Shy Bladder HQ

Here’s something I often wonder about; If I practice Breath Hold (BH) each and every time that I pee… Will I become dependent upon it?

I mean, if I hold my breath long enough, where I get to the point where my urine flows, won’t I be associating that empty lungs feeling with peeing, and without it, I wouldn’t be able to go?

It makes sense!

It also makes me wonder if I should only practice Breath Hold when and where I need it the most; in public in a restroom versus the safety and comfort of my home bathroom.

I just don’t know!

And, as I’ve already stated previously, I have a pretty obsessive personality. So it would be just like me to become dependent on this crazy peeing technique.

SIGH! I think too much!

I will say that I’ve really been pushing myself the last day or so with my Breath Hold Practice. I feel close to mastering it.

After all, if I hold my breath long enough I DO PEE!

I DO!

The problem is, it’s a very tough task. You have to push yourself, mentally and physically, beyond the comfort zone and into the gasping for air zone. Your body wants to fight it every step of the way.

But then again, not being able to pee when you have to is uncomfortable as it is, so it’s a toss up.

Discomfort and NOT Peeing?

Or Discomfort AND Peeing?

I guess I’d choose the later.

Being able to pee with Breath Hold is a life saver, and a life changer.

The biggest issue I have is attempting this in public. I’ve tried this at the urinals, but it seems, I’m too anxious for it to work. My fear prevents me from holding my breath long enough.

Plus, I also feel that even if I were to be able to accomplish this feat, then I would probably end up GASPING LOUDLY and startling the poor guy next to me. Can you imagine? lol He’d be all relaxed and peeing and suddenly this guy just feet from him starts gasping and breathing insanely. I’m sure it would cause him to jump and stare at me.

That’s all I’d need…

So I must not only be able to hold my breath long enough, but then to quietly and calmly inhale and breath normal again once I’m peeing.

I really do feel like I’m on the verge of accomplishing this. It’s just a matter of fully relaxing my body as I stand there, concentrating on peeing, and holding my breath beyond the gasping point.

That’s the trick!

The entire thing in a nut shell!

Maybe Today it will happen?

Maybe Tomorrow?

Hold your breath and find out…

This week, like the past couple of weeks, I’ve had the same goal for Public Bathroom Desensitization: Enter a Public Bathroom and stand at a Urinal for 3 full minutes. I have to do this 3 times a week in different bathrooms.

That’s all!

I’m not even asking myself to pee in those urinals, just stand there and get used to this scary scenario. Once I get used to being there (it’s all new to me), then I’ll tackle much harder things…

Peeing like the big boys!

It’s Thursday, and up until today, I haven’t entered one Public Bathroom yet this week. It snowed a lot, I only went out once. It’s been one of those weeks.

Granted, I’m also done Christmas Shopping, so the thought of driving through the snow, to crowded streets, into packed parking lots, pushing through bustling malls and dealing with frenzy people are just not that inviting to me.

But today it’s warmer. 40°. (versus 2°). It feels like a heat wave! :)

It’s the perfect day to get out and accomplish some of my goals. Plus, I had some errands to run anyway. My Pee Buddy Mike went with me.

Our first stop:

Target

As I’m walking up to the entrance doors, I notice another guy walking up the parking lot as well. He was walking with a purpose. I enter, this guy is right behind me (Mike’s ahead). Mike says he’ll wait up front for me…

I turn left, and as I do, I can tell that the guy is right on my heels and is turning left as well. Great, he’s directly behind me. I feel a rush of anxiety. Now I’m being watched…

Normally if I was entering a Public Bathroom and I saw someone else enter, I would wait until they left. But not today, I couldn’t turn back if I wanted too, he’s right there…

I turn the corner, push on the door (I even had to hold the door open for him otherwise it would have been very rude). I come around the corner and see 2 empty urinals. I don’t hesitate and just step up to the tall urinal thinking he’ll grab the short one. NOPE! He doesn’t!

He actually just kept walking past me and entered the last stall. I unzip and stand there thinking “Oh no, he’s going to stink the place up“. But then he starts pissing really loudly. That’s when I also realized that he didn’t even close the stall door. He just went in and pees like a race horse (or is it: h-o-o-orse, h-o-o-orse, h-o-o-orse?).

I try holding my breath to see if I can get Breath Hold to work. I don’t really have an urge to pee, but maybe I could force myself…

The guy in the stall finishes, flushes, washes, dries and leaves. All this time I’m just standing there as quiet as a mouse.

I do briefly wonder as he’s washing if he’s staring at me in the mirror… I shrug it off…

He’s NOT doing that!

I give up on Breath Hold. It’s not working. I have a hard time holding my breath and I don’t have to go. No Way, No How!

If I were to take a HUGE DEEP BREATH I’d probably be able to hold my breath for minutes. But just exhaling normally and holding it makes the time frame very short indeed. 45 Seconds is really pushing it!

Maybe if I was loaded up with water and had a strong urge to pee I could, but now, I’m empty and batting zero.

After my 3 minutes were up, I leave.

1 Bathroom down, 2 to go…

I tell Mike that I want to hit another store before we make it to the restaurant. I say I want to finish my goals!

He’s fine with that…

So the next stop is: A local Supermarket.

I’ve been in that Supermarket a billion times in the past, and never once have I ever stepped foot in that bathroom. I’ve always been too scared to. I had no idea what to expect.

As soon as we enter the store, I turn to the left and go down the hallway marked “BATHROOMS“.

I push the men’s door open and see a pretty impressive bathroom. I was picturing a little tiny bathroom, one urinal, one toilet, very dark and cramped, but NOOOOOOO! This bathroom was huge, brightly lit, marble walls, sharp tile floors. There were 3 urinals and 3 stalls, spaced pretty far apart. It was clean, smelled good and was entirely EMPTY!

I stand at the Center Urinal and wait!

The store and parking lot were packed. It’s less than a week before Christmas and everyone is out and about. This is sure to get some foot traffic…

NOPE!

Wrong again. The entire 3 minutes that I stood there, I was the only one there. And as I stood there, I also tried Breath Hold again. I still didn’t have to Pee, but if you keep trying over and over again you probably will.

It wasn’t happening. So, at 3 minutes, I give up and end my session.

Goal #2: Accomplished!

Last stop: Outback!

Outback Steakhouse is one of my favorite restaurants. I also have gone into this bathroom before. I have been able to Pee in the corner stall maybe once or twice in the last 20 years…

This time, I head in after we eat.

There are 2 urinals (with a rather good divider) and 2 stalls.

I step up to the first urinal and wait.

I try to pee again, you never know!

Certainly after being out for a couple of hours and drinking I should have to go… even though I still didn’t feel an urge.

But NOPE!

I wait for someone to enter. Surely they will.

After all, they’ve been coming and going all night. I could see. Our table was in the bar and I was facing the bathroom hallway (this wasn’t planned, it was the only table left). I could see all the traffic. It’s been pretty non-stop all evening.

Right now, it’s a Ghost Town!

I try to Pee. I keep waiting for the door to bang open.

It never does!

I finally end my practice session and go sit down. Mike says to me “That was fast!“

I look at my watch “It’s been 4 minutes“.

He laughs “It probably seemed like an eternity to you“.

I laugh back “Yes it does! It really does!“

So that’s it! I accomplished all 3 of my goals in one trip. I’m quite happy about that.

On the way home, we make one last pit stop. We head into Krogers. I want some Egg Nog and Candy Canes…

As we head in, Mike tells me that he wants to use the bathroom.

He looks at me and says “Wanna Come? You can hit FOUR bathrooms in one day!“

I shake my head. “Nope! 3’s enough!“

And it is!

I don’t want to OD on Public Bathrooms! lol

Sadly, even though I spent 9 minutes in bathrooms tonight, not one guy stood next to me.

What are the odds?

This is funny. I really contemplated not putting this online, I mean, it’s EMBARRASSING and I look crazy! For real!

But then I thought, I’ve already admitted being Pee Shy to the World, and that’s about as embarrassing as you can get.

So why not just open up and be totally Honest?

Spill ALL the beans?

Let everyone see who I really am… Like it or not.

Granted, I feel most people are weird in their own way. No one is entirely normal. I’m certainly not. So read and weep…

Sometimes I think my whole life is screwed up. I mean, nothing about me seems right. I have so many issues (call the shrink, grab a straight jacket, you’ll need it).

You see, Paruresis has had a hold on me for as long as I can remember. But that’s not my only quirk. I’m going to admit some crazy stuff here.

So let’s begin…

I Warned you!

I Bite my Nails Constantly!

I chew them down to a pulp. They often bleed. You should see me try to remove scotch tape… lol. I’ve chewed my nails since the 6th grade. I believe there’s only been about 7 times in my entire life that I’ve let them grow out for a month or so, but then something happens that makes me tense, anxious or nervous and I chew them off again. :(

It’s a horrible habit that I’d love to stop! I’ve tried every product there is. Most items, like No-Bite, just puts a Nasty Bitter Flavor coating over your nails. It’s supposed to prevent you from chewing. It doesn’t work. I still chew them even though my lips burn. HA!

Moving on…

I Love to Pace

I can’t sit still. Especially when I talk on the phone. I have to pace. I often go in circles around my kitchen. I have a large kitchen with a center counter island. The tile floors create a pattern around that island… I walk that pattern. NON-STOP! I go around and around, making sure when I walk I step directly onto the tile itself and not on the cracks! I know… that’s Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I have it! I see it rear its ugly head all the time…

You Put your Left Foot in…

When I sit to watch a movie… I have to shake my foot. It bounces up and down and I don’t even know I’m doing it. My friends tell me to quit shaking the couch, lol, but I can’t stop it. It just happens.

Tag, you’re IT!

Scratchy Tags on Shirts, Shorts, Pants, Underwear, I HATE them! They scratch the heck out of me and I have to cut each and every tag off before I can wear them. Why can’t they all be like Hanes?

Crazy way of Sleeping

I’m not the only one obsessed with the way I sleep. I talk about it with my friends all the time and we laugh our asses off. But me, I can only sleep with One Blanket, One Pillow (a very, very flat Pillow at that) and NO Top Sheet! Then, I have to fluff up that Pillow just right and tilt my head back (I have a crazy fear of not being able to breath). Then I have to prop one leg up and the other leg sticks out of the blanket (it’s a mix of hot and cold). That’s nuts! hahahaaha

Hot and Cold

Speaking of Hot and Cold… When I eat Hot Foods, I can’t drink Hot Liquids! I have to drink Cold!

And…

I get the Hiccups!

If I eat any kind of Crackers, Bread, Rolls, Sandwich, without drinking something, I’ll get the hiccups. No doubt!

In fact, sometimes I get the hiccups and they won’t leave me. I remember one vacation in Rome where I got the hiccups from a dry roll on the Plane and it gave me the hiccups for 3 full days! NO LIE! It was pretty scary. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I hiccuped for 3 days and everyone kept looking at me funny. It was not only aggravating, but embarrassing and very uncomfortable. The only time I stopped hiccuping was when I would lie down (resting or sleeping). That’s insane!

It happened once again just 3 years ago. I got the hiccups and I could not get rid of them. I tried every trick in the book: Holding my Breath, Breathing in a Bag, Holding my Arms over my Head, Drinking lots of Liquids, Getting Scared… Nothing worked! Let’s hope I never get them again… Sheesh!

11, 12, 13…

I Count Steps! As I go up or down stairs, pretty much no matter where I am, I like to count the amount of steps (I don’t like it if it ends up odd).

My Lip Twitches

When I’m in a confrontational situation, my lip twitches uncontrollably. It never does it any other time, just when someone’s in my face… I believe it’s because of my Dad yelling at me as a kid. He scared the crap outta me…

I Pee in every Bathroom in the House

When I Pee before I leave the house, I’ll Pee in one bathroom, and then I’ll Pee again in the other bathroom (I usually have to Pee 2-3 times before I leave the house). I alternate between the bathrooms. I don’t like to Pee in the same bathroom twice.

Soooo Odddddd!

Ceiling Fans

I can’t turn the ceiling fan on. Well, I can, but it dries out my eyes and mouth. :/

The Dot is staring at me

When I’m watching TV, there’s this little red light (next to the power button) on the bottom center of the TV. It distracts me. All I see is that bright red dot… So I have to prop my feet up on the Ottoman so it covers up my line of vision and I don’t see it anymore.

WOW, am I really this messed up?

And I have even more issues…

I See Ghosts!

Okay, I don’t really SEE Ghosts, but I do feel like one visits me every now and then. When I’m sleeping in my bed late at night, I’ll feel the edge of the bed sink down, like someone just sat on it. That indentation terrifies me. I believe it’s the ghost of my Grandma or Grandpa. I might really be wacko, but it’s happened to me about 20 times in the past. Something’s there!

Should I keep going? Or have you had enough?

And you thought I just had Shy Bladder Problems…

Crowds

This one seems pretty simple, since Paruresis is a Social Phobia, but I DO have a fear of crowds. More like walking into an unfamiliar group of people and having them all turn and look at me. It’s because I’m always wondering what they’re thinking about me and it makes me anxious. I’ve always felt like I don’t fit in or belong. I’m an outcast! (I’m now chewing my nails as I write this)

All this stems from my Childhood!

I do feel like it all began with my Alcoholic Dad who Beat me. I like to blame it on him and say he’s the reason… But you know what? He’s not. I AM!

I control my life and the path I walk on. I can change it’s course at any time.

Recovering from Paruresis can alter so many aspects of my life. It can help me break down some of the walls that I have built up. It could make me feel free again.

It’s a Start at least!

(I really can’t believe I’m going to put this online)

You know, there were 13 steps that led up to my attic room as a kid.

My Dad would often come up those steps drunk and yell at me. He smelled of Budweiser and stale Cigarettes.

I can still hear him today (although he died in 2008 from Lung Cancer).

All I want is a freedom from my past. I have way too many ghosts that haunt me.

Will I ever be free?

What about you?

What’s your beef?

Ahh, the logic of a Paruretic!

It’s this kind of thinking that drives me crazy.

Today is Tuesday, Movie Day. My friends and I all go to see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. The problem is, it’s a long movie. 2 hours 41 minutes, plus at least 20 MORE minutes of previews. So that’s 3 hours crammed in a packed theater…

3 Hours of NOT Peeing!

I haven’t really been out much this week, we’ve got a lot of snow. It’s my first real time out since Saturday. I have Cabin Fever lol.

I told myself earlier that I’d use the bathroom before the movie (when I wouldn’t have an urge).

I had already limited myself to one cup of coffee this morning, so I should be fine… I hope!

I tell Mike (my Pee Buddy) what my plan is. His response was “Why not go after the movie?“

“Because it’s a 3 hour movie” I say.

“And?“

“And I may have to Pee!”

Ahhh, What Logic! Ha!

I don’t want to practice after the show because the odds are good that I may really have to Pee… How messed am I?

I’m not thinking properly, because I’m thinking about standing at the urinal for minutes on end. Doing that after the movie will increase my need to pee. And if I already have to pee, then it will get even more uncomfortable for me. My brain is basically saying to myself that I won’t be able to Pee and trying will only make matters worse.

AVOID THAT!

It’s ALL Avoidance! I can’t practice because I may have to Pee, and who wants to be in that position? lol

SIGH!

Isn’t that the point? If I really have to go, and I DO go, then it’s a huge success right?

I ponder all of this. My brain is battling my every move.

I finally agree and say I’ll go after the show… and pray I’m not in pain (we still have to drive home).

So we watch the movie, which is AWESOME! I love the Barrel Scene (couldn’t stop laughing) and I loved how it ended (I have to see the next movie, no doubt about it)!

Anyway, the movie ends. The packed theater is letting out. Tons and tons of guys are flooding into the restroom.

As we’re getting near the door, Mike looks at me and says “Are you going in?“

LOL I didn’t even hesitate, I saw the herd of guys and said “NOPE!“

Bahhhh!

We kept walking and that was that.

I could only imagine standing in line, waiting my turn, then moving up to a vacant urinal, standing there with guys behind me, watching me, seeing I’m not peeing… It’s just not right!

That would bring too much attention. Attention I don’t want. Not yet at least. Not until I can Pee under Pressure!

It sucks, because I have yet to walk into one Public Bathroom this week. I know it’s only Tuesday, but I need to accomplish my goal of 3 Bathrooms, 3 Urinals, for 3 Full Minutes!

Times a ticking…

What am I waiting for?

It’s day 51 in my Shy Bladder Desensitization, and day 27 in my Breath Hold Practice. I’ve been alternating between using a Pee Buddy to pee at home, and using Breath Hold otherwise.

Some days it really feels like Breath Hold is working, others I have a hard time holding my breath to accomplish anything. It seems pretty random to me. I still feel like there’s something missing, so let’s take a closer look at this method called Breath Hold (BH).

What it is that people are saying about Breath Hold and how does it work?

I’ve read a good amount about the subject from different Pee Shy Books.

I’ve visited Forums (on the IPA). I’ve read Blogs (Zen And The Art Of Reality). And even corresponded with readers who left helpful tips..

So What is Breath Hold?

Breath Hold is basically a technique that says: If you hold your breath long enough, you WILL PEE!

Sounds amazing… And it can be, with practice!

To take it further, let’s look at…

Zen And The Art Of Reality

Zen And The Art Of Reality is written by Max (known as Paruretic Max). He’s a great guy who also runs a YouTube Channel called Paruresis Exposed. He goes into great detail about Breath Hold and even wrote a post with the Instructions for the Breath Hold Technique. He lists 7 steps to obtain BH, and because it works so well, he describes himself as a Recovered Paruretic.

I won’t copy his instructions (you can get them here!) but I will paraphrase…

1. Take a Deep Breath and Relax
2. Exhale 75% of the Air in your Lungs
3. Hold your Breath and Keep your Body at ease
4. Hold your Breath until you want to Gasp for Air
5. Continue Holding your Breath Beyond this Point for a few Seconds
6. Your Pelvic Floor will Drop and you will finally Urinate
7. Wait until Full Stream before you smoothly inhale air again

Max makes it sound so easy. It’s NOT! I’ve been working on this for almost a month and I still don’t know what to make of it (Max says it took him months to master).

In fact, in the beginning, it wasn’t easy for Max either.

Paruretic Max Learns Breath Hold

Back in July of 2010 when Paruretic Max was learning Breath Hold and was having problems like me. He says on the IPA (International Paruresis Association) Forums (which I suggest you sign up for, my user name is PeeShyRichard):

I have been making a serious effort to try to learn the BH lately and I feel I’m making progress. I am getting used to hold my breath and the gasping for air feeling. Despite my successes I am still not able to get it to work.

Dominic M. (who already learned Breath Hold) replied with this message:

Ok first of all, you will start feeling the gasping for air after 10-20-30-40 seconds, depending on your condition. In the beginning it’s a bit uncomfortable, and it’s a bit like a wave during those 10-15 seconds. Your natural reflex would be to put pressure on your lungs, or your abs to counter this feeling, but it’s very important not to do that! So, then it gets a little less hard, little bit more, etc… It’s a strange feeling to describe. But most importantly, you cannot try to fight it with your body. You just need to go with the flow. Sometimes swallowing can make it a bit more comfortable. Just don’t exhale or inhale anything. So, make sure you really know what the gasping for air is, and get used to it. As long as your body stays calm and relaxed, you will not have any problems related to a lack of oxygen. So, get used to gasping for air, for as long as you can.

When you can do that for 10-15 seconds, you will feel that somehow urine started travelling down. If you’re in low stress situations, it will only take a second or two for it to make it’s way to the toilet, just like you would normally pee. In low stress (or no stress) you can even start breathing at this point, but not when you are still learning. In high stress, it can take 5-10 seconds. You feel that its going down, but that it takes a while. As long as you stay relaxed and hold your breath, it will continue it’s path. The moment you breath, everything can stop. So in those situations it’s important to hold the breath until you really have a good full stream.

He also links to his video on YouTube talking about the right and wrong ways to do Breath Hold. See it here!

As Paruretic Max continues his recovery progress, Dominic M. gives more helpful advice:

Basically I focus on something stupid like a ticking clock, or something at the wall. I focus my eyes (or my ears), but clear my mind and basically wait until breath hold makes me pee. I think most people who try it first stop after a few seconds of gasping for air, or make it longer, but can’t keep their body relaxed anymore. I still remember having the same problem when I first tried BH, and I gave up on it very soon. But I honestly think that if you practice on holding your breath in front of the toilet at least once a day, you don’t even have to have urgency, that you will learn very fast.

Paruretic Max Breath Hold Success!

Taken from the IPA forums on Wed. Oct 06, 2010, Paruretic Max shares his success story:

So I have been working on the breath hold for a little bit now (a few months), and have now been able to get it to work in even very high stress situations.

The breakthrough for me was last night (I guess 2 nights ago 10/5), when I went to a concert. I went to see Primus (the greatest show I have ever see.) Despite emptying my bladder before hand (lol Paruresis 101), I had an urge to go when I got in. Even though I had relatively low urgency, I decided to try before it got too crowded. I got in there and it was a large restroom, maybe 6 or 7 urinals, and 5 stalls (don’t remember the exact numbers). Anyway I stepped into one of the crowded stalls with people in both stalls next to me, held my breath, and peed in about 40 seconds. Needless to say, I was ecstatic. I then watched Primus play and amazing set, then intermission came and I had to pee. This time a full bathroom with people waiting behind me. No matter, I stepped up with BH, and pissed.

Then today (yesterday) at school, I walked into a full bathroom this time going to a urinal, with no dividers, and peed with people and noise all around me. A great feeling indeed.

I would like to give a big shout out to Dominic M, who helped me learn the BH.

Also a message to all you paruretics: GIVE BREATH HOLD A TRY! It has been huge in my recovery process. If you would like, send me a PM (on the IPA forums) and I will give you my contact information and I will help you with it.

Also NOTE TO THE IPA: I would be very happy to volunteer teaching the breath hold at a workshop if needed. I live in Atlanta, but would be willing to make somewhat of a drive under the right circumstances. I just wanted to offer.

I am going to post some videos soon about how I do the BH, and also will become more active on this forum.

Which he does in his YouTube Channel (along with Dominic) called Paruresis Exposed.

Dominic M. responded to Max’s Success:

That’s so great to hear. First of all for you, because it will change your life forever. Now you just need to learn to time your BH in advance so you can limit/optimize your time at the urinals.

And I also hope it will motivate other people to learn BH. It really isn’t so hard…

Max Continues to Help

Parureticmax (Who holds the IPA title: Certified Successful Breath Holder) continues to help people struggling with Breath Hold on the Forums… He offered one Paruretic this sound advice:

Try holding your breath a bit longer even after you have a full stream going. I noticed early on when I was learning the breath hold that if I took a breath right as the stream was starting, then it would cut off. Let yourself get a full stream going and then give a a few seconds, then you should have no issue keeping the stream going.

WOW! Great Stuff! Congrats Max!

I learn more with Dominic M

Dominic M. has really helped tons of people Recover from Paruresis using the Breath Hold technique. I’ve reached out to Dominic here and he even created a new video called “Shy bladder – Breath Hold in Action” for me. I greatly appreciate the help and response.

I’ve talked to Dominic through emails last year (before I started my recovery) and asked him this (It was long winded and held a million questions, poor Dominic):

I have a question about your Pee Buddy. Did you go to the group meetings to find one? Did you go through all the GED and CBT steps? What happened that pointed you towards Breath Hold? I’m just wondering because if I can skip everything and just do BH, then I’m on the right path. Did your pee buddy ever learn how to do BH? If not why?

Dominic Replied:

Before I learned BH I went to an IPA workshop in Germany, led by Steven Soifer. I learned a lot about Paruresis, which is basically what CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) does, and it liberated me greatly. When I came back from the workshop, I told my best friend about my problem and how it impacted my day to day life. I felt really great being able to share this afterwards. There was another guy from Belgium on the workshop, and we decided to keep doing GET (Gradual Exposure Therapy) together at his place. In the second meeting, I locked up, and decided to hold my breath. That’s when I discovered breath hold. So it’s really hard for me to say if you need GET and CBT or not, because I’m sure I needed it to come to the point where I am now. If you are ok with not being to able pee at many places without BH, then you don’t need GET. And regarding CBT, I think it’s very important to understand how paruresis works and what mistakes a paruretic makes in his brain. So I can really recommend Steven Soifer’s Book: Shy Bladder Syndrome (Richard: which I then bought on Amazon). My Pee Buddy didn’t learn unfortunately, but I think he also didn’t want to put in the effort. He still manages his life around Paruresis, but he became a lot better.

I must say that lately I limit my interest in Paruresis at trying to help others at the IPA forum. You have to understand that Paruresis is only a very small part of my life anymore, and I doesn’t influence my actions. I’m free as a bird now! :)

Thanks much Dominic! You’ve helped me more than you know!

Other people on the forums give further advice that may help…

BeserkPencil

BeserkPencil (great name) say this:

• While breathing normally, just exhale 75% of your breath while walking 10 seconds to the pot. By the time you get there the exercise of walking will make you gasp for air.
• Right before the pelvic floor drops involuntarily, take in a small (tiny!) gasp of breath to override the PF drop.

Shy Bladder Comments

Others have said the same thing. Like the College Kid (aka Jordan) who leaves comments on my posts here. He says:

The magic of the breath hold is once you get it, it starts coming faster and faster over time and you can hold it while walking up to the plate to get yourself out of breath faster.

Another great thing is that once it starts coming fast, you can sense when the pelvic floor will drop, and then you will notice that if you take a tiny “sip” of air (like 1 ml) the moment before the PF drop, then it will allow you to relax naturally at that point and will keep you from gasping like you normally would after you inhale. Very stealthy, so long as no one you know is trying to talk to you, there is a long line, or you have to go #2.

It’s all very inspiring stuff!

And it can even work on Women! I found this out when I read this book…

Bathrooms Make Me Nervous

In her great book Bathrooms Make Me Nervous Carol Olmert gives great instructions on the Breath Hold technique as well. I’ll paraphrase her practice advice, but I suggest you pick up her book, it’s well worth the money!

1. Practice Holding your Breath at home first (increase to 45 Seconds)
2. Load up on Fluids
3. Exhale 75% of your Breath (without gasping in air first). Wait until your Pelvic Floor Drops and you begin to Urinate
4. Practicing will further Reduce the Start Time

AND THAT’S IT!

Seriously! I’m still working on this method and practicing it every single day. I do feel like I’m getting somewhere. And you’ll be the first to know when my breakthrough finally happens.

It’s exciting to think about!

Hopefully this advice and post will help others out as well. Breath Hold sure does sound like a Miracle Cure… But can it help me Pee in Public?

We’ll find out soon enough.

Good Luck! :)

You know you’re still deep in Paruresis when you’re turning down Concerts!

Kay asks me the other day if I want to see one of my favorite bands playing.

I DO! I REALLY, REALLY DO!

But…

The event is an hour drive away, and that adds even more anxiety (2 hours) to an already LONG night!

I mean, you have to drive there, get there probably 20-30 minutes early for seating, see the first band. Have a 1/2 hour intermission where they set up the second band. Watch the real show. Try to get out of the parking lot after the second encore (another hour), and then still have another hour drive home.

LOOOOOONG NIGHT!

And that hour long drive back and forth is saying the weather is good! Bad weather or blizzards could double that time. YUCK!

All of it makes me very anxious just thinking about it.

I know I would probably not be able to pee for 6 hours or more… It would feel like a life time!

I HATE nights like this!

Plus, Concerts are one of my worst fears. Too many people. Too many lines. Too much commotion and bustling and pressure to pee quickly and get out…

It’s all way too much for me!

Kay goes on to say that the first band playing is also one of my other favorite bands…

Sigh. I know. I know (I got the email too). It kills me to NOT see them!

But it also pains me to think of putting myself in that uncomfortable situation. It borders on Panic!

What would I do if I HAD to pee? I wouldn’t be driving. It’s not like I could just leave the venue. I’d be stuck there! That scares me!

So once again, Paruresis rears it’s ugly head and handcuffs me in fear.

I WANT to go to that Concert. I just CAN’T go to that Concert!

If the Concert were in my neck of the woods, it might be more bearable. Knocking a couple of hours off the night would probably sway things. DAMN!

As much as I’d love to say “YES I’LL GO!“, I have to face the facts:

• I am still Pee Shy
• I can’t pee at a Urinal YET
• The Bathrooms will be very BUSY
• I won’t have my Pee Buddy for Support
• I haven’t mastered Breath Hold YET
• Concert crowds terrify me!

It’s a NO GO!

I’m passing on my two favorite bands because I’m too scared to pee in a Public Bathroom. Life just ain’t right!

All I want to do is to enjoy the show. But if I get an urge to pee halfway through, it will make it a very agonizing and miserable night.

So sorry, there’s no clapping for this Paruretic!

:(

It’s Day 47 in my Recovery. It’s been snowing all day. Roads are horrible. Very few cars go by…

Welcome to Winter Wonderland!

I figure there’s a foot of snow on my patio (and it hasn’t stopped yet).

Take a look…

So what did I do today being snowed in and all?

Wrap Presents, Work on my Websites, Practice with my Pee Buddy, Hold my Breath.

Mike, my Pee Buddy is probably happy since I’ve cut his sessions in half (I know he’s bored of it). That’s right, I feel like my desensitizing with him is as complete as it can be. I am able to pee with him by my side with no problems. So now, I just have him stand there a couple of times throughout the day (so I don’t back slide).

The other times that he’s not there, I hold my breath! I practice my Breath Hold Techniques and try to master them.

Both are beneficial to me! :)

I still need a lot of practice with breath hold. I remember as a kid I used to be able to hold my breath for minutes on end (now it’s just like one minute). My childhood Idol was Harry Houdini (I wanted to be a Magician). Houdini used to hold his breath for almost 4 minutes for his underwater escapes. I wanted to be like him, so I would hold my breath and stare at the clock and watch the minutes pass by.

I do know that the more you practice holding your breath, the easier it gets.

My Question is this:

If you can hold your breath longer, like 3 minutes, with no problems, then will it take you 3 minutes before you’ll feel your pelvic floor drop?

Sounds Plausible.

I just don’t know.

Every person is different. Our bodies are different. I’m sure Breath Hold affects everyone differently.

I mean, if Breath Hold worked so easily and effectively, then everyone with Paruresis would just hold their breath and no one would be Pee Shy.

So it’s not so simple!

“2 Months Practice” I keep telling myself (and it’s only been 24 Days for Breath Hold Practice).

In the meantime, how about watching a pro (Dominic M) Demonstrate the Breath Hold Method (from Paruresis Exposed…

It’s pretty amazing stuff! :)

I wonder if recording my daily progress is boring to some…

I suppose it is. But then again, it’s not for you, it’s for me!

This is my recovery, as slow as it is. These are the steps, thoughts, actions, failures, and successes along the way as I struggle to recover from Paruresis.

It’s not an easy battle. I’ve been fighting with this monster all my life.

Will I ever Recover?

That’s a good question. I just don’t know. But, if you stay with me long enough, I’m certain you’ll find out.

Good or Bad, this is me, and this is my life!

Today is Day 48, Welcome to it!

I had one more bathroom goal to accomplish this week, and today I finish it…

(Good thing, there’s a ton of snow outside this morning)

I finish in a bathroom in Costco!

It’s Friday evening, the store is packed – it is 12 Days before Christmas…

All the checkout lines are open (awesome). People are everywhere. The isle with Gift Wrap, Bows and Ribbon is a buzz. Carts and Anxious shoppers abound…

HO HO HO!

So I grab some Free Samples (Pizza, Baby Back Ribs and Popcorn), a couple more presents for under the tree, and make my way to the cashier (they have the fastest checkout lines I have ever seen… ZIP you’re done!)

I know the bathroom is calling. I have to go in this one…

I’m determined to step up to the urinal to finish my goals.

And so I do!

I walk in (passing employees roaming up and down the hall who look me in the eye) and see that all 3 urinals are EMPTY!

In fact, the entire bathroom is silent and vacant. It’s just me… for now.

I decide to take the first urinal.

I walk up, unzip, and stand there holding my breath. It’s hard to tell if Breath Hold is working or not. But I’m not going to let it discourage me (like last year) so I continue to keep practicing. Practice makes perfect!

Everyone says it could take months to master. And when you’re dealing with Pee Shyness all your life, two months is nothing! Right?

So I Hold my Breath!

Even though I have no urge to pee, I still need the practice of both the urinal and the Breath Hold. It’s Desensitization 101. :)

1 Minute goes by…

Then Two!

Still no one comes in!

I hear voices nearby, coming down the hall. I hear the dryers drying in the women’s bathroom… But yet, I’m alone and looking at my watch.

What are the odds?

I wait some more. I can’t believe with as busy as they are, no one has to pee!

I know if I DID have to pee, the bathroom would be swarming with guys, but now, you could hear a pin drop.

3 Minutes…

NOTHING! WOW!

Okay, so be it. I flush, zip, wash and dry my hands, and guess what? As I exit the bathroom a guy turns the corner and walks in. Nice timing dude! By seconds…

Oh well. You just never know what to expect with bathrooms. You have no control over people peeing or when guys decide it’s time for a bathroom break. It’s all random. Just like my hit or miss Breath Hold Techniques…

Practice is all it takes.

And you know what?

You have your whole life to keep practicing. Don’t you?

Yes, yes I do! :)

It’s 47 Days into my Shy Bladder Recovery and I met one more of my Bathroom Goals today.

I did some running around, actually went to 5 places and a Restaurant/Bar for Dinner (incredible Burger & Onion Rings).

While we’re waiting for our food, Mike (my Pee Buddy) goes to the bathroom. He comes back a few minutes later.

I ask him what the bathroom’s like?

He says there’s 2 urinals and 1 stall. “The urinals are weird” he says “they come up out of the ground“.

“They’re tall urinals?” I say.

“Yeah!“

Interesting. I’ve never stood at a tall urinal before… This could be fun.

It’s much harder to “fake” peeing when guys behind you can see that no pee is running down the porcelain (not that they’d be looking, but if they’re waiting…). Short urinals make it easier to hide and mask the desensitization process.

So after we eat, I tell Mike that I’m going to the men’s room. “I’ll be back in 3 minutes” I say.

I make my way across the bar towards the bathroom. I’ve been watching guys enter and leave all night (they have to walk by our table in route). The traffic is steady, but not entirely busy. Then again, with only 2 urinals, it doesn’t take much for a full house!

As I get close to the door, a waitress passes by me and looks me right in the eyes. She knows where I’m going.

I head in!

It’s a pretty swanky bathroom. Crazy ornate sinks, dark brown wood walls with cool decorations, a fully enclosed stall and two tall urinals on the left rising up out of the ground (with a pretty sizable divider between them). It’s all very elegant and regal. WOW! Impressive!

And… No one else is in the bathroom! SWEET!

I step up to the second urinal and unzip!

5 seconds later the door opens and a guy steps up to the first urinal. It’s very quiet in there so it feels a little awkward since we’re not making any noise. He can tell I’m not peeing. I hold my breath and wait…

He starts peeing finally so at least there’s some sound now.

I’m having problems holding my breath. For some reason I’m unable to hold it longer than 20 seconds. I have no idea why. I keep trying, but it’s not working.

I can feel that I have an urge to pee so I concentrate on that and nothing else.

The guy next to me is almost done so he flushes the urinal as he’s finishing. The flushing sound makes standing there so much more bearable.

He heads to the sink and washes!

I’m still trying to coax my pee. My Breath Hold is getting me no where.

The guy finally dries his hands and leaves. Now it’s just me, alone and quiet in the bathroom. Joy! It’s got to be so awkward for other guys…

I stand there another minute. I was hoping that I could get out even a little squirt of pee, something, anything, but nope. I got nothing!

DARN!

I flush, wash, dry and leave.

Breath Hold didn’t do so well today. But at least I did accomplish one more bathroom visit (actually peeing is not part of that goal). That’s two down, one to go.

With 2 days left, I should have no problems.

I Hope! :)

46 Days into my Desensitization and I still find my Public Bathroom Goals difficult to obtain (even though I have accomplished them ALL as of yet).

I only ask myself to walk into 3 Public Bathrooms a week, and to step up to the urinal and wait a full 3 minutes!

That’s my goal!

It doesn’t matter if I pee or not. It’s just to stand there and get comfortable with that scenario.

You’d think walking into 3 bathrooms a week would be a breeze. But it’s not! Especially if you aren’t running errands and have been at home for most of the week.

It’s just a fact of life, some weeks are busier than others.

But tonight, I did pass up on one great opportunity to stand at a urinal.

Before I even went to the restaurant, I had told myself that I would use that bathroom.

It just didn’t happen!

I went out to eat at a local Sport’s Bar, and actually forgot all about my bathroom visit until I was heading out the the door and just happened to glance down that hallway. There was a guy coming out of the john, two guys were coming out behind me, someone else was holding the entrance door open in front of me… People were everywhere, a lot of commotion, and all looking at me! I glanced at the bathroom for a second… and then I was gone. Out the door. Sigh!

Why did I forget?

Another opportunity lost!

I have 3 days left to accomplish 2 more bathroom goals, I already did one yesterday at the Movie Theater. Sweet!

I know I’m heading out tomorrow, so I should be able to at least hit one bathroom, if not two. We’ll see.

Maybe I’ll get lucky?

Until then, I’m still practicing desensitization with my Pee Buddy as well as using my Breath Hold techniques. It seems to be working!

One technique with Breath Hold that I’ve been trying really feels like it’s doing some good.

It goes like this…

I blow out 3/4 of the air in my lungs as I stand there trying to pee. Then after about 10-15 seconds, I blow out a little bit more air. I wait another 10 seconds then blow out more air. I keep doing this until all the air is out of my lungs. And what seems to happen is that every time I exhale more and more air, the urge to urinate increases.

I’m still testing this theory but the desire to pee does greatly intensify!

Could this be the breakthrough I’m looking for?

I’ve been testing this for the last week or two and I think I’m onto something grand. Especially since I almost peed in the Movie Theater yesterday doing this.

Can I be Cured?

With enough practice I can see this working. And if it does, then I could pee at any urinal I please.

Wouldn’t that be cool?

Just the thought of that… Takes my breath away! :)