Shy Bladder HQ

I can pee at home, no problem.

I can pee in public about 20% of the time (on the rare occasions that I force myself).

So the odds are high that I CAN’T GO and will have to hold it all night long.

My anxiety knows this and drives me crazy right before I walk out the door.

My friends will be waiting for me in the kitchen, and I tell them I have to pee before we leave (who doesn’t?), and so I go. But then I think to myself “You know, you won’t be able to pee again in another 4 hours… It’s going to be a LONG night!“

And as soon as I think that, my anxiety level goes up. I try to ignore the long night as I grab my jacket… We all start heading out the door and what do I do?

I have to use the bathroom again!

Usually within a minute or two after just using it, I have to pee some more. My bladder plays tricks on me. It makes me believe it’s done, but it’s not. A minute later guess what? I have to pee AGAIN!

It happens all the time. My friends will be in the car waiting and I’m still peeing. I tell them I must have a small bladder, or kidney problems, but really it’s my Paruresis acting up!

It’s just knowing that I’m leaving the safety of my own house and bathroom. So I HAVE to go! It’s NOW or NEVER!

And so I go. And then go again. And sometimes a third or fourth time. It all depends on my anxiety level, where we’re going (a concert and dinner – a double event always heightens my fears).

And what’s funnier is if I pee for the last time and believe I’m ready… WE HAVE TO LEAVE NOW!

Right NOW!

Because once I’m out the door, I’m usually good. It knows it’s on lock down all night long! The urge to pee leaves!

But if we hesitate for just a moment, like one of my friends says “Let me down this drink“, or “Let’s watch this commercial (not really but you get my drift), or “Let me check my email“… that little bit of delay, even just for a minute is enough to make my bladder go crazy.

For then it starts knocking again “You have another chance to pee again if you need to!” “This will be your LAST time to go!” “You could probably pee if you tried…”

I can’t ignore it! It’s right! I know this. And I go!

I think I DO have a small bladder, who knows? A small bladder with an enlarged prostate? Maybe!

It’s pee, pee, pee before I go!

And then I pee, and pee some more!

Sometimes I feel like I’ll never get out the door!

What is it about my brain and the signals that fuck with my anxiety so much?

How can my bladder still hold any pee after just peeing?

I don’t get it. I’m sure it drives my friends crazy. They don’t realize it’s because I have Shy Bladder. They just think I’m loony.

I laughed with my friend Mike one day after he commented on me peeing so much.

“What do you have, TWO bladders?” He said.

Maybe!

Maybe I do!

This is a question I battle with all the time…

Do I really think that my Paruresis can be cured?

I don’t know!

I’d like to think so. But the fact is, I’ve been so scared my whole life of walking up to and using a public urinal that I don’t know any different.

How can I picture myself doing that if I’ve fought against it for as long as I can remember?

Do I think that I can suddenly turn off my thinking and pee in the open with no fear, no reservations, in front of other guys, and even with guys waiting (not so patiently) behind me?

Quite frankly, I don’t see that happening.

And that Scares me even more!

But then I also think, that’s exactly what Paruresis wants me to think. It’s a fear of not being able to go. That’s the root of the problem. So of course, it’s the hardest thing for me to wrap my head around.

I’d be happy just Settling!

I would be perfectly happy never using a urinal or trough in my life. If… If I could pee in the stalls under any circumstances. I would be fine with that.

At least I’d be able to go when I needed to, and I could empty my bladder in public.

(As long as the restroom has stalls, and vacant ones at that)

So do I see myself being totally Cured?

Maybe, maybe not. If I could master Breath Hold and be able to use it whenever and where ever, then maybe. Especially if I could pee at the urinals like a man.

But if not, then peeing in a stall is the next best thing. Even in a crowded, bustling bathroom. I can live with that scenario.

If I can’t cure myself (or recover enough), then just being able to pee anywhere in the bathroom is perfect for me.

It’s an awesome thought, and one I’m leaning towards.

After all, it’s better than holding in my urine for 6 hours.

Give me a toilet, and a little partition any day!

Now that’s relief!

I have to say that I admire my fellow Paruretics who publicly admit that they have Paruresis.

They let the whole wide world know their shameful secret.

These people run Support Groups, Forums, YouTube Channels, and are leading examples in the Association Forums of what Paruresis is and how to recover from it.

I admire their openness, courage, and honesty.

It’s not the easiest thing to talk about this condition and showing your face and voice in front of millions… it takes balls! My hats off to you!

A couple of people have really stood out and helped me understand and acknowledge my disorder better.

Max, Dominic, and Dave!

Check them out! You’ll be happy you did.

So let’s take a minute and talk about these brave souls and how they have helped me along the way.

Paruretic Max

It all started by doing a Google search online for Shy Bladder after I read a book called Shy Bladder Syndrome (links on the right). I saw some Videos about Shy Bladder, and they peak my curiosity. They lead me to a YouTube Channel called “Paruresis Exposed“.

In it I saw man who goes by the name of Paruretic Max talking about Paruresis and the Breath Hold technique.

Max is young and very well spoken. He openly talks about Shy Bladder and how it’s affected his life.

I couldn’t stop watching. To hear someone verbalize his condition so well was startling. He has a very good handle on his disorder and life.

I didn’t acknowledge Paruresis until I got older. In fact, I spent my whole youth hiding in shame. And here he is facing the world and speaking so comfortably about his greatest fear.

He showed me that there is a future, there is hope, there is support.

I often wonder what his friends and family think seeing him so exposed and out there. I would fear humiliation and ridicule. But Max acts like it’s no big deal. Nothing to be ashamed of. He talks about Bladder Shyness like he’s talking about the Weather. I admire that! If only I could be so free.

His face is a spokesperson for Paruresis Recovery and I’m happy that people like him are able to stand up and share their experiences. I’m trying to do the same.

Max not only spearheads the Paruresis Exposed Channel, but he runs his own blog over at Zen and the art of Reality.

It’s an interesting name for a Shy Bladder Blog, but reading about his Social Phobia and his thoughts and actions is well worth the time. I read every word and even left some comments that he quickly replied to! :)

Thanks for putting yourself and your phobia on the line Max.

You are a great role model.

If I only had half the back bone you have…

Dominic

Dominic also has many YouTube videos in the Paruresis Exposed Channel. He is showing off the Breath Hold Technique (just like Max does) and pees in front of the camera.

Years ago I had heard about something called “Breath Hold“, but Dominic took it one step further by combining Breath hold with his Pee Buddy (Gradual Exposure Therapy).

I was amazed and inspired. It seemed that there was a way to cure (or recover) from Paruresis.

I admire Dominic for being so bold as to film his shyness (with his Pee Buddy) and to show that Breath Hold does work (for some).

I have yet to master this technique, I have tried, gave up, tried again… One day I hope to learn it.

If you haven’t watched any of the videos on Paruresis Exposed, then I would highly advise it. It takes a lot of guts to do what they do.

I would be very nervous about showing myself on camera and peeing in front of so many people that could hear me.

I don’t know how he does it so calmly, but I give him props.

Plus, he even went out of his way to make a new video showing his face during Breath Hold (per my request). If you have a request of your own, let him know, he’s a pretty cool guy and I’m sure he’ll help you out.

Thanks Dominic!

You are a life saver!

Paruretic Dave

Dave is over at www.Paruretic.org and his Paruretic Dave YouTube Channel.

This man blows my mind!

He’s like Superman to Paruretics. His courage and dedication is outstanding!

He has videos that show what they do in Support Group Meetings and graduated steps with Bathroom Exposure. It’s amazing and A MUST SEE!

He goes to the mall wearing a bright yellow shirt (can’t miss it) that says boldly “SHY BLADDER, SO WHAT?“

How Daring! I don’t even think I could every so proudly proclaim that I was Pee Shy! Everyone would know that you have this disorder and you set yourself up for embarrassment.

But not Dave! He faces his fears head on and I greatly admire that.

I almost feel uneasy just watching the pro do it. It’s an eye opener for sure!

I would want to hide in a corner, let alone stroll through a mall filled with thousands of observing, judging eyes.

My heart beats just thinking about it.

Plus, he’ll stand at the urinal for a long, long time (22 minutes) just to prove that it doesn’t matter what other people think. You can stand there all day and no one would care.

WOW!

Where would we be without people like this?

And Dave is also a pro at Self-Catheterization. On his website, in the video’s section, he shows you step-by-step how to put in and use a Catheter… Yes, he shows it all! Not for the squeamish! That’s a brave man.

He also talks about Drug Testing (illegal) and In-Home Desensitization (which is what I’m about to attempt). I suggest you check him out. He shows you there is nothing to be scared of. It’s a disorder that millions of people have and the only way to deal with it is to tackle it head on.

Thanks Again to Max, Dominic, and Dave!

Thank you guys, you have opened my eyes and my heart. You’ve shown me that I can handle this, that there is hope, and that I am NOT alone!

I’m hoping my blog here can inspire others as well!

I would love to make a difference in people’s lives.

If you like my posts here, can relate, or have stories of your own, please speak up and be heard. I, and others, would greatly appreciate it and learn from it.

The best way to overcome this crippling phobia, is to face it together!

Thanks again!

I admire you!

As much as I try not to pee when I’m out, there are things that make me WANT to pee!

Things out of my control (pretty much). Because, let’s face it, I would avoid peeing in public if I could help it.

And these things are out to get me:

Rain

When it’s raining out, it makes the desire to pee greater. I don’t know if it’s the soft patter of rain drops, the soothing sound, or the visual sight of water flowing that does it, but anytime it’s raining, it makes my urge to urinate stronger.

Cold Weather

Nothing makes me want to pee more than when it’s cold outside (good thing I live in a State that’s only cold 8 months of the year). It’s probably because my testicles rise closer to my body to stay warm and that contraction makes me want to pee, who knows? But it does. I hate the cold!

What ever you do, don’t put an ice cold drink between your legs! :)

Underwear

Boxers aren’t so bad, but Briefs that hug your junk are horrible. The tightness of them makes me want to go to the john. A lot! It’s too constricting. The pressure. The cramped feeling. It makes me want to pee.

Bumpy Roads

Why is it that when you have to pee, you hit every bump and pot hole on the way home?

That constant vibration is no good for a bladder full of piss!

Drinking More

The more liquids you take in, the more liquids want to come out. So I end up not drinking too much, I dehydrate myself, especially if I know I’m going out for a while.

The Sound of Water

Just the sound of water can do it. It could be any water: Rivers, Lakes, Streams, The Beach, Water Falls, Fountains… The sound of Water is usually enough to make the faucets want to open. The key word here is “WANT“… they still never do! :(

Seeing the Bathrooms

If the bathroom door is within eye sight, and I see people coming and going, it makes me want to follow suit. Likewise if my friends are getting up to pee, the natural instinct is to relieve myself as well. I just never can.

Heading out the Door

Every night, just as I’m getting ready to leave for the evening, I have to pee. And knowing that it’s my LAST pee for a while, it makes me pee, and then pee some more.

I’ll literally pee, get to the front door, stop, turn around, and pee again.

My anxiety does that. Tricks me into thinking I’m done peeing and I’m good to go. And then it screams at me seconds later and tells me that it needs to pee again. ARGGGG! It drives me crazy.

I end up peeing like 3 or 4 times before I finally get out the door. How frustrating is that?

Other Things…

Other things that could trigger my bladder and body into wanting to pee…

Motion

Any kind of motion: Tickling, Laughing, Vehicle Motion (as in Boats, Planes, Trains, Motorcycles), Amusement Rides, Horse Back Rides, Piggy Back Rides… They all make my bladder slosh around and need to pee.

Bed Time

I tuck myself in. Get nice and cozy. And then have to get up right before I drift off and relieve myself. Otherwise I’d lay there all night thinking “I need to Pee, I need to Pee, I need to Pee” and it would keep me up and keep me from sleeping until I did so.

S – E – X

Yep! That makes me want to pee (afterwards). Who knows what it’s from. The pressure, the release, getting rid of tension… It could be from the onslaught of testosterone, or the motion of the ocean, or it could just be cleaning out the pipes, I don’t get it, but it makes me want to pee.

I’m sure I’m not the only one!

So when I go out, I try to avoid silly things like: Cold Fronts, Thunderstorms, Squirt Guns, Water Balloons, Pools, Dirt Roads, Railroad Tracks, Heavy Drinking, Tight Underwear, and, oh yeah…

Bathrooms, Johns, Porta-Potties, Out Houses, Restrooms, Rest Stops and the Loo!

They all make me want to pee.

If only that signal would be passed on to my bladder… Because that thing, that’s things on lock down!

And it wants to pee right now!

My friend Mike is funny.

I tell him a little about my Paruresis (this is the only friend that knows), and he’s been pretty understanding.

Who knows, he may laugh behind my back, but to my face he seems sincere and he does what he can to help my condition even though he doesn’t fully get it.

Like the other day…

We’re out to eat at a burger joint and we’re sitting on the patio enjoying the sun and the drinks.

He goes into the restaurant to pee and he comes back a minute later and states (as a matter of factly) “That’s a Bathroom you could use!“

“Really?” I say.

“Yep!” He nods.

“Is it a single user bathroom?” I inquire.

He looks at me puzzled “No, but there’s nobody in there!“

LOL

I give him credit for trying, but he doesn’t really understand that “Nobody in there” doesn’t help me much.

My fear, and experience tells me that nobody is in there RIGHT NOW! As soon as I go into the john, someone else will undoubtedly walk in behind me. Surprise, it’s not empty anymore.

It never fails!

It could be quiet for twenty minutes, but the second I decide to step foot in there, suddenly every guy in the restaurant needs to urinate.

That’s Murphy’s Law (and my luck)!

For me to feel totally safe and at ease and be able to go with no problems, I’ll need a single user bathroom with a lock on the door. That’s a bathroom I could pee in.

Now I could have tried to use this Burger Joint’s Bathroom, and I may have even succeeded in going, but I’m sure it would have taken a while, and all the time I’d be thinking “Please don’t come in. Please don’t come in while I’m peeing! PLEASE!!!“

So did I take that chance?

NOPE!

Granted, I didn’t really have to go (Paruresis talking), but even if I did, I probably wouldn’t have. I wasn’t far from my home and we were just about done, so it’s no big deal to hold it.

Yes, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel and I let that influence me. My bladder isn’t screaming, I’m good right now. Why put myself through an uncomfortable situation if I don’t have to? eh?

Because it’s true, “Empty” isn’t really “Empty“, it’s only “Empty” for a second. In a minute it could be “Crowded“!

And that’s a crowd I’d rather avoid!

Here’s a question for you: Are you Pee Shy? Do you have Shy Bladder Syndrome? Some people do, and don’t even know it!

Like my Sister for example. She has problems urinating in a bathroom if someone’s in the next stall. This came up in casual conversation because she said her husband got mad at her for taking so long in the bathroom. So I instinctively asked her “Are you Pee Shy?” (she doesn’t know about me), and her reply was “I don’t know… I guess!“

She had never associated the actual phrase “Pee Shy” with the slight issues she had going to the bathroom. She just knew that going to the bathroom was harder under certain circumstances.

Same with me!

I had always had a fear of bathrooms and peeing in public, but I never gave it much thought. I just knew that it was something that I was nervous and shy about. But since I’ve been like this my whole life and didn’t know any different, I just figured that was me. That’s how I am!

It was natural for me to NOT pee in the restrooms. They scared me.

Until I got older and realized that my fears were getting worse did it dawn on me that there must be something more to this condition.

What is going on with me?

What is Shy Bladder?

What causes it?

I really wanted to learn how deep the problem went. I also wanted to discover how it all began. I researched the subject. I bought books on Paruresis and finally saw that YES I did have Shy Bladder Syndrome. I am Pee Shy! And, that I’m NOT alone!

Many others feared going to the bathroom just like me. I learned that this fear is a fear of NOT being able to go, which is totally different than what I originally was thinking. I was thinking it was a fear of the actual bathroom itself. But it’s just that someone else may hear or see me going to the bathroom, and knowing that keeps me from peeing whether it happens or not. It’s all perceived! It’s all in my mind. I’ve learned from some early trauma to be ashamed of urinating in front of other people.

And I learned that there are ways to recover (I’m working on that). But there is hope!

So again I’ll ask you “Do you have a Shy Bladder?“

How can you tell?

Here are some symptoms that may give it away. Keep in mind, I’m no Doctor, and these symptoms are MY symptoms so they will vary more or less from person to person.

Pee Shy Symptoms

1. You get anxious about an event or public function when you know that you’ll be away from the house for hours on end.
2. You start thinking in advance about whether you’ll have to pee once you’re out, or if you’ll be able to hold it.
3. You dehydrate yourself before the event. You drink very little so you won’t feel the urge to go.
4. Just thinking about using the bathrooms makes your heart race.
5. You fear crowded restrooms. Too many people are watching you, judging you, hearing you, seeing that you can’t pee.
6. You fear standing at a urinal with other guys, shoulder to shoulder. It locks you up and keeps your bladder from emptying.
7. The quieter the bathroom is, the more heightened the fear of being over heard is. Plus, you feel embarrassed just hearing other people pee as well.
8. You dread walking into the bathroom with everyone watching. They know where you are going, and what you’re about to do. It’s gross!
9. You hate looking people directly in the eye as you enter the restroom. They can read your fear. They can recognize you “That’s the guy that couldn’t pee!“.
10. You hate having to pee in a stall and having everyone see that your feet are facing the wrong direction. “Awww He must be Pee Shy!“
11. You hate standing there for minutes upon minutes and still not go. Your bladder screams, your anxiety builds, the time ticks slowly by and you still can’t pee!
12. You try distracting yourself to get the stream going. Counting, Multiplication, Humming… Anything to keep your mind off the fact that your Bladder is Shy and no coaxing, forcing, or praying will accomplish the deed.
13. If there’s a line of guys waiting for the urinals with arms crossed and feet thumping… You’ll never be able to go! PERIOD!
14. If the stall door doesn’t latch right, or it there’s too much gap (visible area) above or below the door, you can’t go!
15. If the bathroom is too dirty, icky, stinky, plugged, broken, over-flowing… You can’t urinate!
16. If people are talking, chatting, laughing, making sounds, it will make you even more anxious and paranoid and keep you from voiding.
17. You hate having to push on stall doors to see if they’re occupied “Oops, Sorry!“.
18. If the person in the next stall keeps moving their feet, it will keep you frozen in your tracks. You can’t stop staring at that foot!
19. You get scared when your friends swing into a rest stop and everyone, but you, uses the bathroom “You don’t have to go?“
20. You dread ‘nights out’ where there are tons and tons of people, food, drinks, and packed bathrooms. Some Celebration!
21. You can’t pee in public, no matter what you do!
22. You cut the evening short just so you can get home and pee in the safety of your own bathroom.
23. You don’t take road trips or vacations because of the hectic traveling, the time it takes, and that there are no Paruretic Friendly Bathrooms to pee in anywhere (single bathroom with a lock on the door)
24. The thought of having to give a urine sample for a drug test or medical exam terrifies you!
25. You try to pee very quietly on the side of the toilet bowl so that no one will hear!
26. You can’t go to the bathroom if Janitors are in there cleaning, moping, washing up…
27. You know 100% that once you leave the house, you won’t be able to pee again until you finally get back home.
28. If your friends go to the bathroom with you, and are waiting for you… You won’t be able to!
29. You make yourself uncomfortable because you hold in your pee for hours. It can ruin an evening and makes you mad at yourself.
30. You do everything you can to keep yourself from thinking about your bladder. You try to distract your mind!
31. You continuously eye the bathroom door, trying to determine a safe time to attempt to go. Can you or can’t you use the john?
32. You fear walking into new bathrooms, because you only have seconds to take everything in and veer towards the stalls!
33. Bathroom with no stalls, only urinals are SHEER PANIC!
34. Shifting in your seat at the table, smiling, laughing, acting like you’re fine when your bladder is about to explode.
35. As soon as someone brings up a play, movie or sporting event, you instantly think of how you’re going to get through the night without peeing in those packed bathrooms.
36. Peeing in a Trough is never going to happen!
37. Having to enter a stall that someone else just exits… and they see you face to face!
38. Closing your eyes while you’re trying to go. Pleading with your mind and body to release. PLEASE PEE!!! Begging, on the verge of crying…
39. When the bathroom door bangs open starling you and stopping any small stream you had going.
40. Standing there and waiting for everyone else in the bathroom to finish up and leave so you can try to go.
41. The long walk to the bathroom feels like the walk of shame. Your head is down. You avoid eye contact and feel persecuted!
42. The humiliation you feel because everyone in the bathroom must know that you’re pee shy and can’t go in the urinals like a real man does “What a Wimp!“
43. The horrible feeling of giving up and not being able to go and knowing that you’ll have to hold it for another 3 hours until you get home!
44. The fact that you’re doing harm to your body by not going, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
45. Having to be sneaky about using the bathroom, so your friends and family aren’t alerted that you’re going (and want to go with you).
46. Guys pushing on the stall doors behind you, trying to get in while you’re attempting to pee totally locks you up.
47. Bathrooms with no outside bathroom door make you panic because there is no privacy and anyone could enter at any time and HEAR you!
48. People that are in nearby stalls that are too quiet (like you), and you’re both listening and waiting in silence for the other person to finish and leave!
49. Taking that last piss before you step out of the house, knowing it’s your last for a very, very long time!
50. Airport Bathrooms, Airplane Bathrooms, Gaps in the accordion door… the rocking of the plane, the people waiting in the isle way, the claustrophobia, the trapped feeling you feel as you sit in your tight seat thinking about going… the long trip, the bustle of things, how rushed you feel, your anxiety just sky rockets! Everything about traveling and flying reeks havoc on your Paruresis. It’s a nightmare for anybody who is Pee Shy! Many simply avoid it!

So there you have it. I could go on and on, but I think you get the gist of it.

Anything and everything associated with peeing, bathrooms, the public, and “What are they thinking about me?” is all about what Paruresis is.

Does it ring a bell?

Can you relate?

There are different levels of Shy Bladder Syndrome, just like any Social Phobia. I believe I have a mild case, but often, it feels much, much worse.

Anytime I’m petrified about going and sit frozen in my seat, not even attempting to go, is BAD! I feel like a total failure!

I would suggest you make yourself a Bathroom Exposure Ranking list and see how you rate.

Do you have Paruresis?

I’m guessing that if you’re reading this post, you do.

Join the Club!

You’re NOT alone!

You want to hear something funny?

I’ll go to the bathroom at home to pee, and while I’m standing there waiting, I’ll be playing games on my iPhone.

But here’s the weird thing. The entire time I’m standing there playing a game… I can’t pee.

Can’t Pee or Won’t Pee!

Once I put my phone away, suddenly I’m peeing!

I pee when I think about peeing and nothing else!

It’s like the distraction kept me from going.

Without my mind being focused on urinating, my brain didn’t signal my bladder to release. I might as well have been a leaning post.

I stand and stand and stand and nothing comes out…

Until the game goes away!

I wonder about this distraction. Why does it affect my ability to pee?

Why can’t I go unless I’m thinking about going?

Is this the same reason as to why I can’t pee in public? Are there just too many distractions? Doors opening up, footsteps, toilets flushing, water running, dryers drying, people talking, coughing, grunting, farting…

Everything obstructing my 100% focus on the task at hand: Peeing!

Do I just need to concentrate more when I’m in a public bathroom? Close my eyes and ears and tune everything else out?

What if I wear headphones to drown out the sounds?

What if I meditate or calm my racing heart?

Can I focus my mind enough to pee freely?

It seems logical.

If I can put Zombie Farm down long enough and hone in on my bladder, can I literally open the flood gates?

Or is this type of thinking just another distraction?

How do you put down someone slamming open the bathroom door and entering the stall right next to you?

Hmmm…
It sure does make me wonder…

Last Spring (the weekend after Memorial Day), I went Camping with 4 of my good friends.

We brought 2 huge tents (10′ x 14′) and set up camp with 2 adjoining lots.

I thought they would be packed, busy, busy, busy… (which made me anxious weeks before) Boy was I wrong!

After a long drive, 5 hours up North (we usually head South where it’s warmer), we get there and it was almost empty. The camp grounds were pretty much deserted. I would say about only 10 other lots were full, and those were spread apart nicely.

Take a peek…

This was GREAT! There would be plenty of quiet time, good food, and COLD WEATHER!

Yep! It was still cold up North! It was cold and rainy (no wonder why it’s dead). In fact, it rained every single day of the entire vacation. NOT COOL!

Well, err…

It WAS cool! ;)

Chilly at night, especially in the rain with a leaky roof. Drip, drip, drip… And, there were plenty of big black flies that wanted to land on you and bite you. You couldn’t even shake them off. You had to flick them off. Grrrr…. They were relentless! (bug spray didn’t help)

Usually I camp in the Summertime, when it’s hot. Who would have known? You can’t plan the weather.

When we get to the lot and set up tent (in the pouring rain), I notice something really cool. Directly behind our tent was a dirt trail. And 5 feet up the trail… A single user bathroom!!!

It was one of those porta-potty things made out of wood.

No matter, I was excited. I could pee in private! :)

I wouldn’t have to use the public bathrooms with open stalls, gross floors and a million bugs… I WAS WRONG! (again)

The first time I went up the trail and pulled on the door… I see it’s locked. Pad locked!

Really? Why don’t they have the bathroom open? How dumb! My heart sank. I could feel my Paruresis crushing me.

I’d have to go up to the office and inquire.

So instead of peeing in peace, I had to walk down the cement road to the center of the park and use the regular restroom. That I hated!

All the while I passed the other sites and campers and cookouts. Everyone was looking at me, watching me, gawking at me, giving me the evil eye!

GREAT! Just what I needed!

They all know I’m going to void. I was so nervous about peeing in that john. I walk in, it’s very brightly lit, it has an odd water smell to it, the floors are muddy, the stall doors are rusty and won’t latch well, the toilets are wet, and I can hear mosquitoes buzzing all around my ears. It made going very difficult. Especially since there is no door to the restroom. Anyone could walk right in and startle me.

After an agonizing 4 minutes (seems like a lifetime), I finally went. I was able to pee cautiously the entire time and not have one person come in (how many times would that happen?).

The long walk back didn’t help my anxiety either. I tried not to look at anyone as I walked. I could feel their eyes on me. It made me dread that walk again. I’m on display!

I could see a couple more campers pulling in. More and more people were camping… My anxiety rises.

Later on, I went up to the office and asked the ranger about the bathroom being locked. They said it was locked “Out-Of-Season“. Out-Of-Season? I thought from Memorial Day to Labor Day that was IN Season???

Nope!

I’m SOL!

No amount of begging helped. It was a firm and positive “NO!!“

Damn! The bathroom is 5 feet away from our tents and I can’t use it. That’s mean and cruel. What harm would it do? My heart raced. I felt fear and panic settling in. If they only knew. This is going to be a long, long week!

So it was either I walk the walk to the brightly lit bathroom (with everyone watching), OR, I pee in the woods, like all my other friends did.

I’m sure you can figure out what I did.

I peed in the woods like a dog!

LOL

It was actually quite refreshing to urinate in nature. I kind of enjoyed peeing on trees. I felt like a man.

I didn’t enjoy the fact that I had to hide behind the trees (totally out of sight from my friends, tents, trail and every other living thing on the face of the earth), and that I had to stand there long enough for the stream to start and not let any bugs land on my junk. “GET AWAY FROM THAT!“

All in all, I was able to do that the entire week. I peed at camp!

Sometimes it did take minutes to go. Especially when campers would walk by the camp site, or the park rangers were patrolling the lots… But I had no real problems. I peed! That’s all I cared about!

It was harder to pee at night when you couldn’t see twigs in your face or a dip in the trail (flashlights can only see so much). Plus, it was quiet other than the loud ass crickets, but you could still hear me peeing. I’m sure my friends could. I could hear them! (granted they didn’t have to walk as far as I did… some just stood at the edge of the woods).

Other than that, the only time I ventured across the park to the public bathrooms were to use the shower (don’t look at the huge bugs living in the drain).

One great thing I did find out the next morning… On the other side of the trees, next to the dunes and the beach… There was a little concession stand that sold food, drinks, and had 2 private, and fairly large, single person bathrooms with locks on the doors!

I felt like I hit the lotto!

Those were perfect for me. There was no one else there. It was only a 5 minute hike. And I was able to go #2 in private! I loved it! :)

I really do love to camp. Love everything about it. I love sleeping under the stars, roasting marshmallows, the crackle of the bonfire… It’s all good!

Of course, a nice Summer day would have made things ten times better, but that would have also filled the park and made it difficult to pee with that many people everywhere!

This time, I could pee!

What more could I ask for?

Half of Paruresis is Avoidance!

Like today for example. I have a Dentist Appointment to get my teeth cleaned.

I make sure I pee a couple of times before I leave the house just so I won’t have to go during the cleaning.

But, the appointment before mine ran 15 minutes late, so I had to sit there and wait until they finished up.

It wasn’t a big deal. The Dental Hygienist was friendly, informative and overly chatty. It took an hour to clean mine. Granted I did have a couple of yearly x-rays taken, but still, it ran longer than normal. Plus, it stated late, so about mid-way through, my morning coffee started talking to me. I felt the urge to pee!

And instead of asking to go to the bathroom, my anxiety quickly took over and brushed the urge off, saying to myself “It can wait!“

It avoided the bathroom visit by telling my bladder

“Hold on! It won’t be that much longer!”

This is what Paruresis does. It avoids the entire situation.

Normal people would just get up and go without batting an eyelash. But Paruretics get glued to the chair, as uncomfortable as it is.

So all the while she’s cleaning and picking off coffee stains, my bladder is knocking wanting to void.

But I wouldn’t listen!

I don’t even know where the Dentist’s Bathroom is!

I’m sure I could ask. But that would draw attention. I’m sure they wouldn’t think anything of it, but she would know I’m peeing, and she would have to wait for me to pee (pee quickly). And chances are, I’d be within earshot of other Patients, Dentists, and Assistants. Everyone would know that Richard is going!

So I avoided that and pushed it into the dark corners of my mind. I don’t need to go!

I do, but I don’t!

I can wait!

And that I did!

As I left the Dentist’s Office and made my way to my car, I noticed that my friend (who works next door to the Dentist) was at work and even parked right next to my vehicle. He knew I was in there!

But instead of going in and saying hi like any friend would, I had to leave. I got in my car and raced right home because I had to urinate.

It wasn’t bad until I was at the counter finishing up the paperwork. That’s when my bladder really started screaming (maybe it was because I was now standing up?).

All I know is that when I went outside and saw his vehicle, I thought to myself ‘What a shame it is that Paruresis affects me so much that I can’t pee here. I can’t use their bathrooms. I can’t say hello to my friend!’

It really is sad!

I wonder what my friend thinks of me?

All I wanted to do is to leave, leave quickly, and pee at home.

Paruresis doesn’t like the Dentist!

Can you blame it?

There are some great books about Pee Shyness, Bladder Shyness, or Paruresis (the medical name)… But, there aren’t many!

I find it odd that there isn’t much written about the topic. After all, it does affect roughly 22 million Americans (and half a BILLION people worldwide) to some extent.

But, that’s just the nature of this subject. It’s something hidden, something shameful and embarrassing. Something you just don’t talk about.

“I’m Scared to Pee at a Urinal!“

We avoid bathrooms and bathroom talk. We’d rather not go there.

Thankfully, some people have!

Some wonderful authors have opened up about their social condition and let the people in to see what Paruresis is, what it’s like living with shy bladder, and how one can overcome and recover from Paruresis.

I highly recommend picking these up. If you have, or think you have, shy bladder, you NEED to buy these books. I did. They will teach you about yourself, your body, and your mind. You’ll learn what causes one to become pee shy, and you’ll read other people’s journeys as well. It’s worth every penny!

I was touched deeply by these books. I had no idea that other people were thinking the same thing as me. That they were going through the same dire situations, and that I WAS NOT ALONE!

I learned that there were forums and support groups.

Help, Recovery, and Cures!

These are the few and the BEST books you can get on bashful bladder. Other than a couple of audio books and some self wrote eBooks, these are the only ones in print today.

Let’s take a closer look…

Shy Bladder Syndrome

This is the first book I ever read about Shy Bladder and I am happy that I took the initial step to begin.

It’s written by 4 different authors: Steven Soifer, George Zgourides, Joseph Himle, and Nancy Pickering, and it gives you a step by step guide to overcoming Paruresis.

It’s important to state that Steven Soifer, MSW, PhD, is the president of International Paruresis Association (IPA). He’s an ex-paruresis sufferer and an associate Professor at the University of Maryland.

Here’s a break down of the Chapters you’ll read:

Chapter One

What is Bashful Bladder Syndrome and how do you know you have it?

Chapter Two

The Brain, Bladder and Urination. Working in harmony, but not always.

Chapter Three

Cause of Bashful Bladder Syndrome. Unraveling the Mystery.

Chapter Four

You can treat Bashful Bladder Syndrome yourself!

Chapter Five

Adjunct Therapies, Support Groups, and Workshops.

Chapter Six

The Medical Community and Paruresis.

Chapter Seven

How family members, intimate partners, and friends can support your recovery.

Chapter Eight

Evolving legal ramifications: The Americans with Disabilities Act and Mandatory Drug Testing.

Chapter Nine

Future Directions.

As well as, literature reviews, evolution of the bathroom, and it’s impact on Paruresis.

If you buy any book on the subject, let this be the book!

I couldn’t believe my eyes and ears as I read the stories, examples, and detail in this book.

It broke me down a couple of times and really hit me hard. After living in shame all my life, there was hope, there were workshops and forums filled with people who can’t pee in public like me. People who had no where else to turn. People looking for Pee Buddies and going through recovery on a daily basis. It was eye opening!

I WAS NOT ALONE!

It all made sense now. I could get help. I was blown away with what I read. You will be too.

Buy this book from Amazon and the world will be lifted from your shoulders.

You won’t regret it!

Pee Shy to Pee Free

Written by David Soucy, this book digs deep about Pee Shyness.

The cover says “How one man overcame avoidant Paruresis… and how you can too!“

I LOVE this book! Loved the way he wrote it, loved the stories from the field… They are all incredible!

The exercises are awesome and really make you think about what you’re doing and how you do it. He did a great job with putting this together. It’s well thought out.

More importantly, it’s a MUST READ!

I picked this up from Amazon (I buy all my books from Amazon because of the cheap price), and I read it in 3 days straight. I couldn’t put it down. It’s that good!

It touched my soul and has changed my life forever.

The book teaches you how to:

• Implement Behavior Modification Techniques
• Make Graduated Exposure Gains
• Work Successfully with Pee Buddies
• Overcome Plateaus
• Make Effective use of Cognitive Therapy Processes
• Keep your Spirits high

If you suffer from Shy Bladder, buy this book today. Read it, and then tell your story here! :)

Bathrooms make me Nervous

I was hesitant about buying this book, because it’s a guide for Women with Urination Anxiety (Shy Bladder), but I’m so happy I did. It’s an awesome read.

Written by Carol Olmert, it’s a fascinating insight into a women’s point of view.

You rarely hear Women as being Pee Shy, it’s usually a guy thing. But deep down, it’s no different. Women suffer just like men do and face even more interesting scenarios.

Carol is the coordinator of the Women’s IPA (International Paruresis Association), and has even been on my blog here and left wonderful comments.

Her book is well worth the purchase, man or woman, it will paint a bigger picture of Paruresis and how it affects us all.

Here’s a breakdown of the Table of Contents:

Chapter 1

Do you suffer from Paruresis? A self-screening test. The Continuum, from Mild to Severe. Bathroom Experiences, Tales, and Work Lives.

Chapter 2

Gender differences among Paruretics.

Chapter 3

Stall Tactics. How we have coped.

Chapter 4

Now that you’re ready, hit the road to recovery!

Chapter 5

Why can’t I be normal like all the others. (Something I beat myself up over daily)

Chapter 6

Exploring Fears and Concerns.

Chapter 7

Practical Dos and Dont’s.

Chapter 8

Survival Skills, ways to empty your bladder.

Chapter 9

Treatment of Paruresis.

Chapter 10

Taking Action (IPA Workshops). Disclosing your condition to others. Finding a practice partner (Pee Buddy), and joining Support Groups.

Chapter 11

Women’s Success Stories: Recovering from Paruresis.

Chapter 12

Conclusions and Next Steps!

One word sums it up: Incredible!

If you have Paruresis, mild or severe, then you need to read this book and learn how to deal with it. See why things are, what causes it, and how to begin on the road to recovery.

The way we recover differs from person to person. Some recover from Breath Hold, others from Support Groups, Exposure Therapy or Pee Buddies. Either way, HELP is there!

It’s the best money you’ll ever spend.

Shy Bladder cripples lives and keeps us from doing and going places that everyone else does: Concerts, Sports Arenas, Theater, Road Trips, Vacation, even just out to eat! If you feel trepidation or shame inside about peeing or trying to pee in public, then you need to take a stand and start reading today.

I had no idea how much Paruresis really affected my entire life until these books opened my eyes. I was shocked at the impact!

I AM NOT ALONE!

One other Book I’ll note here:

One last book about Paruresis that is NEW, is this book…

Loud & Proud

Loud & Proud is a Kindle Only Book. Written by Jay Ryles. It’s a step-by-step guide to overcoming Shy Bladder Syndrome.

This book is divided into 2 parts: What is Shy Bladder, and How to Recover from Paruresis.

I would LOVE to read this book, but I like paperbacks. Sorry! I don’t own a Kindle and don’t want to read my books on a bright tablet in bed.

Give me a good book any day! :)

So when it comes out in print, I’ll buy it in a second! If you have a Kindle and enjoy reading this way, pick it up, and start reading this very minute!

Paruresis is a Daily Struggle!

Paruresis is a topic that I struggle with every day. I read about it, write about it and am making progress on my way to recovery. I don’t know if I’ll ever be fully cured, but you’ll read my entire journey here on ShyBladderHQ.com.

Paruresis affects my life and everything I do greatly.

If it affects you too, do some reading and change the way your brain thinks.

It’s amazing what you can learn.

Help is around the corner.

We are NOT alone!