This is a question I battle with all the time…
Do I really think that my Paruresis can be cured?
I don’t know!
I’d like to think so. But the fact is, I’ve been so scared my whole life of walking up to and using a public urinal that I don’t know any different.
How can I picture myself doing that if I’ve fought against it for as long as I can remember?
Do I think that I can suddenly turn off my thinking and pee in the open with no fear, no reservations, in front of other guys, and even with guys waiting (not so patiently) behind me?
Quite frankly, I don’t see that happening.
And that Scares me even more!
But then I also think, that’s exactly what Paruresis wants me to think. It’s a fear of not being able to go. That’s the root of the problem. So of course, it’s the hardest thing for me to wrap my head around.
I’d be happy just Settling!
I would be perfectly happy never using a urinal or trough in my life. If… If I could pee in the stalls under any circumstances. I would be fine with that.
At least I’d be able to go when I needed to, and I could empty my bladder in public.
(As long as the restroom has stalls, and vacant ones at that)
So do I see myself being totally Cured?
Maybe, maybe not. If I could master Breath Hold and be able to use it whenever and where ever, then maybe. Especially if I could pee at the urinals like a man.
But if not, then peeing in a stall is the next best thing. Even in a crowded, bustling bathroom. I can live with that scenario.
If I can’t cure myself (or recover enough), then just being able to pee anywhere in the bathroom is perfect for me.
It’s an awesome thought, and one I’m leaning towards.
After all, it’s better than holding in my urine for 6 hours.
Give me a toilet, and a little partition any day!
Now that’s relief!
