I wonder if recording my daily progress is boring to some…
I suppose it is. But then again, it’s not for you, it’s for me!
This is my recovery, as slow as it is. These are the steps, thoughts, actions, failures, and successes along the way as I struggle to recover from Paruresis.
It’s not an easy battle. I’ve been fighting with this monster all my life.
Will I ever Recover?
That’s a good question. I just don’t know. But, if you stay with me long enough, I’m certain you’ll find out.
Good or Bad, this is me, and this is my life!
Today is Day 48, Welcome to it!
I had one more bathroom goal to accomplish this week, and today I finish it…
(Good thing, there’s a ton of snow outside this morning)
I finish in a bathroom in Costco!
It’s Friday evening, the store is packed – it is 12 Days before Christmas…
All the checkout lines are open (awesome). People are everywhere. The isle with Gift Wrap, Bows and Ribbon is a buzz. Carts and Anxious shoppers abound…
HO HO HO!
So I grab some Free Samples (Pizza, Baby Back Ribs and Popcorn), a couple more presents for under the tree, and make my way to the cashier (they have the fastest checkout lines I have ever seen… ZIP you’re done!)
I know the bathroom is calling. I have to go in this one…
I’m determined to step up to the urinal to finish my goals.
And so I do!
I walk in (passing employees roaming up and down the hall who look me in the eye) and see that all 3 urinals are EMPTY!
In fact, the entire bathroom is silent and vacant. It’s just me… for now.
I decide to take the first urinal.
I walk up, unzip, and stand there holding my breath. It’s hard to tell if Breath Hold is working or not. But I’m not going to let it discourage me (like last year) so I continue to keep practicing. Practice makes perfect!
Everyone says it could take months to master. And when you’re dealing with Pee Shyness all your life, two months is nothing! Right?
So I Hold my Breath!
Even though I have no urge to pee, I still need the practice of both the urinal and the Breath Hold. It’s Desensitization 101. :)
1 Minute goes by…
Then Two!
Still no one comes in!
I hear voices nearby, coming down the hall. I hear the dryers drying in the women’s bathroom… But yet, I’m alone and looking at my watch.
What are the odds?
I wait some more. I can’t believe with as busy as they are, no one has to pee!
I know if I DID have to pee, the bathroom would be swarming with guys, but now, you could hear a pin drop.
3 Minutes…
NOTHING! WOW!
Okay, so be it. I flush, zip, wash and dry my hands, and guess what? As I exit the bathroom a guy turns the corner and walks in. Nice timing dude! By seconds…
Oh well. You just never know what to expect with bathrooms. You have no control over people peeing or when guys decide it’s time for a bathroom break. It’s all random. Just like my hit or miss Breath Hold Techniques…
Practice is all it takes.
And you know what?
You have your whole life to keep practicing. Don’t you?
Yes, yes I do! :)
