Shy Bladder HQ

Everyone in the whole wide World Pees.

Your Kids Pee. Your Neighbors Pee. Your Boss Pees. Your Mom Pees. Brad Pitt Pees. The Pope Pees. Even Pee-Wee Herman Pees…

It’s a bodily function that everyone does and it’s no big deal…

All the Animals of the World Pee. Lions and Tigers and Bears… Ever see a Paruretic Cheetah?

Nobody gives it a second thought…

Except those with Paruresis!

What do you think the guy next to you at the urinal is thinking?

You think he’s thinking “I can’t believe this guy next to me can’t pee!“

NO WAY he’s thinking that!

He’s thinking “Suzzy is HOT! I can’t wait for another beer. I wonder if the Movie is going to suck? Do you think I’ll get lucky tonight?”

That’s what’s on his mind. Not “I’m pissing next to a freak with Bladder Shyness!“

It’s pretty funny if you think about it.

Everyone Pees

Nobody cares. All they want to do is empty and go…

You think Lady Gaga thinks “I can’t Pee because my boyfriend is in the next room…“

It really is crazy how our minds have trained us to think that everyone is thinking about us and what we’re doing in the bathroom. We really need to untrain ourselves.

What are we scared of?

It’s not like the person in the bathroom will know who you are… Remember your face and point you out in a crowd laughing at you.

They’re more preoccupied with pissing and getting back to the fun (as we all should).

Bathroom breaks are just annoying and tedious. No one likes standing next to strangers and peeing. But they need to pee like everyone else, so they go.

If we could only relax and not think about it, we could go. It would come naturally. It would flow!

Maybe we should think about Batman in the bathroom?

Or Madonna peeing on her toes in the shower to keep foot fungus away. Think about your dog peeing with 85 people in the park watching. He doesn’t care. He just lifts a leg and goes.

Think about Homer Simpson peeing (DOH!!). Think about Yogi Bear. Think about Rosie O-Donnell going… okay, don’t think about that! Think about Chelsea Handler pissing. That’s a girl that can PEE!

You see how rediculous it gets? We don’t think about that, and trust me, neither does anyone else! It’s not something to be ashamed of or embarrassed by. It’s natural. Let nature take its course.

RELAX!

No one is gonna make fun of you. This isn’t the 3rd Grade Gym Class…

Think about Freddy Krueger taking a leak (how does he hold his dick?). Think about Garfield taking a Wizz on every curtain in the house.

It’s not a problem! Think about anything else to get your mind off your own situation.

Everybody Pees! Sylvester Stallone. Urkel. Usher. Ronald McDonald. Rod Stewart. Betty White.

They ALL Pee! Now, some of these talents might be Pee-Shy. Who knows? They don’t admit to it just like we don’t. It would be nice if they would. Bring it out on the table. Let the world see that it really is a problem that needs to be addressed. Shy Bladder affects plenty!

But the point is: We all do it!

We all have to!

No one is condemming us. No one is going to insult us or tease us or taunt us. It’s Pee! Who cares?

For me, it’s been over 28 years since high school…

Let the Past Go!

Let the Pee be Free!

Steve-O Pees! (Even after stapling his nuts to his legs)

Tim Burton Pees!

Barbara Walters Pees!

Janet Jackson Tinkles…

No problem! Put it out of your thoughts, your mind and your fears!

Oh! And one more thing…

Angelina Jolie Poops! :)

It really is amazing how secret Paruretics are.

We hide the fact that we’re pee shy. We tell no one. Our Friends don’t know. Our Family doesn’t know. And many times our Spouse or Partner doesn’t know.

Funny thing about it… It’s a Social Phobia!

I never recall walking into a men’s restroom and seeing another person acting pee shy. You know: Hesitating, Going into the Stall to Pee when there are empty Urinals, Standing there silent for minutes on end, making no noise, no pee, nothing…

You would think I’d see someone sometime or another turn around and leave the bathroom, or bolt to the sinks to wash their hands…

Why don’t people with Paruresis notice other Paruretics?

You’d think it would show up like radar.

“Oh Look! He has a Shy Bladder!”

But it doesn’t happen that way. We are secretive. Everything about the bathroom is a big secret. Something invisible that no one else should see or hear. We’re so concentrated on what we’re doing, what others are thinking of us, what they are whispering, saying, laughing, that we fail to notice…

We keep this all bottled up inside where the phobia will eat away at us and grow and eventually consume us.

Who knows how it Started?

I don’t know when my shyness began. As far back as I remember I had it. It’s all I know.

But it does bother me that I know no other person with it.

It doesn’t make any sense. Surely I’ve met tons of other guys before that are pee shy?

Why doesn’t anyone open up? Spill the beans?

Admit they can’t pee next to another guy.

Is it really just Humiliation?

Will they laugh at your masculinity? Your shyness? Your Penis size?

I’m guessing that my childhood brought this on for me, but I don’t really know. No single tragic event stands out as the one that traumatized me (they all did).

Is that a secret too?

Do I block that out like I block my pee?

Maybe it’s because it’s such an embarrassing private thing that no one else would understand? They couldn’t possibly comprehend!

“You can’t go to the bathroom?”

I can already see the doubt in their eyes and hear the doubt in their voice. Who’s ever heard of such a thing?

People would really look at us like we’re insane…

That is, after they stop laughing, smirking, clearing their throat… They’d think it was a joke.

This is why it’s such a secret. It’s hard to admit that overwhelming fear.

Instead we remain secret, hidden, blending in with the walls, lurking, waiting for the bathroom to clear out so we can finally relieve ourselves.

What a horrible burden!

If you have Paruresis, take a stand.

I AM!

Drop me an email, or a story, say hi (I’m Richard)…

Connect with me!

Getting this fear out in the open and off your chest is the first step in recovery.

And YES, I do fully intend to recover (and you’ll read it here one post at a time).

So step out of your comfort zone. Send me a note. Leave me a comment. Don’t be alone!

Just DO Something!

It’s time we stand united as one. It’s time we stood at the urinals and peed. Peed FREE!

Maybe you’ll see that you’re not going crazy. There are thousands of people that are controlled by their bladder as well.

I may have never met anyone in real life that has this condition (as far as I know of), but I have started this blog. I have shown the world my handcuffs and I am hoping to make other friends with Paruresis just like me.

This way we can share our stories, results and successes!

I’m reaching out, one Paruretic to another…

Please do the same.

I love Camping. I love the outdoors. I love the sleeping in tents. I love being in tune with nature. The trees. The water. The fresh air. I love everything about it…

But the Bathrooms!

Camp Site Bathrooms Suck!

It takes everything I have just to step foot in one of those open door, echo chambers. They’re always hot, dirty, stinky and wet.

You walk into these cement slabs and it reeks of gross, disgusting, smelly turds. There are no doors on the stalls, or if there are, they are loose, broken with large ass gaps. The toilets are just a big hole in the ground full of every nightmare on Earth!

Toilet paper is always big wads on the floor. The floor is wet and dripping and slippery. Plus, it smells like sewage.

And the Bugs…

There are always mosquitoes everywhere! BIG ASS MOSQUITOES! The largest blood suckers I have ever seen. WTF is their wingspan? WTF do they feed on? It’s like a Vampire Bat! They’re flying around, hitting your face, buzzing around your ear, landing on your neck, arms and penis…

It makes me want to scream!

Just the thought of getting bit drives me crazy. I swell up with big red welts the size of a quarter. It gets really itchy, raw and noticeable. I can’t stand it.

Just thinking about this bug that was just eating out of the toilet landing on my lip is horrifying. lol

I’ll bat my arms around like a crazy lunatic just to keep the bugs a float. It makes going pee much, much harder.

I Can Hear You!

I can hear women in the bathroom on the other side of the wall… the vents let everyone hear everything.

Did she just fart?

You can hear people outside talking. You can hear the loud footsteps and the crunch of dirt on cement as people come and go…

All the while I’m standing there, flailing around, hoping someone doesn’t push the broken door open and knock me into the hole of wonders. Did I say I love camping?

I could pee in the woods if I have to (but not poop). Keep in mind I can only pee if I know for certain there’s no one around that could possibly hear me. Even if there’s a remote possibility, I probably wouldn’t be able to go.

Unlike my friends… Whip it out and pee on a bush…

Peeing is such a simple, beautiful thing. Peeing in nature is calming and so natural. So free!

Except when it comes to ME!

I’m scared to death that someone may see me or hear me. I’m not right. I’m more scared thinking about NOT peeing, then I am with peeing.

I have no problems by myself. Alone in the comfort of my safe house, I’m good to go.

But not at camp. I block up. Frozen in my tracks listening to everyone else pee while I wait painfully until they finish and leave before I can finally try again.

It Takes Time.

If no one comes in for another couple of minutes, I may let my guard down and muster up the courage to dribble.

But if one lone camper trots in, I’m back to my Paruresis ways.

“Hurry up and leave!” I think. Leave so I can pee!

And if my friends are outside the john waiting for me, I might as well just give it up. That time limit is a killer.

People get real impatient. They’ll come into the bathroom to check on me “Are you taking a crap?” They’ll talk about me, laugh at me…

“Look Everyone! He’s Pee Shy!”

I end up holding my urine in for hours. Sometimes half the day.

I love camping because it takes you away from the stress of everyday life… It’s just too bad that it can’t take me away from the baggage I carry.

What I would give to leave Paruresis behind and enjoy myself on a camping trip without a care in the world as to peeing in restrooms.

It’s only a Shit Hole!

You’d think I wouldn’t care. But the truth is; I DO!

I worry about it. Analyze it to death. Maybe next time I’ll just stick to peeing in the woods?

There are no bugs in the woods are there? ;)

I guess I should be lucky. My Paruresis is just a Mild form (from what I’ve read).

I can pee in public, if the conditions are right.

The right stall. The right amount of noise. The right amount of light traffic (or none at all) and time…

Yes, given enough time I CAN pee.

As long as I relax enough, feel safe enough, and don’t feel under pressure or rushed for time, I can go.

I may go in bits and pieces, a squirt here, a squirt there, but over time, I can finish.

As of yet, I have never made myself sit down to pee. I don’t like the idea of getting VD or Crabs or whatever else you can get if your butt touches the toilet.

I’ll Pass!

Even knowing that I can pile a ton of toilet paper or those toilet covers on top to protect myself, I still can’t bring myself to using them.

It’s either I pee standing, or I don’t.

But I will NOT sit!

Which also means: I don’t shit in public!

That’s a deed I’ve never done anywhere else except for home and an occasional hotel room (oh, and once on a plane… for 25 minutes… I thought my ass died… I had no choice!).

I’ve never taken a poo at work. It’s hard enough to pee there, let alone drop my drawers.

From what I’ve read about in the books I bought (see right), and the (Paruresis.org online forums is this; I have a Mild Case of Paruresis.

Some people have it much worse than me (Severe). Some people can only go pee in public if there is a single facility bathroom with a lock on the door.

Others can only go at home, and wouldn’t dare try anywhere else. Still others have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), Panic Attacks and even Claustrophobia mixed in as well. I can’t even image that combo.

Some people say they have not been to any social activity like Ball Games or Theater or even Dinner for fear of the odds that they may have to pee… and that’s something they’d rather not face.

I feel Sorry for them!

That much fear is crippling, overwhelming and exhausting. So I am very, very lucky.

I’ll take a Mild case any day.

I’m just hoping that mine doesn’t get worse. It’s been getting slowly worse as I get older. I feel myself more and more worried about where I can go, and when I can go and what I’ll find if I do go…

But right now, it’s still Mild.

A Mild case is good

I’ve read that Mild Paruretics can cure themselves much easier than any Severe case can.

Come back to the light Richard…

I do allow myself to go to Sporting Events, Plays, Parties, Musicals and Dinners… Even if I know it will be a long night. I go to them knowing I’ll just probably hold my urine all night.

I have to. I love these types of outings and am not going to let my Paruresis ruin my life.

It tries!

It weighs heavily on me.

But if you called me up and said “Hey Richard, let’s go to the Movies” I’d say “Sure, When and Where?“

Yes, I know I’ll have to go hours without peeing. Sometimes I can pee before the show. I make myself try. Just give me a little time and a quiet enough bathroom and (with a little inner pep talk) I can go.

I’m Mild!

This tells me that I can make quick progress. Someday I may be able to pee in front of strangers. Some Day!

I’ve thought back in my life and I’ve realized something daunting… I can’t ever remember peeing in front of strangers before. Which means, I can’t remember ever truly using a urinal in my life. It’s always been a stall.

Does that still mean I’m Mild?

I think about standing at a urinal in the men’s room and my heart begins to race. Am I man enough for that? How mild am I?

We’ll see! One Day at a time. I’m talking about it. Thinking about it. Writing about it. Laying it all out on the line…

It’s not so scary once you deal an open deck.

I’ve got a full house now…

But soon…

Soon…

I’ll have the royal flush! :)

Public Bathrooms are not the only nightmare places.

Sometimes the bathrooms of your friends and family can be just as scary for a Paruretic.

My Mom and Stepdad lived in this little one room cottage on the lake. The bathroom was a small separate room off the side, but there was no door to the bathroom… Just a flimsy Brown Curtain!

I Hated that Bathroom!

I could never use it during the day when everyone was awake and in the next room. I could never let anyone hear me go. I would actually wait until like 2 in the morning when everyone else was fast asleep, before I could finally relieve myself (still as silent as a mouse).

Until I flushed the toilet that is. The toilet flush was so loud in that little cottage. I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes. It was sure to wake everyone up… They know I just went!

That stupid brown curtain would also blow in the wind. The doors to the cottage were always open on either side of the house and a gentle breeze was always circulating, blowing and exposing the bathroom behind…

NO PRIVACY WHATSOEVER!!!

In fact, the couch that you would sit on to watch TV was literally just 5 feet away from the bathroom curtain. I can’t tell you how many times I had to sit and listen to my Mom going… Sometimes rather loudly!

It was a nightmare to behold!

One other bathroom that was similar to this one was one of my co-workers…

I went over her house to fix her computer (I’m a geek), and after a couple of hours, I had to use the bathroom. She ushers me to the john, which is right off the kitchen where she’s cooking supper and her teenagers are seated at the table talking…

I see two things that instantly makes my blood run cold…

1) The Bathroom is the size of a broom closet (with the toilet right next to the door).

2) The Bathroom has NO door! Just one of those plastic accordion screens that didn’t latch well (magnetic). It left large gaps between the wall and between the floor where you could see my feet!

I must have stood there for 6 minutes trying to go while listening to her kids chat and laugh just inches away… I think I got a few tinkles out and finally gave up and came out (all eyes on me). Mortified, I went back to the computer and wasn’t able to get home and pee for another hour and a half!

I will never forget that bathroom (and I would never again use it).

Last year, I experienced an even worse bathroom…

I get invited over a friends house for supper. Chris and Kay were having Pork Chops. Sweet! I love a home cooked meal.

Before the meal is served, I decide to empty my screaming bladder. Chris shows me to the john and I thank him. He turns to leave, I shut the door, and fuck it, the door won’t shut.

“It doesn’t shut all the way” he says.

OH FUCK!

The door is broken, won’t latch, it even swings open a foot or two for all to see. I wanted to scream “Are you kidding me?“

The problem was, the toilet was at the end of the long narrow bathroom (I couldn’t hold the door closed with my hand or foot). It was easily seen by anyone walking down the hall.

I wanted to die!

I stood at the side of the toilet so my back was towards the door and tried my best.

I couldn’t go in the least.

I could hear footsteps on the wooden floors; somebody walked by. I could hear their dog playing with a squeaky toy nearby. I could hear laughing and chatter from the kitchen. Tenants upstairs were moving around. The furnace was making crazy noises… The faucet was dripping…

I gave up! I spent the rest of the evening in agony. All I wanted to do was pee. I don’t even remember eating the Pork Chops! Fuck!

Times like this I really hate my condition.

I really Hate Myself!

Why can’t I be normal?

Why can’t I just Pee like every other Man?

Why do I have this stupid Phobia?

I’m so tired of it all.

People that don’t have this problem, never have a problem with bathrooms. It’s no big deal to them. They just whip it out and go. Lucky bastards!

But to me, it’s sheer terror! Panic!

It’s just a silly bathroom and a silly toilet… Who would have thought it could turn into such a house of horrors?

It’s a nightmare I may never wake up from.

Fuck Me!

Enough is enough.

My first step to finding a cure for Paruresis came with me doing a search on Amazon and purchasing a book called “Shy Bladder Syndrome“.

Up until then, I pretty much suffered on my own and felt like I was weird, alone and a freak!

Not Peeing is NOT Normal!

Once I got the book and started reading about Pee Shyness for the first time, it really opened my eyes.

Who would have known that 7% of the population has some form of bladder shyness?

I find this amazing especially since I’m 45 and have never run into another person who has this social phobia.

I really did think I was Alone!

I also learned that hiding this fear is damaging and accepting it and getting it out there is half the battle.

That’s when I made up my mind to create this website (www.ShyBladderHQ.com) and start my own blog about my shy bladder problem. No better way to cure myself, then to be totally honest about my condition, my past, my experiences, and my journey to find a cure.

I took the first steps writing about my childhood, my hostile parents, and my humiliation.

That wasn’t easy to do. I found myself in tears just opening up and putting it down on paper.

I’m very happy I did so. I’m happy because I’ve kept this secret bottled up in me for years and just getting it to the web, where millions of people can read it, is a tremendous feat.

I am NOT Alone!

This I know.

I read stories in the Shy Bladder Syndrome book of other Paruretics (I didn’t even know we had a name), and I really felt a strong connection with them. There are tons more like me who suffer the same way I do. It was almost a relief.

I did a Google Search and was looking at the results to see if others had personal blogs on the subject, when I came across something that was like a revelation to me. I saw sandwiched in between the links Videos about Paruresis.

My Curiosity was Peaked

I clicked a link and up came a YouTube Channel called “Paruresis Exposed“.

It was videos of Max talking about his condition. I was amazed that such a young kid could open up so freely on YouTube and share his embarrassing shyness. That takes a lot of guts!

The Whole World Knows

I watched as Max demonstrated the Breath-Hold Technique (video named “Breath Hold in Action“). I had never heard of this method before (it wasn’t discussed in the book). So I watched in awe. Not only did Max talk about the technique, but he demonstrated how it works. He actually left the camera rolling in the bathroom as he went to the toiled and pissed.

This floored me!

Of course he didn’t show anything graphic, but just being in the same bathroom with him as he did his thing was both exhilarating and embarrassing at the same time.

I could Hear him Pissing!

Hi invited us into his personal space and could actually pee in front of millions watching. That takes courage!

There are 13 videos in the channel. Some with Max, and some with Dominic M. who shares the page.

Dominic M. actually had a pee-buddy (I hate that name) film him as he did the breath-hold. I can’t imagine doing that with someone in the same room (not yet at least). He demonstrated the breath-hold technique by holding his breath and going to the bathroom to pee.

Just the sound of him peeing loudly raised my anxiety level. It’s like you were next to him at a urinal and it’s the exact thing that I usually avoid. I pee on the side of the toilet bowl so it’s quiet…

He was so open, so free, so honest, so loud…

He showed me there is a cure in the breath-hold. An easy one if you can actually master it (from the forums, it doesn’t sound like everyone can).

Holding your breath is all it takes?

I vowed from that moment on I would start applying this technique to all my bathroom visits. I will work on it until perfection. :)

If this will cure me from my fears then it’s worth every frustrating moment to get there.

Max also talked a lot about the forums and the stories and how they can really help you (www.paruresis.org).

I went there and signed up (I suggest you do the same). What did I have to lose? My fears?

My name on the forums is “PeeShyRichard“. Look me up. Chat with me. Maybe we can help each other overcome Paruresis.

I even left a reply to a post already. Not that I could be much help, but united we stand… right?

I will concur this thing!

Upon searching the forums I did find Paruretic Max and Dominic M on there as well. I added them as friends.

I also found the blog that Max started last year (Aug. 2011) entitled “ZEN AND THE ART OF REALITY“. I read every post he wrote and left a few comments. He replied back pretty quickly which is awesome. Thanks Max! I really do appreciate it!

I’m not keeping this bladder shyness a secret anymore.

I’m not hiding

I am going to beat this monster and get my life back.

I’m not going to sit on the sidelines and watch others win…

One other person I found from YouTube was DaveA. you’ll know him because he wears a t-shirt that says:

Shy Bladder
So What?

Dave is very open about being Pee Shy. He even wears his t-shirt out in public (like a busy shopping mall). I give him tons of credit for that. I would die!

I couldn’t imagine being so out there and free… I love the fact that he’s educating people that having pee shyness is no big deal. It’s not something to be ashamed of.

I followed him to his own blog called “www.paruretic.org“. There he talks about GED (Graduated Exposure Therapy) just like the book did. And he also talks about Self-Catheterization and then what blew my mind was the video I watched of him showing how Self-Catheterization was done!!! YOWZA!!!

That was scary and made me squint. I don’t think I would ever want to do that. I don’t want to stick anything up my penis…

For now, I believe I’ll concentrate on the Breath-Hold technique and see if that will do the trick.

I’ve been unsuccessful so far (4 days). I’ve been relaxed enough (doing it at home). I’ve waited to go and got to the point where I’m gasping for air and still held my breath beyond that (they say about 10 seconds). I got nothing!

No Pee!

No Stream! Not even a Drop… YET!

I’m not going to give up. I’m going to continue to try until I master this technique (or drop to the floor and pass out). :)

I believe I will do it.

It’s a mind thing

But then again, Paruresis is a mind thing as well…

I’m going to keep practicing, and keep reading (I just bought another book called “Pee Shy to Pee Free” that I’m reading right now). I will continue to frequent the forums and make friends. Voice my opinions. Keep writing. Keep peeing…

I refuse to let this Shyness win!

I will not be defeated! :)

The Ideal Public Bathroom for me is simple: A single locked bathroom, preferably not in a busy area (cafeteria), where not a lot of people will see me enter or exit.

Sadly, these types of public bathrooms are rare and generally not the case.

So then what is a more Ideal Bathroom Situation?

One where there is less foot traffic of course. If the bathroom is virtually empty, except for the occasional pee’er, then I can can usually find a way to pee in between footfalls.

Sometimes it takes me a bit to get the stream going again, but as long as the bathroom is mostly just me, I can finish the deed.

It may take me a while, but I can get the job done.

Other things can greatly help the situation:

Music

Music in the bathroom helps drown out the noise of my peeing. It helps drown out the noise of people walking by the bathroom. It helps quiet my over-alert mind and keeps me occupied with the words and the beat of the song (the focus is off my bladder).

The Farthest Stall

Usually the stall that I will take is the one farthest from the door. This is often the handicapped slot in the far corner. I don’t feel great in taking this stall, but it does offer the most privacy. I hope that the toilet is in the corner, versus right next to the stall wall where my feet will be more visible.

As of yet, I have never had a handicapped person come into the restroom to find me taking their spot. I would feel bad about that; making them wait.

Other Ideal Bathroom Situations

Full length stall doors. I hate bathrooms that have too much on the bottom showing (everyone can see my feet are facing the wrong direction… I must have a shy bladder).

And even worse, are the stall doors that are cut off at chest height (top part fully exposed).

Those types are quite often found in rest stop bathrooms to deter solicitation no doubt. But they are too easy to look into, gawk at me, and end up being a big fear of mine.

A Clean Bathroom

A Clean Bathroom is ideal as well. It helps relax you.

When you’re in a dirty john with soggy toilet paper on the floor, the toilet plugged, and the walls and stalls grimy, dirty, soiled and rusted or peeling, it almost makes it impossible to go.

All I want to do is leave and leave quickly (without touching anything)!

This Bathroom Smells Like…

Something else that helps a Paruretic… A bathroom that smells good.

The senses play a huge part in peeing, since we are such high alert.

Walking into a bathroom that smells like ass is horrible. And knowing that I have to stand in that stench for up to 5 minutes is not a walk in the park.

Even worse, is when I’m trying to pee and someone comes into the stall next to me and does a #2. When that starts, I usually leave. I can’t stand there and listen to that gross, loud, splashing sounds… No way!

A Paruresis Nightmare

Other things can prove to be quite a nightmare for me:

Having your friends wait for you outside the bathroom. Or even worse, when they come into the bathroom with you to pee, wait, or chat. Not cool!

Something else that terrifies me in the bathroom: Cleaners!

If someone is in the room with a bucket and mop and slopping water around, watching, listening, getting close to the stall doors, partitions and floors… I can’t go! Just the sound of the bucket rolling around on tile floors, the footsteps, the glance of “I know you’re pee shy“, is anxiety at its best!

I might as well pee my pants.

Ideally I wouldn’t have to go at all…

But then again, what fun would life be without peeing?

I’ve been thinking about my Social Phobia more than ever lately.

I can’t help it, I’ve been writing about Pee Shyness everyday for over a week now.

The one phrase that really resonates in my mind (and you’ll know this if you read my blog), comes from a book called “Shy Bladder Syndrome” (as seen on the right), and it says “No One Cares If I Pee“.

I’ve been going over that in my head the last week, picking away at it, trying to make some sense.

I’ve been asking myself “Do they Really Care?“

Seriously!

I picture myself asking the next person who walks into the bathroom:

“Do you care if I pee?”

It sounds really stupid when you say it like that, doesn’t it? What do you think their reaction would be?

I’m sure they’d look at me funny and say “No! Why Should I care?”

Think about it.

What if I went out into the restaurant and asked the lady sitting closest to the bathroom door…

“Do you care if I pee?”

She would think I’ve lost my marbles. Can you even imagine such a hilarious scene?

It’s pretty funny if you ask me.

You could ask every person in the bathroom, every person in the building, every person out on the street “Do you care if I pee?”

And I’m sure you’ll get the exact same response. I almost bet my left nut that every single person would say “No Way! Go Pee! I Don’t Care!”

So if nobody in their right mind cares…

Why Do I?

That really is the ultimate question. Why am I the only person in the world who is worried about me peeing?

No one cares “Go Pee! Enjoy Yourself! Take a Load off!”

They would either shrug me off, or lock me up in the loony-bin.

I can’t blame them either. When it’s broken down to that elementary line, it’s easy to understand that no one gives a rat’s ass what I do, let alone what I do in the bathroom.

It’s preposterous! Keep that to yourself. TMI

It’s true! NO ONE cares if I pee!

Not YOU! Not SHE! Not THEY… NOBODY!!!

Just my mind. Just my own invisible handcuffs that I’ve tied myself down with.

Just Me!

Ask the next person you run across:

“Do you care if I pee?”

See what reaction you get!

It will show you how crazy we make ourselves.

No one gives a fuck! They really don’t.

Pee away. Pee as loud as you want. Pee like a race horse. Pee like a sprinkler. It doesn’t matter, just PEE!

Everyone wants you to go pee, so you’ll leave them alone and quit asking stupid questions like “Do you care if I pee?”

You know what I mean? ;)

Here’s something that I feel is odd about my peeing habits, considering I’m a Paruretic.

I Pee non-stop in the Shower!

Literally!

Just about the time I get into the shower, to the time I get out of the shower, I’m peeing.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m in complete privacy. I don’t know if it’s because of the sound of running water. Maybe it’s the feel of the water or the sensation of the water running down my body?

But I can pee constantly in the shower.

I don’t even know where all the piss comes from?

My bladder can’t be that big!

(What am I, producing it on the go?)

I will say this, I LOVE the feeling! It’s total relief. I could stand there for hours.

Now if only I could duplicate that feeling to a public bathroom, I’d be fine.

Maybe it’s because my Hands are getting Wet?

You know that old College Dorm Trick, where they put the sleeping victim’s hand in a bowl of warm water. They end up peeing themselves.

Maybe that’s the key. Maybe I should take a cup of water into the john with me and stick my fingers in it (I’d stick them toilet if it wasn’t so gross).

It’s such an odd thing. What happens to the brain when the hand encounters water?

Why does this lead to Bladder Release?

It’s a mystery that may never be solved…

Until then…

I’m hitting the showers!

I need to pee!

My best friend is NOT Pee Shy.

In fact, he’s the type of person that could whip it out and pee right in front of you. No problems!

I wish I could be that free. You’d think that hanging around with him for 15 years it would rub off…

Not in the least!

We’ve been camping with friends before, and he just pisses in front of everyone (turned away). He doesn’t care.

He Pees in my Bathroom with the Door ajar

Sometimes the door is wide open. Doesn’t care. People can walk by him, see him, doesn’t stop him.

How can he do this? It amazes me. I almost feel embarrassed for him.

The other day I had a couple of friends over and we’re all hanging out in the kitchen and he goes into the little bathroom to pee (The one with the Spider).

He shuts the door this time and proceeds to pee like a race horse.

Everyone hears him go

My friend Kay turns her head towards the door and says “Sheesh!” lol

He pees louder, faster and with stronger force than anyone I know (like Superman).

I mean, we all hear other guys pee in the public bathrooms, it’s nothing new. But this guy is like a water bomb.

He pees in like 10 seconds, where I can sometimes take 4 minutes to pee. Sometimes it takes me 4 minutes to even get started. And Sometimes it takes so long, I bore myself!

Not him! He’s a pee storm and the friends in the kitchen hear it loud and clear.

He comes out of the bathroom and Kay says to him “Damn you pee loud!“

He just shrugs his shoulders,

“Oh Well, that’s how I Pee!”

And that was that. Kay laughs, everyone else laughs, end of story.

I envy that!

What is it about me that makes me care about being seen or heard, and yet doesn’t phase my friend in the least?

I would give anything to be able to be that free and not care what other people think.

I would be a Whole New Man!

I will say this, I’m still peeing directly in the water and making noises. Have been for 10 days. It’s rather refreshing!

I keep saying to myself “No one cares if I Pee!“

I know it’s true, I just have to train myself. Maybe one day I’ll pee like a Banshee?

I wonder if I’ll ever truly be free? Or if I’ll have to work on it, taking it one day at a time?

Will I ever totally be Cured?

My friend knows I have some peeing issues. He’s had to wait for me to go plenty of times before I leave the house.

He knows I have some problems in public. And yes he gets frustrated waiting for me, which just makes it harder to go.

He doesn’t know the full extent of my phobia. That’s hard to admit even to your best friend.

He’s seen me walk into a public bathroom before and instantly turn around and walk out “I can’t Pee in there!“

I usually make an excuse that someone’s taking a dump… I don’t think he’d ever understand exactly what I’m going through, especially since he pees like a fireman’s hose.

So for now I get to listen to him and wish it could be me.

It sounds crazy to say, but If I could Pee like that, the weight of the world would fall off my shoulders.

One day!

One day! :)