Paruresis Breath Hold Practice

I’m a Paruretic who’s been practicing the Breath Hold Technique for a couple of weeks now.

I’ve been testing this at home in the safety and comfort of my own bathroom.

Paruresis Breath Hold Practice

I have to admit, that I’m not all that consistent in my training efforts. I figure if I have to go already, and I have no problems going at home, then why hold my breath?

There’s nothing at home that would give me any anxiety that would keep me from peeing. So it almost seems like a waste of time to try.

Regardless of my ill thinking, I have still tried and I am still continuing the Breath Hold Method.

I stand at the toilet, feet apart, exhale about 80% of the air in my lungs, relax, trying not to struggle or gasp, just concentrating on my bladder and groin area, thinking about going…

Sometimes I hold my breath so long I feel like I’m about to pass out. I actually hold onto the wall for support in case I do… Not that it would matter much, once you pass out you’re on the floor anyway…

It Works???

A couple of times I actually did pee during my practice sessions.

I don’t know if it’s because I held my breath, or if it’s just because I had to go anyway, but I did go.

I would say at least 5 or 6 times now I’ve been able to go with breath hold. Coincidence? Maybe. I’m still trying to figure this whole thing out.

I am getting better at relaxing while holding my breath. I’m getting better at thinking about peeing and trying to open up the flood gates. I feel like I’m close. I still can’t tell if it really works or not, but I’m close to finding out.

I can Feel it

Sometimes I think it’s all mental (it’s already a mental situation to begin with).

Sometimes I think all I’m doing is retraining my thoughts and my brain to pee under different circumstances.

It may not be the actual breath holding that does the trick, but me thinking that the breath holding is doing the trick that allows me to pee.

Am I Crazy?

I look at it like a Placebo. It works because you want it to. That’s what my mind is mumbling to me as the weeks go by.

There may be some truth to this, who knows. It may be a combination of the two. I’ll find out…

Right now, I keep slowly practicing. I practice at home, in the shower, at work… I have to yet practice in a public bathroom…

I have an insane Fact to spill…

I haven’t set foot in a public bathroom since I started this blog (Dec. 20th 2011 – See how I avoid them?).

That’s a scary thought.

One thing I have done though, and this is a huge step for me, is I’ve taught myself to pee directly into the toilet water so it makes splashing noises. Only once in the past week have I noticed myself going back to my old ways and peeing on the quiet side of the bowl. I quickly took aim and redirected my steam back towards the center.

Other than that, I’ve been making noises everywhere I go (which is at home and at work). :)

It’s a small step, but it’s moving forward.

I’m gotten rather used to the sound of me peeing. It doesn’t bother me anymore. It used to be I couldn’t make a peep… Now I’m at work peeing loudly in the john, with customers walking by about ten feet away (a small stock area is between us)… but with no dividing wall.

That’s a huge leap for me. One mission complete!

I do feel like I’m making progress with breath hold. I just need to get more serious and really focus. Strive to hold my breath every time I go.

Who knows if I’ll have a break through?

I still have this massive fear of even stepping foot in a public bathroom. One thing at a time…

No one said this was going to be easy. I’ve got a whole lifetime of trained behavior to unravel. I believe I’m headed on my way, one breath at a time.

I’ll let you know how it goes…

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