No One Cares If I Pee

I’ve been reading a book about Pee Shyness.

What a reality check!

This book is called “Shy Bladder Syndrome” – Your Step-By-Step Guide to Overcoming Paruresis, from Amazon and I have read it from cover to cover in just 3 days.

Years ago, I read somewhere that to overcome a Shy Bladder, you’ll need a Pee Buddy. Someone like you that can help you gain confidence in peeing with a stranger nearby (in steps of increasingly difficult situations).

Someone who knows exactly what you’re going through.

I thought that was silly and put it out of my mind. If I can’t pee in public, how am I supposed to pee with a stranger?

I dismissed that thinking to myself “I could never do that“.

Well this book that I purchased once more talks about the cure being a Pee Buddy or Partner.

It scares me!

Is this truly the ONLY cure there is? The only way out of this living hell?

I have to hook up with another pee shy person and take potty breaks together?

I really don’t think I could do that. I find it hard enough to even talk about, let alone setting up a time and place for the event.

A pee buddy is something I’m not ready for. I suppose it will take me a long time to build up the courage to pursue.

Who knows. It could be tomorrow, it could be never. I’m taking it slow and letting the idea fester.

But in the meantime, I am doing something. Something pretty cool that I learned from the book. The Author talks about changing the way that you pee and getting over your fear of being silent.

The book tells you to pee directly into the toilet

Pee into the center of the water so it makes a noise (Graduated Exposure Therapy – Page 43).

I’ve been doing this task for 4 days now. It’s really weird… I’m forcing myself to pee into the water. I’m making splashing sounds for the first time in my life. I’m making noise…

Toilet Bowl

And it’s not easy. I find myself naturally aiming towards the side of the bowl. I have to consciously think about it and redirect my piss and aim towards the center. I’ve been doing this in my home and at work (where we have a single bathroom with a lock on the door).

I’m changing my habits. Reconditioning myself slowly but surely.

I’m taking the advice of the book and allowing myself to be noisy just like everyone else. Plus, I’m doing one more thing…

I’m encouraging myself as I do so with a quote taken directly from page 33. That quote says:

“No One Cares If I Pee Or Not”

This line hit home with me. It’s stuck in my head and every time I stand there at the toilet and start to pee loudly, I mumble that line over and over again…

No One Cares If I Pee!

No One Cares If I Pee!

I listen to my words and listen to my pee and right now, I’m comfortable with that.

It’s making me feel like I’ve taken my first steps towards a cure. There is hope!

It’s so true though. No one gives a fuck if I pee. They really don’t.

It’s me who does.

I’m my own worst enemy

So for now, that’s what I’ve got. That’s a start.

I do think that I’ll buy some more books on pee shyness (my compulsiveness makes me want to learn everything there is about the subject). There are a bunch of different books on Amazon, and if they can help me, they’re worth every penny.

One thing I will say about this book that really opened my eyes and helped me in more ways than one is reading other people’s stories. Those are invaluable. They touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes. This book is filled with testimony from other Paruretics. What they say, what they feel, what they do about their shyness… It’s amazing to hear them go through the exact same things as me.

I thought I was alone!

Now I see that there are many more like me. Many who are terrified of such a common natural ability. There may be different reasons why we all ended up in this spot, but the one thing that really stood out for me was this: Hostile Parents. That sums me up to a T.

It really made the light come on and made me see how and why and where it all began.

I’m not a freak!

I am a man.

One day I will stand at a urinal and pee freely without a care in the world.

And I’ll do it because of this…

No One Cares If I Pee!

No one!

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2 Responses to No One Cares If I Pee

  1. Daniel Waters says:

    You are not alone, I battle this everyday. I had a few traumatic experiences with retention due to medication, and horrific catheter experiences. I need an answer too….

    • Richard says:

      I have had no catheter experiences. Those things scare me. I believe it would make matters worse for me to depend on peeing that way. I still need to try exposure. I think that’s the key for me.

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