I’m peeing in the small bathroom next to the kitchen yesterday afternoon.
I’m pissing in the toilet and of course, I have the door wide open.
Why?
Because I’m desensitizing!
…And the fact that it’s just two guys who live in this big ole house…
So I’m peeing and all of a sudden Mike (My Pee Buddy) pops his head in, looks directly at me, and asks me a question.
I look back, answer him, and he continues on his way as I continue to pee.
Today the same thing happened!
I’m taking a piss in the bathroom and Mike comes by, and this time I didn’t even hear him approaching.
And what does he do?
He jumps in the doorway trying to scare me (used to be a huge fear of mine).
The funny thing is, it didn’t work.
I didn’t skip a beat. I kept on peeing like normal.
He laughs, I look at him, smirk, and he keeps on walking.
Later on, after about six cups of coffee…
I’m in the bathroom once more taking a piss!
Mike walked by and actually came in with an hand full of stuff for the cabinet. He goes behind me (which, for a tiny bathroom is just inches away), opens the drawer, puts stuff in and walks back out of the bathroom. The entire time he’s talking to me and asking me questions. I answer him like it’s no big deal.
And I’m very proud of one thing…
I Peed non-stop!
I didn’t slow, I didn’t hesitate, I didn’t stop my stream. I just continued like I didn’t have Paruresis at all.
And I stood there after he left and I thought to myself, I actually feel fully desensitized around him!
I mean, I’m talking to him, and looking at him as he’s coming and going and even trying to scare me… And it didn’t stop me from peeing, or even phase me.
And guess what, I don’t think anything would with him.
It made me realize that this is what desensitization does…
It takes away the fear!
I mean, I’ve literally been peeing around Mike now for almost a full year (ever since I began Recovery last October). And so this is what repetition does to you.
Which means, it can happen in the field as well!
If you do it enough, and you do it often, and you keep repeating it, and never stop, you will desensitize yourself!
Eventually it will happen.
It’s bound to!
You will, and you can, desensitize yourself to peeing in a public bathroom just as easy.
It’s just continued practice.
And that’s actually a very cool thing to know.
A year ago I would’ve never dreamed that I would be able to pee anywhere near him, let alone with him walking by the door talking to me, coming in, and even trying to scare me.
But yet a year later, look at me. It’s pretty amazing.
Of course I don’t have this track record out in public yet, but I’m at least 75% of the way there.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get to 100%, but I do feel that as long as I keep trying and I never give up, that one day, someday, I will get there.
Eventually!
Just you wait and see!
