Today is Sunday. The 29th Day of my Paruresis Desensitization.
I’ve spent plenty of time peeing in front of my Pee Buddy Mike at home, and now have started my field work: Public Bathrooms!
My Goal is Simple:
I only have to enter a public restroom and stand at the urinal (without peeing – peeing is optional) for 3 full minutes.
3 Minutes standing at a urinal seems like a life time!
And this week, I need to force myself to enter 3 bathrooms, and stand at 3 urinals.
I’m not there to pee, I’m just there to observe, feel my surroundings, get acquainted with them. See that no harm will come to me and that no one notices that I’m even there.
It’s Desensitization 101
So being the first day of the new week, I decide to tackle my Paruresis Recovery head on…
I’m at Menards today! (Lots of Free After Rebate Items)
First off, I head straight for the bathrooms…
I walk in and see they are busy. One guy is at the sink washing up, one guy is drying his hands, someone else is leaving the last stall, I see feet under the first stall, and I see in the middle of all this chaos 3 empty urinals!
I decide to take the furthest urinal. I step up to the plate, unzip and wait.
It’s nice of Menards to tape their fliers over the urinals so it gives you something to look at while you pee…
I stand there and look at my watch. I’ve been here for 20 seconds… It already seems like years. Sigh!
A couple of seconds later, some guy comes up to the center urinal and starts to pee pretty rapidly.
I find it interesting that he took the center urinal and not the first one.
I pretend to read the advertisements although I’ve already scanned them twice.
I’m just standing here doing nothing… la de da…
The guy flushes and walks to the sink.
Another guy enters and I see him heading towards the urinals with my peripheral vision. And of course, he takes the center urinal as well.
I thought there was some Guy Code that prevented this? Why does everyone want the center? How Odd!
He pees fast as well. I’m just reading the dumb ads and paying at little attention as I can. I hope he doesn’t think I’ve been there long. I wonder if he can tell I’m not peeing? Even though I can’t hear him… In fact, I couldn’t hear the first guy either. But I believe he pees since he does the little shake and dance. He flushes and goes to the sinks…
I glance at my watch. It’s been 4 minutes… WOW!
I decide it’s time to go. The guys drying their hands are facing me…
I flush and wander over to the sinks. Someone else enters. They have to walk around the dryers and squish by so they can go to the urinals.
I Wash and Dry…
(Their dryers SUCK! It takes sooo long to dry your hands. It takes longer to dry, then it did to pee and wash… that is, for the guys that actually did pee and wash lol).
I finally head out the door. A little kid passes me. And just out of habit, I check my zipper, ha, I’m glad I did, it was wide open!
That could have been Embarrassing!
I head over and find Mike. “Did you Pee?” he says to me.
“No” I say glancing around to see if anyone heard “I didn’t have to go!“
Later, in the vehicle home I told Mike about the guys in the bathroom grabbing the center urinal. “That’s odd” he says “Maybe they were trying to pick you up?” HA! Now that’s funny!
I told him I couldn’t hear the guys peeing. He said half the time you can’t because it gets noisy with the sinks and dryers…
I said “3 Minutes is a LONG time to stand there!“
He agreed. He says “Sometimes I stand there for a while. Like if I don’t really have to go, but know I should. It’s not always quick!“
He went on to say that no one notices if you pee or how you pee. They don’t look. They don’t say anything. They don’t care. And he said “Even if they did, fuck em!“
That’s the attitude I need!
I wonder how long I’ll have to do this to get used to this?
I wonder how long it’ll take me to actually pee in a urinal?
My entire life?
I’m doing things I’ve never done before…
Now I just need to void! :)