Shy Bladder HQ

Something I’ve been noticing for the past week is rather disturbing to me.

I’m not writing as much!

I used to write every day, and now I’m writing like every other day…

But then again, for the last 3-4 months I had been going through some heavy Desensitization. I’ve leaped huge obstacles and recovery steps that gave me a lot to write about.

But now, not so much!

All I need is to keep practicing and maintaining my forward motion.

My routine for the last couple of weeks has been pretty much the same ole same ole.

In fact, for the last 5 days in particular, I’ve only gone out of the house once. And that was just last night.

We ran up to a local restaurant to grab a quick bite to eat. And then it started snowing like a bitch. We didn’t stay long. The roads got really bad, really fast, and so we ate and dashed. Probably in less than an hour.

While I was there, I did think about going to the bathroom. But I didn’t have to Pee, and I didn’t do any fluid loading because I thought we would be at the restaurant much longer than we were. I figured I’d just drink plenty of liquids there… But nope, that’s not how it all worked out.

Mother Nature had Different Plans!

So the evening was cut short and the blizzard had a party.

So much for Desensitization 101!

We also did have plans for Saturday. But that got squished when friends of ours cancelled. No practice there!

The beginning of last week was great. I peed in many, many bathrooms. But the last few days have brought me nothing.

No Peeing in Public!

What can one do? Errands and the weeks activities will always be up and down. I know that. Things happen.

Like today is Movie Day, so that should be fun! :)

And then Thursday is another adventure. We are planning an all day event. An hour long drive to a huge Mall up North, and then Dinner Reservations at an expensive Steak House. I can’t wait. It should bring me plenty of places to pee… Even though it may be interesting since Kay is going with us and she doesn’t know I’m Pee Shy, nor will she understand why I brought 14 bottles of water (seems like that many) and downing them the whole day just so I can pee pee pee. HA! Explain that!

So I may not write as much now, I have a habit of rambling anyway, and sometimes I have nothing new to say. But this is my blog and my posts and my recovery… and that’s all that really matters to me! :)

February is quickly coming to an end…

I can’t wait for Winter to leave! And then Spring is looming on the horizon. Once that gets here I’ll be outside more, in public… and looking forward to peeing in nature (something I haven’t really done yet). :)

Road Trips, Photography, Nature Trails, Amusement Parks… The world is my bathroom! Right?

So do I have anything to worry about?

Will writing less affect my recovery?

Should I be concerned in the least? Only write when something major happens? I hope it doesn’t bring me out of touch with my Paruresis. Make me think less about it! Send my Shyness back into the far corners of my mind, into the deepest, darkest shadows…

Only time will tell.

And then I’m sure, oh no, I’m positive I’ll write about that! :)

I was playing on my iPhone Yesterday, and reading Questions on my WonderPOLLS App!

One Question I found very interesting. But the Answers and Comments to that POLL were even more interesting. So much so, I wrote this post! :)

The Question was:

“When you pee standing up, do you pee on the side of the toilet to reduce noise?”

That’s such a Paruretic thing to do!

In fact, before I began Shy Bladder Recovery, that was the ONLY way I would pee. No matter where I was, or when I peed. I always peed on the side so I would pee quietly. I didn’t want anyone, not even myself, to hear it. I was so ashamed of peeing, just the sound of it made me timid and shy.

Learning and Forcing myself to pee directly into the water so it made loud splashing noises was actually my very first step to recovery (and I’m not fully recovered yet, still working on that). That was my first obstacle to overcome, getting used to the sound and noise that my pee made. Making myself not be frightened by it anymore.

“It’s Just Me Peeing!”

This was a HUGE step (breakthrough) for me. And to this day, 2 years later, I STILL pee in the water bowl so everyone can hear!

In fact, even when I pee in a Urinal, I force myself to pee towards the bottom where the urine circulates so it makes noise (I don’t like standing there when it’s dead quiet). I WANT to be heard! I don’t want to hide anymore!

I love that I can pee and I love that I can make noise doing so.

Once I learned that, it helped me desensitize. It made everything else after that a little bit easier to cope with and deal with.

Like when I’m standing at the toilet peeing with my Pee Buddy Mike. There’s no running from the sound!

It’s Loud!

You can’t cover that up!

You have to face it head on and tackle the beast!

And so, when I saw the POLL and then I saw the results, it floored me…

Take a peek at the Answers:

If you subtract out the girls (which for this question really don’t matter – they can’t really pee on the side of the bowl), these are the totals:

YES: 72,131

NO: 10,928

WOW!

That’s a total of 83,059 Guys Polled (at the time of this post). And that means that only 13% of the guys pee in the center of the toilet. All the rest of them (87%) pee on the side of the bowl where it’s quiet.

I had no idea!

I told Mike this and he said that usually when he’s out in public and has to pee in a toilet, that many times he also pees on the side to reduce noise.

Well I’ll Be!

I thought that only Pee Shy Guys did this!

I’m blown away!

(And here I’ve been forcing myself to pee in the center so it’s loud! HA!)

So I then head on over to the Comments Section of that POLL to see what Guys are saying about this topic.

Here is what they said:

Interesting Stuff, eh?

Me, I’m going to keep making noise as I pee. I feel it’s something I HAVE TO DO!

I can’t be ashamed of peeing anymore. I’m making noise!

I can’t run!

I can’t hide!

I will NOT be denied!

I know I’m heading out today, so I drink lots of water before I go.

16 oz of Water!

I chugged it down. And then about an hour later, I grabbed 2 more Bottles of Water (At Room Temperature – it makes chugging easier) and I’m out the door!

First Stop: The Mall

The Mall has been on my “Must Pee List” for quite a while. I Peed in the Mall just last week, but I happened to Pee in the Single-User Bathroom, and that didn’t help me Desensitize much. So today, I go to the other end of the Mall, where the real Bathrooms are.

I walk the long hallway once I get to the “Restroom” sign, and turn into the men’s room.

As I’m going in, 2 young guys are coming out. They both eye me. And, as always, I notice that I look down as I pass. I felt intimidated. Not cool!

I go in…

There are 4 Urinals and 1 Short Urinal, all of them Empty! Generally I would have taken the first or the last Urinal, but today, I did something more daring. I took Urinal #2.

I was a little nervous doing that even though I was the only one in there. The hallway was busy with people coming and going and it was just a matter of time…

I unzip and wait!

I know I really have to go, but it’s being a little Pee Shy.

So I hold my breath and concentrate on Peeing.

20 Seconds later, I Pee!

And I Pee, and I Pee! It felt soooo good!

And as I’m Peeing I can hear footsteps in the hall, and seconds later the door opens and a guy walks up to the 4th Urinal, and another guy walks up right next to me at Urinal #1.

I keep on Peeing!

They start Peeing. I’m just looking down ignoring it all…

I finally finish, flush, and walk away. The door opens up again and another guy enters, then another one…

But it didn’t matter, for I Peed and finished and I couldn’t be happier! :)

We shopped for 1/2 hour at the Mall and then we left and headed to a Local Grocery Store. I already had another urge to Pee (I Can Pee non-stop with Fluid Loading), and as we drove, I drank another bottle of water.

YUM! WATER! :)

We walk in, I turn left and go into the men’s room. I pass another guy on the way who looks at me and nods. I nod back. I don’t know why…

I go in…

There are 2 Urinals in here, and a Dude is Peeing in the Second Urinal. He glances at me as I come around the corner. I step up to Urinal #1, unzip and wait.

It’s awfully quiet in here. The only sound is the guy next to me Peeing. I try to calm myself, but I’m a little nervous. It’s easier to Pee when I’m already Peeing and guys come in… But when it’s the opposite, it’s much more difficult to begin.

I hold my breath…

And long about 20 seconds in, I start to Pee!

And by the time my stream picked up and went full steam, he finished, flushed and walked over to the sink.

I’m now Peeing like a Banshee!

He washes his hands and leaves. I keep Peeing like there’s no end in sight. There was, but it took me 2 minutes to get there.

I finally finish and leave.

And then, another 45 minutes later (and another bottle of water), I’m at Bed, Bath and Beyond.

K-Cup Coffee Time!

(I buy most of my K-Cups from them because they always send me coupons that don’t expire!)

As soon as I enter the Bathroom, I step up to the one and only Urinal. I’m alone in there, and in just seconds I start to Pee. And I Peed like a Fireman’s Hose. Full Strength!

I smiled at myself as I Pee thinking “I really do LOVE to Pee in Urinals!“

I can’t believe I would ever think that, but it’s true. I LOVE IT!

It sounds corny and stupid, but I’ve never been able to Pee in them my whole life. I was deprived! So it’s very cool to now be able to use them. It really is such a freeing feeling.

There’s a lot that I still need to work on, and I’m sure eventually I’ll tackle them. But right now, I’m pretty happy with my Paruresis Progress!

All I need is more practice and more time. And I got a lot of that!

I really can see myself a year down the Recovery Road being Totally Desensitized!

After all, my whole thought process is different. I still have my ups and downs, successes and failures, but I have way more successes than I do failures. And that’s something I can live with.

Anything is better than NOT Peeing!

Because that is just a living nightmare.

Ain’t nobody got time for that! :)

So today being “Movie Day“, we all go to see “Lone Survivor” with Marky Mark (Good Vibrations!)

And let me tell you that that was an Excellent Movie! It was so Realistic, so Gritty and Raw. The scenes with them rolling (falling) down the mountain side were breathtaking, you almost had to close your eyes. You felt every single bump and bruise (watch out for that tree!)

Go see it!

You won’t be Disappointed!

But, by the last hour of the movie, my bladder started talking. Oh no! It wanted to Pee! (Couldn’t be the Large Slushie could it?)

I’m kind of surprised that I have to go, since I Peed 3 times before I left the house. But you can never predict what your bladder does, it has a mind of its own!

So I sat there watching the non-stop action, and tried to keep my mind off my own screaming body parts. My bladder needed release!

And, as the movie came to a close, I really had to go BADLY!

I Contemplated my Scenario:

Situations like this are pretty scary to a Paruretic. I know I HAVE to go, but I also know when the theater lets out, the bathrooms will be Swarmed and FULL, with probably a line out the door! Plus, I also know that we’re not going straight home (no safety net). We’re stopping off at Petco to get some Doggie Goodies… Not to mention saying “HI” to all the Bearded Ladies Dragons (I just LOVE them!)

So I really had no choice in the matter. I could never hold it long enough to make it home, especially since it was freezing out, and so that left me only one option:

To Pee in the Busy Movie Theater!

And so, right after the movie ends, we all hustle out of the theater row by row. This is it! I know, I’ll really have to face my demons today.

It’s Do or Die!

I walk into the men’s room behind 2 other guys (There’s also 3 guys following me in). And as we enter, I see that those guys grab the last 2 of 5 Urinals… They are now ALL FULL! There is no spot to Pee except for the 1 Stall that’s still left open (The Handicapped Stall – Which I hate using!)

I really didn’t want to Pee in a stall, I do everything I can to avoid them now-a-days, but like Yesterday, when the bathroom is bustling, and all the Urinals are occupied, you take what you can get…

So Today I Get a Stall!

I head in and latch the door. Normally I would have left the door open since I was only Peeing, but the way the door was situated, guys would have not seen someone was in there until they actually turned the corner and walked into the Stall. Not cool! That’s awkward and NOT nice to anyone, so I latched the door.

I unzipped and stood at the toilet, still apprehensive if I could Pee or not. I really didn’t know. The bathroom was noisy and guys were moving all around. There was a line out the door. The Urinals were flushing. The sinks were running…

And I was scared of Failure!

I held my breath and waited…

And I didn’t have to hold it long. For surprisingly, within about 15 seconds, I started to Pee!

:)

I Peed fast and loud, and I purposefully aimed directly into the center of the bowl. I WANTED to make Loud Splashing Noises! I was proud of that! Everyone could hear me!

My thoughts were “I’m Peeing! Get Over It!“

I Peed for probably 2 good minutes (More Non-Stop Action). And Yes, I WAS a Happy Camper!

I flushed, washed and left.

And I felt GREAT!

We then went to Petco AND stopped by Tim Hortons on the way home for an Extra Large Mocha Caramel Crunchy Coffee (So Good!) I gobbled that up!

So while the movie was great, the ending; being able to Pee in a Busy Theater Bathroom, was SPECTACULAR!

And that’s the BEST ending in the World! :)

3 Urinals and 1 Stall is what I peed in today.

All due to Fluid Loading!

I drank 24 oz of water, and then an hour later I’m out the door to run errands.

First stop: Menards

I head straight for the Men’s Bathroom. And as I enter with a high urgency to Urinate, I see all 3 urinals are empty, and one guy is coping a squat in the Stall.

I step up to the first Urinal, unzip and within 10 seconds I’m Peeing!

I Peed a lot!

Probably 2 minutes worth!

Then after some shopping, I tell Mike I could Pee again. He says “Why don’t you wait and we’ll go across the street to Meijers so you can Pee there!“

DONE!

Ten minutes later, we’re checked out, in the car, and heading to Meijers. I chug 8 more ounces of water (I brought extra bottles with me just for the fun of it).

And by the time we park, get out in the cold, and enter… I have to Pee badly!

I go into the Men’s Room…

This bathroom has 2 Urinals in it. I go to the first Urinal (so people will have to walk past me), unzip and Pee pretty quickly.

And then I do something I’ve never done before, something that I read about in the Shy Bladder Books…

Knowing that we have another store to go to after this one, I decided to follow those instructions and just out of the blue, I stopped my Stream!

I was about 3/4 of the way done Peeing and I just pinched it off. That way, when I Pee again later, I’ll still have a high urgency.

Stopping the flow so you can Urinate later is a talent in itself. Once it’s going, it doesn’t want to stop. ha!

But I cut if off, washed and left.

I felt good about that!

1/2 hour later, we’re on the road again for our 3rd and final destination.

And on the way (a 15 minute drive) I chug the last 16 oz bottle of water.

That’s a lot of Fluids!

We get to the store (Costco), and I waste no time in making my way to the restrooms.

I enter, some guy is drying his hands, and all 3 Urinals are vacant. I step up to Urinal #1.

I unzip and wait!

…If you’ve noticed, I haven’t been using Breath Hold today. When you Fluid Load so much, you don’t really need to. It just comes out!

And it Does!

FAST!

In just ten seconds I’m Peeing!

That’s when some guy comes in and steps up to Urinal #3. I just keep on Peeing! Seconds later, another guy comes in and steps up to the center Urinal, right next to me. All bases are loaded!

I keep on Peeing until I’m finished.

Some days are certainly better than others, that’s for sure!

1/2 hour later, we’re done shopping, and as we check out, I decide to Pee one last time for the road.

I make my way to the Men’s Bathroom and enter. I stop momentarily…

The Bathroom is BUSY!

All 3 Urinals are FULL, a guy is washing his hands, and another guy is coming in right behind me…

I look towards the Stalls and see that there are 3 and those are empty.

I didn’t want to use a Stall, but I would have felt awkward standing behind those guys at the Urinal…

…AND I needed to Pee!

So I made the best of it. I chose to go into the center Stall! That way I’d have to Pee around other guys if they used a Stall. AND… as I head in, I decide to do one more thing.

One Brave Thing!

This lovely thought ran through my brain “NO HIDING!“, and so, as I went into the Stall, I left the door WIDE open. I didn’t close it behind me. There were the sinks and mirrors behind me and anyone washing their hands could clearly see me standing there Peeing in the toilet. I was very visible!

And another thought entered my mind as I stood there… “I’m one of THOSE guys“, those guys who Pee with the door open and don’t care who sees or hears… :)

I Peed Very Quickly!

It came out in just ten seconds (almost surprised me). And as I Peed, I made sure that I aimed directly into the toilet water so it made loud splashing sounds. Everyone could hear. And trust me, it was the loudest Pee in the room! :)

I was so proud of myself!

I Peed and emptied my bladder, flushed and left (and not a Breath Hold in sight).

Some days Fluid Loading works like a charm. Other days it’s a complete misfire.

You just never know!

But today, today was a Good, Good Day! :)

I Peed 4 times in public. I Peed in 3 different Bathrooms, and I wasn’t anxious in the least.

I can’t tell you how much I enjoy Peeing in Public!

It’s like a breath of fresh air!

It really does make me feel alive. Alive for the first time in my life.

Paruresis sure does slap me around a bit. But you know what?

I can take it!

I’ve taken it for over 40 years, and I’m not going down without a fight.

Today I WON!

And right now, that’s all that really matters.

1 Day at a time! :)

Before I begin this post, let me lighten up the mood with a joke:

If you’re American when you enter a bathroom, and American when you leave the bathroom, what are you when you’re inside the bathroom?

You’re-a-peein’!

Okay…

Everyday really is a constant battle. My Paruresis wants to fight me tooth and nail.

Yesterday, we go to a local Sports Bar to eat. It was Friday Night and they were packed! They had a line out the door (into the single degree Weather). The entryway must have held a solid 25 people.

It was insane!

I had high intentions on Fluid Loading before we left the house, but for some reason, I chickened out and only drank 1/2 the bottle of water. And then, I made sure I peed before we left. Why? I really couldn’t tell you, it was my guts talking (The Paruresis Demon sitting on my shoulder).

And, I didn’t pee at the Restaurant either. In fact, I didn’t even TRY!

Something about this crowd of Macho Sports Enthusiasts did it. The hallway leading down towards the bathrooms was right off the entryway… Where every Tom, Dick and Harry stood, waiting for a table, watching, blocking the path…

And I couldn’t do it!

Not that I needed to Pee, I didn’t. But I still kick myself for not even making an attempt. I have no idea what this bathroom even looks like either. I’ve never been in there. I’m picturing something horrifying like 1 Urinal and 1 Stall, but for all I know, it could have 20… Who knows? I’m too scaredy-cat to find out.

And then we have Tonight…

Tonight was no different either. I really did plan on Fluid Loading before we left the house to go to my Favorite Restaurant (the Restaurant that I tried Breath Hold in 2 weeks ago, and failed – Read Here!)

Well, that failure stuck in my brain. It kept saying to myself “Breath Hold didn’t work. And if you don’t have a high enough urge to Pee, it won’t work again. It’ll be a waste of time, a total failure, and it’ll just frustrate you even more…

“So why even Try?”

It’s interesting how the mind works. How quickly it justifies things and makes you brain say “You’re right! There’s no need to walk into that bathroom. It’ll only bring disappointment! I’m quite happy just sitting here, relaxing at the table…”

And I listened!

I Didn’t Go!

But, boy there was a battle going on in my head. For 1/2 hour I struggled with it. Everyone else went to the commode and Peed (sometimes twice). But Not Me! I just sat there and acted like I didn’t need to go. I know I could have (If I were home). Granted I still didn’t have a massive urge, but Paruresis does a good job at squashing those feelings. It suppresses them away. Hides them!

I sat there trying to coax myself to head towards the bathrooms. The bathrooms that were on the far end of the very long restaurant. But instead, I looked out the window at the beautiful snow falling… And I thought about the hour long drive home… And I wondered if I would have problems holding it that long, for we know, the cold makes me want to go…

But Nope! I Caved! I sat there and didn’t budge!

Soon we all left and an hour later I peed in my safe toilet at home. That’s 2 days in a row where my Paruresis has handcuffed me and WON!

And even though I’m mad at myself for not even trying, I’m also not going to harp on it and let it get to me. I’m know I’m on a roller coaster ride. I’ve been on one my whole life. It’s going to be bumpy. I get it!

What I need to do is to refocus, and keep practicing Breath Hold!

I need to keep putting myself out there. Putting myself in these uncomfortable situations, where I can face my fears, and over come them.

Paruresis Won Tonight!

It may have won for the moment… But the war is far from over.

I don’t give up that easy, and I refuse to roll over and die.

The gloves are off. The ball’s in my court.

GAME ON!

Today, I have fun loading up on fluids.

I’m drinking tons of Coffee, Water and Soda, because I want to Pee in Public!

In fact, I LIKE to Pee in Public!

So for about 1 1/2 hours before I leave the house, I drink up. I must have had about 40 ounces of fluids before it finally hit me:

Time to Go!

I Need to Pee!

It’s such an odd thing to force yourself to load up on fluids and then leave the house with a full bladder giving you no choice but to Pee in Public.

It goes against everything I have taught myself over the last 40 years.

I have to Pee… So I leave the house! HA!

Who would have known that would ever be my goal.

So me and my friend Mike make the 1/2 hour drive to Menards. We need some odds and ends and of course, high on my priority list is to use the bathroom to empty my fluids.

And by the time I get there, I DO have to go!

I enter the bathroom. The 3 urinals are empty, but someone’s in the first stall. They’re making crazy noises.

I hold my breath and step up to Urinal #1

It took me about 30 seconds into Breath Hold to start pissing, and then, it just wouldn’t end.

I peed for a good 2 minutes, that was insanely long. I’m actually surprised that someone else didn’t enter in that entire time.

I finished, flushed, leave, and meet Mike back out in the store.

20 Minutes later, I need to Pee again!

It always happens after I Pee once, the second time is close by… (I tell you I must have two bladders)

This time, when I enter the Men’s Bathroom, there’s a little kid in the first Stall (probably 7 or so). He’s latching the door and moving up to the Toilet to Pee.

I think that it’s odd that he’s in the Stall Peeing versus the Urinal…

I wonder if he’s Pee Shy?

I did the exact same thing as him… Used the Stalls to Pee!

I feel sorry for him. He Pees in the Toilet as I’m Peeing in the Urinal.

Again, I Pee for a really, really, long time.

The little Kid finishes, flushes, comes out, and goes to the sink.

I think that it’s kind of weird that he’s in here by himself, but I suppose the Father is probably standing right outside the door. Let the boy do what he needs… (even though I don’t recall seeing him when I entered… and I probably would have noticed someone lurking near the entrance)

As he dries his hands, I’m still Peeing like the faucet is left on. It’s a non-stop flow.

Finally, it slows down and I finish.

That was a lot of Fluid!

I like Fluid Loading, it makes me WANT to Pee in Public like nothing else.

It’s cool that I can do that. It blows my mind.

For I can feel it picking away at my Paruresis Brain. Breaking it down. Building new Actions and Behaviors. Strong ones that feed myself happy thoughts like:

“I Love to Pee in Public!“

“I CAN Pee in Public!“

“Peeing in Urinals is FUN!“

It’s all in what you reinforce yourself with.

Positive Energy!

That, and Practice!

Oh, and lots and lots of Fluids!

I’m going out to eat at my Favorite Restaurant again on Saturday. The last time I was there I tried to use Breath Hold and FAILED!

This Saturday, I plan on Fluid Loading and trying Breath Hold once more. I’ll keep trying until I SUCCEED!

I know I can do it!

It’s just a matter of WHEN! :)

Peeing is FUN!

Especially when you Fluid Load and don’t Pee for 2 hours! lol

I knew that Mike and I (always makes me think I’m saying Mike & Ike) were heading out later to run some errands. And so I decided “Why waste an opportunity to Pee?“

I started loading up on Coffee, Water and Soda. And by the time we left the house 2 hours later, I already had to Pee.

I was like “Let’s GO! I Gotta Pee!”

Mike wanted to work on his website more, but I couldn’t wait. It was either we leave so I could Pee in Public (so odd to think about), or I’d have to Pee at home and miss my chance at Desensitization.

So Mike grabs his coat and we’re out the door.

15 Minutes later, we’re at Bed, Bath & Beyond!

And as soon as we enter –Hey K-Cups are on Sale!– I head straight for the bathroom. I had never been in this restroom before, so I had no idea what to expect.

I go in!

I see 1 Urinal and I believe just 1 Stall (I don’t really look at them anymore).

Boy, I LOVE these Bathrooms!

So I waste no time in unzipping and stepping up to the one and only Urinal. I Peed pretty damn quickly. I Peed a LOT! It just wouldn’t stop. HA!

And of course, the entire time I Peed, not a single soul came in.

CRAP!

After we shop and get back to the car, I drink ANOTHER bottle of water (I brought it along just for that very reason).

We drive down the street and turn into Best Buy!

I’m a Movie-holic!

I wanted to check out the new releases. I Must Have!

And after about 20 minutes or so, I feel my urge to Pee is knocking again. It’s getting awfully strong (Don’t you just love Fluid Loading?)

So I figure out where the bathroom is -another John I’ve never been to in my life- and I go in.

There’s a Best Buy Employee in there, standing at the sink picking blowing his nose.

He looks at me as I enter…

I see 2 Urinals and 1 Stall. Both Urinals are low. :( I walk up to the last Urinal, unzip and wait.

The Employee left and I was all alone…

It didn’t take me long to Pee, probably 20 seconds at the most. And I Peed with no other distractions or interruptions.

AGAIN, I PEED ALONE!

Damn!

I should probably pick better places to Pee in, the Mall is still on my list for I think they must have a larger, busier bathroom than the last one I went in -which was a Single User Bathroom.

So that’s it! 2 Successful attempts at Peeing in Public and I didn’t even have to use Breath Hold to master.

Little by little, my anxiety IS slipping away. I really can’t wait to see what it’ll be in a year from now.

It’s nice to know that at least 80% of my attempts are successful. And even the ones that fail (misfire) at first, I can succeed in if I keep at it. Try 2 or 3 times and finally it will work.

And that’s a really nice thing to know!

Knowing that I CAN PEE helps ease the stress and tension.

So I just need to keep Peeing and never give up.

I ain’t no Fool! :)

I’m working on a post today, and Mike (My Pee Buddy) says to me “I have 5 errands to run today, do you want to go?“

I Ask Where?

“Costco, Barnes & Noble, the Vitamin Shop, the Dollar Store and the General Store”

“Oh, when?“

“In about an hour or so. If you want to go, you should drink lots of water!“

Good Advice!

I did just that!

By the time we went out the door, 1 1/2 hours later, I could already tell I had to Pee. I hadn’t gone in a while as it was, and I had also guzzled a bottle of water. So I was raring to go!

I took another bottle of water with me to drink during stores.

My goal was to Pee today, as many times as I could, in as many bathrooms as I could.

Sounds like fun eh?

We go to the General Store first. As soon as I get there, I had to Pee! (The Cold Weather always increases the urge)

So I walk the length of the Store to the Bathroom.

I push on the Men’s Room Door and head in!

This Bathroom has 2 Urinals and 2 Stalls. And as I enter, I see a young guy half-leaning, half-sitting on the sink, goofing with some sort of plastic package. He has a store bag, so I’m assuming it’s something he just bought.

He looks up at me as I walk in. I exhale most of the air in my lungs and hold my breath.

I step up to the 2nd Urinal. He’s directly behind me and facing in my direction.

I look down and concentrate on Peeing. He’s making noises with the package. I can almost feel the quiet tension in the air. All we can hear is the rustling of his plastic. He’s got to see and hear that I’m NOT Peeing!

20 Seconds go by…

30…

Sometimes it feels like it takes FOREVER to get there…

45 Seconds in, I hear him stuff the crap back in the bag and he walks out the door.

And as soon as he leaves, I start to Pee!

I Pee and I Pee and I Pee…

I must have Peed for a good 2 full minutes. It just wouldn’t stop coming out. It was such a relief.

I was still Peeing when the door opened again, and some guy comes in and steps up right next to me at Urinal #1.

I Peed for a little bit more and finally emptied my Bladder. The guy next to me starts to Pee. And as I move away I see that he’s leaning forward, over the Urinal, leaning so far that his head is literally resting on the wall in front of him. It looked so weird! I almost laughed out loud.

It looked like he was drunk and needed support to stand. HA!

So after we finish picking up the few items Mike needed, we head to the Vitamin Shop.

He only needed to run in and grab some more Protein Shake Mix (they had a NEW Flavor), and so I stayed out in the car and drank my second bottle of water.

After that, we head to Barnes & Noble!

We look for a couple of books he wants, and while I’m there, I grab myself a LARGE White Mocha Coffee!

Pssst… Here’s the TRICK to Fluid Loading: You have to drink lots of Fluids! ;)

And after I drank about 1/4 cup, I needed to Pee once more.

So I walk the store through the kid’s books, to the bathrooms in the back.

I head in!

I’m the only one in there. This bathroom has only 1 Urinal and 1 Stall (but it did have the weirdest, most oddest smell, like potent cleaner, medicine, or something, it was odd in a bad way)

I look at the 1 Low Urinal… my favorite combination. Sigh!

I step up to the Urinal, unzip, and hold my breath.

I’m nervous because there aren’t a lot of options left to Pee in.

After about 20 seconds, I begin to Pee!

And Pee, and Pee.

Half way through my Pissing, the door opens, and some guy comes walking in. I can hear the ruffling of his Winter Jacket. He’s coming up behind me.

And as he gets close, my Urine Flow cuts off.

The guy keeps going, and heads into the Stall. He goofs with the lock for a bit, and then steps up to the Toilet to Pee.

And as soon as he started Peeing, I began to Pee again. I Peed, and Peed, and finally finished.

I felt wonderful!

So after drinking the rest of my coffee (man it was good), we head to the Dollar Store. Mike wants some Laminate Sheets and some other odd ball things.

We weren’t there long. 5 Minutes tops.

So now, we’re back in the car and heading towards Costco. But by then, it’s pushing rush hour and the streets are busy. Stop and Go Traffic all along the way.

The lights were long as well. Sometimes it took minutes, and 2 or 3 times just to get through. Fun stuff!

And all the while, my bladder starts talking to me. I needed to Pee again!

(You think it had something to do with all the liquids?)

Time’s ticking slowly by. Cars are stopped. There must be an accident up ahead. They’re merging into one slow lane.

CRAP!

Always when I have to Pee!

I try to ignore it. But it’s getting stronger and stronger.

The light is Red. We still have 5 more lights to go. I start shifting in my seat. I feel like I’m sweating. My bladder is really knocking loudly now. We move a couple of more cars ahead. “Come ON” I say. Mike looks at me and laughs.

I’m sitting on my hands. My ankles are crossed. I’m looking out the window trying to distract my brain. We get through 2 more lights. I really, really have to go…

Now, I’m kind of bouncing in my seat. This is crazy uncomfortable.

“Hurry Up!” I say “I gotta Pee!”

Mike laughs some more. There’s nothing he can do.

Finally we get to Costco and pull in. We park. I get out in the cold once more. That’s agony! I didn’t know for sure if I could make it or not. HA!

We go in and I head straight back for the Bathrooms.

I enter and see that all 3 Urinals are Empty! I hoist myself up to the first one, unzip and wait.

It didn’t take long. Within 10 seconds I was Peeing (and I didn’t even have to use Breath Hold).

As I’m Peeing, some dude with his kid comes in. He goes to the 3rd Urinal, while the kid lingers back by the sinks.

I Pee and Pee and didn’t think it would ever end!

After a good 2 minutes, I finish, wash and leave!

It feels so good to be able to Pee in a Public Restroom. So Relaxing, Peaceful and Joyous!

And by the time we finish shopping, I have to Pee once more.

I go back to the Bathroom, stand at the Urinal and within 15 seconds I start to Pee!

Another guy comes in, goes to Urinal #3 and Pees.

I empty my bladder, wash up and leave.

That’s 4 Bathrooms and 4 Successful Pees!

Who would have ever known I could do this? I would have said you were plumb crazy 4 months ago.

But now look at me…

I’m Peeing like a Man!

Scratch that…

I AM A MAN! :)

I went shopping today… I had to use up some of those Christmas Gift Cards I got.

And during my visit, I decide to Pee at the Mall.

I head towards the Food Court. I see the signs for the Bathroom and turn down that hallway. As I’m walking, I pass this guy who gives me a weird look (or it’s just my imagination). I ignore him and turn to the Men’s Room.

What I saw made me stop in my tracks!

The Restroom was not a normal Restroom… It was a Single User Bathroom!

REALLY?

A Single User in a Mall?

I don’t go to the Mall often (except to go to the Movies), and I certainly have never been to the bathrooms here before.

I had NO idea!

I looked twice up and down the hall to see if for some reason this really was the Men’s Room or a Family Bathroom or Handicapped Bathroom…

It was the Mens!

Odd!

And since I still needed to Pee, I went in and did my business.

Who knew they had a bathroom even a Paruretic would love?

Then after I left the Mall, I made one more stop:

TARGET!

And before I do some more shopping, I decide to use the bathroom once more.

I walk down the narrow hall and turn the corner…

And as I’m nearing the bend, right before the doors, I realize something very, very cool…

I don’t feel Anxious walking into the Men’s Room!

Usually I’d be hyper and nervous and my heart would race, but right then, I felt pretty calm.

My Desensitization is Working!

I’m getting used to this!

I walk in and see one guy Peeing in the Short Urinal. I step up to the only Urinal left, the Tall one.

I unzip and stand there, and decided to NOT hold my breath, and see if I could just pee naturally.

I relax my body and try not to think about the guy just inches away from me…

He’s Peeing. I’m Quiet!

I’m sure he could tell that I wasn’t Peeing, but I didn’t care much. Screw Him!
I stand there for a bit, and see that I probably wouldn’t go (since I didn’t have a high urge, for I had already Peed at the Mall).

So as he’s finishing up and moving to the sinks, I decide to egg it on and hold my breath.

And by the time he washes and dries his hands, I start to Pee.

He leaves, it’s just me now, and I finish Peeing. Not other person came in.

So while it seems like a lifetime that I’ve been in that Restroom, in reality, it’s just a minute or two.

And I figure that’s not long at all! :)

Most guys are probably in there that long. No one would ever suspect a thing… Especially the fact that they were Peeing next to a Paruretic!

So here it is, just Tuesday, and I’ve already Peed in 4 separate Public Bathrooms this week. My Goal (at the beginning of the year) was to just Pee in One Bathroom per week. I’ve already blown that out of the water!!!

Every time I set myself a goal to achieve, I accomplish it with flying colors.

That’s all I have to do from now on. Just keep Peeing in Public Bathrooms and practicing Breath Hold every chance I get.

After all, I’ve got nothing to lose, but a whole lot to gain! :)

So Cheers!

Drink Up!

There’s a whole lot of Bathrooms to Pee in! :)