Paruresis at the Movies

I love watching movies on the big screen. LOVE IT!

Eating a huge tub of buttery popcorn and guzzling down a Cherry Slush while seeing the latest Epic Adventure Movie is pure bliss to me.

Paruresis at the Movies

The Bathrooms are not!

The bathrooms at my local Movie Theater are clean and bright. I give them credit for that. But they are also very silent. No music playing whatsoever.

I’m sure it’s because the theater is just on the other side of the wall, you wouldn’t want interference with the soundtrack… But silence sucks!

Silent bathrooms make going pee harder for any Paruretic.

Every little sound… Footsteps, Peeing, Farting, Pooping is heard loud and clear.

It’s like you’re on Display!

Plus, the bathrooms always have a steady flow of guys coming and going. And when a Movie just lets out, suddenly there are 100 guys are all crammed into that little john, using the urinals, toilets, sinks… it’s claustrophobia hell! During times like this, peeing is impossible.

I’ll be the guy who has to wait outside until the last straggler has left the restroom before I ramble in, locate the farthest stall and pee in solitude.

But then, that’s about the time for the employees to enter the bathroom to clean it.

I can’t Fucking Pee at the Movies!

Unless I excuse myself halfway into the show (excuse me, pardon me, sorry…) just to pee when it’s relatively safe.

Sometimes I can pee before a movie. I usually go to the bathroom at the other end of the building. The one where the movie has already started, or a movie isn’t even playing (I’m wandering all over the place).

That way I’ll not be disturbed or walked in on.

One of the worst parts for me, is when my friends are waiting. I hate that. Usually I ditch them at the concession stand. Tell them my order while they’re in line while I bolt to the john before they get the food and find me.

This usually works well, except sometimes the hyper time limit makes it harder to go. I FORCE myself, which just makes things difficult.

Tick Tock Tick Tock!

The room is so Silent.

Sometimes I’m only able to pee a little. Dribble in the toilet. I loath those times. It just means that I’ll have to hold my pee for hours, with a screaming bladder, until I finally get home. FUCK!

And if it’s a 3 hour movie (I’m looking at you Avatar), then I know I’m in for a massive amount of discomfort.

Damn Paruresis!

After the movie, I’ll sadly wait outside the bathrooms (massive herd) as my friends all go in and do their business.

I don’t have to go” I say.

I lie.

I have to go the most!

They all want to hang out in front of the theater and chat about the flick. I want to go home.

I smile and nod and throw in my 2 cents, but all the while I’m looking at the exit door and eyeing my watch. My bladder feels like it’s going to explode.

Great Movie…” Would have been better without my huge distraction.

I still go to the movies. I love the movies. Who can pass up popcorn?

I envy everyone else that can pee though.

Something as simple as wizzing can make a night at the movies wonderful.

All I want to do is pee and watch an awesome car chase.

Is that too much to ask?

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