So Today, I drive an hour up North with a couple of my friends. We’re going shopping and then out to eat.
The Mall we’re heading to is a Mall that I haven’t been to in ages! I have no idea what the bathroom situation is like.
And, because of the hour long drive, I didn’t Fluid Load before I left the house. But I did take a bottle of water with me to chug as we got closer.
And, on the way up, we did swing into Tim Horton’s so I grabbed myself a Large French Vanilla Cappuccino as well. :)
We drive straight to the Mall with no other stops. And as we get near the exit, I guzzle the bottle of water. I did so casually because I didn’t want my friends in the back seat to see that I was gulping water like crazy, HA!
How do you explain that to people? “BOY WAS I THIRSTY!” LMAO!
So we get to the Mall and shop for a couple of hours. I feel the urge to pee getting stronger, so I excuse myself and head down the long hall leading to the bathrooms…
I see the Men’s Room and push on the door…
And what do I see?
A Single User Bathroom!
It’s so odd to find single user bathrooms in malls. I had no idea there were so many. But then again, I used to avoid the bathrooms and never really went in them until I started my recovery. So I would have never found out. I just naturally assumed there was no ideal places to pee.
It’s crazy to see that there are bathrooms that a Paruretic could use. Fancy that!
Well, I hesitated, because I really wanted to pee in a “normal” public bathroom, with urinals, with traffic…
But I didn’t know where they were, or if they even had them, and I did have to pee, so I went in, locked the door and did my business.
I had no problems peeing in there. Granted, I still was expecting someone to push on the locked door (bang the door down), or jiggle the door knob, but no one did. It was just me and the toilet and I peed until I was empty.
Then we shopped some more.
An hour later, I have to Pee again!
And so the next time I see a bathroom sign, I excuse myself and head on in. This bathroom is a normal bathroom (YEAH!), and it has 5 urinals, a bunch of stalls, and everything was EMPTY!
I move up to Urinal #2, which would give me better odds of peeing next to someone, and I hold my breath.
I find that if I just hold some air in my lungs and apply some slight pressure down by pushing on my bladder, I can usually pee pretty quickly.
As I do Today!
Withing 15 seconds, I’m peeing!
Some guy comes in and walks by me to the very last urinal in the corner. He starts to pee as I finish up.
I wash and leave!
Then, after the Mall, we’re off to the Steak House! (Flemings)
As soon as we sit, I start drinking water. I drank 2 glasses pretty quickly and decided that I would attempt to pee before the main course showed up.
This Steak House is a restaurant that I go to a couple of times a year. The last time I was here I DIDN’T go in the bathroom even though I wanted to. I didn’t because Mike had gone in there and told me “Don’t go in there!” (Read the adventure here!) I asked him why and he told me that the bathroom is full of guys on their hands and knees looking for some guy’s contact lens… LMAO!
So as of yet, I had never stepped foot in that bathroom.
And even though I WAS nervous about going in, I force myself to stand up and walk!
The bathroom is right next to the entrance and the busy bar. The place is packed. Standing room only! The bar had about 50 people in it (happy hour), and the entrance was like an obstacle course. I had to maneuver my way through the crowd just to get to the Men’s Room.
I carefully weave through them, trying to avoid eye contact, and enter the bathroom.
I would have bet money on the fact that the bathroom was full… But when I go in, believe it or not, I was the only one in there.
How was this even possible?
I look over to the right, I see there are 2 urinals. I feel tension and anxiety building… I step up to urinal #2, unzip, hold my breath and wait.
I can hear lots of talking outside (the host stand is feet away). I feel that any minute the door will thrash open and someone will come in and step up to the only urinal left next to me (at least it did have small dividers).
I put it out of my mind and relax… It takes me about 30 seconds and finally I start to pee. And then once I start peeing, I can’t stop. I peed for quite a while. It felt great!
I emptied my bladder, washed up and went back out to eat.
And then, right before we left for the hour long drive back (and also another glass of water and a glass of wine), I head back into the men’s room one more time.
The bar and entrance was still crowded. People were everywhere, laughing, drinking, waiting… I step through the herd and make my way to the john.
I head in…
And I can’t believe it, I’m still the only guy in here!
What are the odds?
I go back to the 2nd urinal, and within 20 seconds I’m peeing (the second times always easier).
I empty my bladder all the way and feel great for the drive back.
It was a Very Successful Day!
It’s always scary being away from home for so long. But I came through with flying colors and that’s all that really matters.
I peed 4 times today. Twice at the Mall and twice at a busy restaurant.
I’m delighted with myself.
Little by Little…
Inch by Inch…
Paruresis is taking a back seat!
One day, it will release it’s death grip on me.
One day I’ll be a free man.
And maybe one day, who knows, maybe I’ll even stop writing about it! :)