here!

All in all, I Peed 3 times on the way, and once in the Hotel room while Mike unpacked.

It was a really nice trip, and I didn’t encounter any problems.

It just took a little longer than normal. No biggie!

If that’s all it takes, then I’ll be a Happy Man.

Welcome to Toronto! :)

Posted in Paruresis Help | 2 Comments

To Pee in Silence

Q: “Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the Bathroom?

A: “Because the P is Silent!

That’s a funny joke that I heard the other day, and it really made me think. It hit home! It holds so much truth for Paruretics

For before I started Recovery, I would Pee in the Public Bathrooms Quietly (or attempt to).

In fact, I would lock myself in a stall and try to become invisible. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was in the Bathroom, trying to Piss.

Usually I would stand there, frozen in terror until the Bathroom was totally empty. And then it would still take me a couple of minutes of standing there, scared and alone, before my anxiety would calm down enough for me to start a weak timid stream.

And at that time, I would also be hyper-sensitive, listening to every single sound, creak, footstep, noise in the hall… Just waiting, knowing that any second the door would bang open, startle me, and lock my bladder up again

It was HORRIBLE!

And whether there was a guy or two in the bathroom, or even if I was by myself, I always did the same thing…

I Peed on the side of the toilet!

I Peed on the side so it wouldn’t make any noise. My Pee was SILENT! Like it never happened at all.

Anybody in the Bathroom would have no idea I was there (and probably be startled when I flushed), hiding, ashamed, and embarrassed by the sound of my own Urination.

I hated it!

I couldn’t understand how it didn’t bother other guys. They would Piss LOUDLY in the Urinals or toilet. They didn’t care who saw them, or heard them. They would talk, laugh, groan, or even FART

Things that would mortify me.

For I was Chicken, and no one could know that I was trying to Pee.

No one!

Even when I was home, and there were people in the next room or hall way. I would Pee on the side of the toilet so it wouldn’t make a sound.

It frightened me.

For a Paruretic, the P really is silent!

UNTIL RECOVERY!

You see, 2 1/2 years ago (way before my REAL Recovery began with a Pee Buddy), I did one thing that started my whole Desensitization

I started to make NOISE!

(Read about that Life-Altering Act Here!)

For I knew that the whole act of Peeing was the PHOBIA. And until I proved to myself that Peeing is Normal and Natural and the Sound of someone Pissing is NOT Embarrassing, THAT is where it all began! THAT is what opened my mind. THAT gave me BACKBONE!

For I started Peeing in the center of the toilet. Splashing LOUDLY in the water for all to hear.

To Pee in Silence

It was difficult at first. I cringed just hearing it. And it even took me quite a while to re-train my Bad Peeing Habits. After all, I had 45 years of Peeing in Silence… So Forcing myself to Pee differently, Loudly, where people KNEW I was Peeing, was NOT an easy task. I had to constantly REDIRECT my stream back into the center!!! Because I would start to Pee quietly like normal, and then catch myself, and AIM into the water instead! (fighting my screaming mind the entire time)

But It worked!

That was my first REAL step towards Recovery (which is still a work in progress).

That was a HUGE undertaking that I still continue to this day (and LOVE it).

No matter where I am. No matter who’s listening, or watching… I MAKE myself Pee Loud and Proud.

I Pee in Urinals so it’s Noisy. I Pee in the toilet at home so all can hear. I even Peed in a busy bathroom stall, with the door wide open, loudly in the center of the bowl…

NO MORE HIDING!!!

It really is exhilarating!

Just to hear myself Pee is Awesome. Just to hear the sound echo around the bathroom. To know that everyone else KNOWS that I’m Peeing, just like them, and that THEY DON’T CARE!!!

It’s a huge relief.

To them, I’m normal.

I’m a Man, and I’m just doing what needs to be done.

So DON’T Pee in Silence!

Silence is a KILLER!

For you will NEVER Recover…

Until you are HEARD!

Posted in Paruresis Help | 7 Comments

“Hello Bathroom!”

I go out to eat Friday Night with a bunch of my friends.

I didn’t Fluid Load, and I DID Pee before I left the house!

WHY?

Because even though that helps me Pee under pressure, I want to try to get over that and just Urinate like a normal man does.

Which means, if I need to Pee, I’ll Pee. If not, I won’t.

Easy as that!

So we eat our meal, and the whole time I’m drinking Root Beer (two bottles) and I’m also drinking Water. I’m not desperate (like I normally am) to Pee, but I decide about halfway through the meal, that I’ll egg it on and attempt to Pee before we leave.

And that I DO!

I excuse myself from the table, and make my way back to the restrooms.

I catch eyes here and there looking at me as I pass. One of the waiters that I know says “HI“. I nod, say “HI” back and keep on course… He’s Busy. I’m pre-occupied… I only have one thing on my mind

10 Seconds later, I’m pushing on the Men’s Door and walking in…

It’s EMPTY!

Totally Empty!

I say a silent “HELLO BATHROOM!” as I breath a sigh of relief and enter.

This is a difficult bathroom for me, because it’s usually fairly busy, and sometimes it’s packed.

But not now, I have the whole bathroom to myself.

I step up to the last of 3 Urinals (the one in the corner), unzip and wait.

And while I wait, I pull out my iPhone and play a Word Game (7 Little Words)…

Bathroom Word Game

15 Seconds Later, I’m Peeing!

The Door Opens…

A guy walks in and goes to the first urinal. He starts Peeing pretty quickly. I keep playing my game and Peeing as he finishes, flushes, and moves over to the sink.

I’m still Peeing (I’m a slow Pee’r most of the time anyway, so I try to ignore it).

He starts to dry his hands. I’m still Pissing Root Beer!

Finally he opens the door and leaves…

I empty my Bladder and put my phone away.

All DONE!

So the night was a Success!

I Peed in Public WITHOUT the need to Fluid Load or leave the house with a screaming bladder!

I came home Empty, Relieved, and Happy that my Desensitization is Working!

It can’t get any better than that! :)

Posted in Paruresis Help | 2 Comments

Is this a Successful Pee?

I Fluid Load before running to Mendards today.

When I get there, I head into the Men’s Bathroom.

I walk in the open doorway, turn the corner, and see 1 guy at the sinks washing up.

I walk by him and aim towards the urinals on the left.

I take the first one (all 3 are empty) closest to the sinks.

I can see his feet below the partition, and I know he can see mine as well.

I situate myself, pull out my phone, and check my emails…

Is this a Successful Pee?

Within about 20 seconds I begin to Pee!

The guy at the sink has now dried his hands and left.

Another guy walks in and steps up to urinal #3 (closest to the stalls).

I Keep on Peeing!

My stream is not strong, but it’s flowing nicely and I just let it do what ever it wants. It has a mind of its own.

The other guy begins to pee loud and strong.

After about another minute, I finish up and move over to the sinks.

I wash and dry as the other guy does the same.

I exit the bathroom feeling refreshed and happy.

It was a success!

Or was it?

Am I being fully open and honest with myself in thinking that my pee sessions in public are working?

I’m peeing in public alright, at urinals with other guys around…

But…

I’m also distracting myself with my phone!

Is this cheating?

Am I really desensitizing myself when I’m using my phone?

It’s like turning on the water to drown out the sounds, or waiting until the bathroom is empty to pee… Am I doing my Paruresis wrong by masking my condition?

It makes me wonder.

But then, I also think, “Who cares if I am or not?

If it helps ME PEE, who gives a damn?

I’m the one with the problem here. I’m the one who needs help… So if a little minor distraction is all that it takes to make me pee in public, then so be it.

It works!

And it’s not hurting anyone else.

So should I be making a big deal about this?

Should I be worried?

I don’t know.

I’m leaning towards the “who gives a crap” side.

But, I could just be fooling myself.

What’s your take?

Other people solve their pee shy by counting, dipping their hands in warm water, or even holding their breath

So is this really any different?

I’m thinking not…

But as you can see… I am thinking.

Thoughts?

Posted in Paruresis Help | 7 Comments

Rob Lowe’s Gregarious Bladder!

If you haven’t seen the DirecTv Commercial featuring Rob Lowe, you’re lucky! He, and the other “Rob Lowe Loser” make fun of Cable, by referring to them with different situations… including being Pee Shy!

He stands at a urinal and says “I can’t go with other people in the room“…

Where the DirecTv Rob Lowe responds “Don’t be like this me!

WHY? You don’t want to be like us because we’re not as good as you?

rob lowe makes fun of bladdeer shy rob

Steven Soifer (CEO of the International Paruresis Association and Author of Shy Bladder Syndrome) stepped up and quoted:

We don’t mind if people have a little fun with it. It’s a situation that a lot of people don’t understand. In this particular case, the portrayal is making it look ridiculous, that this guy is a loser for having a problem. What if he didn’t have a leg or an arm? Are you going to make fun of them?

Well said! I agree…

And considering that 7% of the population has some sort of Avoidant Paruresis, I’d say that he was spot on!

Watch the full video here…

When I viewed the commercial, I felt slighted and very sad. It does make us seem like losers… more than we already feel!

Rob’s response was “For those wondering, my bladder is gregarious!” (Meaning his Bladder is “Fond of Company”… Warm and Chummy!) He tried to be funny, but it’s a serious topic! Plus, your Bladder can’t be company loving anyway. Maybe your genitals could be… but not your Bladder! Come on!

It’s tough enough having this condition and being secretive about it, but now we’re made fun of and ridiculed just so DirecTv and Rob Lowe could make some money?

Stuff like this is what makes people Pee Shy to begin with!

A little Humiliation. A little Fun. Laughter in the Bathroom… Being Shamed…

Paruresis affects me every single day of my life. I’m always nervous and scared of NOT being able to Pee in Public. Let alone being caught and made fun of… “What a wuss! He can’t even Pee like a Man!”

It’s NO fun at all!

SHAME on you DirecTv!

You’d think you’d be a little more sensitive when it comes to your viewership and audience. You never know who you’ll insult!

We can’t all be perfect and normal like you!

Some of us are trapped in this hellish Social Phobia!

Sheesh!

What do you think?

Posted in Paruresis Help | 2 Comments

Desensitization Not Deception

I was reading in the IPA Forums the other day, and something DaveA said really stood out and caught my attention.

He said “A great desensitization opportunity, is NOT doing any kind of deceptions.

What a great quote!

(Read the entire forum post here!)

And I thought about that and saw how truthful it really was.

Deception is doing things in the bathroom that you would normally do if you were to pee in public like other guys. Things like: Flushing, using Toilet Paper, Making Noise, Washing your Hands, Drying… It’s basically acting as if you are completely normal and didn’t have Shy Bladder Syndrome at all.

In other words: Deceiving Everyone!

I’ve done this plenty of times before, and every now and then, even now, when I have a misfire, I’ll still do things like that.

Acting normal!

I’ll be standing at the urinal unable to pee. And I’ll shake, flush, walk to the sinks (always avoiding eye contact), wash and dry my hands as if I just urinated.

I don’t want to draw attention to the fact that I couldn’t pee. I don’t want anyone to even think for a second that I had Shy Bladder.

I’m just another guy, in the bathroom, relieving himself, and no one is the wiser.

Except me!

Leaving me with a full bladder and a mind that’s beating me up inside.

All because I want my condition to remain a secret. Hidden away from society like a curse upon nature.

I wish I didn’t care!

I wish I had the guts to be so open and honest and treat it like you would a cough or a cold.

But I can’t. Not yet at least.

It’s getting better. I AM able to pee at least 75% of the time in public… under the proper circumstances…

But will it ever be 100%?

Who knows?

I’d love to be like Dave (here’s his website: www.Paruretic.Org)…

He proudly wears bright white and yellow t-shirts when he’s out in public doing desensitization.

The t-shirts read:

Shy Bladder

So What?

Desensitization Not Deception!

That’s Guts and Confidence! (See his YouTube Videos Here)

I admire that!

Maybe one day I’ll be able to fully desensitize (like I am around my Pee Buddy Mike). But until then, if you see me in the men’s room, I’ll probably blend right in. I’ll flush, I’m sure I’ll wash, and I’m pretty sure you’ll have no idea that I peed or not.

Because I’m sneaky, deceptive, and a little ashamed…

I may even smile on the way out.

Nothing wrong here!

This is NOT the Avoidant Paruresis you’re looking for… :)

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More Bathroom Desensitization

We have some errands to run today, so I Fluid Load with water before we go.

The first stop: Menard’s

We walk in, the first thing I do is head for the bathroom.

When I walk in, there’s a guy at the sink washing his hands.

More Bathroom Desensitization

I take the first urinal, which is a kiddy urinal, unzip, and wait.

I haven’t been doing much Breath Holding lately, only when I feel it’s absolutely necessary. So I exhale, relax my entire body, and just wait.

It takes me about 20 seconds but I begin to pee.

Cool!

The guy was fumbling behind me with the dryers and finally got them to work. I paid him no attention.

I peed for about 2 full minutes, and actually got so bored I pulled out my phone and started to check my emails.

That’s about the time that another guy entered and went up to urinal number three.

I kept on peeing, even though it did weaken a tad. No biggie, I just thought, if it takes me longer it takes me longer, who cares?

And so I emptied my bladder, washed, and left a happy camper.

About a half an hour later I could feel the urge to urinate again.

But I didn’t want to pee here, I wanted to wait until the next stop so I could desensitize in a different store and a different bathroom.

And that is precisely what I did!

Shortly later, we went to Home Depot and I made my way straight to the men’s bathroom.

As I’m heading in, so is a Home Depot Employee. He goes in before me and washes his hands at the sink.

Another employee is at the first urinal. There are three urinals in all.

I take the last one!

I unzip, exhale, relax, and ignore everything else in the room.

30 seconds later, I’m peeing!

Yeah!!!!

I kept peeing as the one employee left, and the other one went to the sink to wash up.

It makes me so happy that I can pee under these types of circumstances.

Who would have ever known?

So that’s 2 for 2, I can’t ask for more!

Can I? :)

Posted in Paruresis Help | 2 Comments

I’m Watching You Pee!

Early this morning, I’m standing in the bathroom peeing, and Mike, my Pee Buddy, is standing next to me.

…As always, for my once a day desensitization.

I’m used to him, it doesn’t phase me much anymore.

Like this morning, I’m taking a piss and he’s standing next to me and we’re chatting.

And long about halfway through the chat, he says to me…

“I’m watching you pee!”

I'm Watching You Pee!

And I glance in his direction, and he was absolutely right.

He was facing me and watching me pee. Not something he would generally do, normally he would face towards me but not actually look down. He’s been testing my desensitization lately, like running by the door, jumping and scaring me, and now actually watching me.

And it’s amazing that I never falter!

I don’t break stream, I just keep on peeing.

I’m very happy about that!

How long will it be before that’s the normal everywhere???

Later that afternoon, we’re running some errands, and after being out for about 2-3 hours we end up at Cosco.

I didn’t know how long we would be out, I didn’t know how many errands we had, I didn’t Fluid Load, it was spur of the moment and we just went out the door…

Which is fine with me, but when we get to Cosco and we start walking around I realize “Hey, I could Pee!

So without further ado, I make my way towards the bathrooms.

I walk in, the john is empty, I walk up to the first urinal and I pee within 15 seconds.

It felt wonderful because it was unexpected.

I didn’t plan it!

I didn’t leave the house having to pee. It just happened… naturally!

Like it should!

That’s the way life is supposed to be.

When I’m out, and I have to pee, I pee, easy as that!

It sounds so simple and effortless.

If only it was…

If only it was. :)

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