A Terrifying Bathroom Trip

About 20 years ago, I ran into the most terrifying bathroom in the world. It really was a Paruretic’s worst nightmare.

I was at a dance club sipping Coca-Cola. I don’t drink anything heavy (I think this stems from my Dad being an Alcoholic), and I tend to sip slowly. That way a drink can last me all night and I more than likely won’t have to pee (especially since it’s a 45 minute drive home).

This night, was not one of those nights.

I had to Pee and I had to Pee Bad!

I hate it when it gets this bad and it forces me out of my comfort zone.

The men’s room is in the very back corner (so when you head back there, everyone knows you’re going to the bathroom). The entrance is open and people are all lined up against the jam packed wall chatting, laughing, drinking and watching people come and go.

As I get up to the bathroom I can see the entryway is not only open, but WIDE open! The entrance is huge and you can actually see guys in the bathroom standing at the urinals doing their thing. WTF!

I feel my anxiety shoot through the roof. I hesitate for a second feeling all eyes on me.

OH FUCK!

I so wanted to bolt and run and never look back, but I literally felt like my bladder would explode at any minute. I had to go. I had to go now. I was desperate.

I could feel people’s gazes sinking into the back of my head… I walked into the bathroom.

And then it hits me. The worst nightmare imaginable.

There were no stalls!

Row Of Urinals

The small room was nothing but a square room with urinals all around the perimeter. Close urinals, side by side with NO partitions in between them. No privacy in the least. NOTHING!

All eyes were watching me…

I could have died right there.

I wanted to Die!

I closed my eyes, feeling like I would panic, and headed for a urinal in the corner. Maybe if I face away from everyone I might be able to go?

I unzipped, pulled my dick out and took a deep breath.

I stared frozen in the corner trying to tune the noises out. Trying to block the talking and laughing behind me.

I had to go so bad!

I stood there praying to go… but I couldn’t. It was so extraordinarily painful… I wanted to cry. I just stood there paralyzed by my fear and humiliation…

To me it sounded like everyone was talking and laughing at me.

“HE CAN’T PEE!”

It was the worst moment in my life… In the worst bathroom in the world.

After agonizing long minutes, I finally gave up. I didn’t want it to look like I couldn’t go, or I was lurking in the john…

I zipped up and left with my head down. No eye contact. I headed straight out and left the bar. Night over!

I had to leave because I had to pee really, really bad. I didn’t dare try to pee around this neighborhood (not safe).

So instead, I suffered all the way home. 45 minutes!

It was a long time before I could run into my bathroom and pee.

What a Horrible Night!

I was terrified. It took me a long time to even go back to that bar for fear that I’d have to pee again, or the crowd would say “Hey, it’s the Pee Shy Guy!”

It’s been 20 years and I still feel that panic of seeing nothing but urinals. What hell!

I hope I’ll never run across a scene like that again in my lifetime. It really does stop one dead in their tracks.

As I found out, if you gotta go, sometimes it’s better just to leave… At least you’ll know that some relief is coming…

Even if it is 45 minutes away!

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2 Responses to A Terrifying Bathroom Trip

  1. kevin says:

    This is my worst nightmare too. I’m in my early 20’s and I always go out clubing. I can only pee in a urinal if no one else is in the toilet, but that never happens. Or if it does I’m just about to pee then someone walks in and I’m back to square one. I hate it. So now I just stick to the stalls, but I am fucked one day if I’m drinking in a pub, go to the toilet and there are no stalls. I’m going on holiday in a month and I’m hoping all the bars I go into have stalls or I’m fucked!

    • Richard says:

      Hi Kevin. I hear ya. I’ve been there and have been there for over 40 years. It really, really sucks! I’m happy that I finally began desensitizing (last October), fluid loading and breath hold. It seems to work about 80-90% of the time. And from where I’ve been, that’s a great place to be. More than I could have ever expected in just 6 months of recovery that’s for sure. Good luck and don’t put off practice too long. Otherwise you’ll be scared your whole life and it will just get worse as you age. Begin now and battle this bitch. :) Breath Hold is probably your best bet to beating Paruresis quickly. Good luck! -Richard

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