A really odd thing happened to me today.
I’m at Office Max looking at Desk Chairs and I feel the urge to pee.
Now I don’t know of many “SAFE” bathrooms in my area, but per my last visit (read all about it here), I do know that this particular Office Max DOES have a single user bathroom with a lock on the door.
It’s a bathroom made for a Paruretic.
I had no problems peeing in there the last time.
What a relief!
But today was different. Even though I know it’s a safe bathroom, and I would be able to pee in the narrow room with both a toilet and a urinal, I still didn’t go.
Because it’s a busy Saturday and there were people everywhere.
They would be sure to notice if I walked across the store and made my way to the bathroom.
Plus, more than likely, the bathroom would be in use, or there may even be a line of people waiting to use it.
Just thinking about this was enough for my anxiety to tell my legs “Don’t Move! Don’t Head Towards The Bathroom! Stay Right Where You Are!“
And that I did!
Crazy, isn’t it?
I knew 100% that it was safe, but yet my fear of peeing in public still kept me from peeing in public.
I don’t get it!
I didn’t even look towards the bathroom to confirm my suspicions. I just made the conscious decision to hold it until I got home.
I even cancelled one of my other errands just because I needed to pee and didn’t want to hold it any longer than needed.
I could have solved the problem right there, right then, but NOOOO! I put it off. I finished shopping, left, and went straight home.
What a Moron I am!
So what is it with me?
How come I had such a hard time going in a safe bathroom? You’d think that would be easy. A no-brainer! But sadly, I wouldn’t even allow myself to try.
How am I ever going to recover and get over my fear of bathrooms if it’s so difficult to even walk in one.
This is out of control!
What do I have to do?
Force myself to enter them? Make myself on every visit venture into the public bathrooms (if I have to go or not), just to get used to the idea of checking them out and becoming comfortable with them?
I felt disappointed with myself for not being able to go. Not even contemplating it. It was just “NO” and that’s that!
I’d rather drive home and end my day, than to try to pee in a safe bathroom in town.
I’m a mess!
I need to take a stand and push myself if I’m ever going to get anywhere with my stage fright.
Because days like this is insane.
It’s got to end!
One way or the other…