Mr. Pee Buddy Day Twelve

Day Twelve in my Gradual Exposure Therapy with my Pee Buddy Mike is pretty much the same as Day 11.

Throughout the day, I pee at the toilet with Mike standing directly behind me, facing my back. And when I say directly, I mean it. There’s probably less than a foot that separates us.

It’s a small bathroom, so it’s perfect for that claustrophobic feeling.

I peed about ten times today (with Mike), and every time was a success!

Sweet!

Sometimes I begin peeing in just 30 seconds, other times it drags on to 2 or 3 minutes before a stream begins.

Mr Pee Buddy Day Twelve

One time I peed, then Mike peed, and then I had to pee again. I credit that to holding it too long, trying to build up more of an urge.

I still find it hard to pee around Mike, I really dislike it, but I know it’s the only way to recover from Paruresis.

I must face my Fears!

Mike does a good job keeping me on my toes. I don’t know what to expect from him. One time he’s half asleep and yawning. Another time he’s playing with the lights, the sink, thumping his shoes against the counter…

I find when it’s noisy or we’re chatting it’s easier to go.

But when it’s dead silence, it’s a killer!

I really have to concentrate then and it always takes me much longer to pee.

But I do Pee!

That’s the important thing!

Me and Mike talk about how long I’ll need to desensitize. How long will it be before I feel comfortable peeing around Mike and other people?

Is it like a habit? 21 days?

Or will it take a lifetime to master?

How long do I keep inconveniencing Mike into being my Pee Buddy? How long will he put up with it?

And what will happen to me when I stop?

All good questions!

For now, I’m not thinking much about it, I’m just pushing forward as long as I can.

Tomorrow I think I’m going to switch things up. Try some harder things. Like having him face me while I pee, or at least face my profile where I’m more exposed.

Maybe I’ll even have him stand beside me and pee at the same time like we’re at a urinal.

I think those will be a challenge since just thinking about them scares me.

I wonder if I’ll be able to urinate?

Who knows?

But until I make things harder, I’ll never be able to move beyond this point I’m at.

So tomorrow will be more difficult…

Will I be ready for the challenge?

We’ll see…

We’ll see…

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