Today, I have fun loading up on fluids.
I’m drinking tons of Coffee, Water and Soda, because I want to Pee in Public!
In fact, I LIKE to Pee in Public!
So for about 1 1/2 hours before I leave the house, I drink up. I must have had about 40 ounces of fluids before it finally hit me:
Time to Go!
I Need to Pee!
It’s such an odd thing to force yourself to load up on fluids and then leave the house with a full bladder giving you no choice but to Pee in Public.
It goes against everything I have taught myself over the last 40 years.
I have to Pee… So I leave the house! HA!
Who would have known that would ever be my goal.
So me and my friend Mike make the 1/2 hour drive to Menards. We need some odds and ends and of course, high on my priority list is to use the bathroom to empty my fluids.
And by the time I get there, I DO have to go!
I enter the bathroom. The 3 urinals are empty, but someone’s in the first stall. They’re making crazy noises.
I hold my breath and step up to Urinal #1
It took me about 30 seconds into Breath Hold to start pissing, and then, it just wouldn’t end.
I peed for a good 2 minutes, that was insanely long. I’m actually surprised that someone else didn’t enter in that entire time.
I finished, flushed, leave, and meet Mike back out in the store.
20 Minutes later, I need to Pee again!
It always happens after I Pee once, the second time is close by… (I tell you I must have two bladders)
This time, when I enter the Men’s Bathroom, there’s a little kid in the first Stall (probably 7 or so). He’s latching the door and moving up to the Toilet to Pee.
I think that it’s odd that he’s in the Stall Peeing versus the Urinal…
I wonder if he’s Pee Shy?
I did the exact same thing as him… Used the Stalls to Pee!
I feel sorry for him. He Pees in the Toilet as I’m Peeing in the Urinal.
Again, I Pee for a really, really, long time.
The little Kid finishes, flushes, comes out, and goes to the sink.
I think that it’s kind of weird that he’s in here by himself, but I suppose the Father is probably standing right outside the door. Let the boy do what he needs… (even though I don’t recall seeing him when I entered… and I probably would have noticed someone lurking near the entrance)
As he dries his hands, I’m still Peeing like the faucet is left on. It’s a non-stop flow.
Finally, it slows down and I finish.
That was a lot of Fluid!
I like Fluid Loading, it makes me WANT to Pee in Public like nothing else.
It’s cool that I can do that. It blows my mind.
For I can feel it picking away at my Paruresis Brain. Breaking it down. Building new Actions and Behaviors. Strong ones that feed myself happy thoughts like:
“I Love to Pee in Public!“
“I CAN Pee in Public!“
“Peeing in Urinals is FUN!“
It’s all in what you reinforce yourself with.
That, and Practice!
Oh, and lots and lots of Fluids!
I’m going out to eat at my Favorite Restaurant again on Saturday. The last time I was there I tried to use Breath Hold and FAILED!
This Saturday, I plan on Fluid Loading and trying Breath Hold once more. I’ll keep trying until I SUCCEED!
I know I can do it!
It’s just a matter of WHEN! :)