I’m at home, working on the computer.
Mike, my Pee Buddy and Roommate asks me if I want to go get a bite to eat.
“How about Bob Evans?“, he says “I want a Salad.”
So I get up, grab my jacket and say “give me a sec. I’m gonna pee and then I’ll be ready…” (I did this out of sheer habit)
I turn towards the bathroom and Mike stops me…
“Why don’t you pee there?”
I stop and look at him. It had been such a quick decision to up and leave, that I never thought about holding it and peeing in public. It never even ran through my mind.
But now, I stood there thinking…
How bad do I really need to pee?
Should I Fluid Load before I go?
I ponder this as Mike just stares at me waiting for an answer.
I DID have to pee. In fact, I’ve had to pee for a good 20 minutes, I’ve just been too lazy to get up from the desk…
Which tells me, I would have no problems peeing at home, which is why I should hold it…
Mike WAS right.
Why miss an opportunity?
“Good Call” I say to him. “I’ll pee there!“
But, as a fail safe, I did grab a bottle of water and guzzled it out the door. :)
Ten minutes later we arrive!
I waste no time in going to the john.
The crazy thing is, I’ve eaten at that restaurant probably 50 times or so in the past, and never once have I ever set foot in that bathroom…
YOU DON’T SAY?
So in I go…
I see 2 urinals, with a big divider, and 2 stalls.
I’m the only one in there.
I step up to the 2nd urinal, unzip, and wait. I’m really nervous about peeing in a new place…
I decide to breath hold to bring my stream on.
And within 30 seconds, I’m peeing!
It starts rather slow, almost peters off, and then it finally gets going and I get a good strong flow.
I am able to pee all the way, empty my bladder, and not a solitary soul came in.
It still does floor me how often I am totally alone in the bathrooms. I would have never guessed.
I still need work on keeping my flow when someone walks in, but that’s really just going to take time, experience, and desensitization.
It’s only been about 4 months now…
Give me 4 years of practice and I’ll probably never remember what Paruresis ever felt like.
So chalk one up for my pee buddy. He keeps me pointed in the right direction…