Everyone in the whole wide World Pees.
Your Kids Pee. Your Neighbors Pee. Your Boss Pees. Your Mom Pees. Brad Pitt Pees. The Pope Pees. Even Pee-Wee Herman Pees…
It’s a bodily function that everyone does and it’s no big deal…
All the Animals of the World Pee. Lions and Tigers and Bears… Ever see a Paruretic Cheetah?
Nobody gives it a second thought…
Except those with Paruresis!
What do you think the guy next to you at the urinal is thinking?
You think he’s thinking “I can’t believe this guy next to me can’t pee!“
NO WAY he’s thinking that!
He’s thinking “Suzzy is HOT! I can’t wait for another beer. I wonder if the Movie is going to suck? Do you think I’ll get lucky tonight?”
That’s what’s on his mind. Not “I’m pissing next to a freak with Bladder Shyness!“
It’s pretty funny if you think about it.
Nobody cares. All they want to do is empty and go…
You think Lady Gaga thinks “I can’t Pee because my boyfriend is in the next room…“
It really is crazy how our minds have trained us to think that everyone is thinking about us and what we’re doing in the bathroom. We really need to untrain ourselves.
What are we scared of?
It’s not like the person in the bathroom will know who you are… Remember your face and point you out in a crowd laughing at you.
They’re more preoccupied with pissing and getting back to the fun (as we all should).
Bathroom breaks are just annoying and tedious. No one likes standing next to strangers and peeing. But they need to pee like everyone else, so they go.
If we could only relax and not think about it, we could go. It would come naturally. It would flow!
Maybe we should think about Batman in the bathroom?
Or Madonna peeing on her toes in the shower to keep foot fungus away. Think about your dog peeing with 85 people in the park watching. He doesn’t care. He just lifts a leg and goes.
Think about Homer Simpson peeing (DOH!!). Think about Yogi Bear. Think about Rosie O-Donnell going… okay, don’t think about that! Think about Chelsea Handler pissing. That’s a girl that can PEE!
You see how rediculous it gets? We don’t think about that, and trust me, neither does anyone else! It’s not something to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. It’s natural. Let nature take its course.
No one is gonna make fun of you. This isn’t the 3rd Grade Gym Class…
Think about Freddy Krueger taking a leak (how does he hold his dick?). Think about Garfield taking a Wizz on every curtain in the house.
It’s not a problem! Think about anything else to get your mind off your own situation.
Everybody Pees! Sylvester Stallone. Urkel. Usher. Ronald McDonald. Rod Stewart. Betty White.
They ALL Pee! Now, some of these talents might be Pee-Shy. Who knows? They don’t admit to it just like we don’t. It would be nice if they would. Bring it out on the table. Let the world see that it really is a problem that needs to be addressed. Shy Bladder affects plenty!
But the point is: We all do it!
We all have to!
No one is condemming us. No one is going to insult us or tease us or taunt us. It’s Pee! Who cares?
For me, it’s been over 28 years since high school…
Let the Past Go!
Let the Pee be Free!
Steve-O Pees! (Even after stapling his nuts to his legs)
Tim Burton Pees!
Barbara Walters Pees!
Janet Jackson Tinkles…
No problem! Put it out of your thoughts, your mind and your fears!
Oh! And one more thing…
Angelina Jolie Poops! :)