Walmart and Sam’s Success!

Running errands today I Fluid Load before I go.

There’s about five stores that I’m going to, but I’m saving my desensitization for the big stores; Walmart and Sam’s Club. That way I’ll have better odds at having decent traffic and not being the only guy in the bathroom.

As soon as I get to Walmart I had straight for the John.

I go in and see Both Urinals are Empty!

But… there’s someone in the first stall closest to Urinal #2.

So I walk up to Urinal #1, unzip, and wait.

And as I gently hold my breath and apply a little downward pressure, I also pull out my iPhone and check my emails.

Walmart and Sam's Success!

This always seems to make my pee pretty quickly…

A Little Distraction!

I start to pee within 15 seconds.

That’s when a guy comes in and walks behind me and goes into the second stall. I keep on peeing with no hesitation.

Now I’m looking at my texts, not really sending any, just reading, and another guy comes in.

He walks behind me as well and goes over to the stalls.

I’m still Peeing!!!

(I did drink two bottles of water)

This guy sees that they are both full and walks behind me again. Out of my peripheral vision I can see that he leans up against the wall facing me and the urinals to wait.

I keep Peeing trying not to let it bother me!

It doesn’t!

Another guy comes in and goes to Urinal #2 (Full House). He starts to Pee quickly as I finally finish up. WHEW! I zip, flush, and turn towards the sink.

The guy leaning against the wall looks at me for an awkward moment and then I wash and leave. That was scary, but it went well.

…If only all bathrooms went as smooth as this…

About 45 minutes later I find myself at Sam’s Club!

I do some shopping, eat some samples, and right before check out I head to the bathroom.

I go in, I’m all alone.

Sweet!

I piss in silence, no one else comes in the entire time.

So that’s two big stores, one busy bathroom, and one quiet as a mouse.

Another day, another success story.

I can’t wait for the day when men coming or going in the bathroom doesn’t phase me anymore.

One day.

One day!

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8 Responses to Walmart and Sam’s Success!

  1. Chris R says:

    I’m a 27 year male and iv struggled with Paruresis for as long as I can remember (high school was the first huge incident, I couldn’t pee at school with others around, so I had to go home ). It started to become REALLLLY bad where I refused to leave home unless I had a safe bathroom. I live alone thankfully. I have no friends outside of work because the inability to use a restroom which I know I will have to use. I’m actually in my car sitting in a target parking lot, (as I write this now)I just came from a practice pee session. I’m doing exactly what you are doing, I’m going to the mall, target, wall mart, dicks, bed bath and beyond. I go anywhere I can use a public restroom and pee where there are other people potentially present. I liquid load before I go out, and bring a water bottle to refill, And just go to every bath room physically possible and try try to pee! Iv been kina successfull and kinda not. A pee budy is out of the question for me because I have no best friend. It’s really taken hold of my life like a bad drug. But I’m just glad that I’m facing my fear and im glad that I can read your success and want to beat this phibia!! I want my life back.!! I want to have friends, a girl friend, and even maybe a family one day! But with this pee phobia its going to be hard to do! Or probably impossible! Thank you for making this site. I will follow it everyday!

    • Richard says:

      Hi, thank you Chris. Thank you for Fluid Loading and forcing yourself out of your comfort zone and into the public bathrooms that you fear. That really is the only way to win this phobia. Try, keep trying, practicing, and desensitize. It gets easier as the months go by, but every now and then you will have bad moments. It’s bound to happen. Just don’t weigh too heavy on them and stay focused. I’ve had Paruresis for over 47 years, and I’m just now getting a handle on things. Good luck with your progress. Practice Breath Hold if you can, for you can do this! And it does help. I used my Pee Buddy in the beginning to get used to peeing around other people, but I didn’t have any break-throughs until I started Fluid Loading at the first of this year! That’s when it all began to happen (like magic) and it forced me to pee in public at urinals, which I had never done in my life. So keep your head up and thanks for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it! :) If you ever have more to add, or just want to share something, do so, I’m sure it will help other people out as well. Cheers! -Richard

    • Dave says:

      Chris, It may not feel like it yet, but you have already started to get your life back starting the process of recovery. It is a process, which means that there will be ups and downs, times when it is easy and other times when it is incredibly difficult, but you are not alone in this, and it is fantastic that you have reached out to Richard. I have been in recovery for about four years, and just as you are doing, since I didn’t have a pee buddy, I found public restrooms that I could use and I practiced regularly. I used fluid-loading and I also tried to time visits to restrooms with times when I had a high urgency rate. My pee-buddies were a lot of anonymous guys who never knew I was practicing with them. You mentioned that you have been kind of successful, great – focus on that. Recovery involves baby steps, each success is something to build on and each misfire is something to learn from. At your early point in recovery you are achieving significant success just walking into a public restroom and facing your worst fears, regardless of whether you are able to pee or not. Richard mentioned breath-holding as a back-up plan, and it is good to have one because it will give you the confidence to try more challenging situations. I started by getting trained on how to use a self-catheter (it sounds worse than it actually is), and later I learned how to do breath-holding, which takes awhile to master but can be really helpful.

      Recovery can be frustrating, and at times you may want to give up. I can tell you from personal experience that it is worth the effort, and that it is possible to get your life back. I always wanted to know what it felt like to just walk into a restroom and pee like a regular guy – now I know, and it feels great! Hang in there buddy, you aren’t alone!

      Dave

      • Richard says:

        Well said Dave. Love the new view point: anonymous guys who never knew I was practicing with them! That’s a great way of looking at things. And what’s funny is, just a little shift like this in the way you perceive things can have dramatic results! Awesome! I love it! Thanks for the great reply! :) -Richard

        • Chris R says:

          Aug 13

          I never looked at it that way. Yeah everyone is my pee buddy and they don’t know it. I remember when I started this recovery process I told myself that I cannot pee in public bathrooms. Saying that meant I couldn’t use a public bathroom no matter what! So I started to retrain my thoughts. And telling myself ‘you can pee in a public bathroom’ after a few successes. It’s just the situation that I encounter in the bathroom is what makes it hard. So after retraining my thoughts its been easier to face the fear! I’m out at the mall and just had a very good success. I was entering the mall. Went to the bathroom. A guy entered right before me. I walk up to a urinal. And held my breath a little and peed with someone 3 urinals down from me. Those successful moments make you start to hold your head up high and have confidences that is it possible!! And look at other guys and say yourself I can pee like he does!

          • Richard says:

            Awesome Chris! I’m happy to hear that. You are so right, most of the challenge and difficulty is right in our own brains. Changing the things we do (forcing yourself to face your fears), and changing our perspective and attitudes (I CAN do this!) can change the entire experience from bad to good. Congrats! Keep up the positive outlook and just keep practicing! :) -Richard

  2. Chris R says:

    I have a goal for myself also. I’m going to try to face every bathroom that I have had a failure in prior to starting my recovery. ( I know I can’t get them all..) It’s like facing that bully in school that you’ve always wanted to or talking to that cute girl that you always wanted to tallk to. And never did. I don’t want to overdue it.. its going well so far! Thank you for the replies!

    • Richard says:

      Hi Chris. I do the same thing. There are some problem bathrooms that I go to that really give me a hard time. But I refuse to give in and will keep practicing in them until I have success! So far, the worst bathroom is at this one particular restaurant (which I write about often), and I try to go each and every time. I have about a 75% success rate, and by repeatedly going back, especially after a misfire, I eventually do have success. So just never give up! Never give in! :) I’m very happy for you! -Richard

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