Security is Watching

Using the bathroom in Retail Stores, Department Stores, or even Casinos, is always unnerving to me.

I always feel like I’m being watched!

I’m sure I look suspicious when I’m eyeing the bathroom door and keeping watch for traffic flow. It must look awkward.

I’m sure I look like I’m stealing something when I walk into the bathroom all nervous and glancing around. Is anyone following me in? Do people know I’m peeing?

I’m sure all the buzzers and alarms are ringing and security on the cameras are zeroing in on me and my shifty, beady eyes.

Security Is Watching!

I feel like I’m being scrutinized. I also feel like there are hidden cameras in the bathrooms that track shop lifters.

Am I just paranoid or ultra anxious?

I feel like everyone is watching me enter the restroom and I’m surprised that Security Guards don’t come barging in because I take so long to pee. That’s not normal. No one goes in and stands at the toilet for 10 minutes. Red Flags go up. Go check it out a.s.a.p.

I really do stand there for long minutes at times. I look up at the ceiling. I look at the walls and stalls. I look for tiny cameras pointed straight at me. My heart races out of control. “Follow that guy, he’s up to something!

If only they knew it had nothing to do with stealing, and everything to do with Paruresis!

It’s difficult for me to pee in public bathrooms, and it makes me nervous, tense, alert, and watching my surroundings like a hawk. Am I being filmed? Are there tiny cameras in the Stucco Ceiling? The vents? Are the mirrors two-way?

I’m paranoid! I have no reason to be scared, and I’ve never had any evidence that security is watching… I just feel that way.

It’s all in my mind!

I’ve never been followed in. Never been frisked. Never ushered out the doors by men with walkie-talkies.

Nothing has ever happened that makes me believe any of this is true, but you hear stories. They are watching! My heightened anxiety plays tricks on me:

  • You look suspicious eyeing the johns, quit it!
  • You look nervous and shifty, and are shuffling your feet, STOP!
  • You’re looking around for other people and employees, anybody watching you heading in…
  • You’re in the bathroom too long. Everyone is starting to wonder
  • 3 Guys have entered and left, and you’re still in there!

It’s my over-alert senses that lie to me. It makes me worry about horrible situations and puts my wall up.

You can’t pee in there!” it screams. “Guards are going to break down the door and tackle you to the floor!

I fear it’ll be embarrassing and all over the evening news.

PEE SHY MAN GETS ARRESTED AT KOHLS!

The things my mind dreams up…

Why can’t it imagine peaceful things? Light fluffy things like Kittens and Flowers and Clouds… Oh no! It’s Panic, Trepidation and FEAR!

I just want to go in there and pee like everyone else.

Instead, I’m on camera. I can almost hear the steady hum as the lens focuses and follows my every step.

Are the Security Officers saying “He just went it the stall! GO GO GO!!!

Damn it! Stop thinking like this. I can’t pee, and now I really can’t pee!

I’ll have to hold it until I get home.

Great!

I go in the bathroom.

And I don’t even pee.

If that doesn’t look suspicious!

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