I was reading in the IPA Forums the other day, and something DaveA said really stood out and caught my attention.
He said “A great desensitization opportunity, is NOT doing any kind of deceptions.“
What a great quote!
(Read the entire forum post here!)
And I thought about that and saw how truthful it really was.
Deception is doing things in the bathroom that you would normally do if you were to pee in public like other guys. Things like: Flushing, using Toilet Paper, Making Noise, Washing your Hands, Drying… It’s basically acting as if you are completely normal and didn’t have Shy Bladder Syndrome at all.
In other words: Deceiving Everyone!
I’ve done this plenty of times before, and every now and then, even now, when I have a misfire, I’ll still do things like that.
I’ll be standing at the urinal unable to pee. And I’ll shake, flush, walk to the sinks (always avoiding eye contact), wash and dry my hands as if I just urinated.
I don’t want to draw attention to the fact that I couldn’t pee. I don’t want anyone to even think for a second that I had Shy Bladder.
I’m just another guy, in the bathroom, relieving himself, and no one is the wiser.
Leaving me with a full bladder and a mind that’s beating me up inside.
All because I want my condition to remain a secret. Hidden away from society like a curse upon nature.
I wish I didn’t care!
I wish I had the guts to be so open and honest and treat it like you would a cough or a cold.
But I can’t. Not yet at least.
It’s getting better. I AM able to pee at least 75% of the time in public… under the proper circumstances…
But will it ever be 100%?
I’d love to be like Dave (here’s his website: www.Paruretic.Org)…
He proudly wears bright white and yellow t-shirts when he’s out in public doing desensitization.
The t-shirts read:
That’s Guts and Confidence! (See his YouTube Videos Here)
I admire that!
Maybe one day I’ll be able to fully desensitize (like I am around my Pee Buddy Mike). But until then, if you see me in the men’s room, I’ll probably blend right in. I’ll flush, I’m sure I’ll wash, and I’m pretty sure you’ll have no idea that I peed or not.
Because I’m sneaky, deceptive, and a little ashamed…
I may even smile on the way out.
Nothing wrong here!
This is NOT the Avoidant Paruresis you’re looking for… :)