Paruresis Recovery Day 100

I’m practicing Breath Hold more than ever.

I know I’m close to mastering this all the way. I feel like I’m 90% there, for I CAN use Breath Hold in public, and it DOES work!

I only have issues using it in very high anxiety situations, like when guys are waiting directly behind me, right next to me, or there’s only 1 urinal… Things like that.

All in all, Breath Hold is working and I can use it to pee in public without having to race back home to pee in a “safe” toilet (boy I hated those days).

So I’m much grateful for that. But the other day “Being Witnessed” was difficult!

That was much more difficult than I anticipated. I thought I’d have no issues, especially since I’ve been peeing with my Pee Buddy for 4 months now…

But I couldn’t go with him staring directly at my dickey-do.

Not that I really wanted him to (and not that he wanted to), but David Soucy made a very good point in his book “Pee Shy to Pee Free” (page 56). He says:

“I was so avid to beat this thing”

David made them stand in front of him and face him, and then stare directly as his you-know-what!

And if the guy looked away, he would tell them to look back, and he says:

“Why not go for broke in attacking your inhibition? Looking away is in itself a shame-based behavior and you do not need someone else’s shame.”

GREAT POINT!

I fully agree with that. It’s not about THEM, it’s about YOU!

And I have had enough shame to last a lifetime!

So this morning, I get up, and I tell Mike that I want to repeat that experiment once more. I want to have him stand next to me, and as I pee, I want him to look at it, directly at it!

(That’s such a scary thing to do and ask!)

I had quite an urge to go this morning (as most mornings), and within 30 seconds of doing Breath Hold, urine started coming out.

It came out slow and weak to start. Then it tapered off and stopped! WTF?

I was still holding my breath too! So I kept holding it for a good full minute before the flow finally started up again. WOW! That was difficult!

10 seconds later, I got it going full stream!

And that stream didn’t let up for 2 full minutes! lol Mike even commented on it because we were both just standing there for so long… He said “Damn you’re peeing a lot!

HA! That I was!

So then, later on that day, we’re heading out to run some errands and I decide to guzzle a bottle of water before I went out the door. (I love that I can now do that)

And by the time we get to Menards, I had to pee!

I walk into the bathroom, one guy is walking out. I’m the only one in there. I step up to the short urinal this time (just for kicks), hold my breath, and wait!

I start to pee soon, and I continue to hold my breath, but this time, I take in small, very small sips of air in through my nose (like I learned from various people leaving comments and in my Breath Hold Post here and here).

I took in just enough air to give me some oxygen so I wouldn’t GASP, but not enough to make my Sphincter tighten up again.

It Worked Perfect!

1/2 hour later, we’re now at Meijers buying vegetables and I head into the bathroom.

What a SMALL bathroom they had!

There was only ONE urinal and ONE stall! WOW! (I sure do hate these types of bathrooms!)

The odds are so great that someone will be behind you or waiting for you at any given time.

And as I walk in, some guy is at the sink… The sink is right next to the urinal! There was just a little bitty divider separating the two…

Paruresis Recovery Day 100

Oh boy…

I step up to the urinal, unzip and hold my breath.

By now, he’s finished washing and goes to dry his hands behind me. 20 seconds… 30 seconds… I hear the door open and footsteps come in. The guy drying his hands heads out. One of the new guys is talking loudly, having a conversation…

GREAT! Now guys are behind me waiting… watching…

40 seconds… I keep holding my breath and relaxing my body (it’s amazing how tense your body, shoulders, chest and arms get without you knowing)…

And then I Pee!

I hear the guy speaking go into the stall next to me (I’m not paying attention to what he’s saying, I’m concentrating on my stream). He pees loud and fast

I keep thinking that the other guy is standing behind me watching. But at that point, I didn’t care, because I was peeing and he would be able to see that.

I did have to take in small bits of air through my nose (in frequent intervals), just to keep the stream from breaking.

Which it didn’t, so I was extremely happy for that.

Taking in those little “sips” is working well and allowing me to hold my breath much longer than normal. That way I don’t lock up, and I keep on peeing!

The stall guy finishes peeing, flushes, and walks out of the bathroom (no washing?)

That’s about the same time that I finish, flush and turn around…

There’s no one behind me!

No one was waiting. I was alone in the restroom.

The talker must have either been crazy talking to himself, or he was chatting on the phone (chatting and using the bathroom at the same time, considerate for the other person on the line…)

See what your mind does to you?

It dreams up scary shit that just isn’t true!

That was a tough bathroom to pee in, but I held it together well.

Breath Hold is still highly uncomfortable for me, and sometimes it does make my head and chest hurt, but it does work!

It’s still better than NOT peeing in public (which is uncomfortable and painful as well)…

So you pick your Battles!

Discomfort for a minute?

Or Discomfort all day long?

See what I mean?

I’m certain that everyone will take one over the other.

Wouldn’t you?

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