75 Percent Success!

I say I have a 75% Success Rate because of tonight. I peed in public 4 times, or tried to. 3 were perfect, 1 not so much!

Me and my friends are all going out to my favorite restaurant. You know, the one that I’ve yet to pee in. I’ve tried the past 2 visits to pee there, and have always ended in failure and frustration.

Tonight, I decided to Fluid Load an hour before we leave. I drank 1 1/2 bottles of water AND downed a can of pop.

That should do the trick!

I have a slight urge to urinate before we head out the door (me and my Pee Buddy Mike), which is good.

We picked up a couple of our other friends and twenty minutes later we pull into the parking lot.

Needless to say, by the time we get there at 7, I do need to pee!

As everyone is hanging up their coats and getting situated in the booth, I excuse myself and take the awfully long hike back to the restrooms. It really is about the longest restaurant in the world (or so it seems). And the restrooms are at the exact opposite side (like 1/4 mile away lol).

So I walk through the bar, through the tables and restaurant and hustle of people…

75 Percent Successful Paruresis Recovery Rate!

And I run into another friend of ours eating there. She sees me and we chat for a minute or two, and then I hustle back towards the john, which is still past the kitchen, through more tables and then down the hall… Whew!

Finally I see the bathrooms on the right.

I push on the men’s door and walk in.

One guy is at the sink. Another guy is at urinal #1 (there are 3 urinals in all). So I move up to the last urinal in the corner, unzip and wait.

I start to pee in like 30 seconds.

I’m soooo HAPPY!

I’ve NEVER peed in the urinals here (I have in the stalls a handful of times over the past few years). So peeing tonight is a huge break through.

I peed until I was empty, and then I wash and leave.

I’m on top of the world!

1/2 hour later (and a root beer and some more water), I can tell that I need to pee again. Not wanting to stifle the urge, or put it off for too long (I didn’t want to turn off my “urgency” settings in my brain), I mumble something about “I need to pee again” and motion to Mike to move.

He squishes out of the booth and I slide out. I glance over towards my other friends as I scoot. Kay throws her hands up and says “Is there something wrong?” (…because I just got done peeing!)

I smile, laugh, shrug, and say “no“.

She just looked concerned. I certainly didn’t want to tell her that I guzzled 40 ounces of liquids before I headed out the door lol.

So I make my way back to the bathroom, and as I get close to the door, it opens and some guy comes out. We do a little dance as he looks at me. I go around him and reach for the door… Another guy pushes his way out. ??? The bathroom is this busy?

I excuse myself around him and enter the john.

I see another guy is at the sink, and TWO guys are at the urinals. The #1 and the #3 spot!

The Horrors hit me!

I hesitate briefly. 2 of the guys look right at me as I come in. And the guy at the third urinal is STILL looking at me. WTF?

I try to ignore their eyes and make my way to the center urinal.

The guy at the third urinal, which is a young guy, is still staring… Really? Take a fucking picture, I’m thinking!

I finally glance at him and finally he looks away!

Sheesh! How rude!

The door opens again, some guy comes in and goes to the sink.

I feel so much pressure, especially since that kid just stared at me for the longest time. Of all the nerve!

The guy at urinal #1 finishes peeing and flushes. The guy next to me at 3 is just standing there quiet. I can’t hear a thing. I’m beginning to wonder if he’s pee shy???

I’m nervous and having problems relaxing. I don’t like the center urinal and I feel like I’ve been here way too long doing nothing.

Some other guy comes up to urinal #1.

He starts to pee pretty quickly.

The guy at #3 finally walks away… He doesn’t even flush. He goes over to the sink.

Urinal #1 finishes up and goes to the sink as well. Some words pass between the two guys, but I’m not really paying attention. I’m holding my breath and I do get a little pee out. Just a squirt!

I was hoping that these guys would leave so I could move over to the third urinal and try again (my bladder was full). But as more guys come and go, the guy who was at urinal #3 is still fixing himself in the mirror.

What the hell? Go away!

I get a little more urine out. This is NOT good!

UGH!

Finally I give up. It’s not going to happen! I flush and walk over to the sink. I wash and ignore the kid who’s still fixing his shirt.

I decide I’ll try again in a little while.

How aggravating!

Especially since I just had success here!

So I go back to the table and sit. My friend keeps probing me about why I’m peeing so much. My other friend says he was on some kind of medication that made him pee a lot.

I tell them it’s my diet water pills. “They make me wizz!”

This satisfies them.

Fluid Loading and Desensitization are tough when you’re out with friends who don’t know that you’re pee shy.

So another hour goes by. I really need to pee now. It’s becoming uncomfortable.

I laugh it off and say “I need to go AGAIN!

I can hear more laughter and discussion as I leave. I’m sure they’re asking Mike tons of questions about my peeing habits

I get to the john (after talking with my other friend for the 3rd time… I wonder what she’s thinking?)

I push on the men’s door.

There’s one guy at the sink and all 3 urinals are EMPTY!

YES!

I make my way over to the last urinal and am peeing withing 10 seconds.

NOW THAT’S MORE LIKE IT!

I peed and stood there peeing and peeing and peeing. I never thought it would end.

Some guy came in as I was peeing. He moves up to urinal #1. He peed and finished and I was still peeing. LMAO!

He was at the sink when I finally finished and flushed.

Finally! Back on track!

I go out, and enjoy myself and the rest of the evening.

And after about another hour, right before we leave, I decide to pee one last time.

I was dreading it a little since I’ve already peed 3 times, and it’s been pretty obvious. But I also didn’t want to go home with an urge to urinate. So…

I excuse myself once more. My friend Kay says “Cheese and Rice!” LMAO!

(nice cuss words)

I go back to the outer limits, walk into the bathroom and see one guy at urinal #1. I go to #3. And withing 20 seconds, I’m peeing again.

And I peed, and peed…

I just relaxed and let it happen naturally. I stood there a little longer just to make sure it was all out. I was totally empty!

I did not want to bring my urine home! :)

So that’s my night…

4 Bathrooms, 3 Success Stories, 1 Misfire.

Not too bad…

That’s a 75% Success Rate!

I can live with that.

It really is true what they say about Bathrooms and Peeing and Paruresis…

If you wait it out long enough, and keep on trying, you will PEE!

You WILL have Success!

Many times we often give up after the first failure, but that’s NOT what you want to do. You have to keep pushing it. Face it! Try again! Don’t give up!

It could take you 3, 4, 5 or more times of trying before it finally pays off. But it will!

And that’s all that really matters.

Success!

I’m happy about tonight. It was my first time peeing in a urinal there, and I did it 3 times.

Gotta love that! :)

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2 Responses to 75 Percent Success!

  1. college kid says:

    You know one thing I’ve learned is that as long as you have at least a 70% success rate you’ll be A-ok 99.9 percent of the time. So, that means you’ll be alright. When you kind of mess up, just laugh it off, smile and say, “whatever! it’s no big deal.”

    • Richard says:

      I agree! I’ve been doing really well and I expect a little misfire every now and then. I’m not going to let it get to me. I know that if I keep trying, I will pee! Where I am today is a thousand percent better than I was 6 months ago. I’m quite happy with my progress and being in recovery feels great! :)

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