Not Ready for a Pee Buddy

One of the number one cures that people tell Paruretics (Shy Bladder People) to do is to get themselves a Pee Buddy.

It’s been in every book that I have read so far on the subject (see books on right).

A Pee Buddy is supposed to help you through Desensitization and Gradual Exposure. It’s a friend (usually someone who has Paruresis as well) that knows what you’re going through and won’t judge you, be impatient with you, or make fun of you.

Gradual Exposure

They wait down the hall (or outside the home) as you pee. And little by little they move closer and closer until they’re on the other side of the bathroom door. Then after you get comfortable with that and can pee successfully (many times in a row), you proceed further.

You pee with the bathroom door ajar, open, and finally with your Pee Buddy standing behind you watching you pee.

Once you master the home bathroom… it’s time to move to public bathrooms. This is where you face all your fears.

Paruretic Pee Buddy

Gradual Exposure sounds terrifying to me. And that’s my problem…

I’m not ready for a Pee Buddy yet!

I know I’m not ready because it scares the crap outta me just thinking about it.

Talk to a Friend

I’ve brought up this notion (Pee Buddy and what they do) to my friend Mike before (the one who pee’s loud and fast). He looked at me funny like I was out of my mind…

Are you Serious?” He said.

I could see it in his eyes “That’s Weird!

They actually do that?” He said a little uneasy.

CREEPY!

I brought the topic up about a week ago. Mentioning the fact that my bathroom problems are a little bit more extreme than I’ve been telling him. He knew I had some issues with bathrooms, but nothing like this.

I told him I had Paruresis and am dealing with it, writing about it, it’s my own personal therapy.

The topic of Pee Buddies wasn’t brought up again. It was almost like I saw a wall going up. He doesn’t know how to take watching another man pee…

Thanks friend!

Not that I can blame him though. Most guys would label us freaks. It’s not nice or flattering.

I’ve been teased all my life, why should this be any different?

Later on that night he said to me…

“You want me to Watch you Pee?”

Ouch! This tells me he’s been thinking about it, but he didn’t say it like: I’ll do anything you want to help you, just ask…

He said it more like: Please don’t ask me to put myself in this uncomfortable position, anything that could be labeled gay, as in bathroom buddy…

He didn’t actually say that, but I could feel it.

I didn’t know how to reply.

I Didn’t say Yes. Didn’t say No.

I just said “Maybe. Someday. I’m not ready yet

He shook his head. I left it at that.

Discussion Over

If I have such a hard time even talking about it with my best friend, how am I going to feel when I’m actually doing it?

You want me to hold your hand?

It does feel odd, creepy and a little freaky even thinking of asking someone to do this. It does!

Bathrooms are something you do in private. Putting it all out there for all to see is a scary thing.

So I ask myself…

“How can I ever Build up my Courage?”

I do it gradually. I keep reading, writing, blogging, and educating myself.

I have to deal with this and accept it first. I have to cope with it, acknowledge it before I can over come it. I have to make peace first.

It’s a disorder, a social phobia that lives inside of me. It rears its ugly head at the most inopportune times: Nature’s Calling.

Right now, I have no time for a Pee Buddy. All I have is my one good friend who I’ve just slightly opened up to.

He still doesn’t know how deep rooted this fear goes. He doesn’t know the full extent of my condition and how it affects my daily life and my life long decisions.

Maybe one day he will.

I’m scared that by opening up all the way, I’ll lose my friend. We’ve been friends for over 15 years now and somehow he’s never even noticed it (see how well Paruretics hide it?).

And now he knows more in one night than I’m sure he ever wanted to know. Will he think differently of me now?

Pee Shyness is a funny thing, right?

Everyone’s had certain times where it’s been more difficult to go…

But not being able to go at all. No matter how bad you have to pee… That’s not natural.

And it’s not natural to ask someone to watch you pee. You can’t just have anyone be your Pee Buddy. It’s got to be someone you’re comfortable with. Someone who will take the condition seriously and really try to help you.

For if they do something wrong…

Laugh at you.

Tease you.

Yank the door open suddenly to surprise you…

It could make your fears even worse. The shame. The hiding. The humiliation…

It either Helps you, or it Hurts you.

And here I stand on the verge of making a huge step in my life. One I may regret, or one that could literally change my life for good (pee free).

You want me to watch you pee?

One day.

Could be today. Could be tomorrow.

But one day, I may need one.

I may muster up the courage to take that leap.

Do I want a Pee Buddy?

NO!

Do I need a Pee Buddy?

Probably so!

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